Dating Thread 211 - heading into to Autumn fueled by possibilities

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

And yes, the remotely attractive guys just seem to get very arrogant, as in "offer sex first to persuade me then I might be into getting to know you as a human being".

It's just so entitled - even if you end up hitting it off, it's a weird attitude to buy into.

this strikes a chord

"great first dates that go nowhere".
"friends and long term flings but nothing more"

Hahaha, great minds clearly think alike

Thank you all for helping me understand. As @Isitreallyme177 says we are all very different 😁and thats okay. I feel a bit sorry for guys that have to try to sass out how to behave but in general Im of the opinion they shouldn't have to- it is about matching at the end of a day and finding someone you they be themselves with.
I feel bad about letting him down though as I know how easy it is to take a rejection on yourself when frequently that is not a case at all...

@SpringlikeBunk that's exactly how it was, he's very " say it like it is" and there was no holding back, he randomly texted I really like you last night

Will not over invest though 😳

@Mylifestartstoday I don't think he sees you as a challenge as such, I just think he's not into you enough to make the effort to take you out on a date. He's a low effort guy. Not worthy of your texts and chat.

I'd stop texting him and look elsewhere. You deserve a high effort guy.

@Mylifestartstoday

Been WhatsApp messaging Mr Bug for over a week, no date yet. He has asked me to his house for coffee 🙄 but obviously I said no, but would meet for a drink…….no offer forthcoming. He just makes a joke and moves on with the chat. He just wants a penpal, or he’s waiting to see if another pans out maybe? It’s a ‘run away and block’ situation, isn’t it? Why are all the hot ones such arseholes?

@Mylifestartstoday It's a filtering process and you have established that you want different things.

I think you're probably right about him wanting either a penpal or a hook up. You don't want either so I'd just move on.

@Mylifestartstoday I'm dubious when they want a home visit, he just wants a hook up.

Anyone having dates this weekend? I'm still not really swiping though actually might have a free bank holiday for once.

In other news, I've realised my colleagues are all mid 30s and cool/busy fun lives with no kids whereas I've become the boring, tired one suddenly . Comparison is certainly the thief of joy

@Eesha

In other news, I've realised my colleagues are all mid 30s and cool/busy fun lives with no kids whereas I've become the boring, tired one suddenly.

My life is like that but I'm sad I'm not the other way around. We always want what we can't have.

Ahh @Eesha maybe it’s just the way you’re seeing things.. have you got any nice plans for the weekend?
@SpringlikeBunk hope the new dating venture is everything you want it to be! I’m really looking forward to hearing about your experience there 🙂 like you said the guys that go there are going to actually be serious about meeting someone nice, much more effort to go to that rather than logging onto an app hey.

Any okcup users, can you still send intro messages? Looks like you can't

Thanks @Shayelle2009 hope your Brighton night goes good too

I dunno if you saw the article link I put back a few posts, but relieved to know “it’s not just me” who finds the apps hard going.

Everyone interviewed was the same vibe as me - we haven’t had any terrible experiences, I wouldn’t say I have incredibly high expectations (not looking for a 6’4 banker to propose tomorrow and treat me like a princess) .

And yet it just seems a lot of time and energy going round in circles for a few new friends, longish flings, and a lot of good first meets that go nowhere.

So even if I just have a decent night out and some actual flirting/chat I’d say that’s a win! Hope Brighton is bright and flirty for you too!

@Eesha I think on OKCupid you can send messages if you've matched, but not before that time? Not a current user - it was so promising but ended up being way too much effort, to be eventually served up the usual plate of stale potatoes. Hopefully it's more tasty in your neighbourhood.

🤦‍♀️ going back to the good morning messages. I was going to message Mr Cricket this morning to see how he's doing but I can't help feeling a good morning how are you? How's work going? message seems a little mundane and boring but I am truly interested to see how he is as he has been flying again this week and that must feel so good after being on furlough for a year. Is it okay to send one in those circumstances? I just think it's a naff message, but I can't ask him about the weekend as he is working.

Maybe I should stop thinking so much and just send it. It shows I'm taking an interest I suppose and would be something I would send to a friend in that situation anyway.🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️

@Mylifestartstoday I'm in the same age group. The 'pool' is woeful. The amount looking for hookups, FWB, BOTS etc is mindblowing.

Another red flag in their profiles is 'no drama' which is I'm starting to read as code for just wanting sex without any kind of emotional bond.

Oh and don't get me started on the ones who describe themselves as 'tactile' 🤢

As an aside - a friend who's been OLD for a while has warned that a lot of the men over 50 are lobbing years off their ages to get more matches. Makes me feel I am far too honest. At 53 the three or four matches that have gone anywhere so far, have all been with men a year or two younger, but it hadn't occurred to me to lie about my age. I wouldn't actually mind a silver fox but the majority are skanky polecats.

I have date zero with Mr Forklift tomorrow....lunch in a pub midway between us.... been msging for 3 weeks not and he fits my communication style to a tee....no red flags so far really apart from the fact he says he's shy face to face but I can talk for England so I'm not too worried 😊

@Dee03 sounds promising! Goos luck with it

@FireandBrimstone sounds grim 😬 my little corner of the world does have those unpromising types but also lots of polite guys willing to take their time. Although some take too long ...!

@Isitreallyme177 the morning messages are always a tricky one. Just sending them every day with no other comms is a bit ridiculous it if you've got something to say along with it that's fine I think?

FFS - I need to stop overthinking this. 3 months NC with my 3 month wonder iron apart from a birthday card he sent last month.

Got a message today asking how I am. I take it he's just being friendly so I should be friendly back. I'm sure he's got a new g/f anyway as he's off the apps....not 100%.

Would you be mature and reply briefly? It took me so long to even stop thinking about him all.the time 😬

Worried this could set me back but I also don't want to be immature.

Thanks @SpringlikeBunk Brighton drinks are a few weekends away I’m having a booze free, men free weekend this weekend doing other things… I will definitely feedback any good gossip from the raucous Brighton night though afterwards 😆😆

@Isitreallyme177 If in doubt, do nowt!!!

Poor you @bangheadhere40. I would seriously block him. Xx

@bangheadhere40

FFS - I need to stop overthinking this. 3 months NC with my 3 month wonder iron apart from a birthday card he sent last month.

Got a message today asking how I am. I take it he's just being friendly so I should be friendly back. I'm sure he's got a new g/f anyway as he's off the apps....not 100%.

Would you be mature and reply briefly? It took me so long to even stop thinking about him all.the time 😬

Worried this could set me back but I also don't want to be immature.

I don't really know the background here but if it makes you feel bad, don't dip your toe back in x

Really shayelle ? I just think that shows I'm being child like, it's just a friendly message. I'm just not sure and feel stupid 😑

I had deleted him so didn't recognise the number at first....x

@bangheadhere40 I thought you had blocked him? Not worth the angst!

I ended up deleting him instead of blocking 😕

Thanks - you are both correct he isn't worth it. I will either ignore or just say I'm good hope he is too and leave at that, no getting into convo.