Dating Thread 211 - heading into to Autumn fueled by possibilities

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Languidleopard (and @BelladiMamma)
"You describe what I'm looking for really - geeky, quiet, handsome. Also, chilled and restful to be with."
This describes Mr D to a tee. He's got an excellent sense of humour too. My main niggle is that occasionally it's almost too chilled and restful and I miss that silly constant sort of chatter stream of whatever pops in to your head. Maybe that will come with time? It's fairly early days.

@bangheadhere40 go to both and decide after if both go ahead!

Yaaaay @bangheadhere40 I’m really happy it went well!! 100% don't cancel anyone though, meet them all, see how it pans out!! Exciting 😄😄 x

@bangheadhere40 definitely don't cancel! There's so much that can change when you meet someone - not just chemistry but also they might flake!

@Languidleopard yes definitely. However we've already come across the not being free at the same time for ages dilemma ... so we'll see how it pans out

I caved and messaged irishflake yesterday and asked him if he was ghosting me, as I'd hoped at least for an acknowledgment of my feelings. He messaged back saying he wasn't - but it was such a deadpan message, so terse like BeardFlake that I think I'm flogging a dead horse

I have a call today with an iron that I've asked to come to a gig with me as my son can't come anymore. It's a pretty strong first move but I know he's as much of a mega fan as me so I am treating as two fans going to see someone they love rather than even a date zero

Hmmm fight for mr tattoo @Languidleopard and @Heartbeats0708 if @BelladiMamma doesn’t want him 🤣🤣🤣

[quote Heartbeats0708]**@Languidleopard* (and @BelladiMamma*)
"You describe what I'm looking for really - geeky, quiet, handsome. Also, chilled and restful to be with."
This describes Mr D to a tee. He's got an excellent sense of humour too. My main niggle is that occasionally it's almost too chilled and restful and I miss that silly constant sort of chatter stream of whatever pops in to your head. Maybe that will come with time? It's fairly early days.[/quote]
I don't think these guys do that so much! But it was still a really nice way to spend an hour or two, even if I did pay for it later

Also the fact that he has the responsibility of his DD all the time will have brought him maturity. And losing his wife 😞 poor guy

I think fully sack the irish one off @BelladiMamma he is 100% a dead horse. Wasting your precious time there xxx

@Shayelle2009

Hmmm fight for mr tattoo *@Languidleopard and @Heartbeats0708 if @BelladiMamma* doesn’t want him 🤣🤣🤣

🤣🤣🤣

Ok let me think of some things to put you off .... his ginger hair is thinning a little and he's ultra skinny and over 6'4 with it so a proper beanpole plus his accent is proper local innit and round here that isn't 100% an attractive accent 🤣🤣🤣

@Shayelle2009

I think fully sack the irish one off *@BelladiMamma* he is 100% a dead horse. Wasting your precious time there xxx

Like BeardFlake I was reading through the messages and they're so heartfelt and open and reeling me in 😞

Can't even have a ONS to get him out of my system because he won't even meet 😤

I'm so shallow 🤣

Excellent strategy @BelladiMamma 😏 I’m put off!! More into short arses with thick dark hair 😍

I think it’s a good idea he won’t meet as I have a feeling he’s a dick and he’d hurt you! Probably married? Or just a loser

@Shayelle2009

Excellent strategy *@BelladiMamma* 😏 I’m put off!! More into short arses with thick dark hair 😍

🤣🤣🤣

@Shayelle2009

I think it’s a good idea he won’t meet as I have a feeling he’s a dick and he’d hurt you! Probably married? Or just a loser

Not married. Just seems to be completely withdrawn from life. Hates his job, his flat etc

Another depressive 😞 my specialty favourite crush

Thanks for the reality check, I will meet both 😊 as you say there's a high percentage of flakeage anyway so I should change my approach!

@BelladiMamma yeah that would be a drain to be around. There’s a lot of miserable guys out there isn’t there.

@bangheadhere40 what are you guys going to do? Coffee or drinks? 😄

@bangheadhere40 I am literally hyped for you 💃 haha! X

Regarding the depressive ones...

Mr House is up here looking for a house, he doesn't live up here yet. We are going for drinks!

Mr Ears I will be driving to meet him so we will get a drink at a pub somewhere but I will be sober for that one.

I tend to talk too much if I've had a drink and embarrass myself so it's probably the best way round the above as I'm more bothered about making a good impression with Mr Ears 👂😅

Hope both of them are really fun @bangheadhere40 and you have a brilliant time. You've waited long enough!!

Haha shayelle 😄🤣😊😊

That was in response to your other comment..

Thank you 😊 I'm a little nervous but need to move on from thinking about my old iron.

@Getbehindme i know what you mean about having no one to share things with. I have actually been told i've over-shared with my DS because it's been just the two of us for such a long time and having any kind of separate life from each other was pretty impossible (his dad was never really involved) We decided to see a family-therapist who has been wonderful. She saw us both together and separately and i think it really helped me as i was able to share with her my relationship concerns and all the things i'd been bottling up which at the time were really having an impact on my emotions. Having a partner you'd discuss with must be really nice. I just hope i've not done too much damage to my DS who is admittedly very 'grown-up' for his age. I feel like his childhood really went by too quickly. He's only coming up for 12.
@Shayelle2009 keep them both! play the field, sow your wild oats!
@Heartbeats0708 nice to hear things are going well with you and MrD. Seems you're in the right head-space for a relationship unlike me who thought i was but realise now i've a bit of work to do here to figure out what i really do want. Good luck with the counselling. Like i mentioned earlier the family therapist we've been seeing really has been a tremendous support.
@BelladiMamma sorry to hear you aren't back to feeling 100% yet! Take things slow i guess, you seem to have so much going on, perhaps you need to carve out some time to properly relax. Very interesting to hear about MrTattoo and how some men really do/can make the effort, like @dirtyduck and MrMud, pleased to hear how things are moving along with you two!

oops tagged the wrong person @bangheadhere40 this was meant for you i think! Sorry! Read too fast! keep them both! play the field, sow your wild oats!

I am starting to feel I need a spreadsheet to keep up with everyone's fast changing Iron scenarios! Sorry not to @ everyone but I don't trust myself to get them all right.

I'm joining the queue for Mr Tattoo though who sounds lovely. And, absolute go @bangheadhere40, definitely worth keeping both arrangements.

Can't remember who asked about paying for the apps. I'm currently paying for Tinder Gold - do you know they change the price depending on your age and stage?! It's quite pricey for me (though I did get a "deal" this month.) I like it because I get to see the likes and weed them out. Somehow it makes me feel more in control. But I won't keep it up - the price is prohibitive.

Quick update. The crumbliest flakiest flakes are here!

Mr Sexty and I were due a call - he flaked (I totally predicted this though so the plan for a call was really just to smoke him out. He definitely is doing this for the titillation).

Mr Keyring - I still need to send my polite closure message anyway (any template wordings going?!) but finding it interesting and a Flake Flag that he has not been in touch since Saturday after being really keen.

Mr Colleague - no reply to my WA message on Tuesday despite him suggesting the coffee this coming Saturday. So, with no firm arrangement made yet it's clear he's going to flake on me! I'm incensed. What a prat.

Which just leaves Mr Printer and thankfully his shifts make it likely that we will finally meet next week, pending firm arrangements. He seems like a decent guy.

FFS. Why are there so many flakes out there!

@FireandBrimstone

I am starting to feel I need a spreadsheet to keep up with everyone's fast changing Iron scenarios! Sorry not to @ everyone but I don't trust myself to get them all right.

I'm joining the queue for Mr Tattoo though who sounds lovely. And, absolute go @bangheadhere40, definitely worth keeping both arrangements.

Can't remember who asked about paying for the apps. I'm currently paying for Tinder Gold - do you know they change the price depending on your age and stage?! It's quite pricey for me (though I did get a "deal" this month.) I like it because I get to see the likes and weed them out. Somehow it makes me feel more in control. But I won't keep it up - the price is prohibitive.

Quick update. The crumbliest flakiest flakes are here!

Mr Sexty and I were due a call - he flaked (I totally predicted this though so the plan for a call was really just to smoke him out. He definitely is doing this for the titillation).

Mr Keyring - I still need to send my polite closure message anyway (any template wordings going?!) but finding it interesting and a Flake Flag that he has not been in touch since Saturday after being really keen.

Mr Colleague - no reply to my WA message on Tuesday despite him suggesting the coffee this coming Saturday. So, with no firm arrangement made yet it's clear he's going to flake on me! I'm incensed. What a prat.

Which just leaves Mr Printer and thankfully his shifts make it likely that we will finally meet next week, pending firm arrangements. He seems like a decent guy.

FFS. Why are there so many flakes out there!

Ugh 😣 what is it about the flakes?

I was asking my other OLD support group whether or not they thought it was deliberate eg they reel you in and never intend to meet, they just want some sexy messaging and flirtation? The guys didn't think so, and the gals thought that we are much more likely to look for red flags in OLD so I was over thinking things. I showed some of them some of the IrishFlake messages and they were all, oh wow he's been really open with you. Tell him he has to come meet you ... and my more cynical male friend just shut the conversation down and said 'seems like way too much hassle this guy, Bella, dating is supposed to be fun'

I do love everyone's perspective 😂

Also - do you think that a flake has ever been known to come good? I'm trying to think through some of my last relationships and there were a couple of serial returners but that was either down to them working away, me rejecting them and them trying again a few months later or having some issues that meant a fully functioning relationship with them was pretty much going to be impossible anyway ...