Dating Thread 211 - heading into to Autumn fueled by possibilities

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@SortingItOut thank you. I've been told I'm a very friendly person and I always get talking to people. Last time I went to an opera alone I was chatting to 2 ladies before it started.

@ActonSquirrel

Going to the opera!

Wow 🤩 what a lovely night out xx

@ActonSquirrel i'd absolutely go with you if i was close! I used to hate going places alone or be the gooseberry but now i couldn't give a fuck! I like my own company a lot. But i can understand where you're coming from some events are nice to be experienced with people.
@BelladiMamma this is SO tough and i almost count myself lucky that my DS's dad stepped out a long time ago. Much easier for me but admittedly a lot harder on my DS who really hasn't had a good male role model in his life other than my dad who is a living legend (love him to bits) I cannot believe your ex is listening to that awful sounding flooosy and i think sortingitout or onesmallstep mentioned she sounds jealous and insecure. To dictate how he can interact with you is insane. I would absolutely try to get a discussion going with your ex on his own. His gf needs to accept the fact that family will always come first. I hope you get some quality time together with your daughter soon, did you say her birthday is coming up?

MrE will be coming over tomorrow for a discussion and i think i am going to tell him i need some space/time to figure out what i want and how i see us working. I already told him not to come back if 'it's just for me' because this isn't healthy. I feel terrible though because up until last week i really couldn't wait for him to be back here. Now i've changed. Maybe seeing him will help but at the moment i am not convinced it will.
@HairyArsedMan oh no! sounds like a really awkward event. Been there myself but we weren't able to discuss it. And i swiftly moved on from him. Such a shame when the potential is there but the chemistry has taken a back seat. Either way if this is worth pursuing with Miss BC and you feel you can overcome whatever the issue was as there is a deeper connection then i hope you get the outcome you want.
@SpringlikeBunk love the 'brick' phone. I recently bought a PAYG phone from the post office it was a black flip-phone (so oldschool) i wanted it so i didn't have to have my work one with me all the time. Turns out it's a phone for the eldery with EXTRA BIG buttons and EXTRA BIG text settings. I love flipping IT out in front of all the teenie-boppers on the iPhone500s or whatever the latest model is out there! I have to push the keys to get the letters and you can see the confusion on their faces...

@ActonSquirrel hope you have a really enjoyable evening at the opera 🙂

I love doing stuff on my own, probably too much in fact. You get to be completely selfish about where you go and how long you spend there. You can focus completely on the experience and enjoy it, without having to take anyone else into account.

As for Mr Penpal, please think carefully about getting involved with someone who has an unhealthy relationship with alcohol, even as a penpal. IME his relationship with alcohol will always come first. Tread carefully and think seriously about whether you want him to be part of your life.

@HairyArsedMan interesting feedback re alphas v flakes. I guess ultimately it's a numbers game. I do seem to be encountering quite a lot of rather timid and indecisive men - perhaps it's just Bumble.

I will keep going until I find the one who doesn't want extended text conversations for days on end, is prepared to meet up IRL quickly, actually turns up and is as described physically and otherwise. He must be out there somewhere!

I would be totally happy with genuine and witty by the way, flirting and flattery definitely isn't mandatory. If I fancy them I will flirt enough for the two of us anyway 😁

As for Miss BC, I'm sorry that happened. It must have been a disappointing and unexpected end to what sounds like a pretty perfect day. I hope you can talk through it and reach a solution that satisfies both of you.

I often find the first intimate encounter with a new person isn't very good, however much I like and fancy them. I suppose it's another part of the discovery process of getting to know soneone and assessing compatibility. It sounds like you both like and care for each other so I hope you can work through this.

Enjoy the opera!

Mr Ears wants a call later, I always get anxious talking to people I don't know. I'd rather just meet up...I'm scared now 😄

I feel like the thread Isn't what I need right now. I feel so pressured and mixed up about dating at the moment.

I'm going to definitely bow out for the moment. I don't know when I'll be back.

Good luck to you all. 😘

@ActonSquirrel

Going to the opera!

Have the ice cream and enjoy doing things at your own pace! That's what I like about doing things on my own.

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards 🌼

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards so sorry to hear that 😔

I will miss hearing about what is happening with you and the support you've given me with this crazy dating journey.

Take care of yourself and come back when it feels right x

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards good luck with the break. Sometimes taking a break is the best thing to do! Enjoy the headspace

[quote Naimee87]@ActonSquirrel i'd absolutely go with you if i was close! I used to hate going places alone or be the gooseberry but now i couldn't give a fuck! I like my own company a lot. But i can understand where you're coming from some events are nice to be experienced with people.
@BelladiMamma this is SO tough and i almost count myself lucky that my DS's dad stepped out a long time ago. Much easier for me but admittedly a lot harder on my DS who really hasn't had a good male role model in his life other than my dad who is a living legend (love him to bits) I cannot believe your ex is listening to that awful sounding flooosy and i think sortingitout or onesmallstep mentioned she sounds jealous and insecure. To dictate how he can interact with you is insane. I would absolutely try to get a discussion going with your ex on his own. His gf needs to accept the fact that family will always come first. I hope you get some quality time together with your daughter soon, did you say her birthday is coming up?

MrE will be coming over tomorrow for a discussion and i think i am going to tell him i need some space/time to figure out what i want and how i see us working. I already told him not to come back if 'it's just for me' because this isn't healthy. I feel terrible though because up until last week i really couldn't wait for him to be back here. Now i've changed. Maybe seeing him will help but at the moment i am not convinced it will.
@HairyArsedMan oh no! sounds like a really awkward event. Been there myself but we weren't able to discuss it. And i swiftly moved on from him. Such a shame when the potential is there but the chemistry has taken a back seat. Either way if this is worth pursuing with Miss BC and you feel you can overcome whatever the issue was as there is a deeper connection then i hope you get the outcome you want.
@SpringlikeBunk love the 'brick' phone. I recently bought a PAYG phone from the post office it was a black flip-phone (so oldschool) i wanted it so i didn't have to have my work one with me all the time. Turns out it's a phone for the eldery with EXTRA BIG buttons and EXTRA BIG text settings. I love flipping IT out in front of all the teenie-boppers on the iPhone500s or whatever the latest model is out there! I have to push the keys to get the letters and you can see the confusion on their faces...[/quote]
Yes it's her birthday soon. We are celebrating it over the next two weekends!

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards - Whether you want to date or not is totally your decision, Don't push yourself into dating if you don't feel it's the right thing for you to do. Take care and good luck to you.

@BelladiMamma - That's an awful situation for you regarding your DD. You really need to speak to your ex, put a positive spin about the g/f (through gritted teeth) in that it was nice DD confided in her and did she tell him? Sorry about MrIrish - you deserve so much better. You know that though.
@HairyArsedMan - That's such a shame to fall at the final leg. We are not going to be a perfect match for everyone in the bedroom and if it wasn't just first time nerves, then chalk it up to experience.

I took my ex to the airport last night - just to make sure he definitely left! It's been horrendous. I could write a book about his crappy behaviour. Our DS takes it all in his stride, bless him. It's going to take me a while to relax again.

On a different note, I'm watching The Bachelor Australia and living my dating life through the girls. Things are going very slow with my irons, which suits me perfectly as not even sure I'd want to date.

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

I agree take time out if you need then pop back for a chat when you're ready.

I do get where you're coming from btw - I think for a while (around your age in fact) I was only confident with guys I hardly knew or had barely met.

So kind of "virtual relationships" as I had a lot of stuff in my life I needed to work on/work through/felt a bit embarrassed about and it felt easier not having to also "deal with dating on top of daily stuff"

I guess we're all hoping you continue with your study/work, increase in confidence, and get more independent and start meeting people in person, even if just as friends! So definitely rooting for you there.

But one step at a time and there is no rush, you have LOADS of time.

xxx

@BelladiMamma

No advice but

@Shayelle2009

Yes I'm definitely trying to chill a bit step away from "overfunctioning" which using the apps has kind of driven me to

....you know how with the apps you feel you're always trying to spot red flags whilst being flirty and charming and juggling and processing and thinking about logistics? I'm just through with that now.

(essentially I want a room full of creeps and degenerates I can dismiss in an hour and a half then go home, not to have the process drawn out over weeks, with false hope along the way )

@ActonSquirrel I want to go now!

@HairyArsedMan sorry about the "blip", you clearly have the social skills and the decorum to deal with it in a mindful and sensitive way.

@Naimee87

You're a decent and thoughtful person, sounds a good plan to just have a chat and be clear about things. Whatever will be will be.

@SpringlikeBunk

It was very good. Just on the train home now.

Also going to the theatre in the west end on Friday and out for drinks after with friend.

I mean don't get me wrong I have a good career and a good life. I enjoy living.

I don't need a man, but I want one.

@BelladiMamma @HairyArsedMan @kerkyra you all sound like amazing parents 💗💗💗

I completely get you @SpringlikeBunk and bet you are feeling better having a breather from the apps.. they certainly aren’t good for the soul are they.

Good luck @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards hope you feel brighter soon 💛

I do lots of Instagram stories, generally throwback work things or vintage stuff. BeardFlake used to send me a message every evening telling me how much he'd enjoyed them and now ... nada ...
1 week NC BeardFlake
2 days NC IrishFlake but his bloody music has come up on Spotify on my playlist (he's a musician)
I hate this
Anyway, another date zero tomorrow. Seems a nice guy and have named him MrTattoo, will report back

@BelladiMamma Youve had some great comments already so just to say I hope that you're feeling stronger to raise the issue with your XH.

@ActonSquirrel what an absolutely lovely thing to do for yourself this evening. Self care is definitely necessary to cope with all this other madness. Glad you enjoyed it.

@HairyArsedMan really sorry about what happened. It sounds like everything else had gone so week so hopefully there will be mutual desire to be able to talk a bit about it and find alternative arrangements that are more conducive, going forward.

@SpringlikeBunk oh I absolutely hear you on the exhaustion of that flirty/charming/high alert combo. Like with Mr Printer, after more than two weeks of messaging I am so ready for that firm meet-up arrangement to be made now, but the ball's not in my court due to his existing commitments.

I also now think I have a Saturday coffee meet up in the offing with last night's former-colleague-Tinder-match. I'll be inventive and call him Mr Colleague💡

Thanks @FireandBrimstone @Shayelle2009 @SpringlikeBunk and everyone else for expressing sympathy with my situation with DD and the ex. Very grateful to be able to air things