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Original poster

Dating Thread 211 - heading into to Autumn fueled by possibilities

990 replies

Dancerinthemoonlight · 25/08/2021 21:34

The Rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. Know your worth.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
BelladiMamma · 31/08/2021 11:38

[quote ActonSquirrel]@BelladiMamma

Also he is hardly going to say yes is he? He will say no. But perhaps would make him aware I'm thinking along those lines.[/quote]
I have the utmost sympathy with what you're going through with MrPenpal as I've been there.

However there's something really liberating about not having a penpal in your life anymore.

I'm amazed that irishflake has completely disappeared after my message to him spelling out that I wanted to meet him and until then I couldn't sustain a relationship via the phone. Which makes me think there's either someone else fulfilling the girlfriend in a phone role or he doesn't really care that much about me

HairyArsedMan · 31/08/2021 11:46

@SortingItOut @BellaDiMama It's complicated but I feel so bad because I desperately wanted it to be a good time and tried to push through in spite of it all and failed in a way that left us both feeling inadequate. Yes, another venue might help but for me it feels like so much doubt has been thrown on the sexual connection that we'll both be under a lot of pressure. We did talk about the environmental issue this morning; it's not something that's going to go away.

@BelladiMamma Also sorry for what your daughter is going through and think too that the Dad needs to step up. My ex- and I are always monitoring and talking about how DS is developing and what his challenges are. The GF has got to see that parenting side in action if she is insecure.

ActonSquirrel · 31/08/2021 11:46

@BelladiMamma

I'm amazed that irishflake has completely disappeared after my message to him spelling out that I wanted to meet him and until then I couldn't sustain a relationship via the phone.

See when I did that to Mr Penpal he apologised profusely and said could he call me and explain better by voice.

We have met and been on a few dates but that was ages ago and he has issues with alcohol and never having had sex whilst being sober

BelladiMamma · 31/08/2021 11:53

[quote ActonSquirrel]@BelladiMamma

I'm amazed that irishflake has completely disappeared after my message to him spelling out that I wanted to meet him and until then I couldn't sustain a relationship via the phone.

See when I did that to Mr Penpal he apologised profusely and said could he call me and explain better by voice.

We have met and been on a few dates but that was ages ago and he has issues with alcohol and never having had sex whilst being sober[/quote]
Irishflake and BeardFlake both did that once and then as behaviour didn't change I stepped back again.

BelladiMamma · 31/08/2021 11:55

[quote HairyArsedMan]**@SortingItOut* @BellaDiMama* It's complicated but I feel so bad because I desperately wanted it to be a good time and tried to push through in spite of it all and failed in a way that left us both feeling inadequate. Yes, another venue might help but for me it feels like so much doubt has been thrown on the sexual connection that we'll both be under a lot of pressure. We did talk about the environmental issue this morning; it's not something that's going to go away.

@BelladiMamma Also sorry for what your daughter is going through and think too that the Dad needs to step up. My ex- and I are always monitoring and talking about how DS is developing and what his challenges are. The GF has got to see that parenting side in action if she is insecure.[/quote]
Oh I feel for you. What a shame 😞

And thanks for the thoughts on my situation... let's see if I can get him to do the right thing

MayEye · 31/08/2021 12:03

@BelladiMamma I agree with pp on tackling this with your ex but you have my sympathies on having an ex who opts out of parenting the difficult stuff because mine is the same. My son recently got an ADHD diagnosis and ex refuses to engage with the therapists, school, won’t read the reports etc because he ‘can’t deal with it’! It’s so frustrating! I hope your ex takes this seriously and deals with the gf’s inappropriate boundaries around your DD.

SortingItOut · 31/08/2021 12:11

@BelladiMamma Apologies if my post indicated that the gf would co-parent, what I meant was that her involvement with your daughter should be set by your ex, if he just wants her to entertain your daughter when she visits then he should make this clear and also how he thinks their relationship should look.

This is all on your ex and he needs to step up and deal with it.

BelladiMamma · 31/08/2021 12:18

[quote SortingItOut]@BelladiMamma Apologies if my post indicated that the gf would co-parent, what I meant was that her involvement with your daughter should be set by your ex, if he just wants her to entertain your daughter when she visits then he should make this clear and also how he thinks their relationship should look.

This is all on your ex and he needs to step up and deal with it.[/quote]
Not at all. I was just developing some of the ideas in my head out loud x

SortingItOut · 31/08/2021 12:40

@HairyArsedMan Hopefully you can find a way round it and if you can't then decisions will need to be made. I'm glad you've been able to speak to Miss BC about it (even if it can't be resolved)

BelladiMamma · 31/08/2021 13:56

Found a good friend to talk to IRL who remembers that the ex had reluctantly agreed to a co parenting plan in March / April, we just hadn't followed through with it. So I can do that and have the difficult conversation in that framework and forget about the gf, who's an unhelpful side show

BelladiMamma · 31/08/2021 14:02

[quote ActonSquirrel]@BelladiMamma

I'm amazed that irishflake has completely disappeared after my message to him spelling out that I wanted to meet him and until then I couldn't sustain a relationship via the phone.

See when I did that to Mr Penpal he apologised profusely and said could he call me and explain better by voice.

We have met and been on a few dates but that was ages ago and he has issues with alcohol and never having had sex whilst being sober[/quote]
Also, it's impossible to have a relationship with an addict. You're never their priority. I would leave this one well alone xx

kerkyra · 31/08/2021 14:03

Bella I have been in a sort of similar situation and still am really, however my sons father wont have a bad word said about his girlfriend and shows no empathy or understanding to how my son feels. I'm left with picking up the pieces while he pops over at a time to suit him at a weekend and take son for a burger.Son hasn't stayed for 18 months now.
I'm not sure you talking to your ex will help if it comes across as may be an attack on her? And may make things going forward awkward with your daughter and their 'relationship'.
Both my childrens dads partners are jealous of me and I've learnt to keep my head down but when it comes to our kids us mums aren't to be crossed with. Hope you get it sorted.

kerkyra · 31/08/2021 14:06

I meant the girlfriends relationship with your dd.She sounds unhinged and insecure.

ActonSquirrel · 31/08/2021 14:08

Im taking myself out tonight and I should he excited but tbh it highlights the fact i don't have anyone else to ask.

Dropdeadfred2 · 31/08/2021 15:15

@ActonSquirrel

Im taking myself out tonight and I should he excited but tbh it highlights the fact i don't have anyone else to ask.
Where are you going?? Anywhere nice??
BelladiMamma · 31/08/2021 15:17

@ActonSquirrel

Im taking myself out tonight and I should he excited but tbh it highlights the fact i don't have anyone else to ask.
You be good to yourself and absolutely nothing wrong with that. Some of my best holidays have been alone, some goes for nights out eg theatre
ActonSquirrel · 31/08/2021 15:30

Going to the opera!

Dropdeadfred2 · 31/08/2021 15:32

@ActonSquirrel

Going to the opera!
Lovely!! Have a great night!!
ActonSquirrel · 31/08/2021 15:38

Thanks! My penpal also loves opera and of course I couldn't ask him along to this what would be the point.

SortingItOut · 31/08/2021 15:42

@ActonSquirrel I hope you can find pleasure in going to places on your own.

Although I'm in a relationship Mr K has his son every weekend and some week nights so we rarely do stuff together but I don't let it stop me, this weekend I went to a local festival on my own, last month I went to a history talk on my own.
I've got other stuff earmarked over the coming months, life is for living and I don't have time to wait for someone to come with me so I'm doing it alone.

bangheadhere40 · 31/08/2021 15:45

I'm done with penpals, it's quite refreshing to not be watching my phone constantly.

In other news I will give my iron a name...Mr Ears. I've offered my number and suggests he WA me instead of tinder! Hoping he will ask me for date zero and he doesn't turn into another penpal.

ActonSquirrel · 31/08/2021 15:48

@SortingItOut

Thank you. I go lots if places myself. I have no problem with it. Just this evening would be nice to have someone to share it with

bangheadhere40 · 31/08/2021 15:50

action does your penpal live far away? Have you suggested meeting?

Some of them just like the ego boost online I think - mine did anyway!

ActonSquirrel · 31/08/2021 15:53

@bangheadhere40

action does your penpal live far away? Have you suggested meeting?

Some of them just like the ego boost online I think - mine did anyway!

We've already met a few times. Quite some time ago. Covid and personal problems for him mean we haven't again

He's about 55 miles away. Straight train line to London in about an hour though

SortingItOut · 31/08/2021 15:53

@ActonSquirrel I do feel evening stuff feels better if you can share the experience.
I hope you enjoy yourself and the people near you are friendly.