Dating Thread 211 - heading into to Autumn fueled by possibilities

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@BelladiMamma I suppose at least it shows them what I look like at my worst 🤣

@Isitreallyme177 thanks for your comment. 😘What I meant was that I was going to give him space because I imagine that when he goes back, things will probably be busy for him (the same for all teachers, I expect) and I don't want to get on his case straight away.

I do want to meet him. I'm still a bit scared and nervous, but I do want to do it. If it was a stranger who knows nothing about me, I would be even more scared, but as it's him, I'm feeling a bit better about it and some of the mist in my head has cleared a little.

The comment regarding October half term was just a guess. He hasn't said that at all.

He has said that finding me again could be a sign, and I think it could be 🤞🏻❤️

I'm still not convinced by the not ready thing. I never ran away from a person I was really into. But then not everyone is the same

@ActonSquirrel I just have anxiety around dating and relationships. No one has really ever wanted me before ❤️

I'm not running away from him at all. He's one of the people i've never run away from ❤️

[quote OnwardsEverStridingOnwards]@ActonSquirrel I just have anxiety around dating and relationships. No one has really ever wanted me before ❤️[/quote]
I didn't mean specifically your situation. There have been an awful lot of I'm not ready stories lately or flakes.

I get stuck with penpals as I don't think anyone really wants me either so keep people at arms length 💚

@ActonSquirrel I do apologise. I thought you were taking about me!

I know the feeling. It's horrible to feel like that. With me I struggle to see myself making anyone happy dating wise, and I get worried that everyone will leave me ❤️

Hi All... sorry to hear that so many of you are feeling down or anxious about your irons.
I dropped my guy to work this morning and now may not see him for 4 or 5 weeks . We had such a great weekend .. but when he leaves i feel sad. We previously discussed exclusivity and agreed to it.. but i still don't know where this is a relationship or a FWB thing....?? I am desperately trying not to let anxiety creep in .
@Misty9 i hope you feel better soon.
@belladimamma i hope this is just a down day for you and that you feel better about things again soon
Everyone else... best of luck with your irons this week!!

YY to flakes and virtual stuff seeming the norm, especially with lockdown.

And I guess with social media/internet is advisable to use to "check strangers out for safety reasons" but with lockdown it's all getting too close to "virtual reality dating" and mooning after photos and life stories of people we hardly know (speaking for myself here).

I've got my little brick phone going so that's my "date burner phone" from now on!

No long drawn out WhatsApp contact from anyone and hopefully some real human speed dates next month x

@Onwards - wee friendly, non-hun, hug here. All this stuff is so hard anyway and it must be tricky with the waiting game you're having to play.

Likewise @Bella your post resonated with how I've felt the last couple of days. It's all so bloody exhausting. I find weekends the worst actually and was quite blue yesterday as a result.

While I'm at it, for us all. What a shitshow conveyor belt of potatoes is OLD. Apart from the good ones mentioned here, obv!

Having said that - would appreciate a quick sense check. How frequently do you message when in this limbo period before you meet? Daiky? Several times a day? Every two or three days? Trying very hard not to over invest in Mr Printer who we've messaged for the last 10days, have agreed to meet but shifts and childcare in the way for prob at least the next 5 days minimum, maybe more. I find the daily updates / good morning-or-night stuff all just tiring at this point, so much pressure to be wildly entertaining and /or at least not put him off firming up on Date Zero. But don't want him to think I'm cooling off either.

What kind of frequency do you all go for?

@ActonSquirrel i hear you! I just don't know why i seem to have suddenly changed from being all excited to just really hardly concerned anymore. I was literally on the phone to him all last week looking forward to him coming back on the weekend and then another change, just sort of felt like hmm 'OK' and i was surprised i didn't feel annoyed/sad, i just felt not phased. But like i said i was really really into him and now just somehow those feelings are fading. I have said i'll video chat later but i don't really know what to say to him.
@kerkyra i am wondering this too, with magnet-man's bread-crummy texts back again. But where's the excitement gone for MrE? How can you feel so different in just a few days.

I have seriously hogged the thread! Anyone with some positive stories or anything going on to shake it up a bit. I feel like i'm droning on and just going in circles.

@Naimee87

You have changed because the situation is boring to you now. You're tired of it. Maybe say that. If it's going to be the same thing again let's lot bother with this.

Yes good idea and better to be brave and say this over video rather than text or have him come all the way back. I'll see how it goes! Thanks for all the advice! So appreciate it!

[quote Naimee87]@ActonSquirrel i hear you! I just don't know why i seem to have suddenly changed from being all excited to just really hardly concerned anymore. I was literally on the phone to him all last week looking forward to him coming back on the weekend and then another change, just sort of felt like hmm 'OK' and i was surprised i didn't feel annoyed/sad, i just felt not phased. But like i said i was really really into him and now just somehow those feelings are fading. I have said i'll video chat later but i don't really know what to say to him.
@kerkyra i am wondering this too, with magnet-man's bread-crummy texts back again. But where's the excitement gone for MrE? How can you feel so different in just a few days.

I have seriously hogged the thread! Anyone with some positive stories or anything going on to shake it up a bit. I feel like i'm droning on and just going in circles.[/quote]
You're not having regular sex with him which floods the brain with endorphins and makes you feel close. The distance has just sucked all the fun out. And the regular messaging started to feel like a chore as other than the early stages of a dating relationship you've got very little else by way of shared experiences or responsibilities to tie you to him?

If and when he comes back I'd almost start again. Go out without an expectation of sleeping together and see if you enjoy the evening.

Honestly, it sounds like it might just have run it's course and nothing wrong with that xx

[quote FireandBrimstone]@Onwards - wee friendly, non-hun, hug here. All this stuff is so hard anyway and it must be tricky with the waiting game you're having to play.

Likewise @Bella your post resonated with how I've felt the last couple of days. It's all so bloody exhausting. I find weekends the worst actually and was quite blue yesterday as a result.

While I'm at it, for us all. What a shitshow conveyor belt of potatoes is OLD. Apart from the good ones mentioned here, obv!

Having said that - would appreciate a quick sense check. How frequently do you message when in this limbo period before you meet? Daiky? Several times a day? Every two or three days? Trying very hard not to over invest in Mr Printer who we've messaged for the last 10days, have agreed to meet but shifts and childcare in the way for prob at least the next 5 days minimum, maybe more. I find the daily updates / good morning-or-night stuff all just tiring at this point, so much pressure to be wildly entertaining and /or at least not put him off firming up on Date Zero. But don't want him to think I'm cooling off either.

What kind of frequency do you all go for? [/quote]
Thank you @FireandBrimstone. I really appreciate that. Yes, it's hard waiting but all good things are worth waiting for ❤️

As for my funk, it's a totally non dating related thing although OLD has definitely made me feel jaded. I've given it my best shot since my split from MrBear and haven't actually managed to graduate to a real life meet up with anyone. A lot of which has to do with my accident but as soon as dates were in with BeardFlake and IrishFlake they just disappeared.

@dancemom I hope you have better luck with your MrIrish than me ... says Eeyore in the corner

I'm feeling a lot better. I've sent Mr Gambit a message. He said something really lovely when we last chatted, and I wanted to thank him for it. It meant a lot to me. Hopefully it might put is smile on his face after all his working stuff ❤️

Thanks @BelladiMamma this also sounds righy as well. Feels like a phone relationship! Just had him on the phone and we’ll talk face to face when he’s here but does he know when he’s setting off? Nope! 😂😂 How i’m feeling now i’d be rather relieved if it had run its course. But last week that would of been a nightmare scenario for me. I’m a total gemini! The evil twins taken over and is dying to send magnet-man a picture of a magnet!

Hmmm 🤔 I'm feeling a bit meh about the fact that IrishFlake hasn't even acknowledged my message about wanting a relationship in real life and not on my phone.

I'm guessing it's because he isn't ready to provide that

I have however, deleted my profile on bumble and got 4 irons who would like to meet. Have sent them all a couple of suggested dates and I'm ignoring them til we get one in the diary!

@BelladiMamma

Hmmm 🤔 I'm feeling a bit meh about the fact that IrishFlake hasn't even acknowledged my message about wanting a relationship in real life and not on my phone.

I'm guessing it's because he isn't ready to provide that

That is exactly why I don't bother with Mr Penpal. What reaction and I going to get?!

Probably not the one I want

Just want to say as well that if/when I ever date I will let you all know.

I joined these threads to get support and advice regarding OLD and dating in general, not to feel pressured about going on a date. I know if i feel too pressured, my anxiety will probably set in and then I won't be able to even think about dating.

I know you're all trying to look out for me, and that's great. but you all can't stop me from being hurt, just like I can't stop any of you from being hurt. I've been hurt by men many times, and it probably will happen again. I hope not though.)

I will date again, but it absolutely needs to be in my own time ❤️

@Naimee87

I think that's often the way with distance - too much time to overthink and either build the guy up on a pedestal OR think "what's the point" rather than engaging as human beings!

Maybe just arrange to meet in a low-key way when he's back - no pressure for sex or deep conversations and see what the vibe is?

You're not a painted Jezebel for chatting to two blokes, maybe neither is right for you but both Ok to date for now?

(you'll be on 55k as a lorry driver anyway and you can meet guys at your towns you pass through in the future )

@FireandBrimstone

It's tricky - I'm the same as you, don't really like the daily texts!

Can you just go to idiot brain level and send back a cutesy gif or something rather than feel the need to write something witty and unique and detailed?

So he knows you're still interested but you don't need to engage too much.

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

Just want to say as well that if/when I ever date I will let you all know.

I joined these threads to get support and advice regarding OLD and dating in general, not to feel pressured about going on a date. I know if i feel too pressured, my anxiety will probably set in and then I won't be able to even think about dating.

I know you're all trying to look out for me, and that's great. but you all can't stop me from being hurt, just like I can't stop any of you from being hurt. I've been hurt by men many times, and it probably will happen again. I hope not though.)

I will date again, but it absolutely needs to be in my own time ❤️

I totally get how it feels to be wary of posting here when feeling a bit wobbly... So this is the last thing I'll comment on the matter - but I don't think any of us are wanting you to feel pressured to date. We're just concerned about the tendency for a virtual connection to often be no reflection of the real life thing, and the more attached one becomes to the virtual one, the more it hurts when the bubble is burst - as often happens and as this thread shows. Of course anything has to totally be on your time line