Dating Thread 211 - heading into to Autumn fueled by possibilities

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards I never meant to suggest he didn't want anything to do with you, clearly if he's messaging and calling you consistently then he does. But as the last post says, you indicated you are in some kind of relationship with this guy but yet neither of you can meet?

I just wouldnt want to see anyone on this thread be hurt

Second date with Mr Irish tomorrow, going for a walk tomorrow evening in his area

@onwardseverstridingonwards id just echo the concerns of others and if you can fit a meet in ASAP I would. I know people have busy lives but surely you can squeeze an hour Costa meet in at some point before next half term - if not I would consider whether either of you actually have capacity to date. I'm just concerned you will build up a connection with a pen pal you may never meet or if you do find that you don't have the connection in person that you thought you had - I've been there. You've been hurt a few times now and we just don't want to see that happen again.

I have a zero date tonight with a new iron off bumble. Havent chatted loads so don't know what to expect. Just a drink. Will name him if I intend to see again

Also have a second date with an iron from year ago. Hes local - so I will call Mr Local - and I think he's gorgeous but he's a little younger and I do feel like I'm punching with him. We had a nice first date and stayed in touch in social media but we never met again, save for bumping into each other locally, but he's been messaging the last few months and once he found out I was single again has suggested a date Thursday evening so I've said yes as even if nothing comes of it I get to spend an evening with a guy I fancy pants off 😄

@dancemom @Eesha I wish to clarify that I'm not currently in a relationship with Mr Gambit at all.

We met last year, on another dating site, talked for a while, lost touch, then rematched on Tinder. He then messaged me on Tinder and we started talking again. He's suggested we go on a date, we just haven't got around to arranging it yet.

That's it. Nothing to see here.

I have never implied that we're in a relationship.

I never would do that at all.

As some people who are regular on this thread know, I suffer with cerebral palsy, which is a neurological condition, so yes, part of my brain is affected, but I'm not stupid.

I don't fantasise either.

Now, I have a feeling that the remainder of this thread is going to turn into another unfair pile on at my expense, so I'm going to respectfully bow out now.

See you all when I feel better. I hope everyone finds what they're looking for ❤️

Hey onwards hope you're well. I sense a little fear coming from you in your posts,in that you are probably quite happy deep down to just be messaging your iron and not have a date in place. That's ok,it really is.
Maybe you feel pressured on here as we are all dating(or trying to or given up) and feel we are feeling a bit frustrated for you.
I have no matches at all on tinder and made my area on pof to 30 miles and no one at all made me think yes. There was a married man from my school on there( pics on his fb of him and wife) so I messaged him to say he was disgusting and then blocked! I think menopause is coming 😄
Hope misty is feeling better,it sounds really distressing x

Sorry onwards,I didnt see your update

Sorry @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards if you feel like my comments are a pile on - they weren't meant as such. Its actually why I don't comment much on anyones post - in case taken the wrong way - but then I feel bad like I'm only taking from the thread when I want advice 🤦‍♀️ but maybe its best to keep my head down

No pile on @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards just looking out for you, and so happy you've found someone you've made a lovely sounding connection with! It's what were all searching for in one form or another and from my perspective, it just gets better when you meet 🥰

Sorry @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards, didn't mean to upset you. It all seemed a bit virtual with not meeting till October and you talking already about his friends and family but sounds like you were together. How long were you seeing each other for?

@Slothmomma sounds fun! Hope it's a good date seeing as he's requested it, it could go somewhere!
@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards i think it may have been me that got mixed up with you meeting on the weekend. Sorry about that. I think we are just wanting to make sure you're not hurt but it seems we mistunderstood that you're keeping up the texting with every intention of meeting as soon as its possible for the both of you. I just hope he does come through for you. I think we've or at least i have definitely fell victim to being over-invested in someone by text messages. But only you can know what feels right for you!

MrE messaged this morning to say he could come back tomorrow. I just kind of thought 'meh really' . It's like a switch? I think he know's something's off. And i hate giving the i'm busy excuse but really this week looks like a busy one given two colleagues are on holiday and i'm their cover. It'll be a bit stressful having him here when i've no time? He says he's really coming back just for me. I did ask him where his 'life' is when we met given he was from another country and he said it was here where i live but clearly it isn't. It's over there. I am massively over-analysing aren't i. Oh and for all of you that love those 'good morning' messages followed by tumbleweeds i got one today from magnet-man!

We weren't together at all.

I know about his family because he's told me about them. I've also seen them on social media, as I looked him up when we first met.

I know about his friends and colleagues because he told me once that he told them about me. Ive also seen some of his work colleagues on an open day evening video that his school posted up on YouTube.

I know what his parents do because he told me.

I know he has two sisters.

I've never met his family face to face, but I do know about them.

They've never met me, but they probably know about me from him.

Hope that clarifies things ❤️

Naimee87 do you think he has sensed your coolness and now trying to please you/not wanting to lose you? Seems a swift turn around if now says can come home tomorrow. Sounds like you need a little space to think so maybe just as well your week is busy.

And when I talked about his friends and family, I didn't talk about them as if I knew them.

All I did was express apprehension that they might not like me because of why me and Mr Gambit stopped talking.

I've never claimed to know his friends and family personally.

onwards just be careful. You don't know this chap at all,you just see is what he wants you to see.
I was a little younger than you many years ago when the in thing was to have a pen friend. I cant even remember how but I got writing to this bloke in the USA who claimed he was Bon Jovi's cousin 🤷‍♀️😃 I wrote many a letter and waited for his replies until I caught on that he wasn't and it was all a lie! Not saying your iron is lying,just saying you don't know him.And even after a few dates,if you get there,you don't know him. He has mentioned a date,if I were you I'd message ' it's been so great to catch up,however I'm ready to take you up on your offer of a quick meet,message me to let me know if you have a quick hour'. And cool down on messaging if he avoids. .Everyone has a spare hour!!

@kerkyra I do know him, in a sense. We just haven't met face to face.

I'm trying to not message him so much now.

It's been a lot better since we started talking again. I've learnt not to be so nerotic! ❤️

@kerkyra I'll give him a bit of space to settle back at work first. I know how busy the new school term can be! ❤️

I'd explain why you arent messaging so much..that you'd like to meet. Then he may suggest a meet.
I get what you mean,you are getting to know his personality in short bursts when you're both relaxed,but you don't know if he has bad breath,bad body odour or worse as that only reveals itself when you meet in person.

@kerkyra yes i’ve definitely unnerved him and not sure what to do because i don’t want to hurt him. Up until the weekend i was head over heels for him. Genuinely missed him and wanted him here day/night! Loved his messages and video chats. I wasn’t lying to him. Just seems now somethings off with me! Thing is i thought he was based here but now he’s saying i’ll come back just for you. And this has scared me!

@kerkyra

Naimee87 do you think he has sensed your coolness and now trying to please you/not wanting to lose you? Seems a swift turn around if now says can come home tomorrow. Sounds like you need a little space to think so maybe just as well your week is busy.

Also

For @Naimee87

Guys who do this often see if they can have you again and when they can they vanish again.

I would honestly say something like this:

Listen, I like you, but this dynamic we have where we start things up and things go away ...then we start them up again... it's just become boring to me. It's no longer interesting so if we're just going to do the same thing again, let's not bother with this. I was and am looking for a real relationship with someone who would be delighted to be with me.

Either he will step up or he won't buy just don't rush into the same dynamic @Naimee87

@kerkyra he knows why I don't message. In one of my past messages to him, I said that if he wanted to try things again, I would give him as much space as he needed.

I think I don't want to burden him with my wants when he's busy with work. ❤️

And 🤣🤣🤣 at the bad breath/ body Oder comment! 😘

Naimee87 that's alot of pressure on you if he is only coming back for you. Last week you'd be over the moon with that. This week I suppose your feelings have shifted and you don't want him to go out of his way just for you. Is it because the other bloke is now on your mind? You were happy last week with Mr elf and what you had seemed so good. Maybe a chat is in order to see what he sees his future to be and where..or would that scare you even more?!

@Isitreallyme177

I'm off the apps too, I'm glad the two I met were nice but I'm done with them once and for all I think. Moody hot gym guy was in again this morning and as I was leaving (a hot sweaty mess, with barely any make up on) I was walking past the boxing area when another guy stopped what he was doing and wished me a good morning. Why can't I see these men when I'm not hot and sweaty and when I've done my make up. 🤣

Maybe they prefer you that way 😍

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards I wasn't going to say anything as I didn't want you to feel ganged up on. I work in education (University but still education) and also know several school teachers, he will have time to go on a date before October half term but you have to decide if that is what you actually want. It's all well and good chatting to someone for months (I did with Computer Geek) but it gives you a false sense of depth in the "relationship" and opens you up to a lot of hurt if it doesn't work out. I would meet sooner rather than later then you don't build up this image of what will happen in the future. Computer Geek and I got on really well, both over messages and in real life but I wish we had met sooner as it wouldn't have bloody hurt so much finding out he wasn't ready.