Dating Thread 211 - heading into to Autumn fueled by possibilities

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@ActonSquirrel I was all sorted in my 20s (minus kids) at 40 it all went tits up.

Wow, this thread moves fast! I've missed a day and we're already on over 300 posts 😳

Sorry to hear about Mr Runner @Misty9 I think feeling ignored is very hard to take. He sounds like a lovely person who is just very troubled and just doesn't have the capacity to give you what you need and deserve 🫂

Entering the clothes debate, I'm going through an ultra feminine phase at the moment, I think it might be a reaction to spending the winter in PJs, jeans and sweatshirts. So lots of floaty skirts and frilly blouses. Also, bright lipstick. And I've grown my hair out.

Mr Eclectic messaged me earlier today cancelling our date because he doesn't see a future for us Not sure how he worked this out from our brief text exchange but oh well.

I had lunch with Mr Breadcrumbs today. We had an epic heart to heart and some prolonged kissing. In a funny kind of way, I love this guy to bits but we both agreed there's no long term potential in it and will proceed as friends. I feel OK about it, just hoping I don't have a huge emotional hangover tomorrow. I'm ready for a relationship. He's not. And no amount of lust is going to conquer that.

So that just leaves Mr Slowtexter. We're due to meet next weekend but at this rate...who knows?

@BelladiMamma maybe we should hold each others hands for moral suport and take the plunge on Tinder 🤣 in September?

[quote Isitreallyme177]@ActonSquirrel I was all sorted in my 20s (minus kids) at 40 it all went tits up.[/quote]
Well exactly. I know it might not have worked out. I suppose we all want what we can't have

@ActonSquirrel what you see with other people going on outside doesn't always correspond with what's going on with them on the inside.

In my twenties I'd just met my XH. To everyone else we were a super glamorous power couple with great jobs apparently living our best lives. In actual fact I was already feeling really unhappy and trapped.

I'm now an impoverished slightly scruffy middle aged single parent Mum, but infinitely happier! As long as you are truly being you, it's all good.

Definitely agree with the ‘wanting what you can’t have’ hit the nail on the head there. I think that’s why i still got stuck on magnet-man because i never ‘got’ him i got addicted to the ‘wanting’ i do wonder if i had ever ‘got ‘ him would he have still been as attractive to me.
And i’m all confused now about how i feel about MrE, he’s still away and just said he’s visiting his cousin tomorrow so means he isn’t coming back this weekend. Kind of sick of waiting and having a relationship with my phone. He’s been great while he’s been away. No concerns he isn’t being honest just kind of fed up. I feel i’m kind of going off him not completely but with Magnet-man’s reappearance and him away is a bit of a recipe for disaster!??

@Languidleopard

Wow, this thread moves fast! I've missed a day and we're already on over 300 posts 😳

Sorry to hear about Mr Runner @Misty9 I think feeling ignored is very hard to take. He sounds like a lovely person who is just very troubled and just doesn't have the capacity to give you what you need and deserve 🫂

Entering the clothes debate, I'm going through an ultra feminine phase at the moment, I think it might be a reaction to spending the winter in PJs, jeans and sweatshirts. So lots of floaty skirts and frilly blouses. Also, bright lipstick. And I've grown my hair out.

Mr Eclectic messaged me earlier today cancelling our date because he doesn't see a future for us Not sure how he worked this out from our brief text exchange but oh well.

I had lunch with Mr Breadcrumbs today. We had an epic heart to heart and some prolonged kissing. In a funny kind of way, I love this guy to bits but we both agreed there's no long term potential in it and will proceed as friends. I feel OK about it, just hoping I don't have a huge emotional hangover tomorrow. I'm ready for a relationship. He's not. And no amount of lust is going to conquer that.

So that just leaves Mr Slowtexter. We're due to meet next weekend but at this rate...who knows?

@BelladiMamma maybe we should hold each others hands for moral suport and take the plunge on Tinder 🤣 in September?

I'm up for that! And also some more structured getting out of the house type activities that involve a wider social circle. I do have two male single friends who live nearby and they both have similar hill walking / live music interests so I'm going to lean into that friendly male company as well

@Naimee87 could it be that you're feeling a bit vulnerable because things are going well with Mr E and the unreciprocated feelings for Mr Magnet feel more in your comfort zone? Like you're self sabotaging because feeling secure isn't always easy?

I rang BeardFlake by mistake this morning because I had deleted him then found his number on a missed call list and clicked on it just to look at the photo.

I got a very terse couple of messages this afternoon, 'did you call me by mistake', 'no it didn't disturb me'. I was all apologetic and he wasn't even 'not to worry, hope you're well'.

Horrible interaction. 😞

[quote Languidleopard]@ActonSquirrel what you see with other people going on outside doesn't always correspond with what's going on with them on the inside.

In my twenties I'd just met my XH. To everyone else we were a super glamorous power couple with great jobs apparently living our best lives. In actual fact I was already feeling really unhappy and trapped.

I'm now an impoverished slightly scruffy middle aged single parent Mum, but infinitely happier! As long as you are truly being you, it's all good.[/quote]
@Languidleopard this was like me and my ex. We were the couple everyone wanted to be like, we had people saying to us how they wanted to be like us. Little did they know that our relationship started with a lie (he told me he was older than he was and kept the lie going for 6 months) and my ex would always put female friends before me by the time we got married we were deeply unhappy (a friend said to me recently that I looked really unhappy on my wedding day). We are both much happier now and we get on so much better. People now say to us they want to be like us if they split up but we worked bloody hard to get to this point.

@Naimee87 also just to Chuck in a slightly more jaded perspective ... you don't need to feel like MrE is your everything. He just needs to serve a purpose for you now and make you feel good about life / bring something to the party

MrMagnet is just that - a magnet but not your reality x

[quote Languidleopard]@ActonSquirrel what you see with other people going on outside doesn't always correspond with what's going on with them on the inside.

In my twenties I'd just met my XH. To everyone else we were a super glamorous power couple with great jobs apparently living our best lives. In actual fact I was already feeling really unhappy and trapped.

I'm now an impoverished slightly scruffy middle aged single parent Mum, but infinitely happier! As long as you are truly being you, it's all good.[/quote]
Exactly. I see people who are amazing (on paper) couple. Great professional careers. Money. Lovely kids.

But then you're right. You can't tell how happy people are. I'm not trapped and wasn't at that age. I could always make choices about my own life and not be weighed down by responsibility.

Maybe people envied me.

@Languidleopard people were like this about me and my ex. He's very good looking and fit and seemingly adored me so people used to say how I should show him off at reunions etc. Little did they know how abusive he was behind the scenes and how scared I was of putting a foot wrong for years.

Kind of sick of waiting and having a relationship with my phone

@Naimee87 wow that's exactly how I feel. I have relationship with a phone. Words on a screen.

Have you ever said that to him

LOL Tinder virgins @BelladiMamma and @Languidleopard

Definitely think it has to be "experienced" and definitely has it moments (and "some" Ok types to be met) but 1-2 years for burnout rate!

Agree @BelladiMamma that "some light social stuff" would be nice coming up.

Life has been very screen/text heavy over the last few years and would be good to change.

@Languidleopard @Eesha joining in the 'perfect' ex couple vibes. Now I know never to take any thing like that at face value

@SpringlikeBunk be gentle with us! 😂😂😂

I’ve found tinder to be the best app where I am. Anything that has lasted more than one date was from a tinder match. PoF is for the high sex drive only seeking fun types ime.
Hinge and Bumble are only for the cities.

@MayEye

I’ve found tinder to be the best app where I am. Anything that has lasted more than one date was from a tinder match. PoF is for the high sex drive only seeking fun types ime. Hinge and Bumble are only for the cities.

Bumble certainly brings me lots of matches but very little beyond chat.

POF I might have to join if MrItaly and I don't work out our childcare schedules. He's proposed a FWB situation which I'm more than happy with. He feels a real equal but also has a coldness and pragmatism which I recognise in myself but does nothing to bring out the feels

MrDJ has disappeared
IrishFlake is in the 'I still want you just give me time' camp. He's the only one I have feels for
MissChelsea is ghosting me
MissHazel is angling for a FWB but our child free time is not the same
A few chats going on. I unmatched from a couple today. Didn't want to explain or pursue really. Felt a bit cold but the right thing to do

Mr Superstar DJ (that name has stuck lol and it wasn't meant too) is a slow replier. I've googled him and found him on Facebook and none of his photos are current. They're from 2015.

@Isitreallyme177

Mr Superstar DJ (that name has stuck lol and it wasn't meant too) is a slow replier. I've googled him and found him on Facebook and none of his photos are current. They're from 2015.

Oooh dodge that bullet

Also his Soundcloud isn't up to date but his Mixcloud is but the photos aren't.🤷‍♀️

@Isitreallyme177

Also his Soundcloud isn't up to date but his Mixcloud is but the photos aren't.🤷‍♀️

Are OLD ones up to date? If not, I'd either ask him about it - or just bin him as he's not really showing that he's behaving in an authentic way

Nope the ones on his OLD profile are all dj photos from 2015. I know several djs and they're all active on social media with up to date profile pictures. Something doesn't add up.

@ActonSquirrel @SpringlikeBunk @Shayelle2009 @Isitreallyme177
I totally get it re alternating between loneliness and the sense of freedom. And re envying families. I was another one who many thought was happily married (with kids) until I separated at 40. Have to keep reminding myself I’m making space for a better relationship. It can be so daunting, though.

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards let us know how your date goes!

I did go on date with Mr 11th Hour today, he was nice (though talked possibly a bit too much about himself without asking me much at all), but alas the fact is I felt I didn’t and couldn’t fancy him. He did not look like his pictures, though I’ve since realised that his pictures are mostly sitting down, and some side views/ pics from much slimmer days.

May throw the towel in with OLD. So far it has not got anywhere close. And I’m still not over Mr Heartbreaker, as I’ll call him. I drove past him cycling the other week and it took me back to close to square one with missing and desiring him. It’s so much harder I think when you have had massive physical attraction to each other as well as strong emotional connection. And unhelpfully, after going back to ex with whom he has kid as he couldn’t face the pain of leaving his family, not seeing his kid all the time etc, he continued to tell me he loves more than he’s ever loved anyone. A lot of push and pull with him, and he’s seriously emotionally damaged and confused. But trying to distract myself, and tomorrow going to a festival with friends to dance away my sorrows!

Hope everyone has a lovely BH weekend

@Languidleopard and @ActonSquirrel such good points, i’m more used to the limbo/waiting/unreciprocated feelings and not so much the way MrE has been with me. I think its just been a long time he’s been away and i feel like my feelings may be changing i’m just not feeling the excitement i was before but this could be because of magnet-man and him texting has just flooded my head with all the good memories. I’m quite a big texter and MrE is too but its just getting tiresome now. Will be odd if i still feel this way when he does come back. But i’ll not be asking now he can just make his way back when he’s ready and we’ll have a chat about whats reallly happening with us. I was run ragged today cleaning/shopping/walking the dog/running DS all
over the place with his friends and cooking. Surely if you have a partner their meant to help with the little things. And he’s just not here. Am i asking too much? I know its not been long really at all. Aaaand all the while i’ve been sitting on my hands so as not to txt magnet-man. But @BelladiMamma you are absolutely right magnet-man is not a reality he’s a fantasy. But weirdly his random
text has got me feeling good! That’s not good right?
I agree with looking from the outside in at seemingly perfect relationships you’ll never know whether they are as perfect as they seem. Recently discovered that a good friend of my DS (who is here most weekends, love the little boy to bits) his older brother is going through therapy, has hardly been at school, the mum’s recovering from a burn-out, the younger brother is a non-stop (very very cheeky) toddler and the dad’s doing everything has been for months now. Never ever would i have expected this family to be facing such issues. They appear ‘perfect’!!