Dating Thread 211 - heading into to Autumn fueled by possibilities

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

And action that's a bit crappy isn't it, I remember the disappointment last year when I sent mine a card and didn't even get a thank you!

@Naimee87 thank you,☺ I don't know what made me go back on them. Boredom maybe. I missed the gym so much in the last lockdown (5 months without it) and really struggled mentally. I took up running (CG suggested it) which got me out and gave me headspace. CG was quite good with things like that as he was also obsessed with the gym(he'd go for a run then do a HIIT workout) so he suggested some workouts I could do at home too. Speaking of the gym, the poor guy this morning kept getting an eye full every time I bent over 🙈🤣. In fairness he is kind of fit and I see him in there regularly, maybe I should strike up a conversation next time though.

@bangheadhere40 @Shayelle2009 @Naimee87 @Onesmallstep67 @SortingItOut and everyone else who's posted re being single.

We are all a badass uncompromising set of women. I could have been coupled up several times over the last year but my spidey senses keep me away from the users, abusers and deadbeats that lurk under a charming exterior.

@Naimee87 I'm very femme and despite my down at heel pretending to be Patti Smith in the 70's look I go for now, more often than not I've got very hot lingerie on underneath 😁

But that's just me. I love that kind of thing but I don't go for overtly sexual clothes on top.

I'm not feeling very badass today :(
I need to dump the contents of my head but I know what I need to do. Mr runner has gone quiet again, which is totally understandable given what he's facing. But it has highlighted, again, to me that I really can't handle silence or feeling I'm being ignored. I know where it stems from but I need to be able to manage it better. I know that, even if Mr runner messages me, it's not a good idea for us to pursue anything. But I get this huge anxiety about not knowing, being left in limbo. I can distract myself and it lessens, but then I'm back staring at my phone. I'd turn it off, but that's avoidance and I need to handle this better. I feel like a basket case :( and slightly ashamed of even writing this. I've had lots of therapy and my life is great, but I don't want to be alone forever and need to work out how to do this in a more healthy way. The bloody apps don't help. Meanwhile, I need to let Mr runner go. I know that. But when someone appears so into you and the connection was so amazing, it's hard to do that. I'll be okay, I know that. I just don't like this feeling :(

@Misty9

I'm not feeling very badass today :( I need to dump the contents of my head but I know what I need to do. Mr runner has gone quiet again, which is totally understandable given what he's facing. But it has highlighted, again, to me that I really can't handle silence or feeling I'm being ignored. I know where it stems from but I need to be able to manage it better. I know that, even if Mr runner messages me, it's not a good idea for us to pursue anything. But I get this huge anxiety about not knowing, being left in limbo. I can distract myself and it lessens, but then I'm back staring at my phone. I'd turn it off, but that's avoidance and I need to handle this better. I feel like a basket case :( and slightly ashamed of even writing this. I've had lots of therapy and my life is great, but I don't want to be alone forever and need to work out how to do this in a more healthy way. The bloody apps don't help. Meanwhile, I need to let Mr runner go. I know that. But when someone appears so into you and the connection was so amazing, it's hard to do that. I'll be okay, I know that. I just don't like this feeling :(

Do you need to have your phone switched on today? Do you need it with you?

If not, switch it off and put it away.

The phone is very bad for mental health. We'd have this anxiety before phones but it wasn't constantly with us reminding us of how shit we feel.

Then, downgrade how you're feeling about Mr Runner. Throw all the exciting feels you had about him away and think of him as a very challenged man who is not there for you.

And, by the way,

Got a few chats going again on bumble.

Someone saying after 5-6 messages, 'we could be good together'. Doesn't feel sleazy but presumptuous. I should unmatch right?

@Misty9 yes we’ve all been there i think! It’s like a sad frustration and a constant feeling of just not being good enough for someone you want that you thought wanted you back. It will pass but its a loooong process isn’t it. And all this being able to see when people are online knowing they are texting others just adds to the horrible mix of feelings. I’m no game player. Hate blocking and deleting. I’m still so sad i deleted the original chain i had with Magnet-man can you believe that after all the crap i went through to get over him. I’ve still got the ‘new’ chat when things started up again or i thought they had. With MrRunner does seem like you need to leave well alone. Time will tell whether he sorts himself out and see’s you as someone he’d like to get to know. But actively pursuing him just doesn't seem a good idea at the moment. But again i wouldn’t block/delete or switch off your phone you just have to be able to let him go and see him slip down the list because the wondering if he has text will drive you mad.
@bangheadhere40 dying to find out i’ll cave i know i will and i’m petrified i’ll write him back. His picture is back on whatsapp and it had disappeared a while ago so i figured i was blocked. You’ll be the first to know when i’ve done it and regret it again like crazy.
I have NO sexy lingerie @BelladiMamma

posted to soon! But i like your idea about having something sexy on underneath as a surprise this seems more ‘me’ … perhaps a little shopping trip is on the cards. Funny going from paying for truck lessons to spending some cash on lacey girly underwear i’m just not feminine at all….

@Naimee87

posted to soon! But i like your idea about having something sexy on underneath as a surprise this seems more ‘me’ … perhaps a little shopping trip is on the cards. Funny going from paying for truck lessons to spending some cash on lacey girly underwear i’m just not feminine at all….

Only do it if you want to!! It took me a while to find a brand and a look that I thought reflected me. My ex used to buy me stuff that I didn't like as it used to leave my belly exposed so now I go for high waist things

For anyone who needs this today

I'd love to be obsessed with the gym. I can't think of anywhere I'd rather not be. Which is why I'm a bit wobbly and a size 12 except for when I'm unhappy and can't eat and go down to a 10 and look hot. But feel shit.

Well Mr Superstar DJ has messaged back. Let's hope we can go further than a couple of messages.

@WeWantTheFinestWines I'm a size 14 with big boobs if I was too skinny I'd look odd but I do see my shape changing again now. I looked good in November (my lovely and very hot gym instructor made the comment in class in front of people, and in fairness as I said to him I couldn't have done it without him) so my goal is to get back to that weight by November (it's the same length of time as last time).

@Misty9 I feel like that about Mr Cricket, he read my message yesterday but obviously I wasn't worthy of a reply. He's been on WhatsApp too. I think as hard as it is I need to leave this one. I don't want to feel like I'm not good enough and that is how I feel and that is so not the case, he would be lucky to have me. We can do so much better than Mr Cricket and Mr Runner.

@WeWantTheFinestWines

I'd love to be obsessed with the gym. I can't think of anywhere I'd rather not be. Which is why I'm a bit wobbly and a size 12 except for when I'm unhappy and can't eat and go down to a 10 and look hot. But feel shit.

I used to hate the gym. It takes a while to form a habit.

I love it now. I love a good misery session where I can't eat.

Wish I could have a not eating spell but that would mean me being miserable

@bangheadhere40

And action that's a bit crappy isn't it, I remember the disappointment last year when I sent mine a card and didn't even get a thank you!

I got a two word reply. Suppose better than nothing

I wish I was obsessed with the gym, instead of sitting on my arse doing very little. I lost a lot of weight last year through stress but it's come back on again 🤨

Yeah I wished mine a happy birthday and sent a card and got no acknowledgement. Sodding rude if you ask me! The more I write the more I think what was actually so appealing that made me so hooked.

We can all do better than these half in, half out fence straddlers.

naimee mine did the whole blocking/ unblocking too....they sound very similar.

@bangheadhere40

naimee mine did the whole blocking/ unblocking too....they sound very similar.

Gosh I never had that from Mr penpal. The second he did I'd block him back and leave him blocked

@Misty9 sorry you feel crappy… you seem so lovely. for you. They can really mess with our heads cant they 😠

I’m having a nice day with no apps, no irons, no chats, not thinking about any men whatsoever. I have a chilled out head and mooched round London 10 miles. It was good 🥰 walking is 100% anyone can do and is SO good for the mind and stress. And costs nothing! 💗

Sounds a lovely day shayelle, I have nice places to walk locally - just need to do it more!

I force myself every day @bangheadhere40 even if its raining ☺️ X

I love a walk shayelle. Usually listen to a podcast or music. Good for the soul.

I love walks sometimes it makes me feel better and other times it makes me sad about all the couples around

@ActonSquirrel

I love walks sometimes it makes me feel better and other times it makes me sad about all the couples around

I know what you mean action, sometimes I'm very aware that I walk alone. In the words of Green Day.

I'm feeling horrible envy at the moment. For the people that sorted it all in their 20s. Marriage kids etc.

But then with the amount of divorces it isn't necessarily the be all and end all