Dating Thread 211 - heading into to Autumn fueled by possibilities

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Ps @Isitreallyme177

I hope it doesn’t sound like everyone is ganging up on you

it’s just such an easy emotional trap to fall into and I know I’ve been there myself!

obsessing over our attachment to the “one who is just out of our reach” and missing out on good decent opportunities in the meantime!

Like I said earlier, I would have loved it if MrC or MrMilitary had evolved into something more and broken out of the “dating/long fling” stage? It seems like “wasted effort”.

But if I followed my attachment there and kept hoping things would pan out there, I’d lose out on events with new people when I move?

I hope the case goes well, it will be over quickly before you know it!

Nice outfit choices @SpringlikeBunk. Intelligent yet slinky!!

I am desperate for the sun to come out this weekend to get a a bit of late summer glow!! Makes you look so healthy.

This is a great thread, can I join? I’m a bit of an OLD novice, can I ask some advice? If you get messaging with someone, is the expectation to message everyday or to respond to a message the same day? I was exchanging really interesting messages with someone for a few weeks and we agreed a date, delayed by holidays. Then I took a few days to respond to one of his messages because I was busy with my kids etc, and because messaging every day with someone I’ve never met feels a bit intense. I did reply but he’s ghosted me since and so no date. I’m gutted as we had a lot of interests in common and a nice date in art gallery planned. How do you play it with messages?

@Earlgrey19

This is a great thread, can I join? I’m a bit of an OLD novice, can I ask some advice? If you get messaging with someone, is the expectation to message everyday or to respond to a message the same day? I was exchanging really interesting messages with someone for a few weeks and we agreed a date, delayed by holidays. Then I took a few days to respond to one of his messages because I was busy with my kids etc, and because messaging every day with someone I’ve never met feels a bit intense. I did reply but he’s ghosted me since and so no date. I’m gutted as we had a lot of interests in common and a nice date in art gallery planned. How do you play it with messages?

At the beginning I always reply right away until we meet.

@Earlgrey19

That's a shame and unfortunately that kind of flaky behaviour is the "norm" on the apps (even with the "nice non-player looking guys").

TBH there's no solution - as you've probably read comms are a big issue either way, especially with "messaging culture" being what it is?

It's so easy to get "drawn in" and feel you have to "make time to show enthusiasm" initially, even if you're busy (like you were)

but then if they guy disappears or contact tails off (as it often does) you feel let down?

I'm personally just quitting apps/virtual meets for now and if I do meet someone through other ways I'll give my e-mail or a PAYG phone with no WhatsApp access, so they know it's "text only" from the start.

For this guy, I would say I can see why he might have read your delay as disinterest - might be worth sending one more "closure" message just to say (if you are) still interested let him know to let you know? Don't have any expectations though.

@SpringlikeBunk I'm definitely avoiding something, I said as much to my ex the other week. He said I've got to let someone in eventually otherwise I'll end up alone and that would be a waste. It's funny as I feel happiest in the gym (and in my gym kit) but I'm trying to keep my obsession with the gym under control this time but in doing so I'm obsessing over other things and people. Last year I got obsessed, I mean it worked, I was looked better, was so much more confident and happy. Then we had November lockdown , tier 4 and lockdown 2 and shit just kept happening. Now everything is getting back to normal and I'm struggling. Maybe I should forget dating and go back to working on me again, after all there are worse things to be obsessed about than the gym.

@Onesmallstep67 thank you, I'm hoping once next week is out the way things can start getting better.

@Isitreallyme177

Yeh I definitely feel you there!

Like just before I joined these threads, I wasn't on apps, was very ill from accident, had been "just seeing MrMilitary a couple times" before. I was already quite depressed/hadn't been away in a while and the accident and lockdown pushed it over the edge!

So as it was snowy and I was worried about getting better and lockdown and all sorts of chaos with work due to illness, of course it was easy to think too much about this "charming extroverted type" who I barely knew as "the one who got away" and some "solution" to my mental state?

And social media is terrible - I don't use a lot but it was easy to think of us getting together and having these wonderful supportive times and him always being there for me and us having a great summer.

But the reality is contact was sparse and flaky when it did happen (I mean he was and is polite and charming but clearly "not a priority") he had and has his own issues, and my geeky friends and spiritual group were the ones who "pulled me through"

I think it's Ok to have a big crush/overthink things a bit/daydream about MrPerfectCricket, but also just not let that get in the way of moving on with real life opportuniites?

@Isitreallyme177 it just sounds like you need a new focus that you can put all your energy into. Just need ideas/inspiration perhaps?? 💗

[quote SpringlikeBunk]@ActonSquirrel[/quote]
The second photo is totally my style and is pretty much what I wear in all my profile pics as I have 4 outfits just the same 😂

@SpringlikeBunk @ActonSquirrel other than the fact that the woman in them is obviously younger and hotter than me 😂

You guys are so stylish! I'd love to be able to pull something like that off. I'm off to the old country to see friends I haven't seen for over a decade and I want to look classy and not just wear my tired old wardrobe. What retailers would you recommend?

[quote BelladiMamma]**@SpringlikeBunk* @ActonSquirrel* other than the fact that the woman in them is obviously younger and hotter than me 😂[/quote]
Awww don't say that.

I just bought a Baukjen dress in the sale. But beginning to wonder if I should go sexy rather than vintage flowery now

@WeWantTheFinestWines

I like trying new clothes and I walk outdoors a lot so nothing too expensive as it will only get ruined - I tend to try things out on eBay, or google the style name eg “black boat neck dress” and see what discounts come up?

Debenhams has a massive sale online if you go there.

Thanks @SpringlikeBunk and @ActonSquirrel

He just came in at the 11th hour (literally 11pm) with apologies that he’s had a nightmare week and that he still wants to meet tomorrow. Not sure what to make of that, might be true, but I will go on date and see!

[quote SpringlikeBunk]@WeWantTheFinestWines

I like trying new clothes and I walk outdoors a lot so nothing too expensive as it will only get ruined - I tend to try things out on eBay, or google the style name eg “black boat neck dress” and see what discounts come up?

Debenhams has a massive sale online if you go there.[/quote]

Thank you bunk

@WeWantTheFinestWines I buy from whistles, Hush, Doodie Stark, Jigsaw

Enjoy the challenge of something new ❤️ to wear and style x

[quote BelladiMamma]@WeWantTheFinestWines I buy from whistles, Hush, Doodie Stark, Jigsaw

Enjoy the challenge of something new ❤️ to wear and style x[/quote]
Thank you bella

@Earlgrey19

Thanks *@SpringlikeBunk and @ActonSquirrel*

He just came in at the 11th hour (literally 11pm) with apologies that he’s had a nightmare week and that he still wants to meet tomorrow. Not sure what to make of that, might be true, but I will go on date and see!

Give him the benefit of the doubt and do update

I'm really miserable since I got a 2 word reply (plus kisses) from Mr Penpal.

I want a date. Some excitement

Enjoy @Earlgrey19 - a day around an art gallery sounds my kind of date!

@BelladiMamma @WeWantTheFinestWines it is fun - I've always liked clothes, but I think my "look" has been a bit stuck over lockdown and focussing on non-dating stuff, so nice to "re-invent myself" a bit! I haven't changed dress size or my body shape but a lot just seems too frilly and overly "done" now.

I'm losing a lot of the red dresses and the "overtly body-con" stuff and going for more "neutral bland casual stuff and clean lines without being frumpy".

If I do get any meets from the parade of glammed up potatoes that speed dating shall be, I'd like to go for more "slow daytime coffees and cinema and walks" rather than the "night out drinking"?

@ActonSquirrel why are you still in touch if it makes you miserable? If he's clearly "checked out and downgraded you socially" just mirror him back - I know it's easier said than done but he's clearly got his mind moved on.

PS

I'm the same with MrC and MrMilitary - it seems like things moved on from "contact being excited and flattering and flirty and me clearly being hotstuff for them" to "quite bland contact". And it's a blow to the ego. But that means I need to move on myself.

[quote SpringlikeBunk]@ActonSquirrel why are you still in touch if it makes you miserable? If he's clearly "checked out and downgraded you socially" just mirror him back - I know it's easier said than done but he's clearly got his mind moved on.[/quote]
Oh he only does this occasionally. Most of the time he talks to me all the time.

@SpringlikeBunk he is flirty and flattering and calling me hot stuff more often than not. Says I can do better than him.

@Naimee87 awesome first date with mr polish and were meant to be seeing each other again this weekend but all of a sudden my messages aren’t delivering so guess I’ve been ghosted 🤷‍♀️🤦‍♂️

Still I’m currently in London with mr russian before he merrily disappears from my life tomorrow (his work contract has finished and he’s off home)

God I know how to pick em 🤦‍♂️😂