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Bastard bingo - full house!!
603 replies
helplesshopeless · 16/08/2021 06:59
OP posts:
RandomMess ·
05/09/2021 18:48
Ah well DD can have a 2nd birthday party with your friends at your new home.
InkieNecro ·
05/09/2021 23:55
@QuentinBunbury
The fact he said he will be addressing your "arrogance " speaks volumes though. He can't stand it that you are leaving him. I'd love to see how the solicitor communicates that. Its possible he's going to fall out with then you know, if he insists they write this guff.
Or rubbing their hands together at being paid for all that crap. Mine instructed someone to take me to court to get me to move house
helplesshopeless ·
07/09/2021 14:08
The problem with having two parties is that we can't really invite her nursery friends to two separate events and expect them to come to both but yes we'll have separate family things.
He's just being an arse, he's being so forceful about the fact that we 'must' be in the 6/14 pattern by the time I move out. And he says I'm the controlling one! He told me this morning that I needed to get over myself because I suggested that her upset mood this morning was possibly due to anxieties over me being away tonight and tomorrow night; which is the longest she's ever been away from me. He just dismisses any suggestion that she'll struggle without me and says I'm being arrogant. It really concerns me for us actually being able to work together and respond to her needs during this adjustment period, as he's clearly going to point blank deny that she's missing me. Apparently I'm trying to emotionally condition her so she's dependent on me so that I can continue being dependent on her. Rahhh I honestly dislike him so much at the moment!
@FoxgloveSummers yes, I get the keys on Friday! he doesn't know yet, and we're in the process of agreeing a schedule for who is at home when, so while I'm away from the house I'll be there sorting things out for her. I've just had a shed load of little fairy houses and doors delivered, that I am going to hide around the rental garden, for us to have a little fairy hunt when I first take her around 
I'm looking forward to getting away from him but still feeling really sad that my daughter is going to have this complicated back and forth life. I really hope he calms down and will be more amicable in future, but as it stands I know he'll just cut me out of her life when she's at his. Not the life I wanted for her 
also panicking that her first day at school next year will fall on a morning she is at his, and that he won't let me come and be with her that morning. Would be the kind of thing he'd do out of spite!
OP posts:
billy1966 ·
07/09/2021 15:14
Both the above posts are excellent advice.
The more you advertise your pressure points, the more he will apply pressure.
He doesn't really care about his daughter because if he did he would be focused on her well-being.
The truth is his needs and ego come first.
She will see this and he will lose out long term.
Focus on creating a lovely calm home for her that will be her sanctuary.
As she grows and becomes more verbal, she will express her preference for your home.
I also think that scum like your ex will need another victim an may well move on sooner rather than later.
Try and take @QuentinBunbury and @RandomMess's excellent advice.
freeatlast2021 ·
07/09/2021 16:15
Dear HH, your stbx (sounds good, doesn't it), is doing all this not because he loves and cares about his daughter but only to hurt you. I do not think that he wants to spend too much time with her, so I would not be surprised if he himself did not suggest a change of schedule at some point so that she ends up being with you more, once he realized how much work it actually is taking care of a child.
The way he is acting right now, no, he can never endanger your position in your daughter's life. He is mean and spiteful and does not put her needs before his and she feels this even though she is so young still. Once you are out of that house and have your own life you will feel a lot better and the pressure that you are feeling will lessen. Yes, the adjustment around your DD schedule will take time, but soon enough you will get into the rhythm and all will fall in place.
Unfortunately you cannot change what he does and what happens at his house, so focus your attention on yours. Make sure that you give your DD what she needs when she is with you. More then anything, I think, she needs to know that you are ok. She needs stability and certainty, love and attention, so I think it is most important for both of you now that you try, as much as you can, not to be to upset with your stbx gimmicks. Like other posters said, do not show him how much you care about certain things, how much it upsets you. But like I said this will all be easier once you are out of that house. Good luck to you. Hugs.
billy1966 ·
07/09/2021 18:42
Oh and when you move do not allow him in your new home.
Keep it a dickhead free zone for your daughter.
Alcemeg ·
10/09/2021 09:11
Keys day! KEYS DAY!!!
Unlocking the door to your future happiness @helplesshopeless
He'll do everything to poison your happiness because deep down he envies your ability to be happy. He'll call you all the names under the sun (arrogant? smug? conceited?) just to try to make you feel ashamed of being the sort of person who can just get on with life naturally. Please try to remember it's nothing to be ashamed of, and protect yourself by taking him with a pinch of salt. Easier said than done I know, it will get easier with time.
helplesshopeless ·
10/09/2021 15:59
Thank you ladies! Had a bit of a rocky start, the place stinks of dog and the carpets and settee are all yucky and stained 🙈 however I've asked for them to get it all professionally cleaned (it has definitely NOT been cleaned yet!) and hopefully repaint the main rooms and it should be a lot better after that. The space in itself is lovely and we'll be fine here for 6 months until my shiny new house is ready.
Thanks for the advice re giving him less leverage. Re my daughter's first day at school, it's obviously a long way off but of course I'd hope to be there to help her get dressed, do her hair, walk her there after a special breakfast and so on. I don't want to be lingering at the school gates like a mad woman hoping to catch a glimpse of her 🤣 however, hopefully by that point he will be calmer about things and realise that obviously it's a special moment for her and she's like us both there.
@QuentinBunbury is right that he found out I was in touch with the OM from a particular nasty event where he took my phone and locked me out of the house! Nothing I can do about that now, but I'm definitely trying to keep him at arm's length with all other information about my life and where the house is etc. Doesn't stop him demanding information though! Not sure how feasible it is to never tell him where the house is, I guess I could arrange things so I pick her up from his rather than him drop off here...
He's away this weekend, so I'm looking forward to a peaceful weekend just me and my little girl :) hope you all have a lovely weekend too
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billy1966 ·
10/09/2021 16:42
The less you do for him, to help him or step in to do things that will makes his time with her less challenging the better.
He needs to see EXACTLY whats involved, feeding, laundry etc.
Hopefully when you move out and are looking great, being happy and cheerful, he will want to reduce your free time by giving up more time.
He will be looking for a new victim to massage that massive ugly ego of his.
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