Dating thread 210 - thwarted hearts, fresh starts

[Shayelle2009]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards any person worth your time wouldn't ghost you because you had a bad day. For all his problems and mine, Computer Geek never once ghosted me and I never ghosted him. If we said something that was a little harsh or did something to upset the other we apologised and we did on several occasions.

I suffer badly with anxiety and talking on the phone but if Computer Geek got back in touch I wouldn't be scared to talk to him, I'd be excited and nervous but not scared(he knows how I feel because I told him I liked him after we met). The first time I went shopping in his home town after we met and had our row, I literally panicked so much that I would bump into him I left without doing anything I wanted, got in my car and cried all the way home. I've been shopping there for years (I used to live in a village nearby when I was a child) but my anxiety after the last lockdown was sky high. So I get the anxiety I really do. But tread carefully you don't want to get hurt.

[quote Isitreallyme177]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards any person worth your time wouldn't ghost you because you had a bad day. For all his problems and mine, Computer Geek never once ghosted me and I never ghosted him. If we said something that was a little harsh or did something to upset the other we apologised and we did on several occasions.

I suffer badly with anxiety and talking on the phone but if Computer Geek got back in touch I wouldn't be scared to talk to him, I'd be excited and nervous but not scared(he knows how I feel because I told him I liked him after we met). The first time I went shopping in his home town after we met and had our row, I literally panicked so much that I would bump into him I left without doing anything I wanted, got in my car and cried all the way home. I've been shopping there for years (I used to live in a village nearby when I was a child) but my anxiety after the last lockdown was sky high. So I get the anxiety I really do. But tread carefully you don't want to get hurt.[/quote]
@Isitreallyme177 I'm going to tread carefully, don't worry. I'm aware this could just be nothing and this could just be a 'friend catching up with another friend' thing.

I was very pleased to hear from him, but yes I'm admittedly a bit wary, because I wonder why he's got in touch with me now ❤️

This has red flags all over it.

This guy knows how I feel as well. After we stopped talking, I rejoined the dating site on which we met. I noticed he'd looked at my profile. I sent him a message saying that if he wanted to talk again and give things another go, I'd be open to that. I also told him how I felt. He read it and never replied. I'm still not sure why he looked at my profile that day ❤️

... or why he's matched with me on Tinder, come to that ❤️

@Shuffleuplove

This has red flags all over it.

@Shuffleuplove I don't know if it has or not. That's why I'm posting about it ❤️

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards I sent Computer Geek a message back in May, he read it and didn't reply. Why did he do that if there wasn't any hope I kept thinking to myself. I don't know why he read it when he had no intention of replying. So I honestly know where you're coming from. It's a minefield working out how a man thinks. My guess with him was, she hadn't taken him back yet and so he was still torn on whether he could do anything.

Only you know what went on, we can advise but ultimately you have to make the decision.

I’m considering sending a flirty message to an overseas colleague to maybe sext a bit

I know he fancies me and he
Flirted with me in a call today

That’s a really terrible idea isn’t it ?

[quote Isitreallyme177]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards I sent Computer Geek a message back in May, he read it and didn't reply. Why did he do that if there wasn't any hope I kept thinking to myself. I don't know why he read it when he had no intention of replying. So I honestly know where you're coming from. It's a minefield working out how a man thinks. My guess with him was, she hadn't taken him back yet and so he was still torn on whether he could do anything.

Only you know what went on, we can advise but ultimately you have to make the decision.[/quote]
@Isitreallyme177 I'm so sorry that happened to you as well 😘

I think I might check in with him this weekend. I'm not going to discuss anything too heavy, I just will take it slowly like I've been doing with the other people I'm chatting with. I don't want to bombard him, so that's why I want to wait until then. ❤️

Terrible idea @Thisisworsethananticpated if you fancy someone to sexy with just join fab for a bit and make some connections.
@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards I also don't like the sound of this one, what on earth could you have said that warrants a block and ghost?! I know it can't have been bad because you're lovely, and I also know you sometimes give yourself a hard time for things many of us wouldn't think twice about. I just don't like the way he seems to be making you feel already.
Thanks for your thoughts @Naimee87 it's really helped me clarify things in my mind, glad it helped you too!
I'm a bit stuck on the meeting DC thing. I don't want to do it too soon but if they clash or he's useless I need to change my expectations of the relationship. Considering going down the "friend" route but unsure. DC- preschool. Thoughts?

*Sext 🙈

@Thisisworsethananticpated

I’m considering sending a flirty message to an overseas colleague to maybe sext a bit

I know he fancies me and he
Flirted with me in a call today

That’s a really terrible idea isn’t it ?

😂😂😂

Yes sadly it is ... so frustrating though!!!

It's like my BFF hot as fuck tree surgeon that I'm spending the day with. We've known each other way too long and we talk about sec quite freely ... but it would be an awful idea and ruin our friendship

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards I just don't want you to go through what I did. It hurts and boy did it hurt.

@Thisisworsethananticpated yes very bad idea

I am going on two dates this week - The first time since dating my ex-husband 14 years ago!
I have been on the OLD site for a year or so and suddenly, on the same day, I matched and chatted to two lovely people!
I asked one of them out and the other one asked me out :)
I am excited but also shitting myself!

[quote Isitreallyme177]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards I just don't want you to go through what I did. It hurts and boy did it hurt.

@Thisisworsethananticpated yes very bad idea[/quote]
@Isitreallyme177 ❤️😘

Ok
I won’t
I’m just horny and bored of strangers online

Thanks

@Heartbeats0708

Terrible idea *@Thisisworsethananticpated* if you fancy someone to sexy with just join fab for a bit and make some connections. *@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards* I also don't like the sound of this one, what on earth could you have said that warrants a block and ghost?! I know it can't have been bad because you're lovely, and I also know you sometimes give yourself a hard time for things many of us wouldn't think twice about. I just don't like the way he seems to be making you feel already. Thanks for your thoughts *@Naimee87* it's really helped me clarify things in my mind, glad it helped you too! I'm a bit stuck on the meeting DC thing. I don't want to do it too soon but if they clash or he's useless I need to change my expectations of the relationship. Considering going down the "friend" route but unsure. DC- preschool. Thoughts?

@Heartbeats0708

it wasn't what I said, I don't think. It was more that I was being really inconsiderate towards him, I acknowledge that.
I was going though a very neurotic phase after spitting with my ex, and I didn't stop to think before I sent it.

I will always regret it immensely, and I will always wonder 'what if' I didn't do it. but that's what I've got to live with, unfortunately ❤️

It's my fault. I deserve to feel like it. I can be a really selfish person sometimes. ❤️

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Ok I won’t I’m just horny and bored of strangers online

Thanks

Oh god me too.

How do I manage to feel horny when I feel ill as well?!!

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

It's my fault. I deserve to feel like it. I can be a really selfish person sometimes. ❤️

Where has this come from?

That's absolutely not the case

@Heartbeats0708 does this mean they would be too little to sense more there is already more than a friendship going on? It is really important they are protected from people that they may bond with who could just walk away from them. But MrD seems such a nice man from your posts. Do you have any reason to doubt he'd be up for getting involved in your kids lives? Not sure what your situation is like with your ex but if you're having doubts better not to introduce your children too soon. It undoubtedly adds even more pressure doesn't it. And you'd like to make sure you're as 'on the same page' with one another as possible. Has he mentioned meeting your children? He seems to be one of the good ones. Does he have children?

Naimee87 I'm definitely not 'out there' regarding sex,I'm really vanilla and just like good old missionary and some foreplay. Don't worry or compare.

I dodged a bullet yesterday on a date zero with a guy I matched with on Monday eve. At the time I felt marvellous,he was really attractive,wanted to chat on the phone straight away which was positive in my mind and we had a date yesterday.Met half way at a local beauty spot,had a blanket,coffee,biscuits.I had mentioned I was free all afternoon and eve after working in the morning so met at lunchtime.
Date was good but a few minor red flags were waving but as he was the first bloke i fancied in so long i didnt take much notice.
At the end I said shall we have a think and contact each other later? Maybe catch up another day this week as I thought I would like to try another date.l said I needed to get back to son(13) as he was at home,probably with friends but it didnt sit right leaving him for so long..Guy complained his daughter was same age and ok all day on own.
I depart and then he started texting,can I see you later,youre free aren't you? I say that I'm going to stay in with son but am free tomorrow and then get a load of unpleasant messages like why are you dating if you don't have time,what is 8t you want and the final one said enjoy your date tonight. Like he thought I was going out with someone else?!
I didn't reply to the last four messages as I didnt think he would listen or understand.
It's really put me off. And now I think about the date,which took 2.5hrs I should have paid more notice to all the red flags. I felt awful last night but feel better today bit will take a couple of weeks off the apps.

@kerkyra

Naimee87 I'm definitely not 'out there' regarding sex,I'm really vanilla and just like good old missionary and some foreplay. Don't worry or compare.

I dodged a bullet yesterday on a date zero with a guy I matched with on Monday eve. At the time I felt marvellous,he was really attractive,wanted to chat on the phone straight away which was positive in my mind and we had a date yesterday.Met half way at a local beauty spot,had a blanket,coffee,biscuits.I had mentioned I was free all afternoon and eve after working in the morning so met at lunchtime.
Date was good but a few minor red flags were waving but as he was the first bloke i fancied in so long i didnt take much notice.
At the end I said shall we have a think and contact each other later? Maybe catch up another day this week as I thought I would like to try another date.l said I needed to get back to son(13) as he was at home,probably with friends but it didnt sit right leaving him for so long..Guy complained his daughter was same age and ok all day on own.
I depart and then he started texting,can I see you later,youre free aren't you? I say that I'm going to stay in with son but am free tomorrow and then get a load of unpleasant messages like why are you dating if you don't have time,what is 8t you want and the final one said enjoy your date tonight. Like he thought I was going out with someone else?!
I didn't reply to the last four messages as I didnt think he would listen or understand.
It's really put me off. And now I think about the date,which took 2.5hrs I should have paid more notice to all the red flags. I felt awful last night but feel better today bit will take a couple of weeks off the apps.

@kerkyra definitely dodged a bullet there. He sounds awful 😘😘 hope you're okay now ❤️

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards sounds to me like this is far more 'emotional' than it seemed at first. I'm trying to rack my brain to think what you could have said to have made him block/ghost you because that's a very harsh. I've hardly ever had to do this to someone and usually it was if they got vile/rude. Are you sure you'd like to meet him in person? Do you think you'll get on as he sounds very red-flaggy!
OK i have never heard of a tree surgeon ...

Are these red flags? I'm feeling a bit confused.
Said he loves a woman in heels.well,I'm just under 5'11 and wouldn't feel comfortable these days towering over people.
My best friend txt whilst on the date saying are you still on date,good luck.I said oh,my friend is wishing us a good date and guy was very uneasy and cross that my friend is male( best friends since 8yrs old).
Shaves all his body hair,even arms. I was embarrassed about my legs on show as slightly bristly!
Yeah,looking back I think I dodged a bullet.