Dating thread 210 - thwarted hearts, fresh starts

[Shayelle2009]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Just under

Thanks @kerkyra good to know i'm not all that odd when it comes to sex and being open/adventurous. It's just never been in my nature. I love it to be part of a relationship couldn't be in one where sex was rubbish but i guess vocalizing desires and what's good/not good is a first for me.
Ooooh so sorry your date sounds so creepy and so jealous and that after an initial meet. Sort of feel sorry for his daughter if he's happy to leave her all day. My son's 11 and i'd feel the same as you and want to get back after a few hours. I think it's really nice you spent the evening together with you son as well. Plus it isn't like you ignored the guy completely you suggested alternatives. Hmmmm definitely cast him as far as you can back into the SoT!

[quote Naimee87]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards sounds to me like this is far more 'emotional' than it seemed at first. I'm trying to rack my brain to think what you could have said to have made him block/ghost you because that's a very harsh. I've hardly ever had to do this to someone and usually it was if they got vile/rude. Are you sure you'd like to meet him in person? Do you think you'll get on as he sounds very red-flaggy!
OK i have never heard of a tree surgeon ...[/quote]
@Naimee87 I've ghosted and blocked someone before (this was my first iron when I began online dating) he was a little sex obsessed and
I put up with it, because we got on well other than that. One day he went too
far and I had enough.

What I said to my ex iron prior to
The block wasn't anything rude or nasty, but he obviously felt it was too much.

@Naimee87 I think I would, yes. We used to discuss where we'd go on our first date ❤️

OK definitely keep us posted and of course someone should know where/when you're meeting to be on the safe side in RL too.

@Naimee87

OK definitely keep us posted and of course someone should know where/when you're meeting to be on the safe side in RL too.

@Naimee87 I will do (if I ever get over my nerves of speaking to him after all this time ☺️)

I live with my mum, so she'll drive me if/when I have any dates with anyone ❤️

Thanks onwards I can't remember your whole story but if you were in the wrong,a sorry and I'd love to meet up and start from scratch would hopefully go down well.

kerkyra

What a dick ! Sorry but that’s so disrespectful
You say I have to go to son
He accused you of another date

Ugh . Sympathies your way

@kerkyra

Thanks onwards I can't remember your whole story but if you were in the wrong,a sorry and I'd love to meet up and start from scratch would hopefully go down well.

@kerkyra I've already apologised to him a few times.

I'll just start slowly with him and see what happens ❤️

@BelladiMamma I can be selfish, and I know I was selfish forwards him, I even was to my ex sometimes! My ex iron is only making me feel
Like I probably made him feel. ❤️

I did say during the date that son has said lately he wants me to have a boyfriend,but anyone travelling over to me has to know that they can't just come in for coffee as 1 it's the hols so son up late and 2 I don't want him meeting men that I won't see again.
Sure if I was with someone a while and knew it had legs then yes,that's fine. I think it went over his head as he doesn't have any responsibility (his dd lives with her mum and doesn't see much of him these days).
It was a very last minute date so I might go back to texting for longer to get a proper feel of someone.

[quote OnwardsEverStridingOnwards]@BelladiMamma I can be selfish, and I know I was selfish forwards him, I even was to my ex sometimes! My ex iron is only making me feel
Like I probably made him feel. ❤️[/quote]
Well I don't know inside your life IRL, or all your interactions. But you seem very nice and not at all selfish. So I'd try to lay that burden down and be good to yourself ♥️

@kerkyra

I did say during the date that son has said lately he wants me to have a boyfriend,but anyone travelling over to me has to know that they can't just come in for coffee as 1 it's the hols so son up late and 2 I don't want him meeting men that I won't see again. Sure if I was with someone a while and knew it had legs then yes,that's fine. I think it went over his head as he doesn't have any responsibility (his dd lives with her mum and doesn't see much of him these days). It was a very last minute date so I might go back to texting for longer to get a proper feel of someone.

So hard to get that balance right, I've had some very long texting relationships and it's all come to nothing and I've been really gutted. I've had what I thought were decent exchanges and good dates and then been flaked on at the last minute.

I think the only key thing is to be yourself and to be authentic

@BelladiMamma 😘❤️

I don't think liking women in heels is a red flag as such, other than being a bit of a boring cliche.

Shaved body hair, again not a red flag but it would certainly be a turn off for me - I like men to be men! Proper hairy manly men! (My last FB shaved his chest which I found weird)

His comment about leaving your son all day - interfering and controlling, red flag. Also, not seeing his dd, red flag.

I wouldn't have told him my friend had wished "us" a good date (sorry, that's a bit teenage) and I also would not have told him the sex of my friend, whether that was male or female. It does my head in when people refer to the sex of their friends, as if it matters. MrWG refers to someone as his "best female friend". OK, are you twelve? She's just a friend, like Sarah is a friend and Mark is a friend and Bob is a friend......
I just don't get it. Anyway, rant over.....yes, his mini sulk that you have a male friend is unattractive!

His comment about your "date" - childish pass-agg nonsense. Decorator kept doing this, totally imbicilic!

Just a tip - don't ever let them know you're free for hours and hours. Just say "let's meet for coffee" and if the date goes on and you are free, great. Or, you could miraculously have something "cancelled" if you both feel like staying on longer.

But if it's not going that well, it's easier to say "nice to have met you, thanks for coffee, I need to be back for four .

It’s a tough one as long long texting means you build up a false image
Too little texting 💬 means you don’t get to know them

It’s a nightmare
How any people make a relationship is beyond me

Hi all, thought I’d do a quick update and also remind you all to BE CAREFUL when you’re out and about meeting guys - things can change very quickly even if you’ve seen the guy several times.

Unfortunately I had a very scary experience last night with the iron you all know as Mr Fencing, where I was so terrified of the way he was behaving that I almost called 999, thankfully I’m home and safe now and obviously I will never be seeing him again. But this is a guy I’d seen probably half a dozen times now, had met (in passing) some of the people who seem to know him well, and never had any reason to feel concerned.

Please please be careful out there guys, ALWAYS make sure someone knows where you are, who you’re with and when you expect to be back

steps off platform 🤦‍♂️😂

You ok @Iamclearlyamug?

@SpringlikeBunk yeah I’m ok, he became extremely threatening and intimidating very late at night in the middle of nowhere basically (the car had broken down and we were waiting to be recovered)

I’ve never been so glad to get home 🤦‍♂️

Oh goodness Iamclearlyamug how awful that you had to go through that.So goad you're ok. It certainly is a lesson to be learnt that we don't really know these people for a good long while.

Thanks Bella it definitely is hard to know.I like to meet quick these days but also don't want to look to keen. Also,hope you're resting today and feeling better,maybe engrossed in a board game or two.

Thanks VanGothsDog some good tips there. Yeah,I get you completely regarding the friend thing.Not sure why I said it,I'm so open with dates and never want them to think I'm untrustworthy so probably just put it out that I have a Male friend and its platonic and always has been. But he didn't take well to it.
I'm going to try and be a little more private and mysterious ...but obviously myself next time 🙂

onwards I do hope you're doing the right thing. The while scenario sounds a bit lopsided to me. You said something that wasn't vile or horrible and he ghosted you. Then you get in touch when you match and at one point you've told him you like him, is that right? But you're scared of talking to him properly because you're worried he'll flounce off again. Sounds like he has 100% of the power and you're almost doing the pick me dance? Please correct me if I've got the wrong end of the stick. I don't actually believe you are selfish. I'd put my money on your ex gaslighting you to think you are. And I'm guessing this new iron overreacted but now thinks he's got the upper hand because you've been apologising and wanting to meet up despite being ghosted.

But what do I know. I'm an old cynic. I'll cross my fingers and hope it works out well for you because you are so obviously lovely 🤞

Iamclearly what a horrible experience. So sorry that happened 💐

I’m sorry ianclearly

We will learn from you and I hope you are ok xxx

[quote Iamclearlyamug]@SpringlikeBunk yeah I’m ok, he became extremely threatening and intimidating very late at night in the middle of nowhere basically (the car had broken down and we were waiting to be recovered)

I’ve never been so glad to get home 🤦‍♂️[/quote]
That's properly sh1t. I hope you've told him not to get in touch again. When I was stalked, the police said it was really important to send a very clear email / message stating that you wanted no more contact. Keep a note of it, then if they contact you again even once it is enough to make a complaint. Seems like extreme advice but I wish I'd listened to it earlier.
In any case so glad you're safe

Can I ask a really stupid question. So I'm swiping on Tinder and I keep coming across Mr Cricket, I can't bring myself to swipe left on him but I don't want to swipe right. What do I do?🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️. Tinder obviously knows something we don't as I've deleted and rejoined 3 times now and each time he has appeared.