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Original poster

Dating thread 210 - thwarted hearts, fresh starts

999 replies

Shayelle2009 · 16/08/2021 06:43

The Rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. Know your worth.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
MayEye · 17/08/2021 22:49

@Hehx3

Good evening ladies, what do you think about men with pictures on bed, please? Is this some sort of clue they want sex or a just a way to camouflage saggy skin?
I just think they are tacky as hell so it’s a definite left swipe for me.
WeWantTheFinestWines · 17/08/2021 22:53

Just accidentally super liked a Tory. I think it's time I went to bed.

Bbub · 17/08/2021 22:54

@Hehx3

Good evening ladies, what do you think about men with pictures on bed, please? Is this some sort of clue they want sex or a just a way to camouflage saggy skin?
I can't quite picture what you mean, how is the saggy skin camouflaged 😁?

I would be inclined to think they just want a shag though if they're on the bed! Ew

Hehx3 · 17/08/2021 23:13

@Bbub I just see it on myself, its like getting a face lift (very effective but temporary) Grinall skin goes to back.
I thought it might be not a great sign, they just seemed decent in description so I got a bit confused. I lost my "OLD virginity" today - being my first day on an app

Misty9 · 17/08/2021 23:30

[quote BelladiMamma]@Misty9 a junior doctor. As soon as symptoms start total bed rest. Then stay in bed as much as possible. Sleep, rest, don't drive until I've had a significant amount of time without symptoms. Go back in tomorrow or day after for more checks. There's no bleed on the brain but apparently the only way to deal with concussion syndrome is Do Nothing and Rest.

Happy to hear a second opinion if you have one 😊[/quote]
www.headway.org.uk/about-brain-injury/individuals/types-of-brain-injury/mild-head-injury-and-concussion/#DosAndDonts

This is a good source of info. Was it very recent then? I thought it was a couple weeks ago? Which would fall under post concussion syndrome and although we advise lots of rest, it's more pacing than total bed rest. But if you've been given medical advice then follow that. Headway are good though.

OnwardsEverStridingOnwards · 17/08/2021 23:30

Hi everyone,

Thank you for the new thread, @Shayelle.

Well... I think I've turned into a stupid fool...

I was on Tinder earlier this week, when low and behold, I saw my ex iron on there, and I swiped right on him.

Now, I know what you're thinking... Onwards, why did you do that? Well, ever since we first started talking, I have had an very huge crush on him, and, I've always thought about him. We met on OLD soon after I split up with my ex, and he made me feel better, and so happy. He believed in me.

He got COVID when we were first talking, and I started texting him, sending my best wishes and letting him know I was there for him. We had a lovely few months just chatting, having fun and getting to now each other.

It was my fault it ended between us. I was feeling low one night, and achey, and I sent him a silly message. (I don't want to say what it was, it relates to an interest that we both share) I sent it slightly after midnight, and he was tired because of his job. I apologised, but he blocked me, and ghosted me for a while. I understand that that was completely my fault. I've always kicked myself because of it, and have regretted it every day.

So, anyway, in the present day, this weekend, I swiped right on him, and he messaged me. I couldn't believe it,
I thought he'd just ignore me. We had a nice chat, and I asked how his work was going, and his family. He asked about me and my studies.
He sounded pleased to hear from me. He's not a big texter or messenger, so we haven't really messaged since then.

Now, I feel a bit churned up about it all. There are so many things that I'd like to say to him, but I feel terrified to, in case he goes away again.

When we first started talking, he told his family and friends all about me, now I'm convinced they hate me after I sent the silly message, that they all think I'm a mad bitch. That he thinks I'm a mad bitch. (I've not told him this) He hasn't messaged since then. I deleted his number months ago, and I'm unsure weather he still has mine.

I guess I just want to know, how do I play this? I want to still talk to him, but I'm just afraid of doing something wrong and pushing him away again. I also don't know weather he sees our most recent communication on tinder as just a 'friends catching up.' thing, or weather he still has feelings for me.

If you've got this far, well done, and thank you ❤️

BelladiMamma · 17/08/2021 23:42

[quote Hehx3]@Bbub I just see it on myself, its like getting a face lift (very effective but temporary) Grinall skin goes to back.
I thought it might be not a great sign, they just seemed decent in description so I got a bit confused. I lost my "OLD virginity" today - being my first day on an app[/quote]
I love this cheap and painless facelift idea 😂

BelladiMamma · 17/08/2021 23:45

Thanks @Misty9 it's four weeks ago now and I've not had longer than a 4/5 hour stretch without symptoms.

To be fair, I was quite confused again this afternoon when I had the consultation. I kind of go in and out of being up to speed. As they want to see me so soon again maybe this advice was 'until you're seen again no driving and bed rest'? Also to have someone with me again 24/7. That must be until I'm seen again I suppose?

Anyway, I've got to call them in the morning then they assess if I need a consultation tomorrow or in a day or so.

No bleeds etc so I'm not worried. I just know I'm not 100%, far from it

BelladiMamma · 17/08/2021 23:50

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

Hi everyone,

Thank you for the new thread, @Shayelle.

Well... I think I've turned into a stupid fool...

I was on Tinder earlier this week, when low and behold, I saw my ex iron on there, and I swiped right on him.

Now, I know what you're thinking... Onwards, why did you do that? Well, ever since we first started talking, I have had an very huge crush on him, and, I've always thought about him. We met on OLD soon after I split up with my ex, and he made me feel better, and so happy. He believed in me.

He got COVID when we were first talking, and I started texting him, sending my best wishes and letting him know I was there for him. We had a lovely few months just chatting, having fun and getting to now each other.

It was my fault it ended between us. I was feeling low one night, and achey, and I sent him a silly message. (I don't want to say what it was, it relates to an interest that we both share) I sent it slightly after midnight, and he was tired because of his job. I apologised, but he blocked me, and ghosted me for a while. I understand that that was completely my fault. I've always kicked myself because of it, and have regretted it every day.

So, anyway, in the present day, this weekend, I swiped right on him, and he messaged me. I couldn't believe it,
I thought he'd just ignore me. We had a nice chat, and I asked how his work was going, and his family. He asked about me and my studies.
He sounded pleased to hear from me. He's not a big texter or messenger, so we haven't really messaged since then.

Now, I feel a bit churned up about it all. There are so many things that I'd like to say to him, but I feel terrified to, in case he goes away again.

When we first started talking, he told his family and friends all about me, now I'm convinced they hate me after I sent the silly message, that they all think I'm a mad bitch. That he thinks I'm a mad bitch. (I've not told him this) He hasn't messaged since then. I deleted his number months ago, and I'm unsure weather he still has mine.

I guess I just want to know, how do I play this? I want to still talk to him, but I'm just afraid of doing something wrong and pushing him away again. I also don't know weather he sees our most recent communication on tinder as just a 'friends catching up.' thing, or weather he still has feelings for me.

If you've got this far, well done, and thank you ❤️

So. Deep breath @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards ... I don't think you've done anything wrong. You're being yourself, you've maybe shown a bit of vulnerability, you got hurt.

However, messaging and staying purely on line can get things a little out of synch with reality and I think that people, male and female, will flake if they feel it's too complicated or the other person isn't in the same place as them. Because there's no body language or bond through shared life experience or fun times, it can also be hard to sustain an online connection or actually get where the other person is coming from.

So don't take it your interaction with this iron too personally and also see if you can move this to a coffee meet sooner rather than later so that you can at least establish if there's a friendship or any chemistry?

OnwardsEverStridingOnwards · 17/08/2021 23:57

Thank you @BelladiMamma. I might message him later this week or the weekend and see what happens.

Just writing it all down has helped, to be honest. I asked my mum if she thought it was a good thing, and she said it was, but am still in two minds about it. ❤️

OnwardsEverStridingOnwards · 18/08/2021 00:01

He's having to isolate for the next week, because he hasn't had his second jab yet. He's also recently been abroad ❤️

BelladiMamma · 18/08/2021 00:07

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

He's having to isolate for the next week, because he hasn't had his second jab yet. He's also recently been abroad ❤️
Well if he's anything like me he'll be bored as anything self isolating and will like the attention / text based companionship. And then might just as easily slip out of it when he's back in his normal routine ... be aware and keep your expectations low?
OnwardsEverStridingOnwards · 18/08/2021 00:16

@BelladiMamma yes, that's what I'm going to do. ❤️

I know I can be a bit full on. I think it's because of what happened with my ex. And thinking that everyone is going to leave me at the end. I sometimes get so eager to please and do the right thing, that I overcompensate and get burned. I think he just didn't know how to deal with it at the end, so he probably thought it best to cut off contact for the time being. I don't blame him at all.

I'm still trying to chill out and be more relaxed dating wise, I think it's definitely a work in progress 😘

Misty9 · 18/08/2021 00:18

@BelladiMamma

Thanks *@Misty9* it's four weeks ago now and I've not had longer than a 4/5 hour stretch without symptoms.

To be fair, I was quite confused again this afternoon when I had the consultation. I kind of go in and out of being up to speed. As they want to see me so soon again maybe this advice was 'until you're seen again no driving and bed rest'? Also to have someone with me again 24/7. That must be until I'm seen again I suppose?

Anyway, I've got to call them in the morning then they assess if I need a consultation tomorrow or in a day or so.

No bleeds etc so I'm not worried. I just know I'm not 100%, far from it

That does seem rather extreme advice - to have someone with you all the time?! But there's no bleed. Strange. Can I ask what the symptoms are? Private message if you'd rather - or ignore me Grin
BelladiMamma · 18/08/2021 00:31

Thanks @Misty9 I might keep it simple and stick to people I'm seeing IRL 😂 👍🏻 rather like OLD I don't want to spend my entire life lived through Mumsnet 😊

Awww @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards that's why old birds like me who've had more experience than I feel entirely comfortable admitting to myself let alone to you, are around to remind you that everything is normal even if a little ducked up!

In my developments MrProperty has asked for a date, in a long and fun text at 12.30 at night?! After having been out drinking with his mates most of the evening .... hmmm 🤔

I'll definitely give him a nice long gap before replying ....

OnwardsEverStridingOnwards · 18/08/2021 00:32

@BelladiMamma

Thanks *@Misty9* I might keep it simple and stick to people I'm seeing IRL 😂 👍🏻 rather like OLD I don't want to spend my entire life lived through Mumsnet 😊

Awww @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards that's why old birds like me who've had more experience than I feel entirely comfortable admitting to myself let alone to you, are around to remind you that everything is normal even if a little ducked up!

In my developments MrProperty has asked for a date, in a long and fun text at 12.30 at night?! After having been out drinking with his mates most of the evening .... hmmm 🤔

I'll definitely give him a nice long gap before replying ....

@BelladiMamma 😘😘😘
Misty9 · 18/08/2021 00:43

@BelladiMamma

Thanks *@Misty9* I might keep it simple and stick to people I'm seeing IRL 😂 👍🏻 rather like OLD I don't want to spend my entire life lived through Mumsnet 😊

Awww @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards that's why old birds like me who've had more experience than I feel entirely comfortable admitting to myself let alone to you, are around to remind you that everything is normal even if a little ducked up!

In my developments MrProperty has asked for a date, in a long and fun text at 12.30 at night?! After having been out drinking with his mates most of the evening .... hmmm 🤔

I'll definitely give him a nice long gap before replying ....

Of course Grin hope you feel better soon Flowers
Shuffleuplove · 18/08/2021 00:47

Exhausted (and hot and bothered) update from me - met MrCurly. Electrical chemistry I think. Snogged like teens. Fwarrr. He’s a bit shorter than advertised but he doesn’t care and neither do I. And that’s a testimony to how scrummy he is because I’m usually terribly heightist.

Bbub · 18/08/2021 03:44

[quote Hehx3]@Bbub I just see it on myself, its like getting a face lift (very effective but temporary) Grinall skin goes to back.
I thought it might be not a great sign, they just seemed decent in description so I got a bit confused. I lost my "OLD virginity" today - being my first day on an app[/quote]
This is hilarious and a good tip actually 😁😁 and I don't see it as a red flag actually, they might not just be after a shag if its a face selfie. I was imagining a bed selfie being where you can see the whole guy on the bed... Possibly topless 😂

Naimee87 · 18/08/2021 06:45

@Heartbeats0708 i’ve thought about this as well as i think MrElf may have stronger feelings for me than i do for him but this isn’t scaring me off it’s got me excited as i can feel myself wanting to fall for him more and more its just given my past i’m so scared to simply relax into the relationship no matter how hard i’m trying to. But he’s been in love before as he’s opened up about his previous relationships. I’m sure i was in love with my son’s dad but we were so young and i don’t even feel like that same person anymore. Then i had thought i was in ‘love’ with MrS but this was simply in ‘lust’ really. He definitely ‘love-bombed’ when i think back. Do you get the impression you and MrD are on the same page with feelings? Has it felt like he’s about to say he’s in love with you or have you already said it? Do you feel so strongly about him? I guess with past experiences it’s so hard to judge real feelings anymore. I think this post may just have confused you even more but i guess we’re both trying to navigate these new relationships as ones that we want with people that we feel we fit together with. I can see a future with MrElf and that isn’t something i’ve experienced with any other men i’ve ‘dated’

Misty9 · 18/08/2021 06:46

Morning all. My update is that Mr runner has not done one and the messaging continues to be hot Blush Grin we have a date this evening so am looking forward to that. Also, another iron has appeared and seems promising - Mr motorbike. Potentially having date zero on Thursday... Honestly, men are like buses!

Original poster
Shayelle2009 · 18/08/2021 07:05

@Bbub I think it’s always good to be wary. What was the line he used twice on you? Trust your gut.

@Hehx3 I think bed pics are sleazy but it’s useful as tells you straight away what they're on there for. Good luck on your old journey!

@Shuffleuplove sounds like a fun date 😍😍

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards exs are exs for a reason, going back doesn’t often work out.. 💗

I’m still on tinder, completed it, no matches 😂😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Shayelle2009 · 18/08/2021 07:06

@Misty9 good luck with Mr Runner, is this your first or second date with him? Exciting 🙂

OP posts:
Misty9 · 18/08/2021 07:10

First date after date zero Grin

Original poster
Shayelle2009 · 18/08/2021 07:16

Oooooh nice @Misty9!! So you already met and know he’s a good one 😁 what you guys got planned?

OP posts: