Dating thread 210 - thwarted hearts, fresh starts

[Shayelle2009]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@EchoElephant Comparison is the thief of joy.

Do not compare yourself to others, we don't know what they wanted in a person or who they are with. They may have settled or maybe they are a perfect match.
Either way, you do you.

You are perfect for yourself and have good boundaries in place, do not settle for less (well unless a criteria is must be 5ft 11, maybe you could lower to 5ft 10 for instance😂)

Thank you everyone for your kind words & support.

My list of 'too old, too nice.... are reasons I've been given in the past why I'm not a suitable match.

I'm just feeling a bit sorry for myself today. Tomorrow will be better. Might even re-activate my Fab profile. That's always good for a laugh

@EchoElephant

Thank you everyone for your kind words & support.

My list of 'too old, too nice.... are reasons I've been given in the past why I'm not a suitable match.

I'm just feeling a bit sorry for myself today. Tomorrow will be better. Might even re-activate my Fab profile. That's always good for a laugh

Anyone that actually voiced their goddamn pathetic reasons for not 'choosing' someone has a serious personality defect. Like the fat potatoes who only want to date someone who's 'slim' or 'bubbly'.

It's timing, it's chemistry, it's finding your level, mutual expectations etc

Also each couple in and of itself is different. Each person brings out something else in the other. We are like kaleidoscopes ever changing and ever different depending on who's looking at us

you've hit the nail on the head for me, I do want a connection but I'm scared to make myself vulnerable.
most of the matches have stalled, there doesn't seem to be any genuine interest to get to know me.
I've matched with Mr. Hiker who has been pretty proactive and messaging a lot. I think I'm looking for a reason to call it a day so I don't get hurt.

@saya000 I do this too, you’re not alone 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️

High-fives to everyone struggling a bit!

I'm quite confident in my female charms, but do think it's hard to meet someone decent as "all the stars need to align" in terms of not just chemistry but the practical details of life and the logistics of A Relationship.

The apps culture make "transient" things a lot more the norm.

Which is fine but if you're maybe in the mood for something longer or more substantial there's a disconnect there.

A lot of three-month/one date wonders out there for everyone!

And yes, that feeling of being a "bit undesirable" is definitely something which the current dating/app culture does encourage - it can be a killer for the self-esteem!

I'm still on my app break and reminded of how supportive my male friends and colleagues are and how valued I am as a human being. Just in terms of being nice/kind/without being overbearing

(But on the apps it's like "Joe aged 31" who has sent me fifty flattering messages has flaked or someone I had a good date with has disappeared, and that then is a blow to the ego!)

Lovely message above @BelladiMamma. “ We are like kaleidoscopes ever changing and ever different depending on who's looking at us”
Love that 💕💕

And yes the apps 100% make most people feel shit about themselves!! We shouldnt let that happen ❤️❤️

It’s that “high-low” emotional cycle on the apps -

Adrenalin rush as you think you’ve connected then something goes wrong, then you’re “chasing the dragon” again ...just not healthy on a long term basis.

Unless you’re incredibly emotionally resilient or someone who can switch off/detach from the contact easily!

Hi all, I'm a newbie to the thread and haven't done the dating site thing in at least 10 years. Sounds like I'm having a similar experience to a lot of you - everyone seems to be looking for hook-ups. Was I a fool to think lesbian dating sites might be more... cordial? I signed up yesterday and have so far been propositioned by two 60 year olds (I'm 32), a cam girl, and one whose profile picture is of her knickers. Then I saw a woman with a proper profile who seemed right up my street, and she replied to my friendly message by telling me about her super-high sex drive and how she wished I was in her bed.

Friends are telling me dating sites aren't the place to get to know to people, just to find casual sex. But I'm disabled and now WFH so going out and meeting people isn't so easy.

I suppose it's lucky that I'm happy being single, as it looks like it'll stay that way!

Definitely going to try for one of those virtual speed dating evenings when I’ve moved - £5 there’s Copper Dating and one called “dating in a dash” or something similar?

Zero expectations (especially as I’m not London)

but just having some pleasant guaranteed chats rather than the matching/swiping hell would be nice.

Had a lovely lunchtime phone call with Mr Irish before our date on Thursday, it's nice when someone is just easy to chat to

EchoElephant - sorry your iron didn't work out, one of my previous ones did the same thing, telling me he had met someone else. This was a week after our first date and while he was excitedly suggested ideas for our next date. I found it really hard to take and would have preferred if he had said a different reason - distance for example which was an issue as he couldn't drive.

Funnily enough I went through my WhatsApp today and deleted all chats from previous irons (apart from MrPosh who is still my one who got away!) and it was very cathartic to wash them away from my life.

Update - I have fifteen matches on Tinder, of which only five spoke to me. Or, to be fair, me to them.

All chats have dwindled out. I suppose I could kick start a few more and see how they go.

Meanwhile, MrWG and I see each other about once a week and last week, at last, DTD. Which I think he is very happy about. He's away for two weeks now but has been more communicative than usual. I rarely hear much from him when he's away but he messaged Sunday, then last night sent a load of photos. He's been responding to things I've sent too and last night he sent the last message and then sent the first one today (he doesn't go in for "morning!" or "night" messages, they were actual messages).

I've looked back on the Meet Up app and found we first met on 7th Jan 18, and I can honestly say that I have dreamed of having him in my bed ever since then. I've found a photo of us chatting the next time we met on 14th. I then didn't see him for months and months.

Oh god, I'm doomed, aren't I?

@Dirtyduck I did that after an old iron got in touch yesterday and I noticed there was a few old numbers hanging about.

My one that got away is Mr HT. we haven't spoken in the last week. Unfortunately it hasn't been a 3 month wonder ... it's almost 9 months now. I have been very tough with myself to not message. I need to try stepping back. He's not been on WhatsApp since Thursday. He's not posted on FB for a while.
He has been on fab everyday 😂 and I noticed today that he's up north working again and he's updated his location. So I guess he's looking for a hookup up there (he usually just messages me if he's in the mood) so I guess that's a good thing.

In other news I am meeting a delicious young man for a second 'date' tonight. He's very sweet (but 12 years younger) keen on me. Another fabber but not at all pushy. We met for milkshake last week. (Not even a kiss).
He's said he is happy with movie and snuggling tonight. It might turn into more but I will just go with what I want/feel. He needs a name I guess. I'll go with Mr Milkshake

Stilll need to catch up massively on this thread with everything that's been going on!

BUT for those who know abou the previous MrS he's only gone and sent a random photo to me THIS MORNING. I'm so in shock... it's been nothing since June on my birthday when i swerved his texts and left them unopened. Things are SO good with MrElf but why am i tempted to msg MrS back. Not even as if he asked me anything just a photo of an inside joke from waaaaay at the beginning of us getting to know each other. WTF! Suppose as i'm writing on here clearly i'm not 100% over him when i 100% should BE.

@dancemom

Had a lovely lunchtime phone call with Mr Irish before our date on Thursday, it's nice when someone is just easy to chat to

I hope we don't have the same MrIrish 😂

@Shayelle2009

Lovely message above *@BelladiMamma*. “ We are like kaleidoscopes ever changing and ever different depending on who's looking at us” Love that 💕💕

I was actually thinking I meant to be more about how different you are depending on who you're with. I mean I'll always love animals and be a bit mad but I can be romantic and loving with one person and all about the sex with another 🤷🏻‍♀️

@SpringlikeBunk

High-fives to everyone struggling a bit!

I'm quite confident in my female charms, but do think it's hard to meet someone decent as "all the stars need to align" in terms of not just chemistry but the practical details of life and the logistics of A Relationship.

The apps culture make "transient" things a lot more the norm.

Which is fine but if you're maybe in the mood for something longer or more substantial there's a disconnect there.

A lot of three-month/one date wonders out there for everyone!

This 💯

@HairyArsedMan you hit the nail on the head i think with the expecting contact this rings true for me. For example when you are used to a message exchange before work/getting kids up. It's been consistent for a fair few weeks and sort of reassures interest to then go about your day with little contact. So when this starts to fade or is no longer happening as frequently and no 'discussion' has been had about why and you're being given the 'i'm busy' excuse its an idication interest is being lost and the slow fade is beginning. I always try to be clear with my answers, if i'm unable to engage in a conversation over txt i'll let them know or leave the message unread until i can get into that conversation. It's the not-knowing, second-guessing that drives you mad. And going from writing to someone freely to suddenly thinking 'am i disturbing them' ...
@Misty9 pleased to hear things with MrRunner are progressing nicely and you squeezed in an overnighter . I'm the same with getting into things too quickly and running away into the future. Trying to be calm but with MrElf i've fallen into the same trap really. So far though the more i get to know him the more i like him and the feeling seems to be mutual i feel i can completely be myself with him. And i am incredibly scatty and chaotic! He is back on the weekend and he's kept up contact amazingly well. And like i mentioned above he let's me know when he isn't able to text/call. Which is so decent.
@SortingItOut love your comparison comment this is SO true these days.

More comments to come... so love this thread!

@CatJumperTwat I dont have any advice but just wanted to say i think your username is amazing haha 😻😻

@BelladiMamma I completely get you and it does kind of depend on the magical chemistry that you have with every individual person doesn’t it …which is the best part of life I think

@SpringlikeBunk yeah that’s why they're addictive like slot machines.. if you just put a little bit more in it must pay out… (little do you realise how they bleed the soul out of you.. )

What I really love about this thread is that lots of us are going through the same stuff and experiences with it… which helps with feeling like it’s me that’s no good. It’s the damned apps!

Thank you Shayelle2009. I put my cat in a jumper and then felt like a right twat.

Things are looking up. I had a message from a woman on another continent who says it's okay because she likes "fatty girls." Romance isn't dead!