Dating thread 210 - thwarted hearts, fresh starts

[Shayelle2009]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Languidleopard

Thanks *@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards* life is about feeling all the feelings...we can do this!

@Languidleopard we sure can! ❤️🙌🏻😘

@Misty9 I hear you! I also feel things really deeply and intensely - the good and the bad. It sometimes feels like being on a rollercoaster.

I think that's why I've stayed on my own for so long, it's safer that way. And also why I go for emotionally unavailable men; it's safer because it's not really going anywhere 😕

[quote SpringlikeBunk]@Getbehindme

It's personal taste really - but given how many people are non-repliers I just start with an "emoticon/wave" or "hi" message.

Age group late 20s-30s.

If they reply then hopefully the chat takes off from there. I've found if I try to do a detailed message then often they reply "out of politeness" but the chat fizzles out?

I don't think there's any "tried and tested" method though - mix it up and see what you're comfortable with. If they like the look of your profile I don't think anything will put them off.[/quote]
@SpringlikeBunk So interesting!

I have unmatched everyone who has just sent an emoticon and some who have just said "Hi" especially if it was in reponse to my message.
I have thought that if there was someone not putting any effort in from the very start it didn't bode well for the rest.
Perhaps I should be a little more patient!

Well, my excitement for my second date with Mr Chilled didn't last long.
He's just cancelled, saying he's met someone else and is going to be seeing them instead. At least he was honest and didn't leave me hanging. I'm guessing this is why he 'disappeared' on Sunday.

Not sure yet if I have the energy to go back on tinder. He was my only decent match.

@EchoElephant sorry to hear that, at least you aren't left hanging as you say.

@Languidleopard I’m exactly the same. I want connection but avoid it at the same time if that makes sense.

Sorry to hear that @EchoElephant sounded a bit cruel him saying he's going out with someone else instead. Would have been kinder to say he didn’t feel any spark.. he might try and come back if it goes pears with this one.

Glad you’re having a nice time with mr runner @Misty9!

@EchoElephant 😞 definitely better to find out sooner rather than later.

Maybe take a break from the apps and focus on doing something nice for yourself for the next week or so then see how you feel

Thanks everyone
I'm over thinking it right now, wondering why he agreed to a date with me yesterday afternoon when he'd already met someone else (he said he met her last week).
I guess he was hedging his bets.

My strategy is to delete their numbers so it looks like they're blocked. But make a note of the number, just in case they come back.

I think with OLD @EchoElephant a lot of the time it doesn't work out/you get messed about/ people are flakey - so don’t pin it on you he just wasn’t right for you.. it’s ok to feel down about it for a bit though! 💛💛

@EchoElephant he was probably hedging his bets and deciding who was more suitable for him. But I think at least he told you rather than keep you hanging on. Years ago someone did this to me but it definitely made me switch off them rather than what iffing! The other person is no better, just perhaps more suited to what he wants. Don't overthink

@EchoElephant I'm sorry you're feeling rough about MrChilled. It's gutting when it doesn't work out but at least he didn't waste anymore of your time.

I do the same with the numbers it's a good idea, then they're out of your hair and your thoughts.

Very soon you won't even be thinking about him. 💜💜💜

@Eesha @EchoElephant a while back there was a conversation on one of these threads and I got advice to tell the truth eg had met someone I wanted to focus on - MrBear. I was surprised at how grown up everyone's responses were and they all said they valued the honesty. I must admit I would never have said it if it hadn't been for the advice here.

@BelladiMamma same for me, all valued honesty aside from one who said 'Dear, please get over yourself'.. ....this same gut boasted of 'champers' though

[quote Eesha]@BelladiMamma same for me, all valued honesty aside from one who said 'Dear, please get over yourself'.. ....this same gut boasted of 'champers' though[/quote]
🤢'dear...'

Sooo I’ve matched with a guy I’ve always liked the look of on bumble. He’s another digital mute though. I said hi.. again.. and how we’ve matched many times but he never says a word. Wonder if he’s actually a bot?

I’ve unmatched all the others who never responded. My days, its frustrating. Nearly 2 years of OLD and never even got a shag out of it!! 🤣🤣 I wouldn’t say I was horrendous looking either. Why is it not happening for me?! 🤷‍♀️

I replied that I appreciated his honesty & hoped it worked out for him.
Then I deleted his number & the chat

I'm just fed up of being rejected all the time because I'm too old, too nice, too sporty, too busy etc

I'll have a break & decide if I want to keep doing this.

@EchoElephant

I replied that I appreciated his honesty & hoped it worked out for him. Then I deleted his number & the chat

I'm just fed up of being rejected all the time because I'm too old, too nice, too sporty, too busy etc

I'll have a break & decide if I want to keep doing this.

You're not 'too' anything. You're you and you're just right.

This guy isn't your judge or your keeper. He knows nothing about you beyond some chats and a brief meeting. Sure, you like him but who says you'd have liked him after a second or third date? Or more than a 3 month 'wonder'?

Think about it. Amongst your friendship circle who are the ones interested in self improvement, health and new experiences? Usually the women. So I'm prepared to bet that you're already better than him anyway.

When you're ready to return to the apps, they might serve you up a choice of more than one and you might have to choose. Your choice will be based on what suits you at the time and the indefinable 'spark' which is usually nothing to do with someone's qualities but down to a strange mix of childhood experience, trauma, smell, hair colour etc

Take the time to feel shit but remember it's not about you. Not at all

@Shayelle2009

Sooo I’ve matched with a guy I’ve always liked the look of on bumble. He’s another digital mute though. I said hi.. again.. and how we’ve matched many times but he never says a word. Wonder if he’s actually a bot?

I’ve unmatched all the others who never responded. My days, its frustrating. Nearly 2 years of OLD and never even got a shag out of it!! 🤣🤣 I wouldn’t say I was horrendous looking either. Why is it not happening for me?! 🤷‍♀️

Maybe just be direct and say fancy a shag as your opening message 😂😂😂😂

Ok. Maybe not 😘😘😘😘

@BelladiMamma 🤣🤣 might as well be honest!! Thing is I only want to shag them if they’re nice, funny, attractive, manly, smell good, nice teeth etc oh, and are capable of stringing a sentance together. Then if they like me back.
Probably why I live like a nun then 😬🤣

[quote Shayelle2009]@BelladiMamma 🤣🤣 might as well be honest!! Thing is I only want to shag them if they’re nice, funny, attractive, manly, smell good, nice teeth etc oh, and are capable of stringing a sentance together. Then if they like me back.
Probably why I live like a nun then 😬🤣[/quote]
Yes and I only want to shag them if I can imagine a long term relationship with them but I know they'll be cool when I tell them to back off and give me space 😂😂😂

BelladiMamma thank you!

This is not about being rejected by Mr Chilled. I think he did the right thing.

But I've been single for 6yrs now. I've watched everyone I know find partners. From my ex-h to the bloke that cheated, lied then ghosted me last year.

And I just wonder whether I will ever find anyone. My track record isn't great.

@EchoElephant

BelladiMamma thank you!

This is not about being rejected by Mr Chilled. I think he did the right thing.

But I've been single for 6yrs now. I've watched everyone I know find partners. From my ex-h to the bloke that cheated, lied then ghosted me last year.

And I just wonder whether I will ever find anyone. My track record isn't great.

@EchoElephant

I replied that I appreciated his honesty & hoped it worked out for him. Then I deleted his number & the chat

I'm just fed up of being rejected all the time because I'm too old, too nice, too sporty, too busy etc

I'll have a break & decide if I want to keep doing this.

Or too young, too horrible, too unsporty, too unbusy🤔

Okay 2nd one doesn't really work, but you get the idea and I feel your pain. There'll be someone out there, its just finding them that's the hard part😭

@BelladiMamma - Yes and I only want to shag them if I can imagine a long term relationship with them but I know they'll be cool when I tell them to back off and give me space - that is so true!!! I really hate flakes but know I'm flakey myself. There's a lot of contradictions going on when 'choosing' a date/partner. We want them to love their kids but when they state the bleeding obvious, we cringe. I could go on and on! Interesting.