Dating thread 210 - thwarted hearts, fresh starts

[Shayelle2009]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@kerkyra

Ok,just sent the message SortingItOut suggests. I think if I block him now he won't see the message? Maybe I just leave pof for a few days.Honestly,I'm 50 in a few weeks and can't believe I'm doing all this at this age

If it's via WhatsApp they can still see the message after you've blocked them. But they can't on Bumble.

@SpringlikeBunk @SortingItOut you're both right. I had moved on and blocked and deleted then I unblocked and we started again with the messages last week, the voice notes, the calls. Very flirty and fun then I went backwards again then he did and frankly we are clearly not good for each other or well matched because we are in a push me pull me game which would be awful in real life.

I'm not actively pursuing anything else at the moment, just going low contact with all the irons and seeing which ones step up for a meet up. Which I won't be able to commit to for a few days yet. Then every weekend in September is busy.

The ones that are maintaining good contact and asked for a meet up are MrItaly - good on paper but I feel like we are too similar / slightly cold and aloof & MrIrish who is my sort of guy but has flake flags. Which is why he's my kind of guy!

No,it's on a tablet. I'm still Mrs Nokia and never done WhatsApp 😄😄
That's why I never give out number before a meet....I can't block people!

@BelladiMamma

I'm feeling really miserable about BeardFlake. He's the only one I've really fancied so far. I've ended up sending him two long texts again today explaining myself as I felt he misrepresented me in a couple of messages. But I also need to remember if someone is confusing me or not listening to me or taking me for who I am, even if they say they're really attracted to me and would have a relationship if only x and y was better in their lives - they're not good for me.

@BelladiMamma sorry you're feeling miserable about the Beardflake situation. It's really difficult when you fancy someone like mad and enjoy being in contact with them, but it doesn't develop into the relationship you want. Torture almost.

No words of wisdom but sending you a virtual hug because I know it hurts

My view on contact is if they like you, they will stay in contact and make steps towards a second date. This is specifically why I don't think Mr Lawyer is interested but he's a funny one in that he will message as he will message me or respond but not chase another date. I have left it with him to get in touch when he gets back from his hols. I haven't heard from him in over a week now.

@Shayelle2009

Poor you *@kerkyra* how awkward - you were missold a character there!! I don’t know what I’d do in that situation. He had a nerve!

That is a good point @Languidleopard, thank you. I don’t have kids so I kind of forget how caught up parents are.

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards have a a lovely time tomorrow 💛

Thank you @Shayelle! ❤️

Oh,I've just had a really pleasant reply!
It was quite long winded but basically said that the last few years obviously hadn't been kind to him due to losing family members and job in the past but he enjoyed it and it's a shame,that I'm really nice and best wishes.
I feel so much better,no need to block.
I'm going to be more straightforward for now on.

onwards is it your date tomorrow, have I missed something? How exciting,have a lovely time.

And again…why? 🤦‍♂️😂

Men are so - consistent

@kerkyra

Oh,I've just had a really pleasant reply! It was quite long winded but basically said that the last few years obviously hadn't been kind to him due to losing family members and job in the past but he enjoyed it and it's a shame,that I'm really nice and best wishes. I feel so much better,no need to block. I'm going to be more straightforward for now on.

Oh wow that's really positive. Good for you and something for all of us to learn from!

Iamclearlyamug men are just awful sometimes,just don't engage

@Iamclearlyamug

And again…why? 🤦‍♂️😂

I think some of them actually think they're being funny

stalian

Former leader of the Soviet Union? 🤔

And another message from BeardFlake rolls into town ... finally calling out the fact that we are no good for each other. It's a relief that he sees it that way and won't stay in touch now.

@SpringlikeBunk

stalian

Former leader of the Soviet Union? 🤔

😂😂😂

@kerkyra

onwards is it your date tomorrow, have I missed something? How exciting,have a lovely time.

@kerkyra I wish it was! no, I'm meeting with my book club tomorrow. It's our monthly discussion ❤️

@Iamclearlyamug

And again…why? 🤦‍♂️😂

@Iamclearlyamug 😟❤️

@kerkyra I'm glad he accepted your comment with good grace.
It seems women spend ages agonising over photos and updating regularly so its clear what they look like while some men don't care- he must know from looking in the mirror he doesn't look like his profile photos.

Honesty definitely goes a long way, we can let people down in kind ways and hopefully they take our messages in the way they were intended.

A quick update from me.

I've had a few nice messages from Mr Eclectic. He's said he is interested in me and feels a connection. To which I said - shall we meet up IRL? He's said yes and I've sent some times I'm free. No reply from him yet.

So far not one single amber or red flag. Except, is he too nice? I'm looking for the catch tbh.

Surprisingly, Mr Slowtexter also messaged and asked do I want up meet for a coffee. First man I've come across on Bumble to make the first move! I've said yes, when? No reply yet.

I'm not getting the flirtatious vibe from him, but we share an interest and it would actually be really nice to have someone to share this nterest with. Maybe he's more of a slow burn?

I had a bit of an emotionally unavailable wobble this afternoon, feeling vulnerable about putting myself out there again.

Thinking that one of them might actually like me, and me also like them terrified me. Somehow it's easier for me when I'm not matching or getting randomly unmatched, or being breadcrumbed because it's safer. I've come round a bit this evening 🙂

One step at a time is all I need to take at this stage.

@Languidleopard I know the feeling. I get scared about putting myself out there as well.

I'm happy Mr Gambit wants to see me, as I feel so happy taking to him, and I have fancied him for ages.

But I'm worried that he will go off me or not like me when we see each other.

I think we both just need to be ourselves and take it one step at a time ❤️

I have date zero on Thursday with Mr Irish 🙌🏼

@dancemom

I have date zero on Thursday with Mr Irish 🙌🏼

Great news, @dancemom! ❤️

Thanks @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards life is about feeling all the feelings...we can do this!

it's hard isn't it, to make ourselves vulnerable to the possibility of being hurt? I feel similarly. Something else I've been pondering is that the nature of online dating means that these intense liaisons can come along quite often as one doesn't work out and we stay on the apps. I'm quite an intense person and wear my heart on my sleeve so feel like it's been quick succession from Mr Blue Eyes (who got avoidant and ghosted me rather than break up properly after a few weeks) to Mr runner, and that I open myself up to the possibility of something each time. If that makes any sense?!

As for Mr runner, despite enough red flags about his current circumstances for bunting, things are going well and we spent last night and today together. He talks as if he sees a longterm future and he's honest so far and true to his word. And he's really good at communicating when we're apart! I'd hold back a bit, for the aforementioned reasons of it feeling a bit soon after the last one, but I'm not built that way... I do feel embarrassed to tell my friends just yet though, apart from one who is unshockable!

@Naimee87 sounds like things are going well with Mr Elf - is he back this week?