Dating thread 210 - thwarted hearts, fresh starts

[Shayelle2009]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Naimee87 thank you. Mr Gambit has just asked me out on a date so I think it's worked! ❤️

@Isitreallyme177 you're very welcome 😘❤️

Eeeeek @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards!! Bring on the date!! 😄

@Shayelle2009

Eeeeek *@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards*!! Bring on the date!! 😄

@Shayelle2009 😃❤️

Speaking of men who don't message, Mr Cricket just messaged. Just as I was beginning to think he wouldn't.

@EchoElephant I've not heard from Mr Double Matched yet, but it is Sunday and not everyone is like me and gets up at 6am on a Sunday, does the gym early etc.

@Shayelle2009 hey! I last heard back a week ago where he said he was on hols himself so I left it by saying for him to get in touch when he gets back if he fancies meeting up. I'm not expecting anything else now but it was definitely a great 1st date.

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards ooooh a date. Nice ❤😀

frankiefirstyear

I wouldn’t take what he said as a rejection
But I do know a lot of people
Who have got so used to living alone
Also blended families really arnt that easy
At all actually x

He’s been honest so I think you need to do
Some thinking
What he offers would suit me but we all are different

And if you can’t meet halfway , maybe you need to walk away

@frankiefirstyear, my Nan used to say ‘ if in doubt do nowt’ I have used it as a bit of a mantra, most often when I was on the apps or talking to someone and waiting on contact. But equally I believe it can be applied to lots of situations where you are unsure of your next step. I genuinely couldn’t see myself walking away from someone I felt a deep connection with because of logistics. Many of us on the thread have faced really tough times in relationships but we have all survived to tell the tale and evolved as people because of it. Speculating about 10 or 20 years down the line is virtually impossible to do. I thought I had my future sewn up and then my DH got ill. If you would rather walk away at this point and it would feel less painful to do so now than in the future then that decision will become clear to you and you will know that it’s the right one.

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards, woohoo a date ! I’m in the Midlands, shall I come and sit incognito a few tables away for moral support ? 🥸💕

@Thisisworsethananticpated thank you, yes it's a rock and a hard place imo 🤦‍♀️

@Onesmallstep67 yes I love that saying, I think time feels like it's slipping away and I don't want to end up alone, I want to end up with him. So now it's just whether I can accept what I see as 'crumbs' of him is enough really.

Thanks everyone for the support I feel lighter having just been able to get different perspectives and virtual hug 🤗

@frankiefirstyear how often do you get to see each other?
Mr P and I have carried out our relationship through the pandemic so been lucky enough to work from home which has meant we see each other a lot. I stay over at his 3 or 4 nights a week, when he doesn't have his dc.
I won't be able to do that when we go back and I'm going to struggle seeing him less, so assessing the relationship is something I'm about to go through too.
I can't imagine giving him up though

Can I ask something
Do people ever agree to live together later , when kids are older ?
I’d struggle to blend a family
My eldest has asd and mental health issues and without going into gory details they both need me , plus I work FT

But I like to imagine meeting someone , building a bond and then getting together more solid when kids have flown nest
Which I why I target single dads

Probably a stupid fantasy

@clovertoast have you discussed meeting DC? Seems a long time not to meet them.

@Thisisworsethananticpated that’s what I would like too. My youngest has 7 more years in school so ideally I’d love to have great times with someone on a part time basis with a view to spending a lot more time or maybe live together once all of my kids are gone to uni.
I recognise this may be totally unrealistic!

@Clovertoast we get one visit of about 3 hours and one overnight about 7pm-10am a month

Well I deleted the apps again. Mr Double Matched hasn't responded, he can go in the pile of they were obviously bored on a Saturday night matches(he had disappeared from Bumble but was still showing on my Tinder). His messages have been deleted too.

Back to looking at the nice men in the gym for me it is then.

@EchoElephant

Shayelle2009 I know we've only just met. I was matching his messaging style which had been very chatty until around 8pm yesterday eve. Although his last message was a bit blunt, I felt I was rude not to reply. And he's sent a good morning message for the last three days, so I thought I would do it today.

I'm not going to message him again.
I just don't get why some men seem so keen then disappear like this.

@EchoElephant I also think you need to sit back and see what he does next. Don't write him off just yet 🙂

FWIW I am quite avoidant and if someone texts or contacts me frequently it can make me feel a bit overwhelmed and it makes me back off. If the person gives me space then I come back to them. So it could be this? Only time will tell.

I've had a reply!!

He sent a 🤣 in response to my joke
Followed by "I'm just spending the day chilling"

I read that as 'don't bother me right now'
So I replied 'sounds like a good plan. Enjoy!'

It's with him now.

Languidleopard I get what you mean about being overwhelmed with messages.
It was one of the main reasons I ended my last relationship.
He would send 6 or 7 messages in a row if I didn't respond immediately. And this would be 3 or 4 times a day!

@Isitreallyme177

Well I deleted the apps again. Mr Double Matched hasn't responded, he can go in the pile of they were obviously bored on a Saturday night matches(he had disappeared from Bumble but was still showing on my Tinder). His messages have been deleted too.

Back to looking at the nice men in the gym for me it is then.

@Isitreallyme177 ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

@frankiefirstyear Is it your child free schedule that makes it hard to meet up more or both of yours?
How old are his kids?
How far apart do you live?

Is his reluctance to move linked to it being a huge commitment to buy together and if things didn't work out to extricate from that?
I always think if you've live with someone before and things were difficult to split (in terms of assets) I can see why someone might be reluctant to do it again.

I hope you can work something out?

@EchoElephant

I've had a reply!!

He sent a 🤣 in response to my joke
Followed by "I'm just spending the day chilling"

I read that as 'don't bother me right now'
So I replied 'sounds like a good plan. Enjoy!'

It's with him now.

Languidleopard I get what you mean about being overwhelmed with messages.
It was one of the main reasons I ended my last relationship.
He would send 6 or 7 messages in a row if I didn't respond immediately. And this would be 3 or 4 times a day!

I've had that over messaging too. Hate it. But so often I feel like over messaging.

I'm terrible with BeardFlake, since he flaked on me and then we got really confessional on text, I can't let a day go by without texting him or sending a photo 😞

[quote Isitreallyme177]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards ooooh a date. Nice ❤😀[/quote]
@Isitreallyme177 I know 😀 I'm really chuffed!❤️

[quote Onesmallstep67]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards, woohoo a date ! I’m in the Midlands, shall I come and sit incognito a few tables away for moral support ? 🥸💕[/quote]
@Onesmallstep67 thank you, but I'll be fine 😀 I'm nervous about it, but I'm feeling excited as well. It's TBC at the moment because I've got college and he's back to work in a few weeks. (He's an English teacher) ❤️

Update.. I'm having a date zero at 6pm tonight with Mr Dad

@EchoElephant That’s some interpretation ! He’s saying he’s not busy rather than unwilling to chat. At the same time, the content is not exactly leading to a stimulating conversation… He sounds like someone who thinks it’s all done now you’ve both said you’d like another date. Have you made, or asked about plans ? Being honest,I think both sides of the conversation sound a little dry. Is there really something there for you in person ? If so, give it a bit of time. The slow burn has worked well for me …

I’m on date 6 with Miss CanISeeYourBirthCertificate next week. Mutual holidays slowed things up, but that hasn’t harmed things. Funny how this one has evolved into something with a lot of potential. It took a long time to meet for the first time and I’d very low expectations, having matched with her twice with no contact on different sites. If I hadn’t been visiting a nearby mate and had a morning free, date 2 (a let’s just have a coffee as friends after date 1 thing) probably wouldn’t have happened.