Dating thread 210 - thwarted hearts, fresh starts

[Shayelle2009]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

[quote OnwardsEverStridingOnwards]@Dropdeadfred2 how weird! It sounds like he just made up any old excuse because he didn't like the fact that you didn't answer his messages. You're better off out of that ❤️[/quote]
Yeah thanks .. he made me feel very uneasy

Oh Mr double matched has finally replied 🤣.

@Thisisworsethananticpated

BelladiMamma As you have more irons that a steel Foundry you are clearly doing something right ?

Why are you thinking about it specifically ?

I'm wondering if that would help me actually figure out who to concentrate on? But then BeardFlake and I discussed relationship goals and look where that got us. Flakeville

I'm disappointed he's already asked more photos, this followed a comment about putting my red thong on and going round to his 😫😔 this one might have to be thrown back in.

Can I ask a little advice from some of the more "well seasoned" daters please?

Next week MrMud is coming to mine, it will be our 3rd real date although we did several video dates over the last 2 months or so and we text several times every day. On our last date things got quite passionate and quite frankly I'm fully up for going further on our next date. I'm reluctant to sleep with him until I know for sure he's not seeing anyone else, but it feels too soon to have the exclusivity chat yet though?

So do you think 3rd date is too early to be asking him if he's still on the apps/seeing other people? I don't want to come across as crazy keen and scare him off, but I'm trying hard not to become invested in this one until I know for sure.

@Dropdeadfred2

So Mr Talker signed off by saying ' there was no spark... in fact i think you are strange. Sorry i didn't fancy you.....

God knows how many calls and messages i would have got if he did fancy me then

@Dropdeadfred2 unfortunately imo very charming people (and with a nickname like Mr Talker, I'm guessing he was charming 😁) can be like this.

It's either super hot with them or freezing cold, there's no happy medium. They're either stalking you or abusing you. You're well shot of this one!

@Dirtyduck

Can I ask a little advice from some of the more "well seasoned" daters please?

Next week MrMud is coming to mine, it will be our 3rd real date although we did several video dates over the last 2 months or so and we text several times every day. On our last date things got quite passionate and quite frankly I'm fully up for going further on our next date. I'm reluctant to sleep with him until I know for sure he's not seeing anyone else, but it feels too soon to have the exclusivity chat yet though?

So do you think 3rd date is too early to be asking him if he's still on the apps/seeing other people? I don't want to come across as crazy keen and scare him off, but I'm trying hard not to become invested in this one until I know for sure.

@Dirtyduck I'm watching responses to your question with interest because you raise an interesting dilemma.

If it ever happens for me I feel I need exclusivity before things move to doing the deed. But when to pose the question? And how to do it? And am I being unreasonable for asking for this? So many questions 🤔

@Dropdeadfred2 that’s him trying to back track and save face isn’t is what a weirdo… definitely cast him back as far as you can. @Isitreallyme177 so annoying with the photo requests this was such a massive turn off especially when it came from ones you felt you’d connected with better than that. @Dirtyduck that is a tricky one but by the sounds of it you seem on the same page and with the intensity of your txting/calls and successful dates i can’t see him chatting to anyone else. However it is always a gamble after DtD whether or not the relationship continues but on both sides. I’m thinking it isn’t necessarily too early to find out from him what he’s thinking. Either way i’m hoping its fireworks and you have a really good time together.
@Misty9 any news on your intriguing Iron can’t recall if you named him and this thread moves SO fast.

I’m a bit in need of advice as my son’s party is coming up and i asked MrElf if he’d like to come and he agreed. My son has met him a few times already and actually asked me today if he’ll be coming. I know, i know all happening very fast. But we’ve always kept our distance whenever he’s been around. He’s a ‘fun’ friend but think its getting obvious what’s really going on. Anyway the party is in a little over 3 weeks. Thing is my parents and sister are now planning to come as well. I’ve let MrElf know and he’s still happy to come but is this too soon? I’m so mixed. I want him there but this is all so fresh and so new and i don’t really know what the best way forward is.

@Languidleopard... you're so right. He was very charming but things he said just grated on me. I wasn't suprised at all that he turned nasty

So Mr Double Matched has just said he has a high sex drive. It only something like the 6th message. He hasn't asked me anything yet.

So Mr Double Matched has just said he has a high sex drive. It only something like the 6th message. He hasn't asked me anything yet

Well I think you have your answer there
He’s a fuck boy

Dirtyduck
I think that if he chucked you after date 3 you’d be gutted regardless

It’s a very loaded question for a third date
So maybe don’t decide and go with the flow

I get more intimacy from talking than sex though

@Isitreallyme177

So Mr Double Matched has just said he has a high sex drive. It only something like the 6th message. He hasn't asked me anything yet.

Ewwwww hasn't even asked you anything?? God these guys are so bad at conversation

BelladiMamma
Sounds like you need some thinking space
But maybe a counsellor or coach to talk your sex goals through with
I’m just thinking that it’s hard to decide with so many competing forces

@Isitreallyme177 that's a bit depressing 😕

I think message 6 is way too early in the day for him to start telling you about his "needs".

@Isitreallyme177

I'm disappointed he's already asked more photos, this followed a comment about putting my red thong on and going round to his 😫😔 this one might have to be thrown back in.

Biiiii 👋🏻

@Isitreallyme177

So Mr Double Matched has just said he has a high sex drive. It only something like the 6th message. He hasn't asked me anything yet.

Au revoir to this one too 👋🏻

@Isitreallyme177

Yeh, if you're not comfortable just unmatch (relieved I'm on a break tbh!). I do think a lot of "decentish" guys who've spent a long time on the apps just seem to get very, very arrogant and sexually entitled and push things too far too early.

@Dirtyduck

Agree this is a conversation I find hard too! Is it worth starting an "open discussion in a neutral zone" some time? Or even by phone.

Just thinking that if he's round at yours and things are heating up it's harder to be "rational" given the circumstances and location and if you've both had a few?

I mean I think a lot of guys (however nice) "talk with their dicks" in the heat of the moment. good luck!

[quote Naimee87]**@Dropdeadfred2* that’s him trying to back track and save face isn’t is what a weirdo… definitely cast him back as far as you can. @Isitreallyme177 so annoying with the photo requests this was such a massive turn off especially when it came from ones you felt you’d connected with better than that. @Dirtyduck* that is a tricky one but by the sounds of it you seem on the same page and with the intensity of your txting/calls and successful dates i can’t see him chatting to anyone else. However it is always a gamble after DtD whether or not the relationship continues but on both sides. I’m thinking it isn’t necessarily too early to find out from him what he’s thinking. Either way i’m hoping its fireworks and you have a really good time together.
@Misty9 any news on your intriguing Iron can’t recall if you named him and this thread moves SO fast.

I’m a bit in need of advice as my son’s party is coming up and i asked MrElf if he’d like to come and he agreed. My son has met him a few times already and actually asked me today if he’ll be coming. I know, i know all happening very fast. But we’ve always kept our distance whenever he’s been around. He’s a ‘fun’ friend but think its getting obvious what’s really going on. Anyway the party is in a little over 3 weeks. Thing is my parents and sister are now planning to come as well. I’ve let MrElf know and he’s still happy to come but is this too soon? I’m so mixed. I want him there but this is all so fresh and so new and i don’t really know what the best way forward is.[/quote]
Sounds like you might be better off keeping things simple and seeing MrElf the day before or after?

You'll probably feel more relaxed and like you can focus on your DS and family if he's not there. See if there's a way you can explain to him? If he's a grown up he should understand this? (I hope?)

@Dirtyduck there's nothing wrong with you discussing exclusivity in the context of having sex.

I've decided that I personally don't need to have that conversation now (which is a revelation for me!) as I want to know what they're like in bed and what their behaviour is like after sleeping together ... some men go cold, some very possessive, neither of which are attractive. And if the sex isn't what you hoped for you both have to be able to talk it through ... that's also important to me.

@Naimee87

Yeh, I agree with @BelladiMamma - sounds like things are "so far so good" but maybe keeping a few boundaries in place for the time being? Plenty of occasions in the future to socialise if things progress!

Hello lovely ladies, how are you doing this? I got on app this week, got some chats going (decent guys or so they seem), now starting from tomorrow I am about to go on some dates and I m absolutely terrified!!! I am thinking to just delete it all and hide under the stone! I keep thinking that I don't know that much about those men. What if they stab me or be shitty abusers or be creeps or I don't know. I now keep thinking that men are number 1 threat for women. I wish I was gay! Im almost 40 and I don't think I could manage that sort of conversion though...

I got him past the sex talk for a bit, he seems to have a bit to him but he keeps going back to sex and says it's cheeky banter. Shame as he is just my type too, sporty (he's a personal trainer, ex semi pro footballer), says he wants to date and see where it goes, and if I could get him off the sex talk it would be okay. It kind of reminds me of the start of things with Computer Geek.

Oh and he lives in the same town as Computer Geek, and their the same age and both play football. Erm I really hope they don't know each other. 😬😬😬

@Isitreallyme177

I got him past the sex talk for a bit, he seems to have a bit to him but he keeps going back to sex and says it's cheeky banter. Shame as he is just my type too, sporty (he's a personal trainer, ex semi pro footballer), says he wants to date and see where it goes, and if I could get him off the sex talk it would be okay. It kind of reminds me of the start of things with Computer Geek.

Oh and he lives in the same town as Computer Geek, and their the same age and both play football. Erm I really hope they don't know each other. 😬😬😬

Have you told him you're not into early sex talk?

I usually say something along the lines of ´I have no idea if I'll want to sleep with you. You might have halitosis and my third eye might put you off. But you seem a nice enough guy so I'll give you a second chance'

However they generally don't change

@Hehx3

Hello lovely ladies, how are you doing this? I got on app this week, got some chats going (decent guys or so they seem), now starting from tomorrow I am about to go on some dates and I m absolutely terrified!!! I am thinking to just delete it all and hide under the stone! I keep thinking that I don't know that much about those men. What if they stab me or be shitty abusers or be creeps or I don't know. I now keep thinking that men are number 1 threat for women. I wish I was gay! Im almost 40 and I don't think I could manage that sort of conversion though...

Meet in a public place Tell a trusted friend where you're going Have a time slot in mind, eg great to see you - just a heads up I've got to wash my hair / pick up my chihuahua in two hours exactly, so that's all you've got' Try not to give away where you live etc until you're quite far along eg 3/4 dates I also ask for ID quite often before meeting Any awkwardness you feel you can blame a friend 'who had a really dodgy experience'

Fwiw I have been stalked and it's amazing and scary how quickly it happens; men are the most dangerous thing to women; luckily the vast majority of them are alright and some are even decent blokes looking for an authentic connection

Sorry I'm jaded 😂😂😂