Dating thread 210 - thwarted hearts, fresh starts

[Shayelle2009]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@BelladiMamma

Re the apps and giving up / going back on. This is the third time I've switched Bumble on and maybe 🤔 god loves a tryer or something but I've got the most amount of matches I've ever had.

I've no idea if any of them will turn into real dates or relationships but this time round I don't feel like I've been short changed or sleazed out.

I updated my bio and photos & if anything tried to make them more boundary proof, and giving off a no messing vibe but keeping my status as looking for a relationship.

Chats have been quicker and more to the point, dates suggested by me or others very quickly. Now just in a holding pattern til I get better.

I also think there's a word of mouth thing with whatever app you use. Brighton through to south London seems a busy place for bumble and that's a good thing as more choice

@BelladiMamma I'm in the same geographical area as you and have also seen a flurry of activity on Bumble in the last couple of days.

I'm not sure if it's a good or a bad thing but I now have 4 convos on the go and one match I need to contact by this time tomorrow.

Just wondering how much chasing fellow bumble users do once a conversation is up and running?

For example, I asked Mr Catlover if he wanted to meet for a coffee, he said he'd get back to me (this was on Monday) but I haven't heard anything. I'm not too fussed about him so am going to leave the ball in his court. How long should I wait before I unmatch him do you think? I think he has self esteem issues and needs encouragement; sadly I don't think I have the patience for him if I'm being honest.

@Thisisworsethananticpated

BelladiMamma 😘

I think we have similar libidos !
Can you believe I didn’t wank for a year
Shocking

Ugh. Too much denial is bad for the soul 😍

@Dropdeadfred2 can't be doing with a man that skips leg day, they look odd all big up top with skinny chicken legs. He's not responded to my message yet although I did only send it half an hour ago. I'm so bloody Impatient. 😆🤣

@Languidleopard I tend to send a 'hey would you like to stay in contact? I understand timing might not be right but I'm happy to' or something else that makes it clear you'd like an answer but that you also understand 'life happens'.

If people can't answer that after 3 days or so they're not really worth it so you can either put them at the bottom of the pile or move on.

For example I was on the verge of unmatching and blocking MrItaly then he called me and said he'd had Covid and an emergency at work so was slammed for over a week, then promptly asked if I was around this weekend for a date. Meant I could gauge what was really going on with him. So I agreed to pencil in a date once I was better.

MrProperty and MrIrish were the same

I haven't felt the need to do that to any of my female irons because - news flash - women are way more respectful of communication norms and staying in touch sporadically but authentically.

Thanks Belladi I'll give him until Monday them give him a nudge.

I feel like I'm learning loads about my own communication style through this dating malarkey, which is all good 🙂

Communication style differences are so frustrating. All my irons are quiet today. I messaged Mr Lumberjack a nice check in to try and keep the contact going but I half expect a fade out because of distance.
Mr intense has definitely friendzoned me which is not the worst actually as there are a few niggles with him.
I haven’t checked in with Mr Fashion today as the conversations all week have been a bit off as he is away. I’ll wait until we can speak on the phone to see if another date is on the cards.

Had a funny interaction on pof this morning message from a man I’m convinced I had a date zero (and a snog!) with last year but his first name is different. So I said oh I think we met but you’ve had a name change but he’s saying his name hasn’t changed! And acting like we are strangers chatting! I didn’t snog that many people last year and one of his photos is the same so i know it’s him- but he is pretending otherwise! I never forget a face (that I’ve kissed 😂😂)

I messaged Mr Cricket this morning to wish him luck for his match today and nothing, nada, zilch. He was the one that brought it up the other day, I didn't even ask about cricket but got the summary of what was going on🤷‍♀️🙄. I thought as it sounded like an important match a good luck message was warranted. I shan't bother next time🤷‍♀️🙄.

Right huff over 🤣🤣.

Oh and the guy I matched with on Bumble has just matched with me on Tinder and yet he hasn't replied to my message.🙄

@Isitreallyme177

I messaged Mr Cricket this morning to wish him luck for his match today and nothing, nada, zilch. He was the one that brought it up the other day, I didn't even ask about cricket but got the summary of what was going on🤷‍♀️🙄. I thought as it sounded like an important match a good luck message was warranted. I shan't bother next time🤷‍♀️🙄.

Right huff over 🤣🤣.

Oh and the guy I matched with on Bumble has just matched with me on Tinder and yet he hasn't replied to my message.🙄

Maybe it's time to wave goodbye to Mr Cricket? Even as a friend he's not giving you what you want. Good luck with the double match, he is clearly keen! Or not, as not replying! 😅 Minefield...

I try and forget about him and then he bloody messages 🤣.

Yeah as for double match guy, still no reply🙄. Shame as he is rather fit and I wouldn't say no 🙈😬 .

Very good advice here !
I need to pause a bit before fabswingers

I was left a teensy bit bruised after my sexting adventures
Need to get self esteem bullet proof again

But agree its , lockdown hasn’t been kind to many of us , esp the lone parents I imagine
I’ve
Managed to lose 1.5 stone this summer 💪
But would like to lose more , not for the men but for my self confidence

And for the underwear photos
There is a thin line between erotic and readers wives at my age

I like Belladi advice of direct text and 3 days then delete

try and forget about him and then he bloody messages

Mine does that
I’ve decided to take a chill pill 💊 as no matter how much I fret he always texts me eventually

One thing I was thinking is do the men fret about us ?
Do they think ‘we’ll she probably has loads
Of other men she is messaging ‘

Or do they not even think or care ??

@Thisisworsethananticpated

try and forget about him and then he bloody messages

Mine does that
I’ve decided to take a chill pill 💊 as no matter how much I fret he always texts me eventually

One thing I was thinking is do the men fret about us ?
Do they think ‘we’ll she probably has loads
Of other men she is messaging ‘

Or do they not even think or care ??

Exactly what I'm wondering 🤷🏻‍♀️

If I'm really into someone and going to meet them eg BeardFlake then I stop messaging others. I don't always explain this to them though. I just make it clear with my responsiveness and messaging content m that I'm unlikely to have time for anyone else!!

But now I'm getting very flirty with MrItaly and I'm not going to let him think he's the only one, because he really isn't

Am thinking I'm going to bin MrProperty as I don't fancy him. Might let this one fizzle out though as neither of us are very invested

I've figured out that I want relationship lite. I want someone to go out with and sleep with but I don't want them asking too much of me or staying here too often. However I'm unlikely to have more than a ONS with anyone that I don't think is relationship material as I'm not going to waste my free time on anyone that isn't interesting and brings positive energy.

How to describe that on a dating profile without looking like a b1tch or like you're after casual?

I think you’ve explained it quite well !

@Thisisworsethananticpated

try and forget about him and then he bloody messages

Mine does that
I’ve decided to take a chill pill 💊 as no matter how much I fret he always texts me eventually

One thing I was thinking is do the men fret about us ?
Do they think ‘we’ll she probably has loads
Of other men she is messaging ‘

Or do they not even think or care ??

Yep chill pill time. It's Saturday, he sees his daughter then plays cricket. People have stuff to do at the weekend, they're not all like me with no social life currently. I never used to hear from Computer Geek much on a Saturday as he was with his kids.

So Mr Talker signed off by saying ' there was no spark... in fact i think you are strange. Sorry i didn't fancy you.....

God knows how many calls and messages i would have got if he did fancy me then

@Dropdeadfred2

So Mr Talker signed off by saying ' there was no spark... in fact i think you are strange. Sorry i didn't fancy you.....

God knows how many calls and messages i would have got if he did fancy me then

OH MY GOD

bullet dodged. What a weirdo

@Thisisworsethananticpated

I think you’ve explained it quite well !

Yes but it doesn't really reflect who I am as a person. Makes me sound like a robot 🤖

@Thisisworsethananticpated maybe I can just explain if anyone ever asks me what I'm looking for. Which they generally don't

Yeah he is definitely strange.... I'm so glad he doesnt have my address

@Dropdeadfred2 you mean he kept calling and texting just to say that?! He's the strange one! 😳❤️

[quote OnwardsEverStridingOnwards]@Dropdeadfred2 you mean he kept calling and texting just to say that?! He's the strange one! 😳❤️[/quote]
No... all good previous messages were asking me to pick up and chat saying how much he liked me and didnt want it to end. Only when i days i dudnt want any more contract did he send that last one!

BelladiMamma
As you have more irons that a steel
Foundry you are clearly doing something right ?

Why are you thinking about it specifically ?

Mr Talker signed off by saying ' there was no spark... in fact i think you are strange. Sorry i didn't fancy you.....

Well I suppose it’s better than ghosting
But why say he thinks you are strange ?
That’s unnecessary

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Mr Talker signed off by saying ' there was no spark... in fact i think you are strange. Sorry i didn't fancy you.....

Well I suppose it’s better than ghosting
But why say he thinks you are strange ?
That’s unnecessary

He was just being nasty because i days i dudnt want to see him anymore...weird

@Dropdeadfred2 how weird! It sounds like he just made up any old excuse because he didn't like the fact that you didn't answer his messages. You're better off out of that ❤️