Dating thread 210 - thwarted hearts, fresh starts

[Shayelle2009]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Catching up (frantically) but just wanted to say @Slothmomma so very sorry about your cat. And to be ill on top - I hope you are fully resting up and in the circumstances doubling down on self care and recovery.

He lis aware of his demons and wants to change how he behaves

Pray share more !

@Shayelle2009 intoxicating is the right word. But my messages still haven't delivered so who knows what's going on :(

@Shayelle2009 I'm glad I took that decision to not message. You're right it shows I'm not some psycho (just some weird person with anxiety lol) and that when he has stuff going on and disappears hey I'll get on with other shit to keep my mind occupied. Next time I'll paint the hallway lol. I think he is a goodun, just not maybe a boyfriend for me🤷‍♀️.

@saya000

I texted for about an hour with Mr.F, not sure if there is anything romantic there. I seem to think he is in a different place in life and is looking for something casual. I would like to see if he makes an effort to chat to me later on. I did also get a voice note from the first guy which was nice so maybe he does just prefer calls over text?

I wanted to ask how far do you cast the net on the apps? The irons I've spoken to have been quite far away from me.

@saya000 10 miles. I live in a big densely populated city. I work full time and am a single parent so don't want is do long distance. I'm getting enough profiles on Bumble for now.

@Misty9 whatever happens I love it when you feel that connection with someone. Its quite rare and makes you feel alive doesn't it.

No @Isitreallyme177 I think you’d have known by now if he was going to be a boyf… maybe a friend, if you can handle it

A quick Bumble update from me...

My matches have picked up again and I have 4 convos in the very early stages.

Mr catlover - we messaged on Monday. I asked him for a coffee, he said he'd
need to check his diary as he has work/childcare commitments to factor in. I'm not chasing him as he seemed a bit gloomy. E.g. He told me he was boring. And in the words of the great Maya Angelou, when someone tells you who they are...😒

Convo 2 - Messaged saying he's not sure he should be socialising because we're in a global pandemic. I haven't decided how to respond tbh.

Convo 3 - I've messaged. No response yet.

Convo 4 - very cute, similar interests, interesting bio. Definitely my fave out of the 4. He replied to my message saying he was really happy to match with me, but has not replied to my response 🙁 On the positive side, he hasn't unmatched me yet.

Sigh.

Date update from me- Mr Lumberjack was lovely. More handsome and engaging in real life. I was pleasantly surprised. We had a kiss but no suggestions of accompanying him to his hotel which was good 😊. He wants to meet again and suggested doing something like a gig or seeing a play which makes a pleasant surprise from the vagueness from other irons. Biggest problem is distance so we shall see what materialises.
Had a few messages from Mr Fashion while I was out including one saying I was quiet and was I ok. I haven’t told him I was on a date and don’t know
If I should. Confused

Mr Lumberjack sounds great! And respectful!

Well I think Mr runner has blocked me :( I'm really confused and sad, but it's probably for the best. So cruel to just leave someone hanging, especially after the amazing connection we had.

@Misty9 and to anyone who is blocked even temporarily, just avoid!! They are showing you they are all over the place mentally or plain childish. Don't feel sorry for them. Just move on. I've never blocked anyone myself, its a very cruel thing to do.

Cruel as in after seemingly having a connection btw

@Bbub I spent too long thinking about my reply to you that I've missed the boat, I hope everything went well with Mr Italy, what did you decide to do in the end?
On my second meet with Mr D I invited him over to mine. Before he set off, I made it clear he was welcome for the evening but I wasn't ready for a sleepover. It absolutely wasn't a test, I just wanted to be clear about my boundaries, but his response and subsequent behaviour that evening showed me that he listened, respected my wishes and I felt good about that.
So sorry @Misty9 it doesn't sound as though he's in the right space. Such a shame though.

You're right. Turns out I'm not blocked, but he's in a really bad place right now. I know I should run but am struggling after the connection we had :(

@Misty9

You're right. Turns out I'm not blocked, but he's in a really bad place right now. I know I should run but am struggling after the connection we had :(

@Misty9 I'm so sorry 😞 It's really hard when you feel that rare connection. Tread carefully with this one, and look after your own heart. He doesn't sound like he's in the right place emotionally to form a relationship.

@Languidleopard thank you :( I will try. It's so hard not to feel that someone who has experienced similarly dark stuff to oneself can really understand... But that's dangerous thinking huh. And two people like that are highly combustible I would imagine. I can't change him, I just need to decide whether to stay in contact with him.

[quote Misty9]@Languidleopard thank you :( I will try. It's so hard not to feel that someone who has experienced similarly dark stuff to oneself can really understand... But that's dangerous thinking huh. And two people like that are highly combustible I would imagine. I can't change him, I just need to decide whether to stay in contact with him.[/quote]
I've had this conundrum with BeardFlake and it all depends on whether they are working on themselves? And prepared to connect with you on an equal level. Are you both going into it wanting it to work or are you an emotional crutch / going to get shut out?

@Eesha

Cruel as in after seemingly having a connection btw

I've blocked a fake few times now, especially where I think they're more invested in the connection than me and I am concerned that they're going to message me either in an aggressive or other fatiguing way after I've called things off. I've always said that I've blocked and the reasons why. Unfortunately experience has proved me right

*fair few times

@Misty9 I think you've said before you're emotionally unavailable, it sounds like he is too.
Don't be a Florence (Nightingale) - it is hard when you've experienced the same but you cannot save or fix him.

Please tread carefully

Yeah, I must confess to blocking Mr Breadcrumbs.

I needed a complete mental break and to extinguish all hope because I had fallen for him very hard and needed to come to terms with the fact the feeling wasn't mutual. I explained why I was doing it and made it clear I wasn't punishing him or game playing.

Looking back I'm not sure I would do it again tbh. I should have been able to keep my emotions in check myself but for whatever reason, I just needed that wall up between us.

He sounds like a right headfuck @Misty9 and probably pretty manipulative. If he’s got demons etc then hes possibly troubled and it’s going to suck you right in. He’ll get you exactly where he wants you. Please be careful? 💛

Aww @MayEye mr lumberjack sounds amazing. I wish I could meet someone like that! Hope it goes well for you. You dont’t owe any of these guys anything do if you do or don't want to say you went on a date then do what feels best for you! 🌼

[quote Misty9]@Languidleopard thank you :( I will try. It's so hard not to feel that someone who has experienced similarly dark stuff to oneself can really understand... But that's dangerous thinking huh. And two people like that are highly combustible I would imagine. I can't change him, I just need to decide whether to stay in contact with him.[/quote]
@Misty9 I think he has to really want to change himself and not be doing it because he wants to keep/please you. This type of change takes a long time and is an ongoing process. And if he did change, would that electric chemistry still be there?

@misty9 was the connection like a spark/chemistry driven or more you clicked 'character-wise.' Mr Elf has 'baggage' and a past that couldn't be more different to mine. He was very open on our first meet (date0) about this. I did mull over it a bit but ultimately decided he did seem to in a good place(head-space) emotionally and not still living in the past. People really can change and I think i'm like you in that i'm drawn to men who seemingly 'need help.' Trust your instincts with this one whatever they may be telling you.
I haven't ever blocked anyone either I hate all the game-play. And nowadays with the 'blue ticks,' 'last seen online' or 'online' functions all sounds very much like distant 'stalking'.

@MayEye sounds really like a nice date! How far is the distance? Can be a nightmare but in the early stages could maybe give you both a chance to 'miss' each other as you can't see each other as often as you would like.
@Slothmomma hope you're feeling a little better today!