Dating thread 210 - thwarted hearts, fresh starts

[Shayelle2009]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@VanGoghsDog

My ex never mentioned anything about being dom to me. One day, during sex, he decided to tie me up, blind fold me etc. No discussion. I sort of went along with it, thinking it was harmless fun. But it wasn't fun for me, I didn't like it at all. I told him afterwards that I didn't like it and he said that was the point (it's not). After we split up, I found his sex profile online, which he'd had and had been consistently active on, for five years before we met, so twelve years. On there it said he was a dom. This did help validate my decision to leave him, I always knew something was off, sex was never quite right and he often forced his requirements on me. So I'd really rather people were clearer about their preferences.

Wow. That's crap. I'm sorry you had to go through that

@Naimee87 it has been an emotional week but I was having doubts about what I'd done before my poor cat was killed and I caught the plague.

We are still in contact (he's offered to get me any shopping i need as lives local) but if we were to get back together again a proper conversation would need to be had about timeliness on when he would want to live together etc in the future as whilst I can't totally rule out I also can't see me living with anyone whilst my kids are still young. But given isolation now that won't be happening anytime soon so the ship may have sailed from his point of view given I ended things

[quote Slothmomma]@Naimee87 it has been an emotional week but I was having doubts about what I'd done before my poor cat was killed and I caught the plague.

We are still in contact (he's offered to get me any shopping i need as lives local) but if we were to get back together again a proper conversation would need to be had about timeliness on when he would want to live together etc in the future as whilst I can't totally rule out I also can't see me living with anyone whilst my kids are still young. But given isolation now that won't be happening anytime soon so the ship may have sailed from his point of view given I ended things[/quote]
If you feel that you haven't had that conversation properly there's nothing wrong with doing so? And if you don't think he's a boundary Pac-Man you could also accept his offer of help? I've really struggled these last few weeks without help and it could support your recovery ❤️‍🩹

@Slothmomma if he is still in touch and offering help etc would it be worth saying now that when you feel better you would like to have a conversation about you both so he knows you are thinking that way. Sorry about your cat too and I hope you feel better soon

I have a date zero this evening with Mr Lumberjack. We are going for dinner which I’m a little anxious about as we haven’t spoken much so I don’t know how much common ground we have. He seems lovely but I don’t know about a romantic connection. He is staying in a hotel in the town we are meeting in and it’s in the back of my mind that he might be expecting me to keep him company! He has never given any indication to suggest this but I’m so cynical now about these men.
Mr Fashion has gone quiet after being very keen up to yesterday. He’s away with family though so it’s to be expected.

@MayEye I'm always very cynical too, but fingers crossed for you that Mr Lumberjack is a gent and that you have a lovely time 😊

Good luck for tonight MayEye hope it goes well 😊

Good luck @MayEye

@Isitreallyme177

So the guy I've been talking to just made a comment about bed and meeting up. 🙄

Oh and Bumble was a waste of time they just put the good looking ones at the top to lure me into a false sense of security.

@Bbub I'm the same, also the profiles of couples wanting a third person. Surely there are sites for that too?

@Isitreallyme177 yes, I was starting to think Bumble put the decent profiles on top to draw you in!

The quality has been dire over the last 2 weeks. Ambiguous blurred pictures, no bios, and yes, really unappealing mug shots taken from wierd angles. The lack of thought or effort is very off putting.

[quote Slothmomma]@Naimee87 it has been an emotional week but I was having doubts about what I'd done before my poor cat was killed and I caught the plague.

We are still in contact (he's offered to get me any shopping i need as lives local) but if we were to get back together again a proper conversation would need to be had about timeliness on when he would want to live together etc in the future as whilst I can't totally rule out I also can't see me living with anyone whilst my kids are still young. But given isolation now that won't be happening anytime soon so the ship may have sailed from his point of view given I ended things[/quote]
@Slothmomma sorry you're having such a difficult time of it and so sad for you about your poor cat 😔❤

So sorry to hear about your week @Slothmomma any one of those things would be enough, please do accept help not even if you need it but if it will make things any easier
Definitely agree that it's worth mentioning your thinking to Mr Hair and see if he wants to have that conversation first and foremost. At least with isolating you'll have chance to gather your thoughts, I hope you're not feeling too poorly with it. And (hugs) I hope your cat didn't suffer
IMO people can put what they're looking for on their bio. If it's not offensive (esp pics) then it's fair game. I much preferred the guys that were clear about wanting casual, when I was looking for the same.
Sorry @VanGoghsDog your ex was out of order. Consent and communication is key (not to mention enjoyment )

Just wanted to apologise to anyone if I sounded like I was being judgy or pearl clutchy in my earlier posts. Wasn’t intending to sound like that I just get so jaded by having zero luck in finding what I want out there and defo was not meaning to sound like I was being judgy to anyone on here when i was bitching about the apps earlier 💗

I also have a tree surgeon visit occasionally and omg he is a loooovely guy outside and in. I’d love to ask him out, but would never ever have the courage. His mum who helps is also lovely. 🙂

@Isitreallyme177 nice you heard from mr cricket.

@Slothmomma sending a hug.. at least you’re still in contact with him and it’s not ‘done’.. so you could have a conversation with him at some point maybe. Its so hard to know if you've done the right thing or not sometimes isn’t it?

Best of luck tonight @MayEye 🍀

Thank you for your lovely comments - you are a wonderful bunch 😊

I'm not feeling too bad sickness wise - just like flu. Am double jabbed which has no doubt helped.

Remaining cat getting spoilt rotten now his sister has gone. Hes lost a brother and sister now to cars 🙁

As for MrHair I've asked if we can have a conversation about us and he's said he's happy to. Will keep you posted

@Slothmomma 💗💗

All the swipes sites put the most popular and local profiles up first. If you expand your range, you’ll see all the most popular profiles beyond your range too.

If you’re new to the site, they put you up near the front of swipe queues. You get tons of likes in the first week or so until they’ve ‘discovered’ your relative popularity and slotted you in somewhere.

@Shayelle2009

Just wanted to apologise to anyone if I sounded like I was being judgy or pearl clutchy in my earlier posts. Wasn’t intending to sound like that I just get so jaded by having zero luck in finding what I want out there and defo was not meaning to sound like I was being judgy to anyone on here when i was bitching about the apps earlier 💗

I also have a tree surgeon visit occasionally and omg he is a loooovely guy outside and in. I’d love to ask him out, but would never ever have the courage. His mum who helps is also lovely. 🙂

@Isitreallyme177 nice you heard from mr cricket.

@Slothmomma sending a hug.. at least you’re still in contact with him and it’s not ‘done’.. so you could have a conversation with him at some point maybe. Its so hard to know if you've done the right thing or not sometimes isn’t it?

Best of luck tonight @MayEye 🍀

No offence taken!

It's such a minefield and we have so little information to go on when we first match with people 🤷🏻‍♀️

I wanted to ask how far do you cast the net on the apps?

That’s a fair question , I’m moving to local
IF I go back on
I’m a single mum and work FT
The thought of travelling to a date is off putting

Good luck may eye

Wow, just caught up on about 10 pages since I last posted

@Naimee87 I'm glad you talked to Mr Elf and are happy to just see what happens. Seeing his daughter sounds a good reason at least. @Slothmomma oh no, what a tough time you're having but that sounds healthy if you're going to chat to Mr hair. @BelladiMamma hope you're feeling okay.

So, my update. How do I get myself into these situations I ask?! Date went really well with Mr runner. I'm hesitant to share too much detail on here as I don't hide personal details on other posts... But he awakened a side of me I knew was there but not quite how much. We seem to have an amazingly intense connection already, and I'm an intense person. But. He is troubled (of course) and his coping strategies are not healthy. He has been completely honest with me and opened up, saying he doesn't want anything to come out later on and I can make an informed choice that way. He is aware of his demons and wants to change how he behaves. I should run a mile, I know... But it was an amazing connection and I want more. He's not actually been in touch since this morning, which is unusual. He said he felt ashamed at what he'd told me this morning, so he might run away. Over which I have no control.

I sent a thanks but no thanks in the meantime to the other chat (can't remember the name I gave him)

@Shayelle2009 what @BelladiMamma said 😊 a good bitch can help sometimes!
Best of luck with Mr lumberjack @MayEye (hoping for a loo update..)
@Slothmomma sounds like Mr hair is still being his lovely self. Hope you get some clarity!

@lucaskand29

im lucas and im 40 years old and i am a relationship coach and I teach people how to win a dating with a girl or guy you love or how to keep your relationship, or if you want to go and talk to the girl or guy you love for the first time but you don't know how or where to start just contact me i will give advices that will help you to win your dating or your first meet this my email it [email protected]

Just to let you know I've reported your post

Thanks @Shayelle2009 it was a nice little message exchange. He seems to be a little bit more chatty today, I've chilled out too. He's just changed his WhatsApp picture, he's been to the cricket with his Dad(they have the same eyes) by the looks of it. He's looking rather suave in it 🙈🤣 (what an old fashioned word lol).

@BelladiMamma and @Heartbeats0708 💗💗

Wow @Misty9 that sounds intoxicating… hopefully in a good way. Hope he's good news, not bad x

It’s really good @Isitreallyme177 you didn't go crazy chasing him or anything. At least he knows you're not someone who turns psycho if he drifts!!