Dating thread 210 - thwarted hearts, fresh starts

[Shayelle2009]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Yeah I will actually But not today

That meme is so funny
I’ve nearly sexted a work colleague (thanks to god I didn’t !) and started two highly inappropriate conversations which I had to stop

I’m even horny and I’m on my period

This needs to stop !!!!

Doesn't stop you from telling your breadcrumb guy that you're struggling with feeling horny and he's just making it worse! So he either shows up or shuts up!!

That's what I did to BeardFlake poor guy. He responded in kind but it's never going to happen. They're just teasing us 😞because it's easier to have a girlfriend in your phone than in real life xx

Love that meme @BelladiMamma 🤣🤣

@HairyArsedMan

There’s a few women’s profiles that would probably match up with the sleazy blokes I think. There’s a clash between dating culture and hookup culture. The profiles I report tend to be the obvious spammers ‘I’m just out of a 20 something year relationship and looking for fun so I’ve joined this site and ShadyShagBuddies4U too!’

I don't think there is anything wrong with people wanting to hook up (Tinder was originally just a hook up app I think) nor mentioning their kinks in their profile. Reporting people for mentioning BDSM is kink shaming and really not necessary, just swipe left. If you are into BDSM or power okay or whatever then there's really no point meeting vanilla people and you have just as much right to mention your sane, safe and consensual desires as others do to mention their frog collection. Same for asking for a third, it's an app, people can use it how they want and it's not illegal to have a threesome.

Obviously no-one should put any nude photos.

Having said that, I've never seen any of that on any profiles (other than on Fab and a few mentions of the film Secretary on OKCupid).

It's good if people are clear what they are looking for. If that's not you, move on.

@VanGoghsDog on that advice I should probably be more transparent but I don't like the sort of response I might invite. And I also think it's all about the chemistry between a particular couple. Having said that MrBear was never going to be the right one partly because of sexual incompatibility. The sex wasn't bad but I could just see it wasn't going to progress into what I like ... but would he really have admitted that anyway from the start? I'm Not sure he would have

Doesn't stop you from telling your breadcrumb guy that you're struggling with feeling horny and he's just making it worse! So he either shows up or shuts up!!

That’s a good way of putting it actually !
He’s abroad which was part of the problem given covid and travel
I’ll get onto google translate
I already know horny in his language

Tinder (London) is (a) highly congested so almost too much choice and no replies
Loads of Dom looking for a sub 😖
My favourite was someone who wanted a companion for sex parties 🎉

@Isitreallyme177@BelladiMamma so we videod and he said it's to do with his daughter who will be around next week and he hasn't seen her for sometime. He lives/works(job hunting) in the same country as me and she lives in his home-country. He doesn't often talk about her and i don't feel its my place to ask. His ex calls all the shots and they don't seem to get on very well. I'm happy he's making an effort to see her as my son's dad never really has. I must admit i melt a bit when i see his face. I've decided to simply take a back seat and leave his travel plans to him. He's reasurred me is coming back next week. Oh the drama involved. I'll be needing to get the truck manuals out as well as a distraction!

@Shayelle2009 i'm the same with photo's... was what made me write with MrElf and swap numbers so quick because not once did he ask me for photo's. It's just annoying and it'd make me like you unmatch very swiftly.

I'm still laughing about sexy tree surgeons i can't believe i have never heard this before.

Mr Cricket messaged earlier. Exchanged a few chatty messages, talking about my spare room and he asks if I'm going to rent it out again. I almost wrote back "why did you want to rent it?" 🤦‍♀️🤣. Not sure what he would have said so I behaved and told him the truth that I had a shitty experience and wasn't sure.

@Thisisworsethananticpated yes I echo what Bella says, tell him how you're feeling. I did with Computer Geek and after many cancelled dates he did come through.

[quote BelladiMamma]@VanGoghsDog on that advice I should probably be more transparent but I don't like the sort of response I might invite. And I also think it's all about the chemistry between a particular couple. Having said that MrBear was never going to be the right one partly because of sexual incompatibility. The sex wasn't bad but I could just see it wasn't going to progress into what I like ... but would he really have admitted that anyway from the start? I'm Not sure he would have [/quote]
No, I'm not in any way advising that people should put it on. I'm saying they have a right to if they want to.

I think it's probably easier for men to put this sort of stuff, women are only going to get abuse if they do.

But if people have specific kinks they really need to be on FetLife or somewhere to meet someone.

sexy tree surgeons

We had one , my ex was very annoyed as I
Made him a special coffee and plate of biscuits
He was FIT

Indeed @VanGoghsDog - that was the point of my post - that there are are a spectrum of people on there and some make it overt about what they want in order to attract their particular crowd. The dick bulges are mirrored by the (just) cleavage, stocking top and butt shots from the other side. The arena is open to all, although the majority are looking to date, there's a minority that want something different to that.

I report the flagrant advertising that are just wasting people's time and likely the result of slick operators targeting lonely dim bulbs. Not sure why I feel it's on me to do that 🤷‍♂️

@Slothmomma sorry to hear about your week, sounds hefty. What's got you thinking about MrHair? It's been an emotional week could be that your feeling low perhaps. Is there no going back to him, i know you were unsure for a while about ending things, how did you leave it with him.

I will do
On some level I know if I call
Him on it he will run away and I’ll be sad 😞
Lovely fellow but not in touch with his
Emotions

God men are annoying arnt they

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Tinder (London) is (a) highly congested so almost too much choice and no replies Loads of Dom looking for a sub 😖 My favourite was someone who wanted a companion for sex parties 🎉

But what's wrong with that?

Just because it's not what you want that's not a reason other people shouldn't ask for it. Though I tend to think a lot of allegedly dom men are just nasty lazy bullies. So I'd never reply to one (not that I want one, I'm def not sub). But each to their own.

But it's another thing I've never seen mentioned out here in the Styx.

I think as long as everyone is upfront about what they are looking for on the apps then you can make the informed decision if you want to swipe right on them or if it comes up in conversation if you want to continue talking to them.
It's when people aren't upfront or aren't truthful about what they are actually looking for that leads to people getting hurt

Nothing is wrong , no judgement from me
But meeting a random Dom sounds scary as fuck ! Hence the 😖

I actually prefer it if the guys just say so directly on the profile - saves time?

It’s the guys who start chatting then try to weave hookup up stuff into the chat (or blatantly change the first meet to close to theirs etc...) or who lie and say they want a dating situation then start asking for photos who are timewasters and really annoying.

@VanGoghsDog

Snap - I got the vibe on Fab that a few guys stated that they were “Dom”

and then thought gullible women would interpret it as “do everything the guy says from the first point of contact” 🤷‍♀️

When actually I imagine the scene probably needs both parties to be very clear on consent/boundaries etc

My ex never mentioned anything about being dom to me.

One day, during sex, he decided to tie me up, blind fold me etc. No discussion. I sort of went along with it, thinking it was harmless fun. But it wasn't fun for me, I didn't like it at all. I told him afterwards that I didn't like it and he said that was the point (it's not).
After we split up, I found his sex profile online, which he'd had and had been consistently active on, for five years before we met, so twelve years. On there it said he was a dom.

This did help validate my decision to leave him, I always knew something was off, sex was never quite right and he often forced his requirements on me.
So I'd really rather people were clearer about their preferences.

I don't report people for stating they're into bdsm on their profile but some are sleazy with it and put sexual stuff alongside it. I don't care if that's kink shaming tbh, I'm just telling the app owners what I don't want to see when it makes me uncomfortable. If it's too saturated with nasty guys women won't want to go on it. I mean it's already saturated with them but you know what I mean

@Thisisworsethananticpated oh god i had that with MrS, he'd disappear for a few weeks after a really really fun night(amazing chemistry/sex was sooo good, kept me hooked). Then a random 'good morning' txt, then nothing. It drove me mad. Went on for ages because i let it. Was my best friend that then told me about breadcrumming as i'd never heard of it. Taken me forever to get over him, still wish i'd got more closure from it but was just a case of 'he just wasn't that into me' ...

It’s so true
We make up all these excuses , reasons
We think we’ve maybe upset them
But no !!
As my friend says If they want to be in contact they will
And I think it’s easy to take personally
I’m not desirable enough , nice enough etc

He’s horny and lonely , no more , no less

VanGoghsDog
Oh dear
That sounds rather traumatising

It is weird with sexual desire/horniness - I sometimes wonder if at my stage of life I want "reassurance I'm attractive" rather than actually being horny in myself?

I'm sort of thinking about sex a lot but don't really want to have it now outside of a more formal situation as the old pheremones (sic?) kick in?

I also feel quite tense in myself and want a really relaxed weekend away somewhere with a long build-up and massages and candles and the whole works - I'm strained in other ways, and "quick sex" with someone just feels like another shit job to add to the "to-do" list!

I texted for about an hour with Mr.F, not sure if there is anything romantic there. I seem to think he is in a different place in life and is looking for something casual. I would like to see if he makes an effort to chat to me later on.
I did also get a voice note from the first guy which was nice so maybe he does just prefer calls over text?

I wanted to ask how far do you cast the net on the apps? The irons I've spoken to have been quite far away from me.