Dating thread 210 - thwarted hearts, fresh starts

[Shayelle2009]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@kerkyra

Naimee87 I'm definitely not 'out there' regarding sex,I'm really vanilla and just like good old missionary and some foreplay. Don't worry or compare.

I dodged a bullet yesterday on a date zero with a guy I matched with on Monday eve. At the time I felt marvellous,he was really attractive,wanted to chat on the phone straight away which was positive in my mind and we had a date yesterday.Met half way at a local beauty spot,had a blanket,coffee,biscuits.I had mentioned I was free all afternoon and eve after working in the morning so met at lunchtime.
Date was good but a few minor red flags were waving but as he was the first bloke i fancied in so long i didnt take much notice.
At the end I said shall we have a think and contact each other later? Maybe catch up another day this week as I thought I would like to try another date.l said I needed to get back to son(13) as he was at home,probably with friends but it didnt sit right leaving him for so long..Guy complained his daughter was same age and ok all day on own.
I depart and then he started texting,can I see you later,youre free aren't you? I say that I'm going to stay in with son but am free tomorrow and then get a load of unpleasant messages like why are you dating if you don't have time,what is 8t you want and the final one said enjoy your date tonight. Like he thought I was going out with someone else?!
I didn't reply to the last four messages as I didnt think he would listen or understand.
It's really put me off. And now I think about the date,which took 2.5hrs I should have paid more notice to all the red flags. I felt awful last night but feel better today bit will take a couple of weeks off the apps.

@Kerkyra yep, bullet well and truly dodged with this one.

The decisions you make about how long you leave your child are really your call and his criticism of this alone would be enough for me to press the eject button.

The unpleasant passive aggressive text messages- wtaf?

He sounds controlling and lacking in the basic skills required to interact with people on a basic level.

@Languidleopard thank you 😘

I don't think I walk on eggshells. It's hard to explain. I don't meet men I want to please often. They either get bored of me, or decide I'm not good enough.

I don't know he's going to give me happiness, he did before, yes. But it's still a very early stage and of course, it could all come to nothing. ❤️

[quote OnwardsEverStridingOnwards]@BelladiMamma funnily enough, my mum says I need a therapist. (Not that I have the money for one) 😂😂 I did have CBT years ago but it didn't work.

I feel sorry for my ex iron if we ever date/ get into a relationship. He doesn't know about this but he'll have to deal with it, won't he? ❤️
[/quote]
Hi, sorry I've been a bit of a lurker on the thread, I wasn't really planning on posting until I start dating again, but this post struck a cord. Appreciate that the conversation has moved on a bit but only just had chance to catch up with today's posts.

Get some therapy, it's great, I wish I'd done it way earlier (as in when I was still with my ex). I may vary depending on location but I think it's free on the NHS for a set number of sessions but it isn't always the NHS that will provide it. Depending on the area you live in, there may be several (or none) other organisations / charities that will do it, you might also be able to contact them directly without a GP referral. There are two main ones in my area, neither of which are NHS based, but work off NHS referrals, but they are region specific. The number of sessions they provide may vary (they may have a set limit or might increase it if they feel it would be of benefit). It was less than a month for me from calling my GP to the first session, and I've had one every few weeks now for a few months.

I've found it has really helped clear my head and put things into perspective, giving a few realisations that were so obvious looking back but just couldn't see or put a finger on at the time, which is so often the case. Pretty much every time I come out of a session I feel a little bit lighter and more positive.

@bopbopbopbop thank you so much for that! Some great information and insight there ❤️

I agree with what Belladi says about English guys
I’ve very rarely dated them , and even the guys I’ve Connected with most haven't been English

My tinder is like a graveyard
Multiple mutual likes not emailing each other
Is it the summer holidays ?

@crochetmonkey74

Please can I join? I'm 3 weeks in and on Bumble and Hinge. Had one date, nice guy , video date had been promising but he was a little downtrodden/scruffy and boastful about being lazy at work. We left it nicely though. Things I'm noticing so far Some men make literally NO effort, answer questions with one word answers etc I've got a nice iron at the moment but he doesnt seem to message much in the evening- red flag for having a partner there with him? Hinge is slow, but Bumble seems chaotic!

I had exactly the same experience. Hinge was very slow but tbf I got three proper irons eg dates and short relationships from there. Bumble I've had loads of likes but no dates

Yes, I agree with the views about Bumble. I found it full of matches but didn't have much luck on dates. (Unless you count Mr. Bookworm, which I don't) you get a lot of sex pests on there as well. I reported a guy who basically wanted women to do phone stuff. (No prizes guessing what he had in mind) 😂🙂❤️

Thank you @Languidleopard.
I will let you know how it went :)

@AWonderfulNewName

Thank you *@Languidleopard*. I will let you know how it went :)

Crossing fingers here too xx

@AWonderfulNewName and me 🤞🏻❤️

@kerkyra So this man rarely sees his daughter and one day when he does he arranges a last minute date and leaves her🤷‍♀️
Not father of the year then....especially criticising your parenting.

Plus snide comments about another date show insecurity and jealousy - that can only get worse.

Bullet definitely dodged.

@WeWantTheFinestWines Thanks, that was what I thought.
Hinge seems to show me the same profiles time after time, even when I have said no!
I guess that they are showing me the same profiles even when she has said no.
Pretty hopeless tactic for getting a match then!

I hardly ever got any likes on Hinge so I just don't think I'm the right demographic there! Everyone seems like they are out doing loads of stuff like skydiving etc

[quote Campariontherocks]@WeWantTheFinestWines Thanks, that was what I thought.
Hinge seems to show me the same profiles time after time, even when I have said no!
I guess that they are showing me the same profiles even when she has said no.
Pretty hopeless tactic for getting a match then![/quote]
Hinge keeps showing you everyone in your dating pool as dictated by your preferences and loops back once you’ve been through everyone. Surprisingly for the large conurbation I’m in (or perhaps my preferences) there were not that many users so it was really obvious when it started showing me everyone again.

Tinder and Bumble will re-show profiles on a much longer time scale - maybe every three months ? I don’t really know as I can be away from them for months too.

@Iamclearlyamug what a scary experience, really does go to show that it takes an enormous amount of time to actually 'know' someone. Very happy to hear you did make it home and nothing did happen. An ex showed his true colours only after a fair few months of dating and it was awful.
@Dirtyduck happy to hear about MrMud and that things are going swimmingly!
@Isitreallyme177 i'm sure you've already acted by now but PLEASE SWIP LEFT... he absolutely isn't deserving of any of your time. And he could see a right swipe as game-play.
@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards with all the back/forth an advice have you made a decision yet on what you'd like to do?
@SpringlikeBunk that meme is terrifying with 'momo' in it. We actually had a letter sent round by the school informing us that kids were scaring one another with this meme. If any kid was caught with a photo of 'her' on their phone they'd face 'consequences.' I know what you mean though with feeling all positive/hopeful in the beginning only to be crushed/annoyed/disappointed when in the thick of navigating messages, flakes and vile rude idiots.

MrElf is now planning to be away a week longer than he first said. I'm pretty sure this is not a good sign... he's going to video later on and explain why he's extending the trip. He was meant to be back saturday.

[quote Naimee87]@Iamclearlyamug what a scary experience, really does go to show that it takes an enormous amount of time to actually 'know' someone. Very happy to hear you did make it home and nothing did happen. An ex showed his true colours only after a fair few months of dating and it was awful.
@Dirtyduck happy to hear about MrMud and that things are going swimmingly!
@Isitreallyme177 i'm sure you've already acted by now but PLEASE SWIP LEFT... he absolutely isn't deserving of any of your time. And he could see a right swipe as game-play.
@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards with all the back/forth an advice have you made a decision yet on what you'd like to do?
@SpringlikeBunk that meme is terrifying with 'momo' in it. We actually had a letter sent round by the school informing us that kids were scaring one another with this meme. If any kid was caught with a photo of 'her' on their phone they'd face 'consequences.' I know what you mean though with feeling all positive/hopeful in the beginning only to be crushed/annoyed/disappointed when in the thick of navigating messages, flakes and vile rude idiots.

MrElf is now planning to be away a week longer than he first said. I'm pretty sure this is not a good sign... he's going to video later on and explain why he's extending the trip. He was meant to be back saturday.[/quote]
@Naimee87 yes, I'm going to see where it leads. I may be silly, but maybe he's come back in my life for a reason ❤️

I'm getting really frustrated at not being able to find a decent guy. Where are they all? They're not at my gym, if they are not when I go anyway. Computer Geek was my type, everything about him was my type and I can't find anyone that comes close. They're either too muscle man or too slob like. I know Computer Geek was a little obsessed, you don't get a six pack like his last summer if you aren't but he at least didn't look all muscle just nice and lean. I want someone who looks after himself but isn't all big muscle protein shakes (steroids no doubt too). Why is that so hard? Where are all these in-between guys hiding?

@Naimee87 thanks he hasn't come up again so I haven't swiped on him. Maybe something has come up that means Mr Elf has to stay a bit longer. I wouldn't worry too much until you've spoken with him.

[quote Naimee87]@Iamclearlyamug what a scary experience, really does go to show that it takes an enormous amount of time to actually 'know' someone. Very happy to hear you did make it home and nothing did happen. An ex showed his true colours only after a fair few months of dating and it was awful.
@Dirtyduck happy to hear about MrMud and that things are going swimmingly!
@Isitreallyme177 i'm sure you've already acted by now but PLEASE SWIP LEFT... he absolutely isn't deserving of any of your time. And he could see a right swipe as game-play.
@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards with all the back/forth an advice have you made a decision yet on what you'd like to do?
@SpringlikeBunk that meme is terrifying with 'momo' in it. We actually had a letter sent round by the school informing us that kids were scaring one another with this meme. If any kid was caught with a photo of 'her' on their phone they'd face 'consequences.' I know what you mean though with feeling all positive/hopeful in the beginning only to be crushed/annoyed/disappointed when in the thick of navigating messages, flakes and vile rude idiots.

MrElf is now planning to be away a week longer than he first said. I'm pretty sure this is not a good sign... he's going to video later on and explain why he's extending the trip. He was meant to be back saturday.[/quote]
Don't stress too much about MrElf, it may have nothing to do with you let relationship and be a family thing xx

Oh my god after nearly a whole week of swiping I finally have a match and he messaged me straight away and seems fun!! I thought tinder had shadowbanned me 🤣🤣

Even if it’s nothing at least I got a match! Yippeeeeee (easily pleased 🤪)

@Shayelle2009

Oh my god after nearly a whole week of swiping I finally have a match and he messaged me straight away and seems fun!! I thought tinder had shadowbanned me 🤣🤣

Yay 😀

So I have only replied to irons who've messaged me since my new plan 😀

That's:
MrDJ
MrLongShot

I've still gone ahead and posted on Instagram 🤦🏻‍♀️ I just love my arty sunset shots too much!!

Be strong Bella!! Read a book or something

@Shayelle2009 I feel the same lol. It's dire on there at the moment.

Ooooh mine didn’t last long. He asked me if I like taking pictures. Unmatched!!

Haha yep @BelladiMamma let’s all read a book. That will definitely make us feel better! 😬 haha x