Lazy waster boyfriend

[dizzylizzy08]

I have a DD. She's just mine. I have a boyfriend. I've been with him for 5ish years. We don't live together. He's great with DD when we go out or away for weekends etc. I've always made it clear that he's not her father. He's my boyfriend / a family friend.

We're at his family's this weekend. We all got up at 8 and had breakfast together. My DD has been out to water the garden. They live near the beach, so we're going to go off exploring etc. But boyfriend refuses to get out of bed.

The last time we were here, he did the same thing. We all got up at 8 and he went to sleep in the car until midday. Got up for lunch and then went for another nap in the garden. When he eventually gets up, he's nice and pleasant and expects me to be the same but by that point I'm just furious inside. I told him last time that when we're together I expect him to be present and to give it 100%. He agreed. But now he's doing it again.

He doesn't have a job. He started studying last September but then gave up. He's going to do it again this September... but has already warned me he's only giving it until the end of September and if he doesn't think it's going well, he'll give up again and go on the sick again.

I just feel like I deserve better than this. Maybe I'm overreacting. His family doesn't seem to be angry that he stays in bed. They're very easygoing, very nice people.

I want to chuck an absolute shit fit to be honest. I want to pck up the car and just leave him here. But they're celebrating his birthday today (when he gets up).

I did leave him once and he ended up in a psychiatric hospital for three months.

I feel trapped.

I'm so fed up. I'm such a hard worker. I have my own business and run a charity. I have my own house. I work as hard as I can. And somehow, I've ended up with someone who won't lift a finger.

I don't know how to get out of it either. I'm worried he'd lose the plot again if I said it was over. Last time I did it, he didn't wash or shave or cut his nails for months and then turned up at my house like a tramp and I had to call his father. He was sectioned. He was diagnosed with bipolar type 2.

I’m sorry it’s been so tough but you’ve done the right thing for your DD and hopefully it will get easier as the days go by. Lovely that your mum is there too. Take care 💐

You have done the right thing, especially for your daughter's sake.

Whatever he does it’s not your fault. All you can do is tell him to talk to his family, or if needed call an ambulance / police. You are not his support worker.

@dizzylizzy08

I'm home with DD now. My mum has come to stay for a few days. I've finished with BF. He didn't take it well, but that's that. I feel drained.

Yes well done for taking action which is positive for you and your daughter, @dizzylizzy08

From now on you focus needs to be on your own life with your daughter and, please. cut this man from your life.

You cannot save him.

No more contact with him and be wary around his family.

He now needs to help himself, with the help of his family (who seem to have leaned on you in this sad relationship which is now, thankfully, over, and also help from the medical profession. You have already done all you can (and more than some).

Time to raise some strong boundaries around your life against this reliance on you. You will need to be strong to do this so please also consider getting some professional counselling for yourself, to deal with both this situation and the circumstances in your childhood.

Good luck - you deserve it!! 🌹