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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I'm the babysitter, the dads been massively inappropriate

277 replies

babysittingNC · 13/08/2021 20:14

Have NC for this just incase it gets picked up.
This is long so I'll summarise incase you're in a rush. The short story is:
I babysit for an affluent family, the dad tried to get me to meet him at a hotel. Wtf do I do?

The long story:
I started to babysit for a new family about 3/4 months ago, since things started to open back up. The mum is lovely and so are the kids, it's a really easy sit and I charge them extra because they're far from me and I'm qualified and experienced and they can afford it. Basically it's a nice little job for me around uni. I tend to communicate with the mum, she'll text me to arrange dates and times etc.

The last time I was here the dad gave me his number and asked that I call him so he has my number just incase I can't get hold of the mum for any reason. Makes total sense, I've done the same with other families too, better to be safe etc.

Then this last time I was there, I arrived on time but the mum was still getting ready and the children were already in bed so I was sat just waiting for them to leave really . The dad came and sat down and was chatting with me, initially it felt normal we were just small talking about the place they were going etc. Then he started to ask more personal questions about me, about my work, study, boyfriend, home etc. It wasn't that weird on paper, but I got weird vibes. It felt odd that he cared so much to ask, if you understand?

Anyway, I did the sit and they came home, the mum was drunk and went straight upstairs and I told the dad that the children had been fine, bla bla all normal stuff. Then he went to hand me the cash, but when I went to take it and say thanks he kept hold of it and gave me a LOOK. A really intense look. It's like he thought this was an intense sexual moment like he was on a film or something? I looked at him like 'eh?' And he laughed and handed the money. It was awkward and strange. I left and he said he'd be in touch. Also weird, because only the mum texts me to arrange sits.

Anyway. Next day I get a text from him in the evening saying 'hiya, you ok?' So immediately I show my boyfriend and told him about the weird feeling I got the night before and he laughed and said omg this is the beginning of a porn film!!! He thinks it's funny! So I replied professionally saying 'hi (name), yes I'm well thank you. Is everything ok?' And he responds just casually as if we're friends chatting. I didn't really reply properly, but I didn't ignore him because I babysit for them! I don't want to be rude or make it weird because I need the money. After about 10 messages getting increasingly flirty he outright asked me to meet him at a hotel about 45 mins away. I've just ignored it. I feel sick.

She is such a lovely mummy, she's beautiful, they have gorgeous (young!) children, a lovely home. He's locally quite well known because of his job, if people found out about this it wouldn't only hurt his family but also his career.

Should I just block his number and tell her I'm not available for babysitting anymore? (Think this is my preferred option)

I obviously can't continue to babysit for them.
Do I tell her? I feel like I'll ruin her life and don't really want to be responsible for that. I also don't need the drama.

OP posts:
SamiReed1 · 15/08/2021 03:18

@magicalmama

Don't be a martyr.

Men like this are in positions of power and they know it. It's not in your interests to make a potential enemy out of him by telling his wife.

If you want to do the right thing for society, by all means tell his wife. But if you want to do the safer thing for you, just quit, say there is a particularly difficult unit at uni you need to concentrate on or something, and move on.

I know it's less satisfying and feels like he's getting away with it. But the alternative is making yourself pay the price for his poor behaviour, and you've done nothing to deserve that.

It's ok and sensible to walk away, saying nothing. Most people would.

@magicalmama Wrong, most people would tell her. And the comments on this thread almost all telling her to tell her back that up.
Plumtree391 · 15/08/2021 03:22

You did the right thing, Babysitting.

BraveGoldie · 15/08/2021 03:40

Great message to her OP- well done! I am really sorry this happened to you..... you have handled it awesomely!

thebeatingofthedrums · 15/08/2021 03:42

Well done for telling her. I'd want to know too.

YouJustDoYou · 15/08/2021 04:09

I think telling her was the right thing. I HATE that us women have to go through things like this from creepy males all the fucking time.

YouJustDoYou · 15/08/2021 04:11

Men like this are in positions of power and they know it. It's not in your interests to make a potential enemy out of him by telling his wife

lol. What a load of utter bs.

SunShinesBrightly · 15/08/2021 04:12

Well done OP.

NOTANUM · 15/08/2021 04:51

Horrible man! Such an assumption of power too - he was convinced that you wouldn't say a thing.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 15/08/2021 05:07

Well done @babysittingNC!

What an entitled arse he is.

unidentifed · 15/08/2021 05:30

@babysittingNC

Also, I haven't done anything to insight this. I have a degree and 9 years experience working with children and families. I'm nothing but professional.

I don't go dressed inappropriately. Usually hair up, no makeup, leggings and a big top! Appropriate clothes for messy childcare duties.

Even if you DID, it doesn't excuse his Behaviour and yes, he's in the wrong. Stop all contact. Do not babysit for them again.

QueenBee52 · 15/08/2021 05:33

Even if you DID, it doesn't excuse his Behaviour and yes, he's in the wrong. Stop all contact. Do not babysit for them again.

OP has already updated...

She has forward all the messages to His Fiancée, and withdrawn her services as she can no longer comfortably work there..

userrname · 15/08/2021 06:07

Well done OP. You’ve handled this very well.

shapes1 · 15/08/2021 06:24

F

GalaxyGirl24 · 15/08/2021 06:42

Well done OP , ball is in her court now so she can make of it what she will.

You did the right thing and gave another woman the chance to stop herself being made a fool of

ClaryFairchild · 15/08/2021 06:44

Well done, that was a great message.

JSL52 · 15/08/2021 06:49

If he's a footballer she won't leave, sadly.

SureBorisKnowsWhatHesDoingNOT · 15/08/2021 07:30

OP that was a brilliant message and I think you have done exactly the right thing Flowers

Ladybug123 · 15/08/2021 07:41

Screen shot, send to the wife, explain you won’t be babysitting again and then block.

I’m so sorry this creepy man has put you in this awful position but I’d want to know. This doesn’t sound like his first rodeo. She needs to know.

Ladybug123 · 15/08/2021 07:45

Sorry just read your message.

AMAZING! You’ve handled this so well and it was absolutely right of you to tell her. She needs to know who she is planning to marry!

Just sorry you were in this position. What a sleaze all!

sallievp · 15/08/2021 08:00

Well-done.that message was perfect. Good for you for being brave and doing it.

alexa677 · 15/08/2021 08:02

Sounds like he's a footballer (or similar). Also doesn't sound like a one off on his part.

I put money on the fact he's done similar before and the wife turns a blind eye.

She won't do anything off the back of this but we'll done for telling her. You've done the right thing and can hold your head high

Sampafie · 15/08/2021 08:07

Tbh since this has been resolved I think it would be best if Mods deleted this thread. Imagine the lady coming on here to ask for advice just to see that OP had been discussing this online with strangers before coming to her? She would be devastated :(

MarshmallowsOnToast · 15/08/2021 08:09

Why are people presuming footballer?

Not sure if I've missed something obvious but OP hasn't really posted anything to suggest that?

sealedwithX · 15/08/2021 08:17

You did the right thing. Bet he will get away with it and do it again though!

rainbowstardrops · 15/08/2021 09:10

Well done for doing the right thing. It's up to her now whether to look past it or not.

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