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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I'm the babysitter, the dads been massively inappropriate

277 replies

babysittingNC · 13/08/2021 20:14

Have NC for this just incase it gets picked up.
This is long so I'll summarise incase you're in a rush. The short story is:
I babysit for an affluent family, the dad tried to get me to meet him at a hotel. Wtf do I do?

The long story:
I started to babysit for a new family about 3/4 months ago, since things started to open back up. The mum is lovely and so are the kids, it's a really easy sit and I charge them extra because they're far from me and I'm qualified and experienced and they can afford it. Basically it's a nice little job for me around uni. I tend to communicate with the mum, she'll text me to arrange dates and times etc.

The last time I was here the dad gave me his number and asked that I call him so he has my number just incase I can't get hold of the mum for any reason. Makes total sense, I've done the same with other families too, better to be safe etc.

Then this last time I was there, I arrived on time but the mum was still getting ready and the children were already in bed so I was sat just waiting for them to leave really . The dad came and sat down and was chatting with me, initially it felt normal we were just small talking about the place they were going etc. Then he started to ask more personal questions about me, about my work, study, boyfriend, home etc. It wasn't that weird on paper, but I got weird vibes. It felt odd that he cared so much to ask, if you understand?

Anyway, I did the sit and they came home, the mum was drunk and went straight upstairs and I told the dad that the children had been fine, bla bla all normal stuff. Then he went to hand me the cash, but when I went to take it and say thanks he kept hold of it and gave me a LOOK. A really intense look. It's like he thought this was an intense sexual moment like he was on a film or something? I looked at him like 'eh?' And he laughed and handed the money. It was awkward and strange. I left and he said he'd be in touch. Also weird, because only the mum texts me to arrange sits.

Anyway. Next day I get a text from him in the evening saying 'hiya, you ok?' So immediately I show my boyfriend and told him about the weird feeling I got the night before and he laughed and said omg this is the beginning of a porn film!!! He thinks it's funny! So I replied professionally saying 'hi (name), yes I'm well thank you. Is everything ok?' And he responds just casually as if we're friends chatting. I didn't really reply properly, but I didn't ignore him because I babysit for them! I don't want to be rude or make it weird because I need the money. After about 10 messages getting increasingly flirty he outright asked me to meet him at a hotel about 45 mins away. I've just ignored it. I feel sick.

She is such a lovely mummy, she's beautiful, they have gorgeous (young!) children, a lovely home. He's locally quite well known because of his job, if people found out about this it wouldn't only hurt his family but also his career.

Should I just block his number and tell her I'm not available for babysitting anymore? (Think this is my preferred option)

I obviously can't continue to babysit for them.
Do I tell her? I feel like I'll ruin her life and don't really want to be responsible for that. I also don't need the drama.

OP posts:
pjani · 13/08/2021 20:16

Yes, that is what I’d do. Find other work. What a total creep and a loser. His poor wife. And I’m sorry this happened to you in a work situation, it’s really not ok.

Original poster
babysittingNC · 13/08/2021 20:16

Also, I haven't done anything to insight this. I have a degree and 9 years experience working with children and families. I'm nothing but professional.

I don't go dressed inappropriately. Usually hair up, no makeup, leggings and a big top! Appropriate clothes for messy childcare duties.

OP posts:
MadMadMadamMim · 13/08/2021 20:17

If this is genuine then forward it to his wife with the comment I will not be babysitting for you anymore because of this completely unacceptable suggestion from your husband.

Then block the pair of them. No drama, no need to agonise about her being a lovely mummy, or beautiful...

tickledtiger · 13/08/2021 20:20

I’d probably tell them I can’t babysit any more but not say anything to the wife.

Original poster
babysittingNC · 13/08/2021 20:21

I've never had someone question whether or not my thread is genuine before. I can assure you that sadly it is. I've been on mumsnet for years, report and HQ will confirm.

I'm usually no trouble, promise!

OP posts:
Original poster
babysittingNC · 13/08/2021 20:23

@pjani Thank you, I agree.
It's ok, I have other families. I've been babysitting for a decade, since I left school at 15, I've never had anything like this happen before. I'm really shocked by it.

OP posts:
category12 · 13/08/2021 20:24

I'd stop sitting for them.

Keep the texts tho,

I wouldn't put it past a guy like this pre-emptively claiming you came onto him and you might end up with the wife having a go at you out of nowhere.

Keep the texts.

RandomMess · 13/08/2021 20:24

How GRIM. Think I would screenshot the conversation and message the wife and saying you no longer feel comfortable babysitting anymore and send screenshots.

Level75 · 13/08/2021 20:26

If I was the mum I'd want to know. Obviously you can't babysit for them anymore.

Isthisit22 · 13/08/2021 20:26

@babysittingNC

Also, I haven't done anything to insight this. I have a degree and 9 years experience working with children and families. I'm nothing but professional.

I don't go dressed inappropriately. Usually hair up, no makeup, leggings and a big top! Appropriate clothes for messy childcare duties.

Please don't question yourself. You've done nothing wrong. It's just another horrible man abusing his power because it turns him on to do that I'd forward the wife the message then block.
BigGreen · 13/08/2021 20:27

Yuk, if I was the wife I'd want to know. What a sleaze.

AustinPowerful · 13/08/2021 20:27

I'd definitely want to know if my husband was behaving like this.

Absolute sleezeball.

MazDazzle · 13/08/2021 20:28

I wouldn’t tell her.

He might spin a line saying you’ve been a flirt and made a pass at him. It could get messy. It could impact your reputation and other babysitting jobs.

Just block and say you can’t manage.

Keep the screenshots though.

bevm72yellow · 13/08/2021 20:32

Well yes I would send the evidence to his wife as he will turn other families against you if he is in an affluent and influential area. His wife's feelings are important but you would lose work on the "grapevine" in the area. You should not be made uncomfortable in your workplace. It is sexual harassment and you are a lone worker.

TheVolturi · 13/08/2021 20:33

I would honestly block him and tell his wife. When I was young, I was hit on inappropriately many times by much older men. Quite persistent they were and pushy, like they expected to get what they wanted. I never told anyone, just avoided but I often think I should have.

Stigofthedump40 · 13/08/2021 20:33

God i hate men sometimes.. and when he has so much to lose as well.. what a creep!

Original poster
babysittingNC · 13/08/2021 20:34

@MazDazzle this is what I thought.

I agree with pp saying they'd want to know, I would too. I feel awful about it, but selfishly, this isn't my fault and I don't want the hassle and drama of it all. I know that's not very sisterhood of me. I don't want it to have repercussions for my future career.

OP posts:
Fullofglee · 13/08/2021 20:34

I'd block then e plain you can't babysit anymore the dirty bastard sounds like a right creep.

Imnewhere1991 · 13/08/2021 20:35

You sound very thoughtful and considerate and wishing to do the right thing.

You should message the wife.

bigbaggyeyes · 13/08/2021 20:41

I'd definitely tell the wife, send the text to her and tell her you can't babysit for her again. He's a sleaze

SpeakingFranglais · 13/08/2021 20:42

And this is why men continue to get away with this appalling sexist behaviour.

I would send the screen shots to the wife and say you are not comfortable working for the family any longer and wish them well.

Leave it up to her to make conclusions, why would she slag you off when it’s obvious the problem is her twat of a husband.

Aquamarine1029 · 13/08/2021 20:46

I would 100% tell the wife, show her the texts, and then not have a thing to do with them again.

RoseRedRoseBlue · 13/08/2021 20:48

@SpeakingFranglais

And this is why men continue to get away with this appalling sexist behaviour.

I would send the screen shots to the wife and say you are not comfortable working for the family any longer and wish them well.

Leave it up to her to make conclusions, why would she slag you off when it’s obvious the problem is her twat of a husband.

Completely this. Why should he get away with it?
Hawkins001 · 13/08/2021 20:49

All the best with your decision, op

Onthemaintrunkline · 13/08/2021 20:52

Hi, this is difficult, if you suddenly go nc, the wife will wonder why, if you tell her she’ll be devastated, and she’s done nothing wrong. So unfair. But I’d be going no contact, this sleaze obviously fancies his chances, arrogant conceited devious sod.