How do I stand up for myself facing my abuser in court

[Queenie6655]

Court case in a few days

I'm so so worried

Yes I have done nothing wrong

He has made it all out to be my fault

He tried to kill me
Hurt my child
Knife to my throat

I'm so used to believing this man and letting him get his way that I have mentally prepared myself for a total and utter shambles ahead of me and to be victim blamed

Why didn't I leave
Why forgive him!!

I caused a lot of these problems by covering up for him

How will I stand up for myself in court and try to tell my story ??!!!?

@twoshedsjackson

I don't know if you're allowed your smartphone in court, at least switched on, but take it anyway. Even if you can't communicate with it, you can touch it for luck while you prepare yourself to speak, and imagine a tiny Mumsnet army inside it, thinking of you and cheering you on. Mantras for you: "Truth will out"; judges will have seen many specimens like him before. And "The Truth will set you free".

Fab love this !!!

And thank you all

Very lucky that there is the kindest DC on the case
Like a real gent
And the loveliest person from witness support

Thank god for all these wonderful responses

I feel so much stronger
His ex wife stepping in too has helped with this case so much
I obviously can't contact her but she went through serious hell with this mad man

His ex wife stepping in too has helped with this case so much I obviously can't contact her but she went through serious hell with this mad man

She's like us, wanting you to know that we're 'standing behind you', wanting the truth to come out and justice to be done.

ah, good luck Queenie

@charmingthebirds

His ex wife stepping in too has helped with this case so much I obviously can't contact her but she went through serious hell with this mad man

She's like us, wanting you to know that we're 'standing behind you', wanting the truth to come out and justice to be done.

Thank you so much guys

Every single post has helped so much
Will keep you updated

It seems to be going ahead for ten days :(

I can do this

Time to get this scum sent down
Or at the very least
Shown for who he really is !!!!

Love the fighting talk!

@charmingthebirds

Love the fighting talk!

Hope at least we get restraining orders

This man can lie very well

I have no control over that
Just need to go in with my head held high
I did nothing wrong

Thinking of you OP

@youvegottenminuteslynn

Thinking of you OP

Thanks again all so so much

This forum has helped me in so many ways

Can I also just ask please

The DC involved would like my gp to outline my ptsd following the stabbing incident in our home

I also went for an std check and told them about multiple sexual assaults carried out by ex
Should I use this info too?

The DC seems keen to keep gathering as much as possible right up to date of the case

I'd be inclined to say that the more concrete examples you can show of his behaviour towards you, the more he is exposed for who he actually is?

They're are all part of your truth, after all.

@charmingthebirds

I'd be inclined to say that the more concrete examples you can show of his behaviour towards you, the more he is exposed for who he actually is?

They're are all part of your truth, after all.

Thank you so much

Want to have as much in place as possible

Ughh please let this be over soon

I don't think I'll be the only person here thinking about you while I'm getting on with my own life, wishing I could send you strength as well as hope.

Chin up, Queenie - we're behind you. Find that fighting talk!

@charmingthebirds

I don't think I'll be the only person here thinking about you while I'm getting on with my own life, wishing I could send you strength as well as hope.

Chin up, Queenie - we're behind you. Find that fighting talk!

Thank you

So many kind people here helped so so much

Will keep you guys updated xxxxx

Very best of luck @Queenie6655
Got everything crossed for you x

@Cleverpolly3

Very best of luck *@Queenie6655* Got everything crossed for you x

Thanks so so much

Will keep you guys updated
This has helped HUGELY xxxxxx

Thinking of you OP, one of the MN army cheering you on

@youvegottenminuteslynn

Thinking of you OP, one of the MN army cheering you on

Thank you

Wishing you strength. You got this 🙌🏻

@FreeBritnee

Wishing you strength. You got this 🙌🏻

Thank you

Time for these bastards to pay for how many people they have hurt.

I strangely feel that he will walk away Scot free

But

At least he will need to answer some questions and account for what he did

Just wanted to jump on here and tell you some of the things I learnt facing my abuser in court as they might help. It's not meant to scare you but might be useful to be prepared, I hope so anyway.

1. his barrister was so rude to me. I could never figure out why until years later when I asked a barrister friend who said it was to make me angry in court and therefore not a victim in the jury's eyes. When I say he was rude, he was snorting at my answers, rolling his eyes, constantly saying well that's clearly not true. It's psychological behaviour to get you angry. I didn't have a clue what he was doing so I fell for it but hopefully you won't have that or at least you'll know why and respond calmly.
2. panic and anxiety affected my memory. I wish I had taken the time to breathe and think before answering but I tried to answer the questions quickly so I could leave asap.
3. I think sometimes I didn't understand the question or I was so nervous I was trying to anticipate the answer. Again, take your time. You can ask to clarify the question so "are you asking me xyz?" Or "I'm not sure I've understood the question?" I didn't think I was allowed to ask this but you can.
4. I didn't want to cry in front of my abuser. In my mind this would have made me weak. There's no shame in showing emotion when you're telling people about the trauma you experienced. I wish someone had told me that. My abuser was found not guilty but I still don't regret going through the process. I stood up and told people what happened and it was somewhat freeing. As the police officer said to me, just because we were not able to evidence his guilt beyond all reasonable doubt, it doesn't mean it didn't happen. I really wish you strength for the case and thank you for trying to protect other women going through more trauma at the hands of an abuser. Keep the faith that justice will be served.

I'm so sorry you are going through all this, I wish you all the best for a wonderful, peaceful future whatever the outcome.
I really hope he's found guilty and pays for his sins, but whatever happens you can stand tall and tell the truth.

@Aliceinunderland

Just wanted to jump on here and tell you some of the things I learnt facing my abuser in court as they might help. It's not meant to scare you but might be useful to be prepared, I hope so anyway. 1) his barrister was so rude to me. I could never figure out why until years later when I asked a barrister friend who said it was to make me angry in court and therefore not a victim in the jury's eyes. When I say he was rude, he was snorting at my answers, rolling his eyes, constantly saying well that's clearly not true. It's psychological behaviour to get you angry. I didn't have a clue what he was doing so I fell for it but hopefully you won't have that or at least you'll know why and respond calmly. 2) panic and anxiety affected my memory. I wish I had taken the time to breathe and think before answering but I tried to answer the questions quickly so I could leave asap. 3) I think sometimes I didn't understand the question or I was so nervous I was trying to anticipate the answer. Again, take your time. You can ask to clarify the question so "are you asking me xyz?" Or "I'm not sure I've understood the question?" I didn't think I was allowed to ask this but you can. 4) I didn't want to cry in front of my abuser. In my mind this would have made me weak. There's no shame in showing emotion when you're telling people about the trauma you experienced. I wish someone had told me that. My abuser was found not guilty but I still don't regret going through the process. I stood up and told people what happened and it was somewhat freeing. As the police officer said to me, just because we were not able to evidence his guilt beyond all reasonable doubt, it doesn't mean it didn't happen. I really wish you strength for the case and thank you for trying to protect other women going through more trauma at the hands of an abuser. Keep the faith that justice will be served.

Thank you so so much

I am so sorry to hear this

Did you get a restraining order?
Did you have much evidence?

How dare he get away with this 🤬🤬🤬🤬

It was a rape case so no evidence, just my word against his. Sadly I was lucky for CPS to proceed to court with it in the first place as many don't even get that far. I didn't get a restraining order (I don't think that was an option as he was an ex-colleague) but the police helped me to move far away.
If CPS have charged him, they believe they will get a prosecution. Stand tall, speak your truth and whatever the outcome, know that he has no power over you anymore.

@Aliceinunderland thank you so much for sharing

I am sorry you have been through this

And to the many others who also had to go through this hell my heart goes out to you

I need to stand tall
Tell the truth
Stay strong

You ladies helped me so so much

I keep saying it but I mean it !!

This is not Something I can talk to many others about xxxxx

Also guys yet another question.

Do I am pretty sure downstairs heard him attacking me
The fights
Me rushing downstairs a lot to get away from him

Should I send them a letter and ask if they would be happy to speak to the MET for the court case ??

Or would this go against me in anyway
Like I'm desperate for someone to believe me?

I have 21 pieces of evidence to work with right now just thinking of what I may have missed