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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How do I stand up for myself facing my abuser in court

572 replies

Queenie6655 · 11/08/2021 10:44

Court case in a few days

I'm so so worried

Yes I have done nothing wrong

He has made it all out to be my fault

He tried to kill me
Hurt my child
Knife to my throat

I'm so used to believing this man and letting him get his way that I have mentally prepared myself for a total and utter shambles ahead of me and to be victim blamed

Why didn't I leave
Why forgive him!!

I caused a lot of these problems by covering up for him

How will I stand up for myself in court and try to tell my story ??!!!?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Original poster
Queenie6655 · 19/08/2021 10:58

You lovely people

I know I can do this

But I know he is a convincing lier

This is an awful comparison but sadly He reminds me of some of the men In the Taliban who seem to show very little remote for their awful acts

This man never allowed me to use my professional title, made me walk behind him, made me feel ashamed if he found out I was menstruating

The list is long

But there are many people who respect him and believe him because he has a well paid , respected job in the public eye

OP posts:
Brollypackedforscottishholiday · 19/08/2021 11:01

And maybe they will respect you for standing up to him.
He isn't above the law so remember that.

Original poster
Queenie6655 · 19/08/2021 11:18

True !!

I have just been conditioned to accept what he says

Let's see how it goes and at least now I have not got that huge level of fear paralysing me !!

OP posts:
Pebbledashery · 19/08/2021 14:43

Op it will be ok xxx

Anna426 · 19/08/2021 14:47

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Ringsender2 · 19/08/2021 16:10

Willing you on, you Queen.
And don't feel obliged to post here, but do take strength from the virtual support and advice

Original poster
Queenie6655 · 19/08/2021 16:37

It's listed for ten days??!!

Why so long?

The DC doesn't even think it will go ahead on the date it is due to start ?! 😢😢

OP posts:
Original poster
Queenie6655 · 19/08/2021 16:55

@Ringsender2

Willing you on, you Queen. And don't feel obliged to post here, but do take strength from the virtual support and advice
You have all been so kind especially when I had no clue how to prepare myself

Victim support are lovely too but inundated 😢😢

OP posts:
DisplayPurposesOnly · 21/08/2021 11:33

It's listed for ten days??!! Why so long?

The case i was juror for took 8.5 days. 10am to 4pm, an hour for lunch. Mid morning and mid afternoon breaks. We deliberated for 5 hours. The barristers' closing speeches were 3.5 hours. It all adds up...

Original poster
Queenie6655 · 22/08/2021 18:54

@DisplayPurposesOnly

It's listed for ten days??!! Why so long?

The case i was juror for took 8.5 days. 10am to 4pm, an hour for lunch. Mid morning and mid afternoon breaks. We deliberated for 5 hours. The barristers' closing speeches were 3.5 hours. It all adds up...

Ah ok

That is good to know thank you !!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Queenie6655 · 24/08/2021 18:14

It hasn't started yet

Seems like it will be 5 days and not ten

His ex wife was called to the station to give a character witness (he tried to kill her in the same way he attacked me )

Gosh this is all so real now

Not eating or sleeping

OP posts:
Original poster
Queenie6655 · 24/08/2021 18:58

🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

OP posts:
m00rfarm · 24/08/2021 19:18

Every time you hear a question, tell us all here what the answer is in your mind. And only then a deer out loud.

Original poster
Queenie6655 · 24/08/2021 19:36

@m00rfarm

Every time you hear a question, tell us all here what the answer is in your mind. And only then a deer out loud.
Fantastic yes !!!!!

Thank you

OP posts:
HazelBite · 24/08/2021 19:57

Will it be held in a crown Court?
Find out if they have a branch of the PSU (Personal Support Unit) who are volunteers who will sit with witnesses and litigants and offer support to you they can also explain some of the court processes etc.

Original poster
Queenie6655 · 24/08/2021 20:04

Criminal court

Will check that one out tomorrow
Someone to sit with me would be amazing !!!

A lovely colleague suggested but I don't want to trouble him x

OP posts:
Greengate66 · 24/08/2021 20:13

Stick to the facts, order your thoughts as though you were an objective observer looking on. Speak slowly, don't gabble answer gasp in air. Keep your chin raised to keep your throat open, breathe in through your nose, don't feel rushed. This is your chance, your platform to tell your story. Nobody there is more important than you, take your chance and nail it.

Original poster
Queenie6655 · 24/08/2021 20:42

@Greengate66

Stick to the facts, order your thoughts as though you were an objective observer looking on. Speak slowly, don't gabble answer gasp in air. Keep your chin raised to keep your throat open, breathe in through your nose, don't feel rushed. This is your chance, your platform to tell your story. Nobody there is more important than you, take your chance and nail it.
Love this

Going to take this on board

I tend to waffle and talk far far too fast

I got to slow myself down more often

OP posts:
Original poster
Queenie6655 · 24/08/2021 20:42

Still can't believe his ex went to give a statement to police

Never even thought this could happen

OP posts:
Original poster
Queenie6655 · 25/08/2021 18:20

Also can I just ask please if a navy dress, tights and a cardi would be ok!?

It is not very dressy but it's all I have right now

Plus flat shoes ?

OP posts:
ScaredOfDinosaurs · 25/08/2021 18:55

That outfit sounds perfect.

You have got this. You are going to be fine. He is going to get what he deserves.

Flowers
layladomino · 25/08/2021 19:30

That outfit sounds great.

twoshedsjackson · 25/08/2021 20:41

I don't know if you're allowed your smartphone in court, at least switched on, but take it anyway. Even if you can't communicate with it, you can touch it for luck while you prepare yourself to speak, and imagine a tiny Mumsnet army inside it, thinking of you and cheering you on. Mantras for you: "Truth will out"; judges will have seen many specimens like him before. And "The Truth will set you free".

bluebling · 25/08/2021 21:27

You can do this. Tell the truth and stick to the facts. Don't be afraid to ask them to repeat a question if you don't understand it or to give yourself time to collect your thoughts. My abuser's lawyer phrased one question in a particular way so as to try and make me to admit I'd said something that I hadn't. I just kept repeating that I hadn't said it.

Your outfit sounds perfect Flowers

R0SEMARY · 25/08/2021 22:08

I agree your outfit is fine. Assuming that the navy dress is one that you could wear to work in an office and not to a wedding or clubbing.

Make sure it’s comfortable and that you don’t have to fiddle with the hem or neckline and wear shoes that don’t hurt your feet.

You don’t have to look very smart, just respectful of the courts authority IYSWIM. Any office type wear is fine, smart dark trousers are fine too, you don’t need to wear a dress / skirt.

If you wear jewellery, make it small and modest . So just small earrings, necklace or rings.