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Original poster

How do I stand up for myself facing my abuser in court

572 replies

Queenie6655 · 11/08/2021 10:44

Court case in a few days

I'm so so worried

Yes I have done nothing wrong

He has made it all out to be my fault

He tried to kill me
Hurt my child
Knife to my throat

I'm so used to believing this man and letting him get his way that I have mentally prepared myself for a total and utter shambles ahead of me and to be victim blamed

Why didn't I leave
Why forgive him!!

I caused a lot of these problems by covering up for him

How will I stand up for myself in court and try to tell my story ??!!!?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Original poster
Queenie6655 · 23/09/2021 22:17

@Ginger1982

Accused person does not have to testify as it is for the prosecution to prove guilt, not for him/her to prove innocence. I often recommended that clients didn't testify.
Really ah I see

Ok thanks for that

OP posts:
prettybird · 23/09/2021 22:20

As I understand it (and I'm not a lawyer either and anyway am in Scotland where the law is slightly different ), he's not obliged to testify - but the jury can draw its own conclusions from his failure to testify.

Look on it positively, whatever his barrister has tried to portray, you have been able to provide evidence of his behaviour. And the really good news is that the CPS didn't withdraw the serious charges just because he pled guilty to lesser charges. So they still believe that there is a sufficiently good case to proceed.

Whatever the result, you have had the courage to stand up for yourself and your family. He no longer has any power over you. You know the truth and you have not just survived but have told the world. Thanks

Whether the jury finds him guilty is not on you. You've done your bit. The rest is up to the CPS to prove the case.

Original poster
Queenie6655 · 23/09/2021 22:24

@prettybird

As I understand it (and I'm not a lawyer either and anyway am in Scotland where the law is slightly different ), he's not obliged to testify - but the jury can draw its own conclusions from his failure to testify.

Look on it positively, whatever his barrister has tried to portray, you have been able to provide evidence of his behaviour. And the really good news is that the CPS didn't withdraw the serious charges just because he pled guilty to lesser charges. So they still believe that there is a sufficiently good case to proceed.

Whatever the result, you have had the courage to stand up for yourself and your family. He no longer has any power over you. You know the truth and you have not just survived but have told the world. Thanks

Whether the jury finds him guilty is not on you. You've done your bit. The rest is up to the CPS to prove the case.

This is so helpful thanks

Got to keep my cool for tomorrow

OP posts:
Justilou1 · 24/09/2021 00:05

You’ve got this. Just remember what was said before. Even if he isn’t charged with everything, it doesn’t mean that they don’t believe you. It simply means that they didn’t have enough evidence to do it. I think you are a smart credible woman, doing her best. Big hugs.

WellThisIsShit · 24/09/2021 01:44

Good luck

HirplesWithHaggis · 24/09/2021 02:08

He's not testifying because he knows his lies wouldn't stand up to the kind of scrutiny your evidence has been given. You scare him.

Original poster
Queenie6655 · 24/09/2021 08:16

@HirplesWithHaggis

He's not testifying because he knows his lies wouldn't stand up to the kind of scrutiny your evidence has been given. You scare him.
Interesting ok

So I assumed he def would

But ok I understand why his team would say not to testify

OP posts:
Pashazade · 24/09/2021 08:27

You've got this OP, remember don't let them rush you, breathe, we're all rooting for you. ThanksThanks

HereticFanjo · 24/09/2021 08:36

We're all with you today OP. Imagine a silent army of us standing behind you on your side if it helps. Take strength from it x

twoshedsjackson · 24/09/2021 08:46

I agree with PP's. His lawyers are taking a huge gamble in advising him not to testify; the laymen in the jury, as well as the legal professionals, must be thinking, "What has he got to hide?"
What happened to the big scary man who threatened you? He can't face the grilling which you have undergone! He and his lawyers know what a flimsy case he has, full of lies and contradictions, and he hasn't got the guts to stand in the dock. You, the supposedly weak victim, stood up and told your truth, however tough you found the experience.
Whatever the outcome of this case, his reputation is permanently besmirched, and I would imagine that matters immensely to someone with his monstrous ego.

WheresYourSnickers · 24/09/2021 08:47

@HirplesWithHaggis

He's not testifying because he knows his lies wouldn't stand up to the kind of scrutiny your evidence has been given. You scare him.
This is so true! The whole house of cards (lies) would collapse under cross examination. Good luck today, it's so nearly over. A phrase that I like when things are stressful is "This too shall pass".
2020nymph · 24/09/2021 09:18

@HirplesWithHaggis

He's not testifying because he knows his lies wouldn't stand up to the kind of scrutiny your evidence has been given. You scare him.

This, with bells on!

You are doing amazingly well. Good luck for today, it's so nearly over.

Deep breathes. You've got this.

Original poster
Queenie6655 · 24/09/2021 09:38

@twoshedsjackson

I agree with PP's. His lawyers are taking a huge gamble in advising him not to testify; the laymen in the jury, as well as the legal professionals, must be thinking, "What has he got to hide?" What happened to the big scary man who threatened you? He can't face the grilling which you have undergone! He and his lawyers know what a flimsy case he has, full of lies and contradictions, and he hasn't got the guts to stand in the dock. You, the supposedly weak victim, stood up and told your truth, however tough you found the experience. Whatever the outcome of this case, his reputation is permanently besmirched, and I would imagine that matters immensely to someone with his monstrous ego.
Unbelievable

Thanks you

This at least is hugely reassuring

Many thanks all you kind people

Last day

OP posts:
Original poster
Queenie6655 · 24/09/2021 10:06

@Pashazade

You've got this OP, remember don't let them rush you, breathe, we're all rooting for you. ThanksThanks
Yes they tried this yesterday

She asked me few more questions while judge had suggested I take a moment to compose myself

OP posts:
Original poster
Queenie6655 · 24/09/2021 10:08

Is it common for defendants to give a no comment statement when arrested?

OP posts:
Original poster
Queenie6655 · 24/09/2021 10:20

@HereticFanjo

We're all with you today OP. Imagine a silent army of us standing behind you on your side if it helps. Take strength from it x
Yes I am picturing you all guiding me 😘😘😘😘😘😘😘
OP posts:
Gotthetshirt23 · 24/09/2021 10:20

@Queenie6655
All the time !
It's the normal sorry - referring to the "no comment" question

Hope you are ok !

Original poster
Queenie6655 · 24/09/2021 10:21

Ok so that is quite standard I guess

OP posts:
PennyPooBags · 24/09/2021 10:27

Someone who is advised how to play the system, I would imagine.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 24/09/2021 10:59

@Queenie6655

Is it common for defendants to give a no comment statement when arrested?
It's what they will be advised to do most of the time, more often than not - totally normal.

And not taking the stand is also very common if the defence team think that it could in any way jeopardise the defendant's case - so if they are hot headed, often lie, lose their temper easily, have shown themselves to be inconsistent in their team's opinion etc, they would prefer their client not say anything than say something and reveal his poor character and / or his lies.

All totally normal.

Thanks
Original poster
Queenie6655 · 24/09/2021 11:10

That's good to know

Feels like a lot has been put on me now he is not taking the stand

So be it

I have made it this far

We shall see !!!!

Everyone's help has got me through each day
My family are great but scared to talk too much in case of worrying me

OP posts:
ajandjjmum · 24/09/2021 12:07

Sending you strength @Queenie6655.

Surely everyone on the jury will think 'if I was innocent, I'd be up there fighting to clear my name - so why isn't he?'

Original poster
Queenie6655 · 24/09/2021 12:08

@ajandjjmum

Sending you strength *@Queenie6655*.

Surely everyone on the jury will think 'if I was innocent, I'd be up there fighting to clear my name - so why isn't he?'

That's what I think
OP posts:
Original poster
Queenie6655 · 24/09/2021 12:14

This is actual torture

This process is designed with more benefit to the defendant and not to me

OP posts:
Justilou1 · 24/09/2021 12:17

Darling, I hope you can feel us all holding your hands and standing behind you holding you up.