How do I stand up for myself facing my abuser in court

[Queenie6655]

Court case in a few days

I'm so so worried

Yes I have done nothing wrong

He has made it all out to be my fault

He tried to kill me
Hurt my child
Knife to my throat

I'm so used to believing this man and letting him get his way that I have mentally prepared myself for a total and utter shambles ahead of me and to be victim blamed

Why didn't I leave
Why forgive him!!

I caused a lot of these problems by covering up for him

How will I stand up for myself in court and try to tell my story ??!!!?

Absolutely rooting for you, been checking this thread while I’m at work constantly. I hope you’re as okay as can be, we’re all in your corner 100%. Your posts and what you’re going through has and is giving me so much strength for my own court case, I admire you so much, you are so strong even if you might not feel it always. I want above anything else you to get the outcome you deserve

@Thenshewasgone

Absolutely rooting for you, been checking this thread while I’m at work constantly. I hope you’re as okay as can be, we’re all in your corner 100%. Your posts and what you’re going through has and is giving me so much strength for my own court case, I admire you so much, you are so strong even if you might not feel it always. I want above anything else you to get the outcome you deserve

You can totally do it

C--t defence bariister

But kindest ever judge and so many others so helpful

You've done the most challenging part @Queenie6655 - walking into that courtroom and opening your mouth for the first time. Once you've got past that fear of the unknown it's not easier, but you're not as fearful of the unexpected (I'm not wording it very well). Glad todays' over, good luck for tomorrow (I'm sure you'll smash it though)

Thank you

Strangely the jury sent a question up to the judge and the whole courtroom had to be cleared went on and on

Exhausted

How do I stick up for myself with this horrid barrister tomorrow

She looks like she is ready for me

But yes getting in to the room is actually one of the worse parts

How do I stick up for myself with this horrid barrister tomorrow

Remember you are NOT there to defend yourself and your character, as such.

You are there to tell the truth.

The more information you give (eg if she rushes you, flusters you etc) the more she has to counter argue.

So be honest, be succinct and do not be tempted to fill silences.

Remember the phrasing "I'm very clear on my answer to this but need a second to collect myself as it's distressing to relive" then a deep breath, say in your head then say out loud - rather than trying to answer through tears and getting your words muddled for her to jump on.

Her job is to defend him.

Your job is not to defend you, it is to tell the truth. Do not allow it to become a character assassination of you, the best way to prevent this is to be honest but succinct and not be tempted to give extraneous information that sounds like you're justifying something. Instead, you are simply answering questions about what factually happened and when.

Do not let them paint you as an unreliable witness by whipping you up into an emotional wreck so you get confused and muddled. I know that's easy to say but imagine the MN army there with you and you can do it

Good Luck!

You've gotten through today... you have done so well... get some decent rest tonight 🌸

@youvegottenminuteslynn

How do I stick up for myself with this horrid barrister tomorrow

Remember you are NOT there to defend yourself and your character, as such.

You are there to tell the truth.

The more information you give (eg if she rushes you, flusters you etc) the more she has to counter argue.

So be honest, be succinct and do not be tempted to fill silences.

Remember the phrasing "I'm very clear on my answer to this but need a second to collect myself as it's distressing to relive" then a deep breath, say in your head then say out loud - rather than trying to answer through tears and getting your words muddled for her to jump on.

Her job is to defend him.

Your job is not to defend you, it is to tell the truth. Do not allow it to become a character assassination of you, the best way to prevent this is to be honest but succinct and not be tempted to give extraneous information that sounds like you're justifying something. Instead, you are simply answering questions about what factually happened and when.

Do not let them paint you as an unreliable witness by whipping you up into an emotional wreck so you get confused and muddled. I know that's easy to say but imagine the MN army there with you and you can do it

This is so so useful

Thank you

@youvegottenminuteslynn that is such good advice

@Queenie6655 the mistake I made was arguing with the barrister. I was warned repeatedly not to do that but it's so hard not to take it personally and not to fight back. But if you do that, you end up looking confrontational and that damages your image with the jury. As @youvegottenminuteslynn remember your job is to tell the truth, it's not to counter her claims about you because she will try to assassinate your character again and again and again.

But if you do bite, I seriously do not blame you. It is bloody hard giving evidence. And don't forget they do this every day so it's far easier for all of them!

Good luck

To expand on what I said earlier OP, just an example exchange, with the answer I would suggest:

Q: "Has he ever strangled you?"

A: "Yes, on many occasions."

Then wait for another specific question. Ball is in her court. Do not fill the silence.

NOT a longer answer to a question like that. Otherwise you have the following risk, if your answer is "At first he would just do xyz and I would say to him to stop but he would get angrier and angrier and then he starting hitting and strangling me sometimes."

If that was your answer she will likely say things like - so you stayed with him even though he did xyz? So it wasn't bad enough to call the police? So it got worse because you were both fighting each other? Did he hit you or strangle you? I asked about strangling but you now mention hitting, which is it?

Which would ALL fluster you and throw you off course.

Use as few words as possible to answer the questions honestly.

Hope that helps x

And in fact I've even said too much in that answer myself because if you say 'on many occasions' she could say well exactly how many? How often? When? Then fluster you.

See so this is why it's SO important to breathe and use as few words as possible. So I'm changing the ideal answer to that question!

Q: "Has he ever strangled you?"

A: "Yes."

Then wait for another specific question. Ball is in her court. Do not fill the silence.

[quote StrongArm]**@youvegottenminuteslynn that is such good advice

@Queenie6655 the mistake I made was arguing with the barrister. I was warned repeatedly not to do that but it's so hard not to take it personally and not to fight back. But if you do that, you end up looking confrontational and that damages your image with the jury. As @youvegottenminuteslynn remember your job is to tell the truth, it's not to counter her claims about you because she will try to assassinate your character again and again and again.

But if you do bite, I seriously do not blame you. It is bloody hard giving evidence. And don't forget they do this every day so it's far easier for all of them!

Good luck [/quote]
So so hard though

She is ready for me I know that much

I pray I can take it and stay calm.

Respond with sorry - no. Not the case
That is not correct

@youvegottenminuteslynn

And in fact I've even said too much in that answer myself because if you say 'on many occasions' she could say well exactly how many? How often? When? Then fluster you.

See so this is why it's SO important to breathe and use as few words as possible. So I'm changing the ideal answer to that question!

Q: "Has he ever strangled you?"

A: "Yes."

Then wait for another specific question. Ball is in her court. Do not fill the silence.

Very very good info

So useful

Short brief answers

Delurking to say that while I have never been in your position, I have found over the years that a good silence can be very useful.

Best of luck.

As a former criminal defence lawyer, yes keep your answers short. The example I used to always use with clients:

Q: Do you know what time it is?
A: Yes.

@TheSandgroper

Delurking to say that while I have never been in your position, I have found over the years that a good silence can be very useful.

Best of luck.

Indeed

Working on the one

@Ginger1982

As a former criminal defence lawyer, yes keep your answers short. The example I used to always use with clients:

Q: Do you know what time it is?
A: Yes.

Yes great advice

Simple to the point without waffle

Need to work on this

Thanks again to everyone

Good luck with today, remember lots of MN are thinking of you and cheering you on

@Daleksatemyshed

Good luck with today, remember lots of MN are thinking of you and cheering you on

Thank you Hoping for one more day of this madness

And never want to hear about it again

Just read your thread op and sending you calm and strength today. You are an inspiration, and while I don’t have any useful advice, I just wanted to add to the voices of support.

We are behind you every step of the way.

@Ostryga

Just read your thread op and sending you calm and strength today. You are an inspiration, and while I don’t have any useful advice, I just wanted to add to the voices of support.

We are behind you every step of the way.

Thank you Let's hope for a good outcome Or even some kind of rehabilitation if it exists !!!!!

Exhausting !!!

Only been in the witness stand for less than an hour

Not sure he will need to testify

His barrister is getting herself ready for me and my dectective constable keeps warning me

You today… when it comes to the manipulative crap.