Page 3 | Can I make ex pay uni costs?

tiredofthisshit21 · 2021-08-07T12:40:03+00:00

Wasn't sure where to post this. Looooong back story. Divorced 10+ years, ex is an abusive and controlling twat. DD18 is no contact with him. She's due to go to uni in Sept and due to my salary only qualifies for minimum maintenance loan. I have said I will give her x amount per month and that her dad needs to do the same. I've contacted him about it as she doesn't want to deal with him. Asked him just to set up a direct debit for the same amount as me. (He can more than afford it). He is ignoring messages and I'm worried that he won't contribute. I can't really afford to double what I'm paying. My question is, does he legally have to contribute? My husband (DD's stepdad) has said he will help if need be so that we don't have to deal with ex. But I don't think he should be let off the hook like that. He hasn't paid maintenance in the last 2 years either.

AllTheSingleLadiess · 07/08/2021 16:01

@Lonelylooloo

It sucks but at this point DD is an adult. Uni isn’t a requirement it’s a choice. Also if DD has been awarded minimum funding based on your income alone it means you should be able to subsidise the cost, alone. Another household with joint Income the same as yours would be expected to subsidise without anyone else to contribute.

Unless your EX’s earnings were also taken into account towards her funding calculation but you’ve left that out?

Her step father's income is part of the funding because he lives with OP and her Dd. He also has a child at uni

AllTheSingleLadiess · 07/08/2021 16:02

@Lotusmonster

If his parents are alive, what about asking them if they’d like to contribute?

Did you miss the update about her inheritance? They left her money but her dad used it for school fees

Goldbar · 07/08/2021 16:02

If he's spent her inheritance, the better solution would be to threaten him with the police and a civil suit through the courts if he doesn't hand over a sum equal to her inheritance to be used to support her at university. If he was trustee of the money, he could go to jail and his house/assets could be sold to pay your DD back.

Justmeandme19 · 07/08/2021 16:03

Really don't think there be a lot to gain by going to court. Your daughter would probably find the process stressful and potentially make their relationship more problematic. Yes he may be ordered to pay, but if he didn't it would involve another court hesring to inforce it.
Don't bother honestly, maybe there's another family member who could help out financially or something.

Lotusmonster · 07/08/2021 16:06

@tiredofthisshit21

Thanks for the responses. My husband has his own son at uni right now so I don't think it's fair for him to contribute. The system is so unfair.

The system is unfair OP. It sucks. Let’s hope the law changes on this.

Justmeandme19 · 07/08/2021 16:06

I'm pretty sure a trustee can choose to spend up to 50% of the money on the person's upbringing. This was something I asked about while seeing a solicitor about my will and guardianship of my young children.

Bathsheba1878 · 07/08/2021 16:11

I was in the identical situation to you and used Schedule 1 of the Children Act to make my son’s father pay towards his university fees (my son also starts in September). So it can be done. The difference is that I started the process last year so that I was still able to act on my son’s behalf as he was still under 18. If your daughter is over 18 she could use the same legal route but everything would have to be done by her. That wasn’t something my son was willing to do (he has a tenuous relationship with his dad and didn’t want to take him to Court as it would make things worse). If your daughter has no relationship with her dad she may be willing to do it. My ex settled voluntarily in the end as he was advised that he’d lose if it went to court. Please pm me if you’d like more details.

Iwonder08 · 07/08/2021 16:14

It is a good lesson for your young adult daughter. If she doesn't want to be controlled and wants to be independent then she has to take care of herself. Plenty of students work alongside their studies. He has no responsibilities to pay for uni and the likelihood of him paying given she has no contact with him is zero. You are wasting your time and you shouldn't tell your daughter her dad will/should pay anything at all

Original poster

tiredofthisshit21 · 07/08/2021 16:26

Am surprised by some of the responses. I thought MN hated men who didn't financially support their children? It feels like I'm meant to be ok about the fact that he's not paid maintenance, stolen her inheritance and fucked her up mentally. I'll just have to console myself with a big old celebration when the fucker dies.

OP posts:

layladomino · 07/08/2021 16:32

I don't think that's what people are saying. It's frustrating and unfair but the fact is he has no legal obligation to fund his DC through uni. Decent parents who can afford to (and not everyone can), help their children through uni, but many aren't able to.

Not paying maintenance for 2 years / withholding her inheritance are however another matter. I see you are pursuing this through the courts and I hope you are successful. Whilst a trustee can choose to use some money for the child's upbringing I'm certain that doesn't mean that a father can use his own child's inheritance so he doesn't have to pay maintenance. Surely the courts can't see it any other way?

The man sounds vile op, and I hope you are successful. But in the meantime, you can't make him pay towards uni.

Howshouldibehave · 07/08/2021 16:35

@tiredofthisshit21

Am surprised by some of the responses. I thought MN hated men who didn't financially support their children? It feels like I'm meant to be ok about the fact that he's not paid maintenance, stolen her inheritance and fucked her up mentally. I'll just have to console myself with a big old celebration when the fucker dies.

I’m more surprised that you are clearly aware he’s financial unreliable, but have left it until weeks before your daughter is going to university to wonder if he will be paying for it!?

Original poster

tiredofthisshit21 · 07/08/2021 16:38

@Howshouldibehave he has said all along that he will support so (stupidly, maybe) I didn't doubt it. It's only when I tried to pin him down on the amount that he's started to get difficult. We have been discussing this for the last couple of years. It's not like I've left it til the last minute.

OP posts:

Wolframhart · 07/08/2021 16:38

I had a court order for uni support. My dad willingly put it in to their agreement when he and my mom split. The man has many faults, but he would never not support his children’s education.

Mumsnet will rightfully delete my post if I use the descriptive terms that I think should be applied to fathers who use divorce as an excuse not to help their kid’s get a proper education so I will keep this clean. The law as it exists is incredibly flawed. He is morally, absolutely wrong.

girlmom21 · 07/08/2021 16:42

@tiredofthisshit21

Am surprised by some of the responses. I thought MN hated men who didn't financially support their children? It feels like I'm meant to be ok about the fact that he's not paid maintenance, stolen her inheritance and fucked her up mentally. I'll just have to console myself with a big old celebration when the fucker dies.

So really you just came for a slagging off session, with no real care for an answer to your actual question?

We don't have to like him or his decisions to give you some common sense responses.

Original poster

tiredofthisshit21 · 07/08/2021 16:44

Of course I wanted the answer. I wanted to know if he's legally liable. I object to the 'well what did you expect' type answers. This isn't AIBU so I didn't expect to be attacked.

OP posts:

Bathsheba1878 · 07/08/2021 16:47

If you google ‘Schedule 1 of the Children Act 1989 Periodical Payments Order’ you will see that this can be used for further education. I think it tends to be used particularly when the parent who doesn’t want to pay is a high earner. I had no diffusing finding a solicitor who specialised in this area of the law - there are several.

JovialNickname · 07/08/2021 16:47

As you are the resident parent, and as you are married, her student finance will be calculated on yours and your husbands income - so yes your current partner is expected to contribute. This is a responsibility he legally took on when marrying you.

Sadly her father is not counted in the student finance calculations, so even though it would be nice if he chose to contribute; he is under no obligation to do so. (Neither are you actually, but as her support is calculated on your household income it is expected that you will meet the parental financial contribution that Student Finance give to you)

Bathsheba1878 · 07/08/2021 16:48

Difficulty not diffusing!

Original poster

tiredofthisshit21 · 07/08/2021 16:49

@Bathsheba1878

If you google ‘Schedule 1 of the Children Act 1989 Periodical Payments Order’ you will see that this can be used for further education. I think it tends to be used particularly when the parent who doesn’t want to pay is a high earner. I had no diffusing finding a solicitor who specialised in this area of the law - there are several.

Thank you. I will give that a try if need be.

OP posts:

JovialNickname · 07/08/2021 16:50

The above post refers to government Student Finance support only, not your ex's responsibility for child maintenance payments which are a different thing.

gogohm · 07/08/2021 16:58

There's no legal imperative and to be honest, as she hasn't got contact by her own choice that's hardly surprising hes refusing, asking for money when she's chosen not to have a relationship would never go down well. I have an agreement that my ex is paying sufficient spousal to cover university costs

Booboobadoo · 07/08/2021 17:06

I think he's awful not to pay towards his daughter's education. Surprised at those who are saying that they're not surprised he's not supporting her as she's not in contact with him, when it's his actions that have caused a rift. So if you're a crap dad and your child doesn't want to see you because if this, it's perfectly fine not to support them financially. He may not be legally obliged to support her, but he's a complete shit not to. I also can't imagine shoving my DC out of the door at the age of 18 and abandoning all responsibility towards them.

vivainsomnia · 07/08/2021 17:12

Are you saying that the money he paid each month for all those years for maintenance was money he took monthly from the trust? If so, I'm sure it could be challenged.

Or are you saying that he used the money in the trust to spend on specific things like education, holidays, clubs and activities? If so, he probably as a trustee had the right to do so. He didn't need to tell her how the money was spent when she was a child.

Regardless of the above though, she wants nothing to do with him. She is not a child anymore but an adult. Many uni kids are in her situation and have no choice but to work to support themselves during their studies. My eldest did and my youngest will now, despite studying for very competitive subjects. They never assume any different. My eldest got a first and finished 2nd of her class. It can be done.

Justmeandme19 · 07/08/2021 17:19

I don't think anyone's saying its exceptable. Just that there is limitations on what can be done.
My childrens father owes £1,000s. On unpaid child maintenance and cost orders from the court. Because of his deliberate circumstances realistically I'm unlikely to see either.

aintgotnotimeforbs · 07/08/2021 17:35

@girlmom21

She's an adult and chooses to be no contact with him but expects him to fund half her lifestyle?

Come on, OP....

My thoughts exactly.

Plenty of people go to uni and have to get a job to fund themselves and their lifestyles Why the OPs precious offspring can't is beyond me.

Jeez the middle class whiners on this site need a good sharp reality check.