Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Can I make ex pay uni costs?

227 replies

tiredofthisshit21 · 07/08/2021 13:40

Wasn't sure where to post this. Looooong back story. Divorced 10+ years, ex is an abusive and controlling twat. DD18 is no contact with him. She's due to go to uni in Sept and due to my salary only qualifies for minimum maintenance loan. I have said I will give her x amount per month and that her dad needs to do the same. I've contacted him about it as she doesn't want to deal with him. Asked him just to set up a direct debit for the same amount as me. (He can more than afford it). He is ignoring messages and I'm worried that he won't contribute. I can't really afford to double what I'm paying. My question is, does he legally have to contribute?

My husband (DD's stepdad) has said he will help if need be so that we don't have to deal with ex. But I don't think he should be let off the hook like that. He hasn't paid maintenance in the last 2 years either.

OP posts:
DinosaurDiana · 07/08/2021 14:01

Your income does not take into account what outgoings you have or how many people you are keeping with that money.
It’s a totally wrong system.

Sally872 · 07/08/2021 14:02

You don't legally have to give her anything so why would he?

I agree he should, but as he hasn't paid for 2 years and doesn't see dd I am not surprised.

thevelvetcurtain · 07/08/2021 14:11

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation

Hang on, are you the same OP who's DD's father stole her inheritance? From a few months back? If so, he should definitely be paying.

AllTheSingleLadiess · 07/08/2021 14:11

www.wiselaw.co.uk/finances-settlements/who-pays-university-fees-after-divorce/

Having googled the answer, your dd can take her dad to court and force him to pay but she wouldn't definitely win and because of court backlogs it might not be sorted in time

Original poster
tiredofthisshit21 · 07/08/2021 14:12

[quote thevelvetcurtain]@EvenMoreFuriousVexation

Hang on, are you the same OP who's DD's father stole her inheritance? From a few months back? If so, he should definitely be paying.[/quote]
Yes I am.

OP posts:
thevelvetcurtain · 07/08/2021 14:15

@tiredofthisshit21 tbh then that changes everything and he absolutely should be paying his half, especially as it's technically her money!

Justmeandme19 · 07/08/2021 14:15

How did he steal her inheritance? Was it not written in the will that x amount was left to her?
Or did the deceased just leave it to her father thinking he would pass it down?.

Plumtree391 · 07/08/2021 14:16

Legally he has no obligation to pay for her after the age of eighteen. Morally, he could give her something. However there's nothing you can do if he won't. Unfortunately.

I hope you find a way to manage this, tiredof.

Original poster
tiredofthisshit21 · 07/08/2021 14:17

@Justmeandme19

How did he steal her inheritance? Was it not written in the will that x amount was left to her? Or did the deceased just leave it to her father thinking he would pass it down?.
He was the trustee and chose to spend it without her knowledge.
OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 07/08/2021 14:20

I think it is clear he won’t pay. However her loan is calculated on your household income and doesn’t include him. It’s you and your husband. It’s his salary I assume that was entered also and is what’s driven her to get thr min?

AbsolutelySure · 07/08/2021 14:35

DD can apply direct to courts to get her dad to pay if she wished to go down that route

Original poster
tiredofthisshit21 · 07/08/2021 14:50

Thanks for the responses. My husband has his own son at uni right now so I don't think it's fair for him to contribute. The system is so unfair.

OP posts:
edwinbear · 07/08/2021 14:58

OP if her inheritance was held in trust, of which he was a trustee, he has certain obligations in that role. (I act as trustee for funds received from a life insurance pay out on behalf of an elderly aunt). You may have some recourse to recover some of her inheritance if he didn’t act in accord with the trust deed. Arguably, if the funds were spent on her school fees, so still being used for her benefit it might be difficult to prove he has misappropriated them, but might be worth a try - if you haven’t already.

Original poster
tiredofthisshit21 · 07/08/2021 15:08

@edwinbear thanks - that's a whole other issue and one which is being persued through the courts.

OP posts:
Dinkiedoo · 07/08/2021 15:08

My ex husband never paid me a penny towards up keep of my son. Gave up work etc so he couldnt be forced to .
Be proud that you have brought up your daughter without his help . Support her as much as you can and be thankful he cant control her . There are always different ways of looking at things .
You sound so angry with him . Maybe its time to let that anger go and put him in the f%%k it bucket

NewIdeasToday · 07/08/2021 15:09

I don’t see how you can make him pay particularly as he hasn’t paid maintenance for the last two years. Can you claim the backdated maintenance and put that towards university costs?

Howshouldibehave · 07/08/2021 15:14

He is ignoring messages and I'm worried that he won't contribute

Your daughter goes to university next month and despite all the history you have with him and the fact he hasn’t paid any maintenance for 2 years and she has no contact with him, you still thought he’d be ok with funding her? That’s really cutting it fine to assume it would all go smoothly.

Original poster
tiredofthisshit21 · 07/08/2021 15:14

It's difficult not to be angry with him while he's continuing to have a negative impact on her life. I don't know whether I can claim backdated maintenance but it's worth looking into. I suspect he fiddles his income (self employed) to hide some of his earnings from the tax man so it might be difficult.

OP posts:
Aprilx · 07/08/2021 15:15

@frazzledasarock

She can take him to court and get an order for him to pu maintenance whislt she’s studying.

It’s actually a thing.

And she does not have to speak to him or have anything to do with him.

As his child he has a financial responsibility towards her whilst she’s studying.

A moral responsibility, yes. A legal one, no he doesn’t and neither does her mother.
AllTheSingleLadiess · 07/08/2021 15:17

@tiredofthisshit21

It's difficult not to be angry with him while he's continuing to have a negative impact on her life. I don't know whether I can claim backdated maintenance but it's worth looking into. I suspect he fiddles his income (self employed) to hide some of his earnings from the tax man so it might be difficult.
HMRC might be interested in the fiddled income.

I think that mismanagement of her inheritance might be worth asking legal advice on.

frazzledasarock · 07/08/2021 15:24

@Aprilx when filling out the finances the resident parents finances are included in the calculations. It’s only if the child is in care or financially independent which students under 25 are not, that the student gets a full loan.

Also speaking from experience my DC will be doing a very full on course with practical unpaid work hours. So won’t be able to work much to subsidise her loan.

DC can go to court and legally force the NRP to pay towards their maintenance whislt studying. It is possible and perfectly legal.

Viviennemary · 07/08/2021 15:24

No he doesnt have to contribute. And she isn't in contact with him and you've not got a good word to say about him. I don't think I would contribute either in his circumstances. Only your household income will be taken into account when working out her entitlements. I agree all studdnts should get the same.

Lonelylooloo · 07/08/2021 15:26

It sucks but at this point DD is an adult. Uni isn’t a requirement it’s a choice. Also if DD has been awarded minimum funding based on your income alone it means you should be able to subsidise the cost, alone. Another household with joint Income the same as yours would be expected to subsidise without anyone else to contribute.

Unless your EX’s earnings were also taken into account towards her funding calculation but you’ve left that out?

Lotusmonster · 07/08/2021 15:40

If you could possibly find any other way, why would you or DD want his money? He sounds just like such a knob. The mental health of someone as they go to Uni and become an adult is such a fragile time….that’s worth so much more. Cut contact. Zero invite to the graduation.

Lotusmonster · 07/08/2021 15:48

If his parents are alive, what about asking them if they’d like to contribute?