Dating thread 209: Summer of Love 2021

[BelladiMamma]

I've put a screenshot of the RULES here

Dear newbies and oldies they're excellent words of wisdom and deserve to be read frequently

Here's to all of us navigating the sea of twats, the tsunami of penpals and the ever receding tide of ghosters

Let's kick them into touch and have a summer of love ❤️

@Misty9 Do they mean in life in general or with men?

If they mean with men then actually is it boredom or are you setting boundaries and knowing what you want so you discard men early on because you're not a good fit.
The latter is perfect, why settle for less?

If they mean in life then this is also ok, I get bored very easily so I have loads of hobbies/interests so I can flit between them all.
I don't really watch TV or movies as I get bored.
Looking for stimulation is perfectly acceptable and is a sign of an active brain (I joke I'm ADHD but I do actually think I might be)

Oh i remember this feeling well! I was always the single friend and usually the only one with an only child too. I really struggled with this in my late 20‘s when my friends were getting pregnant/married. Shyed away from everyone really! Took me till around about 2 years ago to finally BE ok with being the single one at any event. I realized my friends didn‘t see me as this they were just more than happy to have me out with them! And more often than not they‘d be complaining about their partners for one thing or another! But i would still always weigh up the pro‘s and con‘s of going somewhere with a couple group. The girls from work were the worst apart from 1-2 the others always gave me the sympathetic head tilt when i‘d start chatting and be like ‚has it happened for you yet?, oh don‘t worry it will‘ you still have time?‘ Ugh! I‘m the least violent person i know but one of the girls i‘d have loved to have slapped and said jog on and go live your life mine is rather cushty ta very much! Her BF never joined events with her as he didn‘t like her friends…not a relationship i would ever see myself wanting. @WeWantTheFinestWines i honestly don‘t see MrElf‘s height anymore and i‘m so pleased i give him a chance. He told me when he‘d written to some women before meeting me they‘d be so rude and basically tell him to fuck off as he wasn‘t a real man if he wasn‘t over 5‘10. They were literally that vile and direct. So harsh! @Languidleopard have you managed to work out a plan to bump into MrGreenEyes, cup of sugar maybeeee? 🤩 i think @Heartbeats0708 gave him the name! 👏🏻

@BelladiMamma sorry to hear you went through that. I've heard that too about choking being a huge risk factor, am impressed they asked you about I suppose.

@Shuffleuplove we haven't agreed a meet yet, but he's already agreed with me that a quick meet is preferable, so I'm hoping we can work something out next week when I'm child free

@Naimee87 you're my hero in the ridiculous height stakes! I feel so shallow for discarding men for something they have no influence over whatsoever but I just have to accept that it matters to me. And Mr Egology is taller than me. It's men the same height or smaller that I struggle with - or just an inch taller. Yes, oh so shallow.

I have also many times felt very awkwardly single among couples - I am the only person at work (out of 30+) who is not married or on the way to getting married. Thing is, I have sat through boring dates with boring people thinking how much I prefer doing my own thing to having to spend time with someone who bores me. I am not saying all my colleagues are bored (although I'll bet some are) just that it really is better being without a boring man than with one. I've been in the restaurant, at dinner, listening to someone bore on and thought 'we look like a couple, just like the couples I see when I'm feeling a bit lonely, but I'm so bored and would rather be at home with wine and Netflix, and nobody knows but me' - so when I'm at home with wine and Netflix and feeling a bit FOMO I remind myself of being in that place and a) how some of my best times ever have been with friends; and b) how it's about being in the right couple, not just any couple.

@Naimee87

Oh i remember this feeling well! I was always the single friend and usually the only one with an only child too. I really struggled with this in my late 20‘s when my friends were getting pregnant/married. Shyed away from everyone really! Took me till around about 2 years ago to finally BE ok with being the single one at any event. I realized my friends didn‘t see me as this they were just more than happy to have me out with them! And more often than not they‘d be complaining about their partners for one thing or another! But i would still always weigh up the pro‘s and con‘s of going somewhere with a couple group. The girls from work were the worst apart from 1-2 the others always gave me the sympathetic head tilt when i‘d start chatting and be like ‚has it happened for you yet?, oh don‘t worry it will‘ you still have time?‘ Ugh! I‘m the least violent person i know but one of the girls i‘d have loved to have slapped and said jog on and go live your life mine is rather cushty ta very much! Her BF never joined events with her as he didn‘t like her friends…not a relationship i would ever see myself wanting. *@WeWantTheFinestWines i honestly don‘t see MrElf‘s height anymore and i‘m so pleased i give him a chance. He told me when he‘d written to some women before meeting me they‘d be so rude and basically tell him to fuck off as he wasn‘t a real man if he wasn‘t over 5‘10. They were literally that vile and direct. So harsh! @Languidleopard have you managed to work out a plan to bump into MrGreenEyes, cup of sugar maybeeee? 🤩 i think @Heartbeats0708* gave him the name! 👏🏻

@Naimee87 😆 Sadly I don't know which flat this guy lives in. And it's quite a big block. Did I mention he smells really good too? OK I'm torturing myself now. He's probably gay, married or in a LTR.

I think it didn't help that I only knew one of the couples, so also felt a bit on the back foot. Also, I didn't get very warm vibes off one of the women - felt a bit like I was seen as a threat? Dunno.

@SortingItOut I'm not sure if they mean in regards to men or my whole life! But I definitely have boundaries and know what I need - after leaving one marriage I'm not settling. We sound quite similar in that I have an extremely active brain (goes with the job) and have questioned whether I have adhd even did screeners but don't meet threshold. My best friend, bless her, reframed it as I have lots of different interests - but I haven't ever really felt I do have particular interests, so this is intriguing. One to think on. I definitely need a match in the brain department.

[quote Naimee87]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards no way, we‘re absolutely fine [heart] i love hearing your updates too… and i‘m all ears for the next chats you get started up! 🤩💕[/quote]
@Naimee87 🙂❤️😘

@WeWantTheFinestWines oooh Me Exology sounds promising!

Hi.. I've been lurking a while and wondered if i could join all of you amazing, brave ladies.
I separated from my husband in Feb and moved out. I joined tinder and bumble lsst month and have gained a few penpals and a few chatters...i an going on a first date on Wednesday with a guy from Bumble. We swapped numbers and have spoken every day for a week. He seems very keen. I will call him Mr Talker as he really does chat away quite easily .

If I'm not more careful with my spelling, Mr Ecology will turn into Mr Sexology before I've even met him! 🤣

He's Mr Ecology...

My date zero is not happening today. Family issues mean he is not in the headspace so that’s that - mr TG all over again. At least I didn’t meet and get totally invested.
Back into the sot I go

I had my first ever ‘I’m the only single’ feeling at a family event recently and I was so down about it - until I remembered all the family events my exH refused to come to or ruined by being an arse and that got me out of my mood!
I have today and tomorrow child free and off work so going to have some self care time and the men can wait

Misty9 I think I have ADHD. Two of my kids do. I might be under the threshold for a diagnosis but I’ve defo got the traits and self medicate with caffeine.

Hello @Dropdeadfred2. I’m new to all this too but am only on one site. It takes up a lot of mental space I find!

@Misty9 Alot of women 'fail' the ADHD tests because they actually have inattentive ADHD whereas males tend to have hyperactive ADHD.

Have a google about inattentive ADHD, it describes me to a tee.

I think it was vangogh and possibly belladi who talked about this on our last thread.

It was my DD who first mentioned it to me as she had googled it and thinks she has it and when I read up on it I realised it was exactly me.

@Shuffleuplove When you say that you self medicate with caffeine, do you mean you use it to calm your brain down?

Coffee does nothing for me, I take a coffee to bed with me every night and have no problem falking asleep whereas most people would be too wired to sleep

Welcome @Dropdeadfred2 I've new to the world of OLD too 🙂

Good luck with your Wednesday date. Where are you meeting?

@Shuffleuplove

Hello *@Dropdeadfred2*. I’m new to all this too but am only on one site. It takes up a lot of mental space I find!

@Shuffleuplove... Thanks!! I've acually turned off my tinder profile. I couldn't cope!!

@WeWantTheFinestWines

If I'm not more careful with my spelling, Mr Ecology will turn into Mr Sexology before I've even met him! 🤣

He's Mr Ecology...

Mr Sexology 😆

@Languidleopard

Welcome *@Dropdeadfred2* I've new to the world of OLD too 🙂

Good luck with your Wednesday date. Where are you meeting?

We are going to meet at a pub a mile or so away from me. Its about 15 miles for him i think. I did suggest we met halfway but he was happy to travel. I'm only nervous that ask the phone chat had built it up slightly. Now I've read on this thread that most of you don't suggest too much of that for just that reason!! He's also 10 years younger than me so i hope he's not disappointed in the flesh!!

Can i ask... what is a date zero?? If that first date??

@SortingItOut yes TONS of caffeine helps me focus. I tried some of my son’s meds () and didn’t like it at all.

Re build up before Date Zero - how much is too much? I am prone to obsessing and over thinking.

@Misty9 that must have been a horrid feeling. But - you were brave enough to go! Lots of people might not, so kudos to you.

@Shuffleuplove it’s normal and natural to feel excited before a date zero!

@WeWantTheFinestWines mr sexology sounds kind of interesting 😏

I just had another random flirty encounter with a guy who was mid 50’s! He was extremely hot!! Im obviously on a roll right now 🥰

@Dropdeadfred2

Can i ask... what is a date zero?? If that first date??

Date zero is the first meet. If you think of it as a coffee getting to know you do I want to date you meet, it can take the stress out

Hi everyone,

Just want to say thank you for all your support over the past couple of days. I don't know what I would do without this thread and all the wonderful people on it 🙂

So I'm ironless once more, I shall have to live though you all. 🥰

I know I'll find someone but it's probably not my time to meet someone yet ❤️