Dating thread 209: Summer of Love 2021

[BelladiMamma]

I've put a screenshot of the RULES here

Dear newbies and oldies they're excellent words of wisdom and deserve to be read frequently

Here's to all of us navigating the sea of twats, the tsunami of penpals and the ever receding tide of ghosters

Let's kick them into touch and have a summer of love ❤️

@SortingItOut yes I've looked at inattentive too - diagnosing this kind of thing is part of my job, but I know it's a bit different when it's yourself...

Good luck @Dropdeadfred2 - I'd like a talker to match me!

@Shuffleuplove

Re build up before Date Zero - how much is too much? I am prone to obsessing and over thinking.

In a way it's almost better to feel excited because then you're looking forward to it, you're not nervous x

[quote Misty9]@SortingItOut yes I've looked at inattentive too - diagnosing this kind of thing is part of my job, but I know it's a bit different when it's yourself...

Good luck @Dropdeadfred2 - I'd like a talker to match me! [/quote]
My daughter is going for her assessment end September and like a lot of you here I read through her stuff and I was like, oooh that's me 🤦🏻‍♀️😳

Quick irons update

LawyerFlake still sending me good morning messages. I sent a couple of easy questions back like, what are your plans today etc. I also told him I was free tomorrow for a coffee. So far so nothing! I'm going to leave him a very polite voice note tomorrow pointing out that I'm not a penpal service, that in fact I would like to buy him a coffee to say thanks for what he did when I was in A&E but if he ignores my attempts to meet up he can't message me anymore.

BeardFlake is now asking me how we can have a relationship and if I have any solutions. I've told him the ball is in his court and given him a fairly robust idea of what my boundaries are. I'm up for FWB but not flakiness.

MrIrish doesn't have a car, which is why he was coy about organising a meet. He's reliant on public transport and therefore doesn't go out in my city much during the week. He's being very cute and very charming. Definitely fancy him.

Everyone else is trundling along in the background with no date zero's or video chats fixed. MissGinger is keen so I should probably let her know I've friendzone'd her. She's lovely, a right laugh but not my type.

@WeWantTheFinestWines

If I'm not more careful with my spelling, Mr Ecology will turn into Mr Sexology before I've even met him! 🤣

He's Mr Ecology...

Sorry I think no specs and sausage fingers in my own post didn't help that! Although tbf I am secretly hoping the typo takes on 😆

@BelladiMamma

Quick irons update

LawyerFlake still sending me good morning messages. I sent a couple of easy questions back like, what are your plans today etc. I also told him I was free tomorrow for a coffee. So far so nothing! I'm going to leave him a very polite voice note tomorrow pointing out that I'm not a penpal service, that in fact I would like to buy him a coffee to say thanks for what he did when I was in A&E but if he ignores my attempts to meet up he can't message me anymore.

BeardFlake is now asking me how we can have a relationship and if I have any solutions. I've told him the ball is in his court and given him a fairly robust idea of what my boundaries are. I'm up for FWB but not flakiness.

MrIrish doesn't have a car, which is why he was coy about organising a meet. He's reliant on public transport and therefore doesn't go out in my city much during the week. He's being very cute and very charming. Definitely fancy him.

Everyone else is trundling along in the background with no date zero's or video chats fixed. MissGinger is keen so I should probably let her know I've friendzone'd her. She's lovely, a right laugh but not my type.

Also secretly hoping we get to add 'Flake' to the official naming conventions in the Thread Rules 😆

Absolutely love your straight talking boundary setting Bella. 👏

@FireandBrimstone I've actually updated their names to that on my phone 😂😂😂

[quote BelladiMamma]@FireandBrimstone I've actually updated their names to that on my phone 😂😂😂[/quote]
Love it!!!

@FireandBrimstone if nothing else we need to get some laffs from this OLD malarkey 😂🤦🏻‍♀️

[quote Misty9]@SortingItOut yes I've looked at inattentive too - diagnosing this kind of thing is part of my job, but I know it's a bit different when it's yourself...

Good luck @Dropdeadfred2 - I'd like a talker to match me! [/quote]
Thanks @Misty9. I'm excited but nervous.... talking on the phone seems easier than face to face.

@BelladiMamma having read s free threads I'm in awe of your OLD expertise.

Everyone on here sounds great!! These men are crazy if they don't want you all

I meant read a few threads..

I think it was vangogh and possibly belladi who talked about this on our last thread.

Yep, I recently scored high for ADHD (as well as ASD), though I am far from hyperactive, and PTSD. The behaviours are similar between ASD and cPTSD, so it's really hard to know which it might be.
I've long suspected that I have attachment disorder though

But none of these diagnosis matter unless medication will help and I'm not sure it will and not sure even if it might that I would want to try it - the side effects of anti depressants years ago put me right off!

@VanGoghsDog

I think it was vangogh and possibly belladi who talked about this on our last thread.

Yep, I recently scored high for ADHD (as well as ASD), though I am far from hyperactive, and PTSD. The behaviours are similar between ASD and cPTSD, so it's really hard to know which it might be.
I've long suspected that I have attachment disorder though

But none of these diagnosis matter unless medication will help and I'm not sure it will and not sure even if it might that I would want to try it - the side effects of anti depressants years ago put me right off!

Yup. I'm prepared to live with it now, the major impact would have been when I was still in education and would have benefited from targeted help - not necessarily AD's.

I'm quite resourceful and have found lots of my own 'hacks' to deal with it. I haven't had a meltdown since I was a child and all the stuff like certain textures giving me the ick I can more or less avoid. Years ago I changed my working patterns and I can now work from home which really helps.

I don't feel like the negatives outweigh the positives, I don't have the addiction issues that some ADHD family members have & actually am high functioning. I am concerned about my financial future now that I don't have the stability of a relationship where someone else has a regular wage but I've got the house etc so should be ok

Still nothing from Mr Cricket, last time we saw each other we had a good time which is why I don't get this silence. I know I wasn't my usual self (it was only a week after my cat died) but we still chatted the whole time and he was so sweet telling me to give my other cat a hug from him. I know due to his holiday and him getting covid we haven't seen each other for 4 weeks but he was still messaging on Wednesday.

I was feeling down earlier and thinking maybe I'm not good enough for him but that isn't true. My life has taken a battering recently, and I'm probably just being insecure.

But tomorrow is a new week. I'm going back to the gym after having to take 3 weeks off due to injury and I shall put my big girl pants on and message Mr Cricket and ask him if he wants to do dinner or lunch(there's a new restaurant in a town we both go to I want to try, seems an ideal excuse). Sometimes I have to tell myself to stop worrying.

@Isitreallyme177

Nothing from Mr Penpal too. If I message him he will reply though. Don't know if I should

@ActonSquirrel it's difficult isn't it. I know if I messaged about cricket (England were playing today) he'd answer but I'd just be doing that to get a message from him. I want him to message me first or at least reply to my last message.

@ActonSquirrel @Isitreallyme177 I totally sympathise with the pen pals. I've come to a realisation today that it is actually tiring keeping these flake penpals going. I've met MrIrish a voice note and said we should meet before I go away otherwise I wouldn't be able to keep messaging so much

@Dropdeadfred2 if he's agreed to travel it sounds like he's keen and considerate, two good signs to kick off with! I think having a rapport on the phone is also positive.

As for the age thing, I've had relationships with blokes 10 years younger and 10 years older and it was a total non-issue in both cases.

all quiet here but just to say I love the "IronFlake" phrase as well @BelladiMamma! So we can keep track of the "nice enough guy but flaky" types.

Sounds weird but for me it stings less if you just "accept" someone is flaky and categorise them as such.

I'm having a bad day. Woke up feeling really down. Had a good old cry. Msg MrBE and canx our 'date' for tonight. We probably would have just ended up back on his boat and I can't be arsed! He just sent a msg back - hope you feel better soon. No xx's.
So, I decided to give him a bit more detail - explained about coming off my HRT and Zyban. I know it's not sexy and will no doubt put him off but if I can't be honest, what's the point?
Just checked and he read my second msg an hour ago but hasn't replied

@Walkingalot

I'm having a bad day. Woke up feeling really down. Had a good old cry. Msg MrBE and canx our 'date' for tonight. We probably would have just ended up back on his boat and I can't be arsed! He just sent a msg back - hope you feel better soon. No xx's. So, I decided to give him a bit more detail - explained about coming off my HRT and Zyban. I know it's not sexy and will no doubt put him off but if I can't be honest, what's the point? Just checked and he read my second msg an hour ago but hasn't replied

Sorry to hear this :( it's horrible when that support is missing. Hope you feel better soon

@languidleopard thank you. I hope you're right. I don't see this as being long term thing regardless as his profile said he wants more children.... mine said I had some and didn't want more... but he still matched with me ...???

@SpringlikeBunk

all quiet here but just to say I love the "IronFlake" phrase as well *@BelladiMamma*! So we can keep track of the "nice enough guy but flaky" types.

Sounds weird but for me it stings less if you just "accept" someone is flaky and categorise them as such.

I think these are the guys that IRL you might do ok with if you had a routine in common with eg sports club / work. But I think they find it hard to step out of their comfort zone.

I know it's early days but I'm feeling real flake vibes from MrIrish. He's messaging me all the time but to me that's 'I've got time to message you but not the time or courage to meet'.

@Walkingalot

I'm having a bad day. Woke up feeling really down. Had a good old cry. Msg MrBE and canx our 'date' for tonight. We probably would have just ended up back on his boat and I can't be arsed! He just sent a msg back - hope you feel better soon. No xx's. So, I decided to give him a bit more detail - explained about coming off my HRT and Zyban. I know it's not sexy and will no doubt put him off but if I can't be honest, what's the point? Just checked and he read my second msg an hour ago but hasn't replied

I'm really sorry to hear that. Boo sucks to the lack of sympathy.