Dating thread 209: Summer of Love 2021

[BelladiMamma]

I've put a screenshot of the RULES here

Dear newbies and oldies they're excellent words of wisdom and deserve to be read frequently

Here's to all of us navigating the sea of twats, the tsunami of penpals and the ever receding tide of ghosters

Let's kick them into touch and have a summer of love ❤️

@Alexandradream did you hear anything further from the guy who was messaging about meeting today?
I can really relate to a lot of your current situation.

However I will say m based on my own very limited experience to date that the ratio of plonkers/flakers/sexters/bots/slobs to good guys is very, very high. I hope yours is one of the good guys.

@Catcorn as is abundantly clear to me so far from what I'm learning on this thread, there isn't exactly a 'wrong way'. But - see paragraph above. Ans I guess you can't really tell from messages alone what people are like so some people choose to keep a few chats running, to help some initial weeding.

I read somewhere that 9 is the maximum recommended number of chats people doing OLD should maintain at any one time. All I can say is is should be so fedkin lucky

@Shayelle2009

It was weird in the supermarket yesterday I was eyeing up someone who was a lot older than what I’d usually go for, he was mid 50’s I’d say, very attractive. I’d not set that age range on the crApps but just goes to show real life can present you with people who you wouldn’t normally think you’d be interested in.

Yes to this! There is a guy who lives in my block of flats who I always feel a jolt of chemistry with when I end up in the lift with him or see him around the building.

Not my usual type at all, my height and stocky. But he has the most amazing smile and green eyes. He also has a very interesting vibe which is soothing and tingly at the same time. I would not swipe right because of the height issue but IRL I find him very attractive.

I saw him a couple of weeks ago in the corridor and we had a slightly awkward "hello how are you, I'm fine" kind of conversation. I blathered on for a bit about nonsense before making my excuses and going. I have no idea how to move beyond this stage though, and only bump onto him every few weeks. I feel like I just embarrass myself everytime. It's like an adult version of a crush

Congratulations @Naimee87 well done!

Thanks for all the comments on the video calls

I’m trying to see them as a “way to find a definite no for really bad conversational skills” device rather than to “create chemistry”? As my time is getting tighter now.

I don’t mind if the conversation isn’t “sparkling” or interesting at first but seeing some of the date descriptions just reminded me of those guys who were just “total no-goers” as in asking invasive questions? I don’t mean sexy or non sexy voice just actually offensive and unpleasant to be with.

Plus there’s effort in the scheduling so if the guy is flaky or a timewaster it’s easier to spot?

I had one video call with a guy last year (different city) and it was a great way of saying “no” as he turned up late and conversation was ok but he was clearly watching something during it and hadn’t scheduled it in properly!

So when he suggested coming to my city it was good to know it wasn’t going to work before committing the time! (He was polite by message)

@Naimee87 Congratulations. Well done🥳

@Shayelle2009 You are correct, today was the day. I didn't think it would happen as Mr K isn't staying over currently due to his cracked rib so just came over for the evening and went home at 9pm.
Before he went I mentioned it and he said we could but early as he has to get his son (which is fair enough).
Then this morning he messaged about it - the upshot is that I've met her, she is lovely, we chatted loads and Mr K said we barely stopped for breath we chatted so much😂

I feel so much better about our relationship (not that meeting his family should validate our relationship) as I was feeling far too vulnerable and more committed and I hated feeling like that.

I'm so glad I was able to speak to him the other night and he took my feelings on board and did something about it.

I agree @Languidleopard 🙂❤️

@Naimee87 congratulations for passing your test! So happy for you 🎊😘❤️

That is lovely @SortingItOut, meeting the folks really gives it some depth I always feel. And sounds like she likes you which is a big bonus!!

@Languidleopard my ex was my neighbour 🙂 you need to ramp up that flirting 😜

Good luck @Isitreallyme177.. with mr cricket and sorting the room ☺️

[quote SortingItOut]@Naimee87 Congratulations. Well done🥳

@Shayelle2009 You are correct, today was the day. I didn't think it would happen as Mr K isn't staying over currently due to his cracked rib so just came over for the evening and went home at 9pm.
Before he went I mentioned it and he said we could but early as he has to get his son (which is fair enough).
Then this morning he messaged about it - the upshot is that I've met her, she is lovely, we chatted loads and Mr K said we barely stopped for breath we chatted so much😂

I feel so much better about our relationship (not that meeting his family should validate our relationship) as I was feeling far too vulnerable and more committed and I hated feeling like that.

I'm so glad I was able to speak to him the other night and he took my feelings on board and did something about it.[/quote]
@SortingItOut It's great to hear about you experiencing wobbles and worries and facing them together and dealing with them. It's giving me hope 🙏 thank you.

@Shayelle2009

That is lovely *@SortingItOut*, meeting the folks really gives it some depth I always feel. And sounds like she likes you which is a big bonus!!

@Languidleopard my ex was my neighbour 🙂 you need to ramp up that flirting 😜

Good luck @Isitreallyme177.. with mr cricket and sorting the room ☺️

Haha, I'll try but he makes me feel a bit flustered tbh. His eyes are just too 😍

Yay @SortingItOut! What a nice update!

I’ve had to pull one of my irons out the fire a bit to cool. He was texting all all all the time and I couldn’t get anything done!

The iron I’m actually interested in, Mr Social Conscience, said “chat later” yesterday and then didn’t.

I’ve just sent them both a little message. A bit like bellows at a forge...

Wonderful update @SortingItOut! ❤️

Great update @SortingItOut. I’ve been following your posts about this as I am in a similar position with Mr V, although sadly his mom has passed away. I haven’t met his sister or any of his small inner circle of lifelong friends and have raised it with him a couple of times. I have very few family here for him to meet and I rarely see them myself. He has met my best friend and he’s seen my late DH’s family on zoom calls when we were doing quizzes in lockdown. I have remained very close to my DH’s family and I have always been treated as part of the clan. They’re a big, loving boisterous group of people and my DDs love being around them. It’s their link to their Dad and vice versa. Next week there’s a party - they live 30+ miles away and I’m still not sure if taking Mr V would be okay. Maybe a step too far to take my new partner to my late husband’s family party ?! Mr V knows about it but it’s also the weekend closest to his DD’s birthday and as she lives even further away he’s not sure if he will travel to see her on the same day as the party. I might have a more relaxing time without him there given the slightly odd dynamic but equally I would like him to be there as it adds further validation to our RS, making it more real. Similar to you Sorting much of our dating so far has taken place with Covid in the background which he has used by way of explanation as to why I haven’t met anyone close to him. I think if I haven’t met them soon I will have to force the issue. So I’m glad that you have managed to take that step with Mr K.

@SortingItOut

That sounds really great - and good for you for showing the emotional confidence taking the steps to "engage" and progress things rather than just "let it slide" - I'm an avoidant myself and I think it's easy for me to "tell myself things don't matter to me" when actually they do?

Thanks everyone, I feel like everything was dealt with in an adult way and I'm quite proud of myself for raising it.
My attachment style is disorganised/fearful so that doesn't help either.

@Onesmallstep67 I hadn't told Mr K that I planned to end it if I didn't meet them as that sounds like blackmail but I was ready to end things before September when we would reach 2 years.

Covid has a lot to answer for with dating and meeting others.
I hope Mr V steps up and introduces you soon.
I'm not sure I'd take him to a family party just yet unless you think he would fit in, nothing worse than a new partner who sits in the corner and doesn't speak to people and you feel like you have to keep them entertained.
Luckily Mr K is very talkative which is just as well as I've got 3 things coming up soon that involve friends/family and I've invited him to them all. I know I can leave him while I chat and dance which is a weight off my mind (not like my ex husband who hated events and didn't join in)

Well it's been three days of swiping since BeardFlake flaked.

And I've got to the end of Bumble. And I have 12 matches and 8 chats. Plus MrLawyerFlake, MrCypriot, MrItaly, MissGinger (about to friendzone) & MissChelsea.

My adhd tendencies are really helpful in these circumstances. 😂😂😂

@Onesmallstep67 that’s so lovely how you’re a close part of your late DH’s family 💗

BeardFlake and I are still messaging. Hoping it brings closure but I am thinking it probably won't.

I'm going to give the best chat a name. MrIrish. He wants to meet in two weekends time as he has his parents over for a while. Hmmm. Not sure why he can't get out on a school night before they arrive but there you are 🤷🏻‍♀️ probably another avoidant commitment phobe 😂🤦🏻‍♀️

This will be long (yay)

@Dancerinthemoonlight sorry to hear the date was rubbish. I'm so bad at awkward silences and end up oversharing or rambling to fill them. But also hearing about the date @WeWantTheFinestWines had? where all he did was chat about himself. Screams to me they are lonely really and have no one to talk to. We aren't therapists!
@cravingthelook this is also tough to hear, MrS said this as well to me when i thought we were moving forward. It was such a shock. He thought it unfair of him to keep me attached to him when he thought i deserved more. So basically he didn't have any hangups sharing me! Lovely! Looking back on it it i genuinely think this is how he felt and i was i convinced myself the fantastic sex meant we were headed in the right direction and would become a proper couple. But really there was never any chance i was going to be changing his mind at all. @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards everyone comes with baggage these days and seems this could be very heavy to deal. BUT that said perhaps he is trying to be honest with you. I think as red-flaggy as it sounds most date 'o's should take place because it is really hard to tell who you will or won't have that special IRLife connection with. I've found often those who you really think are going to work out fail and the ones your a little like 'meh' about turn out to surprise you. @cravingthelook, great about the new job! Hopefully be me in a few months i feel for you going through this but definitely wise to get rid. Amazing how special men can make you feel just amazing and so special one minute and like you are so important to them and then don't give a fuck the next. Good Luck with the shingles, had them years ago not fun but also don't remember them being a massive hassle either! @Isitreallyme177 good luck with the spare room. A friend of my mum's had a awful lodger who did much the same thing. What is wrong with people these days, where are all the decent human beans? As for MrCricket if he is bringing more misery than joy definitely time to let him know how you're feeling so you can get out of limbo-land.@bhub thanks for the congratulations and hope all goes well with MrItaly! Update when you can (perhaps already on here, the thread moves at lightning speed) @Iamclearlyamug thanks! no updates on your irons, i recall a MrFencing? but perhaps muddled up a bit. The best one was yachting off wasn't he? How posh! Will you keep in contact? @Shayelle2009 have you seen 'love is blind' on Netflix, so trashy and american but so worth the watch. It's amazingly cringe! Sadly i have finished it now.
So MrElf has headed off to pick up spare clothes and gather his stuff for his trip! I'm very curious to see what time he'll be back and how long his 'i'll be an hour' really is... wish i could just relax into this i'm scared 1) something else is going on when he's out/about and he hasn't told me about it 2) he'll just not come back. And i can back up neither of these concerns up with anything other than my own worry-some-overthinking-mind. Don't want to push him away with feeling like this. @SortingItOut glad the discussions with MrK went well and you seem to understand one anothers concerns. Sometimes i guess we feel they can read our minds but often whats glaringly (is that a word) obvious to us just isn't to them! We may also have the same attachment style as i feel very similar. @Languidleopard you described MrElf a little bit i'm 5'4 he's 5'6 and like you i would never have swiped on him had his height been on his profile. I'd definitely make an effort to try catch him again and get chatting to him, find out his story.

Just catching up and checking in. Had a wonderful few days with Mr D. I still worry he's a little bit quiet- when it's just the two of us I don't mind it one bit, it feels natural and comfortable. But out and about, I don't know. Maybe I'm a waffler?! Other than that little niggle it's perfect 🥰
Fantastic news @Naimee87 well bloody done!!
Great to hear that your chat and subsequent meeting with Mum went well @SortingItOut bravo for making your needs known and sticking to it.
Was also gobsmacked at BeardFlake @BelladiMamma I didn't see that coming at all!
And @Languidleopard you need to engineer a situation with Mr GreenEyes 😍

Just had my first date after a breakup a few weeks ago. Made me realise I’m not ready. Feel weird and vulnerable as we slept together. Back off the apps I go…I’m so impatient with these things! I’ll have to live vicariously through all of you

@Shayelle2009 🙂💛💛💛

@Naimee87 I do get what your saying, but I what pissed me off Is he did this big 'reveal' thing where he just brought it up. It didn't sit well with me at all, and the way he brushed it aside with the 'oh, it's fine, it's nearly finished.'
thing was unbelievable. I didn't want to get involved with a nightmare situation with him and his ex or his kids. It's not my responsibility to deal with that, and if I did persevere with dating him, I would have all that to deal with. ❤️

@StartingAgain33

Just had my first date after a breakup a few weeks ago. Made me realise I’m not ready. Feel weird and vulnerable as we slept together. Back off the apps I go…I’m so impatient with these things! I’ll have to live vicariously through all of you

Bless you ♥️

I think we've all been there. Just sit with your feelings for a while, do what you need to do and watch a chick flick or hit the gym or phone a friend xxx

*you're. The pitfalls of being a fast Typist! 😂🤣😅❤️