Dating thread 209: Summer of Love 2021

[BelladiMamma]

I've put a screenshot of the RULES here

Dear newbies and oldies they're excellent words of wisdom and deserve to be read frequently

Here's to all of us navigating the sea of twats, the tsunami of penpals and the ever receding tide of ghosters

Let's kick them into touch and have a summer of love ❤️

Have just caught up with you all - glad to see there have been some good zero and 1st dates - good luck with all those scheduled 🤞

Update from me:

MrWG suddenly got all 'I can see you then, then, then, then or then, or all of them, whenever you want', which was a bit out of the blue (I wonder if something happened with another woman). It's definitely casual, he says he is 'not boyfriend material' (I probably agree with this, but not for the same reasons he thinks it!).

So, I've seen him a few times recently and he's due here this evening.
He is definitely submissive so we're exploring what that means for both of us. Not DTD yet (argh!) but again, I think we're getting there.

MrBee - this guy is so undynamic. So, we had Date0 walk and can of pop; date1 meet at pub, drink, walk, drink, back to first pub (4 hours or so); date 2 at his house, he made scones with cream and jam. It was a bit dull at his house, just sitting chatting, with tea, then he made scones, more tea.
I like his dog.
We've both been away a bit, he's asked if I want to meet up again, I've said yes and did he have anything in mind and he just came back saying he's free as he's off work (I'm not off work) and he doesn't have the dog until tomorrow. So, apparently I am supposed to decide what to do?
I guess it's my turn to host him but I feel odd inviting him to mine. Maybe this is an indication that I'm not interested enough. I can't see him tonight anyway.

If I see MrBee and sleep with him I'll have to stop seeing MrWG, obviously, and I don't really know if I want to do that.

OTOH, I am aware that I am always attracted to the unavailable exciting men and not to the steady available reliable ones and that this is not a sustainable model for obvious reasons!

I feel like I should give MrBee another chance, but do what, exactly? I feel like his comment about the dog means he can't go out to dinner or anything.

@MayEye, really good to hear that your date is being proactive. It’s sometimes such a relief to find someone prepared to put in the effort and arrange things.

@VanGoghsDog, I wonder what has prompted the shift in Mr WG’s availability etc ? I think you do have a bit of a dilemma although I think it’s clear you have developed a definite connection and interest in Mr WG. Whereas it seems Mr Bee might just be the safe back up option. I’m not sure how sustainable it might be to see Mr Bee if he’s not giving you much ‘phwoar’ factor. I would be inclined to see if Mr WG puts his promises of increased availability into action and see how that works for you.

I wonder what has prompted the shift in Mr WG’s availability etc ?

It is definitely partly a bit of a change in his work (his work and other activities are so complex I have no idea how he keeps on top of it all) but I do wonder if something else happened. I might ask him. I don't really want to hear about other relationships he's had though.
He's talked about us doing something in a month or so, I'm staying away for all of Nov and he's offered to come with me for part of it and he's even suggested something we might do on NYE - I was a bit, er, sorry, what? Normally I can't get a plan out of you for next week!

I think it’s clear you have developed a definite connection and interest in Mr WG

Yep. Annoying. :) I am trying to keep it low key but it's definitely there and I have no idea if he knows it.

I’m not sure how sustainable it might be to see Mr Bee if he’s not giving you much ‘phwoar’ factor

Yeah, he's attractive enough, intelligent, similar values, but very slim (makes me feel huge and I'm only a size 14) and just very low key. I've no idea how much dating he's done since his divorce. I might suggest a walk and take away tomorrow, see what he says.

@troobleflooble oh yay! Just caught up with your lovely update!

@VanGoghsDog Mr Bee definitely angling for an invite to yours I think. All lined up with the dog being away etc. You don't sound at all enthused.

Interesting dynamic with Mr WG. He sounds keen. Is submissive what you want?

Is submissive what you want?

I'm not submissive myself, I'm quite assertive, so I'm wondering if me being with dominant men in the past has actually been something of an issue because I really don't like being told what to do and I quite like things done the way I want.
So having someone who will cook, clean, wash my car, run my bath, give me a massage etc all without grudge or requiring something in return seems like a good thing.
Interesting to see if it means I start to lose respect though.

All lined up with the dog being away etc

I should have said, he shares the dog with his ex and while he does normally have her Thu to Sun he's not got her because he's been away for the first week of his holiday from work and had only planned to pick her up tomorrow anyway, so she's often 'away'.

So it's not unusual that he doesn't have her, I just wondered if him saying he does have her tomorrow meant he can't do anything in the evening tomorrow.
He only texted me this morning about it so there's no way I'd have been arranging something for tonight anyway.

I've not seen him for two weeks so I've sort of lost any interest I might have had.

Ah sorry @VanGoghsDog I obviously misunderstood the dog thing a bit!

Interesting stuff to think about on the 'submissive' question - certainly being looked after as you describe it, has a lot of attraction.

I suppose this leapt out at me because generally I am also the one in the driving seat (which can also be exhausting) I won't bring my dynamics into this though!

@VanGoghsDog, does Mr WG ever ask if you are seeing anyone else? I think I would want it spelling out to me what he can offer if it’s not being boyfriend material. Do you feel the need to stick a label on what you have with him ? If he’s talking about NYE he clearly views you as someone who could be a part of his life going forward. I think it depends how happy you are with a more fluid arrangement than maybe a typical RS.

Hello peeps, trying to catch up on the thread but another 30 pages to go. Holiday was great, phone off for the whole time. The flights were challenging but was a big step for me in my life. Dropped my only iron Mr Lawyer a note to check back in so will see if that progresses. I'm not too fussed about dating now bizarrely!

@FireandBrimstone thank you!

I was worried I was becoming a bit jaded with it all as I've had a lot of bad relationships. I was sort of giving up hope! It's too soon to call it yet with Mr Metal but I have a great gut feeling and I'm praying I'm right for once 😂

I think this is where the being hugely a bit terrified comes in. I'm a card carrying member of Overthinkers Anonymous and already I've started to notice myself panicking that he is going to change his mind like all the others 😞

In addition:

I'm scared of getting more intimate with him and him being grossed out by my body. He is very slim and I am a wobbly size 14 with a mum tum

I'm scared of..unfavourable comparisons with his ex (by a weird twist of fate I actually know and have spoken to her, we aren't friends but I know of her as we have similar hobbies. She's very slim and pretty and I feel like an ugly ducking by comparison)

I worry I'm not interesting or exciting enough for him

I worry I'm not..adult enough? He has a stable job and owns his own house and I'm in a MW job in a rented place with debt I just can't shift. Feel like a terrible prospect for him 😞

Just writing all down I'm feeling like what does he even like about me?! Starting to freak out 😣

[quote Onesmallstep67]@VanGoghsDog, does Mr WG ever ask if you are seeing anyone else? I think I would want it spelling out to me what he can offer if it’s not being boyfriend material. Do you feel the need to stick a label on what you have with him ? If he’s talking about NYE he clearly views you as someone who could be a part of his life going forward. I think it depends how happy you are with a more fluid arrangement than maybe a typical RS.[/quote]
He doesn't ask directly, but he says he's fine about me seeing other men to "fulfill my needs". I have explained that I'm pretty unlikely to find a man to fulfill my relationship needs who is OK about me having (no) sex with someone else so he knows it's a risk.

He has been clear about what he offers - a submissive friend who will do chores and sleep with me. He knows he's never going to be able to roger me senseless, to be frank!

The only bit I really don't like is the lack of planning. So, Wed he said he could come over Thu evening (having told me last week that he would be away to 10th Sept) but I was busy so he said Fri and that he might finish early. I've not heard from him at all today. I assume he's coming but it's no longer is defined as "early" though it's also not late yet.
I've just been on WA to check a message from my mum and saw he was online, so he's no longer at work and he wouldn't be online driving so he must be home. And he hasn't messaged.
I know he had already packed the stuff he wanted to bring as I wanted him to do something Wed night and he had to go to the car to rifle around in the packing, so I assumed he'd come straight here.

If I tell him "keep me up to date" he will do though so I suppose I should just do that.

I don't mind not seeing much of him, I'm pretty busy and independent and I've had issues in the past with feeling like men need too much of my time.

I suppose I'm not that keen on not dating at all, going out for dinner, cinema etc. Though we have been out for dinner and if I said I'm sure he'd go to the cinema.

@Eesha

Hello peeps, trying to catch up on the thread but another 30 pages to go. Holiday was great, phone off for the whole time. The flights were challenging but was a big step for me in my life. Dropped my only iron Mr Lawyer a note to check back in so will see if that progresses. I'm not too fussed about dating now bizarrely!

Welcome back 👋🏻

How did you cope with the flights? I'm about to board a plane for the first time since my accident and I'm not dealing with it very well 😳

[quote troobleflooble]@FireandBrimstone thank you!

I was worried I was becoming a bit jaded with it all as I've had a lot of bad relationships. I was sort of giving up hope! It's too soon to call it yet with Mr Metal but I have a great gut feeling and I'm praying I'm right for once 😂

I think this is where the being hugely a bit terrified comes in. I'm a card carrying member of Overthinkers Anonymous and already I've started to notice myself panicking that he is going to change his mind like all the others 😞

In addition:

I'm scared of getting more intimate with him and him being grossed out by my body. He is very slim and I am a wobbly size 14 with a mum tum

I'm scared of..unfavourable comparisons with his ex (by a weird twist of fate I actually know and have spoken to her, we aren't friends but I know of her as we have similar hobbies. She's very slim and pretty and I feel like an ugly ducking by comparison)

I worry I'm not interesting or exciting enough for him

I worry I'm not..adult enough? He has a stable job and owns his own house and I'm in a MW job in a rented place with debt I just can't shift. Feel like a terrible prospect for him 😞

Just writing all down I'm feeling like what does he even like about me?! Starting to freak out 😣[/quote]
Don't focus on the ex or what you think you don't have. Just be yourself and enjoy it. He's obviously seen something in you, as you have in him, so just go with the flow.

She says, another card carrying member of Overthinkers Anonymous

Just parked up for my date zero with Mr Ecology. Prediction: we'll get on well, easy conversation, a few laughs, no chemistry.

@WeWantTheFinestWines

Just parked up for my date zero with Mr Ecology. Prediction: we'll get on well, easy conversation, a few laughs, no chemistry.

Yay for good laughs

@WeWantTheFinestWines what about seeing if he’s a decent snog?

[quote troobleflooble]@FireandBrimstone thank you!

I was worried I was becoming a bit jaded with it all as I've had a lot of bad relationships. I was sort of giving up hope! It's too soon to call it yet with Mr Metal but I have a great gut feeling and I'm praying I'm right for once 😂

I think this is where the being hugely a bit terrified comes in. I'm a card carrying member of Overthinkers Anonymous and already I've started to notice myself panicking that he is going to change his mind like all the others 😞

In addition:

I'm scared of getting more intimate with him and him being grossed out by my body. He is very slim and I am a wobbly size 14 with a mum tum

I'm scared of..unfavourable comparisons with his ex (by a weird twist of fate I actually know and have spoken to her, we aren't friends but I know of her as we have similar hobbies. She's very slim and pretty and I feel like an ugly ducking by comparison)

I worry I'm not interesting or exciting enough for him

I worry I'm not..adult enough? He has a stable job and owns his own house and I'm in a MW job in a rented place with debt I just can't shift. Feel like a terrible prospect for him 😞

Just writing all down I'm feeling like what does he even like about me?! Starting to freak out 😣[/quote]
@troobleflooble remember his ex is his ex for a reason. You've established a connection with him, he likes you and clearly fancies you, it's all good, enjoy it 😊

@WeWantTheFinestWines

Just parked up for my date zero with Mr Ecology. Prediction: we'll get on well, easy conversation, a few laughs, no chemistry.

Good luck @WeWantTheFinestWines. Really hoping you feel the chemistry too 🤞

@BelladiMamma I used a very expensive hypnotist but it was still tough mentally. I can PM you the details if you need plus some additional resources?

[quote Eesha]@BelladiMamma I used a very expensive hypnotist but it was still tough mentally. I can PM you the details if you need plus some additional resources?[/quote]
Yes I would as for the first time ever I missed a flight.

Can't tell if it's post concussion symptoms (nausea, dizziness, back pain), or anxiety.

I was sat in Gatwick having a full on 'moment' with head spins and nausea and couldn't get to the flight.

I'm back home now. Strangest feeling ever.

Oh Bella I hope you feel better soon

@MayEye

Oh Bella I hope you feel better soon

Spending an evening with my imaginary boyfriend, Johnny Marr 😁. Am planning on watching his Glasto set and a few other bits and bobs

Right you lot. Never let me go on another date again. The moment he said hello I wanted to go home. I did wonder if there was a reason his mouth was closed in all his photos. He's got really big yellow teeth and they're not all there.

I'm so fed up with people hiding stuff in their profile. My teeth aren't great, so I make sure I show them in photos. I haven't got a pot belly, which you will know because I include full length shots.

I managed to stick around for an hour and a half. So much happier now with wine and Love Island and no plans for the weekend. Dating is just shit sometimes, isn't it?