Dating thread 209: Summer of Love 2021

[BelladiMamma]

I've put a screenshot of the RULES here

Dear newbies and oldies they're excellent words of wisdom and deserve to be read frequently

Here's to all of us navigating the sea of twats, the tsunami of penpals and the ever receding tide of ghosters

Let's kick them into touch and have a summer of love ❤️

Has anyone on here had a kind of stilted conversation about career prospects on the phone with an iron which has translated into a good date zero IRL? Nope, I thought not. I might swerve this one.*

Yes, but I'm in HR so I'm probably the boring one getting dumped and accused of not flirting!

My unreliable, hot-or-not painter has been in touch and is coming later now. Hope yours emerged from the depths too.

Oh, to live my life on tradesman timezones 🙄

Hi, can I join you? I'm currently taking a break from the sites as they just depressed me so much - lack of matches, people not responding, unmatching half way through a conversation, only wanting sleazy talk - sure you've all been there 🙄

I really would like to meet someone though and real life isn't giving me any opportunities. Has anyone got any advice for more success online? I was on Tinder, Bumble and Hinge but have tried most of the others in the past including the paid ones which I found to be worse.

Part of me thinks I'm not ready to meet someone so am giving out the wrong 'vibes', part thinks I'm too old and ugly to pull any more 🤦🏻😂

@Nightmarenextdoor

Hi, can I join you? I'm currently taking a break from the sites as they just depressed me so much - lack of matches, people not responding, unmatching half way through a conversation, only wanting sleazy talk - sure you've all been there 🙄

I really would like to meet someone though and real life isn't giving me any opportunities. Has anyone got any advice for more success online? I was on Tinder, Bumble and Hinge but have tried most of the others in the past including the paid ones which I found to be worse.

Part of me thinks I'm not ready to meet someone so am giving out the wrong 'vibes', part thinks I'm too old and ugly to pull any more 🤦🏻😂

Welcome!!! I can guarantee you are NOT too old or ugly!! Chin up... you can do this !! In the mean time a break might be what you need

@Languidleopard that’s a shame but well done for getting out there and sussing it out. I think all these things take a bit of courage.

Garrrggh @FireandBrimstone what bugs me is that i msgd him Monday confirming and it was all on. Beyond irritating rejigging your entire morning not to mention i had to prep things here ready for the job he was going to do which took more time. Anyway im over it now treated myself to a nice lunch of gyozas which cheered me up 😂 can always rely on food! 😋

@Isitreallyme177 i loooove pale grey it is so pretty and sophisticated. I’m going for clean white all the way through for now… but my furniture and ornaments go best with it. I painted all the skirtings and door frames which took FOREVER now im going to start on the stairs. Love a bit of diy!! 💪🏼

@Nightmarenextdoor dont let the apps have you thinking that about yourself… as thats’s what they do 😣
I deleted them all too and now just get my flirting kicks by tradesmen that dont appear, and random purving in the supermarket… 😕

Has anyone tried the telegraph dating site?

@Shayelle2009 I just painted the door and skirting boards earlier. I messaged Mr Cricket with a "why's it all patchy" message, might be less embarrassing than yesterday's message. Although I still think he's doing the slow fade on me. I was all positive yesterday but not so much today.

@Nightmarenextdoor I'm another one who quit the apps as it was depressing me too much. I also felt I was too old and ugly and only worthy of the shit ones. I then met a nice one just as I was about to quit but he isn't interested in anything other than friendship right now.

@ActonSquirrel

Has anyone tried the telegraph dating site?

I have and didn't get any interest whatsoever. The few messages I got were from men miles away (I'm in south west england and had several from Scotland and the north east!). I still have the app and check it now and again, not many blokes my age, most are 50+.

Welcome @Nightmarenextdoor, I feel exactly the same, then I give it one more chance and the cycle starts all over again. Good luck to you, It's really helpful to have this thread to talk to others in the same boat!

Quick update on me...MrMud is very talkative again and has suggested some lovely ideas for our date on friday (watching the sunset, walk along the beach etc.) He's also gone to a lot of effort in finding out where the nicest place to go for a drink is in town as neither of us know it very well. I'm 99% sure he has other irons, so I'm trying not to get too invested, but it's nearly a year since my last proper snog and I really want a bit of passion if I'm honest!

Urgh I'm feeling slightly neurotic. I think Mr Cricket is giving me the slow fade. His lack of communication since last week has been niggling me. He didn't even ask how I was yesterday, it is so unlike him and I'm feeling rather hurt by this slow fade. 🥺

I don't know whether I should message him asking him if I've done something wrong, bring up his change in levels of communication, believe him when he says has been busy or just leave it and let it die out. 🥺😓

@Dirtyduck good luck with your date on friday. Nice to have something to look forward to 💗💗 yep we’re definitely all in the same boat on the godforsaken apps 😭

@Isitreallyme177 I feel for you as you’ve been chatting to him all this time and he’s gone cold. You dont deserve that 😞 you don’t want to have a re-run of the CG shit do you.

Oh and I literally had to do like 5 coats of paint on the wood because i was too lazy to sand it all down… 🙈

Oh my invested too much too soon was a tradie - decorator - fell hook line and sinker in a short space of time. Two dates both great and left positively and then suddenly he's "not sure we're on the same frequency" but very keen to remain friends and all over my SM to the extent friends were all "ohh who's your hot new friend" etc!
I still would mind you

@Shayelle2009 I just want to know if I've done something, I respect the friendship thing (even if I do fancy him) and I wouldn't make a move unless I knew he wanted it. I suppose he might think I'm after something more than friendship. At least with CG I was able to talk to him about this kind of thing.

I didn't sand the woodwork either 🤦‍♀️😬.

@CheesePlantMurderer when i fancy someone I fall quickly into the dicksand too… hard not to isn’t it?? Been a while since I had of those sorts of feelings mind 😔

@Isitreallyme177 Im very sure it’s absolutely nothing you’ve done sweetie. Don't start turning it on yourself… all you've done is be a nice person and he’s coming across as obtuse - it is NOT you ok? x

[quote Isitreallyme177]**@Shayelle2009 I just want to know if I've done something, I respect the friendship thing (even if I do fancy him) and I wouldn't make a move unless I knew he wanted it. I suppose he might think I'm after something more than friendship. At least with CG I was able to talk to him about this kind of thing.

I didn't sand the woodwork either 🤦‍♀️😬.[/quote]
@Shayelle2009 I was disappointed by Kew. I guess it’s best to time it for when something is being put on there to get value for money. It’s probably a good experience if you rarely get to see a patch of woods but there are many more enjoyable places for me to wander closer to home. Honestly, I wandered round thinking, is this it !?

@Isitreallyme177 I want to save you some agonising over Mr Cricket and I may be speculating wildly here off very little information, so apologies in advance if I’ve utterly misconstrued things. I get the feeling that he wanted to be kind with you, even if he wasn’t ready for a relationship (for whatever reason). So he continued to keep in touch. However I don’t know whether he’s remained on online sites or what, but if he did start conversing with someone else that he is attracted to, he might feel slightly torn about maintaining contact with you and has pulled back on your messaging contact.

Ultimately none of that is to do with you or anything you’ve said or can say, so I think just give yourself a break on that front. I think you’d be better served matching his energy here or even perhaps just letting it lie and finding someone more responsive elsewhere.

@Isitreallyme177, there are pretty much only 2 scenarios here - Mr Cricket is either giving you the slow fade because he’s not interested in maintaining the friendship or he’s genuinely been busy and distracted and he’s not had the time to send you many messages in the last week. If you ask ‘ have I done something wrong?’ that’s a pretty loaded question and usually the purpose is to get attention. I think the harsh truth is that he isn’t as invested in the friendship as you are. If he has been genuinely busy but wants to maintain a connection then I’m sure in time he will be in touch and apologise for lack of contact.

@Isitreallyme177 what will the benefit be of messaging, won‘t he disappoint you either way? Either with no reply or the ‚i‘ve been busy‘ text? Depends if hearing from him will cheer you up in the long run? I really sucked it up when MrS didn‘t get in touch and left it and to tell you the truth it got easier. I‘m convinced you‘ve done nothing wrong either. He could be taking the cowards way out. BUT that being said would it not be easier to call him and really ask all the questions going through your head? Hear his answers? If he doesn‘t answer i‘m afraid this IS an answer. Wish i could come over with a bottle of wine (if you drink) see your spare room and chat all this through! Keep us posted.
So i just got a message from MrElf whose been away this week with family and he‘s booked a trip next week with friends. I‘m not entirely surprised by this as it was on the cards but at the same time i can‘t help but wonder how serious he is about us? He‘s not given me any reason to doubt his feelings, contacts been amazing! I just don‘t want to be too strung along because i really believe once he is back again he‘ll have to sort himself out with work then he’s here and hasn’t got the free time he has now, any thoughts? am i being too naive/trusting? I‘m back at work next week (home office) and my son‘s at school again and it‘ll be nice to get that routine going again and have him come back once we‘re fully out of ‚holiday‘ mode.
I guess only then will i be able to see what kind of ‚normal‘ routine we can get going together.
I‘m on my phone so hard to tag people but

love the ‚trying outfits‘ chat! I‘m super casual and my best friend could not be more opposite, she‘s alll plunging necklines and red lipstick and i‘m like which trainers are the most ‚dressy‘ 🤩 each to their own.
@Shayelle2009 very impressed with the DIY skills!!!!

@Isitreallyme177, hairy has said rather more kindly what I was trying to say. You clearly are thoughtful and loyal, you deserve to have those qualities reciprocated ❤️

@Isitreallyme177

I agree with pps - you do seem a little overinvested in this "friendship" and have built it into something it isn't?

I'm an overthinker too and have been quite lonely/traumatised in the past and do tend to "read too much into small acts of kindness" so have been exactly where you are!

I get the vibe he's quite a naturally "charming impressive" guy (he's a sporty polite pilot with good social skills and he was nice and supportive to you recently?).

So you get the feelgood factor when you're in contact. Especially compared to the usual online freaks and nutters.

But some people are just like that.

So maybe you're reading too much into the situation and are "putting him on a pedestal", and thinking all the charm is "particularly aimed at you" and there's secret chemistry and he just "isn't ready for a relationship" (normally to me this means "I don't want to date you but I'll be ready for the right person").

When he's just being himself and maybe enjoying being a little bit impressive/dashing/charming but isn't particularly attracted to you?

I mean would you feel the same if he was a geeky admin worker or something?

Thank you everyone. I'm just going to leave it and see what happens. I know he is back flying too.

@HairyArsedMan good to get a man's view. He isn't on any apps, we were talking about it last time we saw each other. Apparently (whether this is true or not) I was his first and only online date.

@Naimee87 the spare room is getting there, going to get paint tonight as I've just remembered I have an appointment with a personal trainer in the morning. We can have a virtual wine though 🍷🤣

@Onesmallstep67 true I just don't know and maybe he is genuinely busy and I'm genuinely an idiot who reads way too much into things. 🤣

@Naimee87 thank you for your kind words - my kids came back today so they're a good distraction, albeit not always a positive one! As for Mr Elf, it's a tricky one. On the one hand it's great he has a good circle of friends as I believe that's an indication of a person's character, but on the other hand I'd be miffed that he wasn't thinking about how we could next meet up. Has he made any reference to this?

@SpringlikeBunk he does come across well. I also read too much into things so his support recently may have just been him being polite. He was also so different to the online freaks that I have had the pleasure of experiencing.

Thanks for all the other kind comments too. I just think I wonder what his poor ex wife had to go through if that's how he behaves after a few weeks with me?!

@Isitreallyme177 I'm afraid I agree with the others in that either he's met someone irl, or he's (finally) twigged that you ideally want more and is trying to be kind by not leading you on with lots of contact? But then, after my recent experience of how a man handles a tricky situation, nothing would surprise me! It's a rubbish position to be in though

And my tinder update is... Now 8 matches and no messages 🤣 one new match and message this morning so I replied and then he unmatched me... Had a good chat with a friend earlier. she's gone on lots of dating workshops and some interesting thoughts about profile content - although am not sure any men even read that on tinder?! So I might tweak that tonight.