Dating thread 209: Summer of Love 2021

[BelladiMamma]

I've put a screenshot of the RULES here

Dear newbies and oldies they're excellent words of wisdom and deserve to be read frequently

Here's to all of us navigating the sea of twats, the tsunami of penpals and the ever receding tide of ghosters

Let's kick them into touch and have a summer of love ❤️

Welcome to the thread @CheesePlantMurderer!❤️

@FireandBrimstone I absolutely agree with you regarding Tinder. I think they are some genuine people on there, but it is hard to navigate though the twit pool 😂❤️

Daft technical question here 🙋‍♀️. Can we PM each other on Mumsnet?

Reason I'm asking - and I appreciate that that not everyone would want or feel comfortable with this - but was thinking how handy it would be to have a second opinion on our dating profiles, from people on this group. Only for those who might want it, or want to review.

Just a thought and perhaps it's only me who would like a fresh eye!

[quote OnwardsEverStridingOnwards]@FireandBrimstone I absolutely agree with you regarding Tinder. I think they are some genuine people on there, but it is hard to navigate though the twit pool 😂❤️ [/quote]
And the twit pool is certainly pretty wide and deep 😆

@BelladiMamma OMG Gina Ford.
shudder

@FireandBrimstone absolutely! 😂😂❤️

@FireandBrimstone you can pm and I know loads of posters on the dating threads have had others review their profiles and found it useful.

Sorry if I'm going against the general consensus here but I get the absolute rage when I see such a binary, sexist, view of dating. You're either a bitch or a doormat. No! Nothing, absolutely nothing in life is that black and white! Are we really back to "treat them mean to keep them keen"? Did I wake up in the 1950s?

Yes, know your worth. No, don't let anyone put you down. If a man has to chase you to get you, how quickly will he get bored once he's caught you? For every woman who claims to have found love by being a 'bitch' there will be hundreds who followed the same approach and didn't. Look at the people you know in good relationships - did she have to be a 'bitch' to bag him? Or are they two people who just work together?

Knowing you are a good, kind human being who deserve to be treated with the respect you show others doesn't make you a bitch! FFS. I would run a mile from someone who's only interested in a date on Saturday if I've said yes on Tuesday, but not Wednesday. Because appearing to be oh so busy makes me more worthy of his time. He can fuck right off.

I've got actual smoke coming out of my ears. And I will never refer to a woman as a bitch unless she has been nasty to another person.

On a calmer note, I have a date with Mr Ecology on Friday. I'm 93% sure I won't fancy him based on his photos. Which is a shame as he is great to talk to and we're now sharing book recommendations, which is right up my street.

@WeWantTheFinestWines I refer you to my previously opined position that you can’t tell if you fancy someone until you’ve snogged them. Not kiss on the cheek, a full on hip-bumping sideways kiss passionate smooch. If you’re still dead from the waist down then bin it off.

When do you move from messaging on the dating app to WhatsApp….and then do you speak on the phone before arranging a physical date?

Just thought up a name for the guy I'm talking to at the moment: Mr OTT 😂😂❤️

I (total non expert) move to WhatsApp if I’m actually interested in what they have to say. And a proper phone call quickly then date arranged or bin off.

What prep do you do for Date Zero?

@Mylifestartstoday it is totally up to you. If it feels right and you feel comfortable with moving over to WhatsApp, do so. Remember that you don't have to though, even it it's suggested. It's about doing what's right for you ❤️

[quote Shuffleuplove]@WeWantTheFinestWines I refer you to my previously opined position that you can’t tell if you fancy someone until you’ve snogged them. Not kiss on the cheek, a full on hip-bumping sideways kiss passionate smooch. If you’re still dead from the waist down then bin it off.[/quote]
I completely agree. I find snogging more likely if alcohol has been consumed but we're both driving. I might just go in anyway so I can know.

I don’t drink so all my snogging is going in cold and dry

@FireandBrimstone

Welcome *@CheesePlantMurderer*.

In case it's useful to know, you can link, and block your contacts in Tinder so they can't see you.
I think I probably have the least experience on here as none of my encounters have yet been in real life and only on screens, but my impression of Tinder is that there may be genuine people on there, it does have the benefit of being one of the best known and hence will have a bigger 'pool'.

@FireandBrimstone very useful tip thank you!! I'll bear that in mind if I join. I went to delete Bumble to see what would happen and instead received a support message informing me to try ... all the things I already have

@WeWantTheFinestWines I agree and what I was trying to say in my post but you put it so much more eloquently and angrily

It has a hint of victim blaming too -you weren’t enough of a bitch so no wonder you got ghosted, lovebombed etc 🤷‍♀️

@Slothmomma I hope you've been able to have a chat with Mr Hair.
Your situation sounds very like mine with Mr Piano. Our childfree times were different, he would tell me he missed me all the time, he told me he loved me after 4 dates.
It was too much for me. He was planning years into the future. I just wanted to work out plans for the next date.

If it's making you uncomfortable and unsure, then you should talk to him and explain how you feel. Maybe he thinks that's what you want to hear.

Don't get stuck like I did. It took me nearly a year to work up the courage to say it was over.

[quote MayEye]@WeWantTheFinestWines I agree and what I was trying to say in my post but you put it so much more eloquently and angrily

It has a hint of victim blaming too -you weren’t enough of a bitch so no wonder you got ghosted, lovebombed etc 🤷‍♀️[/quote]
Exactly 😊

Going back to the bitch scenario, I think that sort of 'push pull' dynamic encourages love bombing. Men feel like they have to rise to some challenge and often you only attract Alpha or controlling types who want to win you over, and will pile on the attention and the stunts to get you. These guys are often materialistic or looks driven and whisky they regard you as a 'prize' they often don't regard you as a person.

Classic behaviour I've seen whilst fulfilling the 'bitch' role:
More and more lavish gifts, to the point of surreal. Think puppies and fast cars
Guys stabbing their mates in the back to get the Saturday night date with you
Guys lying / boasting / setting challenges, 'if I get you I'll do xyz'.

You end up missing out on the gentle, genuine guys who are a bit less competitive and who are probably also fucking terrified of you - will they be able to 'keep up' / get burnt.

It's awful and I'm glad it's over. MrBear was starting to act out this role and I didn't enjoy it. The first couple of dates it was fun to be spoilt again but it's suffocating.

@BelladiMamma

Going back to the bitch scenario, I think that sort of 'push pull' dynamic encourages love bombing. Men feel like they have to rise to some challenge and often you only attract Alpha or controlling types who want to win you over, and will pile on the attention and the stunts to get you. These guys are often materialistic or looks driven and whisky they regard you as a 'prize' they often don't regard you as a person.

Classic behaviour I've seen whilst fulfilling the 'bitch' role:
More and more lavish gifts, to the point of surreal. Think puppies and fast cars
Guys stabbing their mates in the back to get the Saturday night date with you
Guys lying / boasting / setting challenges, 'if I get you I'll do xyz'.

You end up missing out on the gentle, genuine guys who are a bit less competitive and who are probably also fucking terrified of you - will they be able to 'keep up' / get burnt.

It's awful and I'm glad it's over. MrBear was starting to act out this role and I didn't enjoy it. The first couple of dates it was fun to be spoilt again but it's suffocating.

*whilst not whisky

Iron clear out, continued

Just unmatched from someone who's put new photos up and looks totally different

Right, I've dumped Mr BE's stuff outside his house. He ignored me knocking but when I drove past a bit later he's taken it all inside effing immature twat. And I've deleted his number. Meanwhile, 7 matches on tinder and not one message. What is the bloody point?!

Sorry, am pissed off tonight!