Dating thread 209: Summer of Love 2021

[BelladiMamma]

I've put a screenshot of the RULES here

Dear newbies and oldies they're excellent words of wisdom and deserve to be read frequently

Here's to all of us navigating the sea of twats, the tsunami of penpals and the ever receding tide of ghosters

Let's kick them into touch and have a summer of love ❤️

I've been thinking about this 'men love bitches' thing. Well, we should all be careful and have good boundaries early on. But there is no point being inauthentic.

I think the 'cookie cutter' type advice works when you're matching and can stop you from falling into early traps, but much further down the road from that you're losing your own authenticity.

Does anyone else with children remember the Gina Ford books? She was full of brilliant advice such as, 'don't make eye contact with your baby if it wakes during the allotted sleep time'. Wtaf. I remember reading it and thinking that she'd pulled off some elaborate scam on us all. Don't make eye contact with your baby? Like, don't reveal your authentic self, some of your hopes and fears, when you're trying to get to know someone.

What’s the cookie cutter advice?

@Shuffleuplove

What’s the cookie cutter advice?

Generic advice that's supposed to work in every situation. Which I do think works early on when matching but not as you're getting to know someone.

Ah right. Thankyou.

Like “only tits on the first 3 dates”? “Dry feel on date 4?”

@Shuffleuplove

Like “only tits on the first 3 dates”? “Dry feel on date 4?”

That was always the advice I got at finishing school

Continuing the irons clear out have been chatting with one who asked me about my hobbies and then said 'I like it that you're a rough girl who is into contact sports'

🤮

He'd actually seemed quite nice up til then. Strange how some people could say that and it wouldn't feel sleazy but somehow he has made it sound sleazy and a little threatening

In other news:
MrDJ has promised date zero but no attempt being made to get a date in the diary. Is now all over my socials, we have friends in common. Probably won't go anywhere

BeardFlake and MrIrish have both deleted their Bumble profiles and are being all lovey dovey. Probably won't go anywhere 😂

That was always the advice I got at finishing school @BelladiMamma your posts do make me laugh.

At least you have irons - so far I have a total of 7 matches, but have any of them messaged? Have they f£&k

Thanks @Onesmallstep67 I’ll wait a bit longer. He just seems like an interesting sort that id like to chat to.
Was chatting to a lovely (seeming) guy last night but I feel like he was having many conversations simultaneously and he’s on the app today but no message so I’ll let him go and if he messages I’ll respond.
Another iron from yesterday seemed lovely too but he’s too far away. We kept chatting though and might meet for a walk at a nice castle place half way as friends which I would actually like for a change until I fully reset after Mr TG.
I might name someone eventually if I get to a date zero and beyond

@ActonSquirrel I agree with your post, nothing with regard to the negative aspects of dating is a reflection on us whether that is ghosting, gaslighting, low communication, emotional unavailability.

But what we can do is change how we react when these things happen.

@Misty9 Pissed off is better than pining.
Its so hard not to accept breadcrumbs especially when you'd be perfect in a relationship if not for one major thing.

Yeah I don't think there's any point being inauthentic but it's about having good boudaries when you're getting to know someone so you're not wasting your time on those without potential. And also things like recognising that people can take kindness for weakness so if you're overly nice and agreeable, or wear your heart on your sleeve always, which may be your normal state, there will be men who take advantage of that.

@MayEye if the convo ended naturally and he's doesn't owe you a reply there's no harm in initiating the conversation, but if it's his "turn" to text I'd wait. Hope he does come back soon though if he's a nice one 😊

@Slothmomma i agree with @Onesmallstep67 maybe have a Courageous Conversation with him tonight instead of just ending it out the blue, tell him straight how you feel, give him the opportunity to step up if he wants it to work, it could bring the good feelings back for you?
He does sound really nice, and as we all know its very hard to find a good one!! Good luck 💗

@BelladiMamma “ That was always the advice I got at finishing school” 🤣🤣 classic 😆😆

Thank you all for your thoughts and advice - it really is appreciated as I'm such a novice after being married decades 🤦‍♀️

I think the crux of it is that I am happy enough now but am very much the now as opposed to looking ahead too far but my people pleasing tendency has me worried that ill end up hurting him as he seems closer to the "three little words" than me and in all honesty I'm not sure ill ever allow myself to love anyone again after the number my ex did on me. Does that make sense 🤦‍♀️

@SortingItOut this is the longest relationship I've had since starting OLD a few years ago which is why it feels alien to me I guess. Opposite weekends just mean we don't get to spend that much time together which is fine but then I question whether I should be fine with this- but then I am very independent so maybe I don't question it because it suits me really 🤷‍♀️ and yes I have had my fair share of love bombers 😡

@misty9 yes I still find him attractive and physically we are very compatible

I think I might just be having a wobble because of the circumstances that have been thrown at us over this summer so having spent the afternoon thinking about it I think I'd be unwise to make any rash decisions at the moment and should probably wait until the other situation resolves and we can get back to having some sort of relationship again and see where we go from there

@Shayelle2009 yes he is a good one you're right. I think my hormones might be making me overthink things too

Hi everyone,

Have just found this message from my potential on Tinder. (I'm still logged out, so I'm not receiving notifications) do you think this is a bit OTT?

'Good morning hope you slept well , had wonderful dreams and have a really amazing day ahead looking amazing and being you. Or hope you just able to relax and read to your heart's content.'

I just feel a bit about him now, to be honest. ❤️

For context's sake, I should point out that we only matched a couple of days ago, and he hasn't met me yet, he's only seen my photos ❤️

...or do I just sound like an ungrateful bitch? ❤️

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards oh wow that is intense, I'd feel the same as you I think! Id want to tell him to tone it down but theres no nice way of doing that I'd there 😳 he'll just say "I'm only being nice!"

[quote Bbub]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards oh wow that is intense, I'd feel the same as you I think! Id want to tell him to tone it down but theres no nice way of doing that I'd there 😳 he'll just say "I'm only being nice!"[/quote]
@Bbub Thank you for replying. I'm glad that I'm not just being silly! I haven't spoken to him for a couple of days as I've been busy and I wanted a break from OLD for a while, so I've not been replying to his messages.

I would want him to tone it down too as he just sounds a bit too over familiar, especially as we don't really know each other. There is no nice way to say it though, and you risk the person potentially going into a huff. I suppose if it carries on, I shall have to say something ❤️

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards yeah definitely OTT. I've experienced a few over flowery messages though often they are from
Bots. I suspect yours is not but either way, deffo one to keep at arm's length for now!

I've just sent him a short message just thanking him and saying that I won't be online very much, as I'm busy with work. I'm hoping that that would stop him messaging so much! ❤️

*will

Welcome @CheesePlantMurderer.

In case it's useful to know, you can link, and block your contacts in Tinder so they can't see you.
I think I probably have the least experience on here as none of my encounters have yet been in real life and only on screens, but my impression of Tinder is that there may be genuine people on there, it does have the benefit of being one of the best known and hence will have a bigger 'pool'.

[quote FireandBrimstone]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards yeah definitely OTT. I've experienced a few over flowery messages though often they are from
Bots. I suspect yours is not but either way, deffo one to keep at arm's length for now![/quote]
@FireandBrimstone thank you. I don't think he's a bot. I've looked at his profile and it look legit, lots of pictures and info about himself.

I admit I can be flirty with people, but I would never talk like that, not even to friends and family! ☺️

I've just sent him a short message back telling him I won't be online very much. Hoping that will stop the flurry of messages! ❤️