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Original poster

Dating thread 209: Summer of Love 2021

999 replies

BelladiMamma · 06/08/2021 08:33

I've put a screenshot of the RULES here

Dear newbies and oldies they're excellent words of wisdom and deserve to be read frequently

Here's to all of us navigating the sea of twats, the tsunami of penpals and the ever receding tide of ghosters

Let's kick them into touch and have a summer of love ❤️

Dating thread 209: Summer of Love 2021
OP posts:
Thread gallery
16
Original poster
BelladiMamma · 09/08/2021 10:13

The depressives have always been a pattern for me. And I always move on from them. Just takes a bit longer as it's a familiar type that I feel at home with

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Original poster
BelladiMamma · 09/08/2021 10:17

[quote ActonSquirrel]@BelladiMamma

Do you find him any different if you don't hold back?

Has he managed any relationships previously, any kids etc?[/quote]
He becomes more honest and doesn't hide behind 'you're so beautiful' messages. He's capable of being honest and he accepts that he's much happier with me in a fantasy 'the one that got away' box.

He was married for 20 years, no kids.

He was a kid at Hillsborough and there was DV at home. Hence depression / trauma. I'm just slowly processing and extricating myself. Even though this is a pattern for me I rarely stick around to see how it plays out as depressives do end up being a turn off for me.

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Walkingalot · 09/08/2021 10:19

@SortingItOut - wise words, which I will heed! As predicted, nothing from MrBE. Maybe me opening up about my 'low moods' put him off. If the shoe was on the other foot I'd have at least thanked him for his honesty. While he wasn't the depressed type, he was hardly bubbly. I need someone who will lift my mood - don't we all!
As you say, this is a new week Smile

ActonSquirrel · 09/08/2021 10:24

@BelladiMamma

He's capable of being honest and he accepts that he's much happier with me in a fantasy 'the one that got away' box.

See the second mine said that I'd block him. I've only kept him around as he has always maintained it will happen and never deviated from it.

Original poster
BelladiMamma · 09/08/2021 10:30

[quote ActonSquirrel]@BelladiMamma

He's capable of being honest and he accepts that he's much happier with me in a fantasy 'the one that got away' box.

See the second mine said that I'd block him. I've only kept him around as he has always maintained it will happen and never deviated from it.[/quote]
I'm just happy that we've got to the point where he can be honest about it. Because I'd had to cancel him the first couple of times I hadn't read his flaky / fantasy signals.

I can't do penpal for much longer, plus I've got real meets with real people on the horizon. (One of which I cancelled because I didn't like his voice!).

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Shuffleuplove · 09/08/2021 10:31

He becomes more honest and doesn't hide behind 'you're so beautiful' messages. He's capable of being honest and he accepts that he's much happier with me in a fantasy 'the one that got away' box.

Bleurgh

ActonSquirrel · 09/08/2021 10:32

@BelladiMamma

Well thats good that you have others on the horizon. I'm struggling to find anyone I even want to message with.

Original poster
BelladiMamma · 09/08/2021 10:33

@Shuffleuplove

He becomes more honest and doesn't hide behind 'you're so beautiful' messages. He's capable of being honest and he accepts that he's much happier with me in a fantasy 'the one that got away' box.

Bleurgh

I know, it's so dull at the end of the day. It's totally unreal. Saying you're mad about someone but you can't even meet?
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Original poster
BelladiMamma · 09/08/2021 10:33

[quote ActonSquirrel]@BelladiMamma

Well thats good that you have others on the horizon. I'm struggling to find anyone I even want to message with.[/quote]
That's why you need to go totally no contact for a while. It's the only way. I've just caved this week because I thought wanted closure

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Shuffleuplove · 09/08/2021 10:34

@Bbub he’s come out of pretty much the only relationship he’s ever had, with his wife, who left him a few years ago. He’s a devoted Dad and youth leader and all round Good Bloke. I think he wants a wife, to slot into his life, and that’s fine but I don’t know if that’s me.

Dropdeadfred2 · 09/08/2021 10:44

So ... I'm going on date zero with Mr Talker on Wednesday... but I'm a bit Mr reserved about it now. I also have another iron who I will call Mr Pics as he is keen to send lots... he is physically very attractive but alot younger than me...i think it would be a FWB thing if anything so I'll see how i feel about that. He wants to meet this week but I'm pretty busy so it might have to be next week . How is everyone today?? Any weekend success stories???

Shuffleuplove · 09/08/2021 10:46

Where do you go on your Date Zeros?

Dropdeadfred2 · 09/08/2021 10:53

@Shuffleuplove

Where do you go on your Date Zeros?
I havent been on any yet! But in Wednesday im going to a pub about 2 miles away
Dancerinthemoonlight · 09/08/2021 11:41

Nothing really to report hear.
It was a mutual no chemistry and nothing in common from Fridays date.

I'm just getting frustrated with the men who match and don't talk. Its very rare i find someone I want to swipe right on even rarer that they are actually local to me and then to have them match and not respond to me is beginning to get really frustrating. They are probabaly the ones who just swipe on everyone and then filter when they see who has matched with them.

Naimee87 · 09/08/2021 11:46

@Isitreallyme177 i hear you. I was shocked too as MrS also seemed to care. We had talked about trips, and kids. His daughters grown up but he talked a lot about her. We also did a lot of truck stuff together and for all the theory he was super helpful. I half wanted to write to him on friday when i passed but forgotten he blocked me. Made me a bit sad again.! I’m crossing fingers for a better few months for you. I miss classes at the gym. Did loads in the UK but here its so expensive and the time i’d have to dedicate to the gym just wouldn’t work out for the money i’d have to spend! Good luck all for the upcoming date ‘0’s 🤞🏻

Isitreallyme177 · 09/08/2021 12:00

@Naimee87 he even offered to lend me his tent when I go to the Isle of wight festival in September so it's not adding up. I know he has been trying to sell the marital home (think it's the last part of his divorce) and his ex was being difficult, also his job has been uncertain thanks to all these travel quarantines etc. and it's the school holidays so maybe I'm reading too much into the silence.

I'm back on Tinder, don't think I'll last long though.

Hope you are doing okay?

Naimee87 · 09/08/2021 12:03

Sorry to hear @Dancerinthemoonlight feels like a real waste of a good few hours when there really isn’t any chemistry. Such a hit and miss game…

MrElf is away now for a week and a few days. He’s seeing family. Really curious to see what level of communication we keep up while he’s gone. I’m such a big texter and don’t want it to seem like i have nothing going on now he’s away. Trying to keep myself busy. Luckily i’m on holiday visiting my family at the moment so quite a lot of distractions going on. But he’s still on my mind ALOT 😬

Isitreallyme177 · 09/08/2021 13:06

Oh well I lasted until lunchtime and have deleted Tinder, I couldn't even be bothered with making small talk🤣. Not sure where I'm going to meet someone but I don't think it will be on an app.

Languidleopard · 09/08/2021 13:13

@SortingItOut

We seem to have a lot of people on the thread dealing with flakes/penpals/physically unavailable/emotionally unavailable people.

Not sure if the end of lockdown has brought all of them out or its a co-incidence.

Why are you all wasting time on these people?
This is as good as its going to get, people make the most effort at the start so imagine what it will be like a year down the line.

Don't waste any more time on these people who have shown you who they are, get out there, enjoy life, take up some new hobbies and forget all about them.

You are all worth so much more than these breadcrumbs.
Today is the start of a new week - make some changes.

I know its hard to withdraw and its hard to draw a line under things but do not send any more messages - its like you just keep sticking your hand in the fire to see if its still hot - these people are not going to change so dont send tentative messages in the hope they've changed because they haven't.

@SortingItOut I so needed to read this today, thank you.

I feel I have been sucked in again by the aptly named Mr Breadcrumbs. We met IRL through work and after months of blowing hot and cold and being breadcrumbed and benched I blocked him.

After a few weeks of peace, he got in contact with me through work and has since flaked at the last minute on not one but two telephone conversations he pushed for and I agreed to against my better judgment.

I feel so annoyed with myself for agreeing to talk to him. Yes, it's vaguely work related, but so obviously an excuse just to be in touch with me! I feel as if he's popping back up for an ego stroke when he has a slow day on Tinder. He knows I like him and find it hard to say no to him.

He's made it clear he can't cope with a relationship and I've made it clear I'm not going to get into a FB or FWB situation with him. No good will come of us staying in touch with other, about work or about anything else.

Dealing with this fuckwit is using up so much emotional bandwith.

Being frustrated with him actually affected my sleep last night. You're right, I'm still sticking my hand in the fire to see if it's hot. Thank you.

Your message has given me (another) kick up the arse and this time I really need to heed it.

Languidleopard · 09/08/2021 13:19

@Dropdeadfred2

So ... I'm going on date zero with Mr Talker on Wednesday... but I'm a bit Mr reserved about it now. I also have another iron who I will call Mr Pics as he is keen to send lots... he is physically very attractive but alot younger than me...i think it would be a FWB thing if anything so I'll see how i feel about that. He wants to meet this week but I'm pretty busy so it might have to be next week . How is everyone today?? Any weekend success stories???
@Dropdeadfred2 I think you should definitely go ahead with the date zero, in spite of the wierd telephone conversation incident. You'll get a sense of what he's really like when you meet him IRL.

I wouldn't overthink him charming other women over the phone (as he has you Smile) as it's OK for him to have a few irons in the fire at this stage. You may not even fancy him in the flesh when you meet up making it a total non-problem. See how it goes!

Languidleopard · 09/08/2021 13:24

@Dancerinthemoonlight

Nothing really to report hear. It was a mutual no chemistry and nothing in common from Fridays date.

I'm just getting frustrated with the men who match and don't talk. Its very rare i find someone I want to swipe right on even rarer that they are actually local to me and then to have them match and not respond to me is beginning to get really frustrating. They are probabaly the ones who just swipe on everyone and then filter when they see who has matched with them.

Sorry to hear that @Dancerinthemoonlight. There's no substitute for meeting someone IRL for getting a sense of romantic potential, but I am starting to wonder if I can find someone to be a kind of stunt double for me and go and suss them out first and report back Hmm because I'm kind of busy this week Grin.
BaklavaBalaclava · 09/08/2021 13:29

Hello! New too the thread! I'm having a wobble about my policy to not share my number until I've met someone in person, I don't have a separate number for dating and so it feels too scary for me!

Is that standard practice or am I being odd?

ActonSquirrel · 09/08/2021 13:36

@Isitreallyme177

Oh well I lasted until lunchtime and have deleted Tinder, I couldn't even be bothered with making small talk🤣. Not sure where I'm going to meet someone but I don't think it will be on an app.
I can't face it either. Just awful Flowers
Original poster
BelladiMamma · 09/08/2021 13:55

@BaklavaBalaclava

Hello! New too the thread! I'm having a wobble about my policy to not share my number until I've met someone in person, I don't have a separate number for dating and so it feels too scary for me!

Is that standard practice or am I being odd?

That would be a great idea to have a different number for dating! But expensive I guess.

Rule of thumb is generally give out your number if you're up for a date, otherwise don't bother.

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Original poster
BelladiMamma · 09/08/2021 13:55

Think I'm about to clear someone else out. They've just sent a really weird message about being manipulative

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