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Original poster

Dating thread 209: Summer of Love 2021

999 replies

BelladiMamma · 06/08/2021 08:33

I've put a screenshot of the RULES here

Dear newbies and oldies they're excellent words of wisdom and deserve to be read frequently

Here's to all of us navigating the sea of twats, the tsunami of penpals and the ever receding tide of ghosters

Let's kick them into touch and have a summer of love ❤️

Dating thread 209: Summer of Love 2021
OP posts:
Thread gallery
16
Original poster
BelladiMamma · 09/08/2021 00:08

@BelladiMamma

I've had kids of messages from BeardFlake today and it's been interesting rereading them now, whilst I am not so desperate to hear from him. He talked a lot about his depression, I exchanged with sharing some of my stuff, he opens some more. Then just wants to sympathise with me and ignore what he's going through. Then seems much more open when he thinks I'm feeling sad. Seems almost pleased that I might be sad too.

These depressives are a nightmare. They're so tender and draw you in and then bring you down with them

MrIrish is way more positive and flirty. Still getting some flake vibes from him, I think it's because he's such a romantic I'm always slightly wary ... they can build things up then it all disappears in a puff of smoke.

Anyway. At least I've had lots of virtual kisses and flirting from both of them, even BeardFlake bless him. I've told him I still fancy him but I'm emotionally detaching and it's down to him now. It's liberating telling people the truth and not doing games.

Not kids - *loads
OP posts:
Dropdeadfred2 · 09/08/2021 00:54

So....Mr Talker called me. I don't really believe that he didn't call me and put phone down. . But he says he thought i was his sister. Anyway... I'll probably chat to him tomorrow and see how i feel. He is very keen to meet on Wednesday still ( he also knows that he's no chance of sex so it's not that) .... the strange world of online dating eh???

SortingItOut · 09/08/2021 07:49

We seem to have a lot of people on the thread dealing with flakes/penpals/physically unavailable/emotionally unavailable people.

Not sure if the end of lockdown has brought all of them out or its a co-incidence.

Why are you all wasting time on these people?
This is as good as its going to get, people make the most effort at the start so imagine what it will be like a year down the line.

Don't waste any more time on these people who have shown you who they are, get out there, enjoy life, take up some new hobbies and forget all about them.

You are all worth so much more than these breadcrumbs.
Today is the start of a new week - make some changes.

I know its hard to withdraw and its hard to draw a line under things but do not send any more messages - its like you just keep sticking your hand in the fire to see if its still hot - these people are not going to change so dont send tentative messages in the hope they've changed because they haven't.

dancemom · 09/08/2021 08:12

So started chatting with a new iron over the weekend. Not naming him yet though. However last night he announces he's away on Tuesday for a weeks holiday 🙄 so I've asked if he's free to meet for a coffee today, otherwise I'm going to say to him to get in touch when he's back. Don't want to over invest for a week and then nothing comes of it on his return. I'm learning ....

Original poster
BelladiMamma · 09/08/2021 08:28

Yes @SortingItOut this is so true.

I started the week the way I mean to go on by politely but firmly binning off a few of the irons that are doing nothing for me. Including LawyerFlake.

BeardFlake is going to stick around for as long as I haven't met someone else because I fancy the pants off him and the ball is firmly in his court. I'm not chasing.

MrIrish has a date in the diary and he's getting until then for us to figure things out. It's just too exhausting to keep anything going beyond a flaked date. So that's my cut off with him.

OP posts:
ActonSquirrel · 09/08/2021 08:34

@BelladiMamma

BeardFlake is going to stick around for as long as I haven't met someone else because I fancy the pants off him and the ball is firmly in his court. I'm not chasing.

That's what I'm doing. As long as I haven't met someone else.

Which one was beardflake again?

Original poster
BelladiMamma · 09/08/2021 08:39

[quote ActonSquirrel]@BelladiMamma

BeardFlake is going to stick around for as long as I haven't met someone else because I fancy the pants off him and the ball is firmly in his court. I'm not chasing.

That's what I'm doing. As long as I haven't met someone else.

Which one was beardflake again?[/quote]
BeardFlake is the depressive. We've had 4 meets in the diary. 2 of which I had to cancel because of my accident, 1 he rearranged then flaked on. He'd even sent me the bookings confirmations and paid money on them then hit a depressive episode.

OP posts:
ActonSquirrel · 09/08/2021 08:49

@BelladiMamma

Yes of course I remember so he has a beard!! What sort of age group?

How does this guy function at work then?

SortingItOut · 09/08/2021 08:50

@BelladiMamma & @ActonSquirrel Why is the ball in their court?
Why can't it be in your court?
Both men have told you they're not ready for relationships. They are both emotionally unavailable and this is unlikely to change unless they're actively working on changing themselves.

As long as you're still dating and chatting to others because there is no point wasting valuable time on men who don't want you but likely just want the ego boost of knowing you're interested.

Dee03 · 09/08/2021 08:52

Morning everyone!
I blocked Mr Train...he totally ignored my msg of how we want different things, I'm looking to actually go on dates blah blah and he sent me a Good Morning text the following morning so bye bye!!
Things going well with Mr Forklift so far, plenty of msging getting to know each other....If he doesn't ask me out on a date by Wednesday I'm going to bite the bullet and ask him out on a date at the weekend....I'm working nights all this week so the weekend is my next time off

Original poster
BelladiMamma · 09/08/2021 08:55

[quote SortingItOut]**@BelladiMamma* & @ActonSquirrel* Why is the ball in their court?
Why can't it be in your court?
Both men have told you they're not ready for relationships. They are both emotionally unavailable and this is unlikely to change unless they're actively working on changing themselves.

As long as you're still dating and chatting to others because there is no point wasting valuable time on men who don't want you but likely just want the ego boost of knowing you're interested.[/quote]
As in, he knows I'm not chasing anymore. And that I'm seeing other people so there's a time limit on how long I'll be in touch with him for.

I hear you though @SortingItOut - this is the advice I'm giving myself, I'll just take a while to fully see it through.

I'm doing a big irons clear out this week & making sure that I'm not keeping anyone hanging that I'm not interested in.

OP posts:
Original poster
BelladiMamma · 09/08/2021 08:58

This is so interesting in terms of the messages you get back. So far LawyerFlake has left a long rambling voice note saying he's not good at dating and thinks I'm really brave and it was to be in touch

MrLocal has asked for feedback, was it his fault that I've friend zoned him

BeardFlake is still sending me 'you're beautiful I wish I could make this work' messages

Others it's just silence so far. Which is fine too!

OP posts:
ActonSquirrel · 09/08/2021 09:07

@BelladiMamma

I do get that from my Mr penpal not the I wish I could make it work but he presents it as a foregone conclusion that it is going to happen what he doesn't tell me is when.

What does beardflake do? Is he able to work or does he get signed off?

Original poster
BelladiMamma · 09/08/2021 09:29

[quote ActonSquirrel]@BelladiMamma

I do get that from my Mr penpal not the I wish I could make it work but he presents it as a foregone conclusion that it is going to happen what he doesn't tell me is when.

What does beardflake do? Is he able to work or does he get signed off?[/quote]
BeardFlake has been working this week. He says he loves his work and it's one of the things that keeps him going.

To be honest I don't want to be with someone who's clinically depressed on a regular basis. I'm a very active and social being. We just hit it off because he's my physical type, I wanted / needed someone unavailable as I can't do full on relationships at the moment. Plus he triggers my family attachment pattern - my brother and my father have had significant trauma and MH problems. My brother is now dead and I know that by just being there for BeardFlake I feel better about myself because I miss being there for my brother

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Naimee87 · 09/08/2021 09:33

@SortingItOut i fully agree with your post. It seems
so easy to hand power over even when you don’t want to or even realise you are doing it. It always seems to be us left in limbo and mulling over when/what/ can we can text. But never have i understood why this is the case. Could it be women are just naturally more invested early on? Whereas men tend to hold off as they enjoy playing the field and being chased after. @Languidleopard really hope you catch him, likely it’ll happen when you least expect it. Good luck @dee03 with MrForklift… maybe this will be my next license 😂 i’ll have to try for. @Isitreallyme177 i feel for you with how much has been going on with you, not been an easy few months! Ugh! and now the fade from MrCricket. I’ll never understand the slow fade especially when the last time
you met everything was fine. Like my last MrS meet in April couldn’t have gone better or so i thought but thinking back on it now it’s the
one where he did say he thought it unfair to keep me attached to him. Basically he admitted it was a FWB/FB situation which i know isn’t you and MrCricket. But i know he’s important to you like MrS was. But i was then left with 6weeks of silence… until a random txt for my birthday in June, when i never thanked him he took offense and blocked me! @BelladiMamma no clue what MrBeards playing at, talk about emotional rollercoaster for you with him. I had thought you’d blocked? Did you unblock again? I hate to play these games, i blocked MrS once for a week and he emailed me to tell me how childish i was behaving then ultimately he blocks me to end things! What prince charmers we pick! 😂

Naimee87 · 09/08/2021 09:33

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards feel the same about this thread like you! 💜

Original poster
BelladiMamma · 09/08/2021 09:40

[quote Naimee87]@SortingItOut i fully agree with your post. It seems
so easy to hand power over even when you don’t want to or even realise you are doing it. It always seems to be us left in limbo and mulling over when/what/ can we can text. But never have i understood why this is the case. Could it be women are just naturally more invested early on? Whereas men tend to hold off as they enjoy playing the field and being chased after. @Languidleopard really hope you catch him, likely it’ll happen when you least expect it. Good luck @dee03 with MrForklift… maybe this will be my next license 😂 i’ll have to try for. @Isitreallyme177 i feel for you with how much has been going on with you, not been an easy few months! Ugh! and now the fade from MrCricket. I’ll never understand the slow fade especially when the last time
you met everything was fine. Like my last MrS meet in April couldn’t have gone better or so i thought but thinking back on it now it’s the
one where he did say he thought it unfair to keep me attached to him. Basically he admitted it was a FWB/FB situation which i know isn’t you and MrCricket. But i know he’s important to you like MrS was. But i was then left with 6weeks of silence… until a random txt for my birthday in June, when i never thanked him he took offense and blocked me! @BelladiMamma no clue what MrBeards playing at, talk about emotional rollercoaster for you with him. I had thought you’d blocked? Did you unblock again? I hate to play these games, i blocked MrS once for a week and he emailed me to tell me how childish i was behaving then ultimately he blocks me to end things! What prince charmers we pick! 😂[/quote]
I unblocked him and all the messaging started again. However I'm not holding back with how i feel so it's kind of liberating. For the moment!

OP posts:
ActonSquirrel · 09/08/2021 09:50

@BelladiMamma

Do you find him any different if you don't hold back?

Has he managed any relationships previously, any kids etc?

Shuffleuplove · 09/08/2021 09:52

This is such an interesting read. From where I’m sitting though, re the depressive types, unless that’s on your shortlist of attributes, bin them at the first sign.

Shuffleuplove · 09/08/2021 09:53

And Beardflake sounds so tedious, and a bit manipulative. Far too much like hard work!

Shuffleuplove · 09/08/2021 09:56

Both my irons are coming along nicely. Date zero for next weekend with Mr. SocialConscience, which I’m unfashionably excited about. My other iron is sooo keen and reliable and dependable etc but I think I want a boyfriend not a husband.

Bbub · 09/08/2021 10:01

Just here to wish everyone a happy Monday 👋 and also happy iron clearing out like @BelladiMamma mentioned. i love clearing out my inboxes, deleting WhatsApp chats and deleting numbers 😁

Totally agree with @SortingItOut we deserve so much better than the flakes, and at the first sign of flakiness we need to be stepping right back and investing our time else where.

Bbub · 09/08/2021 10:03

@Shuffleuplove what's the deal with the dependable iron does he seem really boring?

MayEye · 09/08/2021 10:07

I agree with sorting too. Any headspace given to flakes, even if you think you are not affected, can stop you moving on and finding someone unflaky.

I speak from experience!

Isitreallyme177 · 09/08/2021 10:09

@Naimee87 thank you, its been a shit few months but I'm going back to the gym today, no classes at the moment as I'm not sure how much my toe can do but just to get back to exercise will be good and hopefully sort my head out a bit. I also don't get the slow fade from Mr Cricket as he didn't seem like someone who would do that sort of thing and his actions up until last week didn't point to anything like that. He has been so kind and caring so to just suddenly do this makes me sad (and hurts a little).