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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Bizarre Evening!

176 replies

JenuineGelly · 01/08/2021 21:39

Hi all,

I'm feeling a bit baffled and wanted to sound off to someone about this!

I have been dating someone, very new, saw him last yesterday.

I was on my way to his this evening, asked and confirmed by him and I told him when I set off. Called when I arrived and he said he'd nipped to the shop and would be a few minutes. Normal phone call, everything fine. So I wait... and wait... and check my phone and he has blocked me from WhatsApp! So I call him, nothing.

What has happened here?! I know nobody can tell me. It was a 30 minute drive each way, so 1 hour in the car.

Obviously it's done which is a shame but it is what it is.

Has this happened to anyone else?!

OP posts:
WhiskeyGalore212 · 02/08/2021 00:36

Those are the only equestrian sports i can think of with many men.

Gym is definitely a good idea.

Also rock climbing, bouldering is apparently good for mixed gender.

Original poster
JenuineGelly · 02/08/2021 00:41

www.amazon.co.uk/New-Rules-digital-generation-bestselling/dp/0749957247/ref=mp_s_a_1_2?dchild=1&keywords=ellen+fein&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1627854830&sr=8-2

If you have Google play etc you can buy it on there!

Whiskey - good ideas! It would be so nice to meet someone naturally. I've done rock climbing and bouldering before and loads of men, something I'll definitely look into. I also take my little cousin to a massive indoor skate park once a week, also has a place to eat and drink etc and there are always men there. Have had a few conversations before so will keep an eye out.

OP posts:
Original poster
JenuineGelly · 02/08/2021 00:48

Im going to get some sleep now, just wanted to thank you all for responding. I was so embarrassed and you've all made me feel a lot better!

OP posts:
Winter2020 · 02/08/2021 01:06

I just wanted to throw another theory into the mix. He could have had a mate call round or bumped into them at the shop. There are definately men that can’t say no to the “just one more beer” friends. I know of a couple of men like this and if this is the case then you have had a lucky escape. They let their girlfriends down time and time again including important events.

You could try writing on your on-line dating that you would like to meet someone into horses/countryside/farming. Might be worth a try to find someone with that in common.

PumpkinKlNG · 02/08/2021 01:14

If it was a case of a friend coming round then he wouldn’t have blocked the op...

Winter2020 · 02/08/2021 01:31

PumpkinKlNG
Perhaps you don’t know anyone like this but I guarantee there are people that can pop out to the shop, bump into someone and not come home for days. Basically, just like another girlfriend it’s another type of better offer. Get better offer, block, think up crappy excuse to ease conscience.

PumpkinKlNG · 02/08/2021 01:55

Haha I’m glad I know no one like that! Surely a normal person would just say sorry my friends popped round I will try to get rid of him, what you describe sounds pretty unusual! Even then most guys would happily introduce you to their friend 🤷‍♀️

BrozTito · 02/08/2021 02:43

Haha what the actual fuck has happened to men. Im trying to imagine my grandad who was a decent romantic man getting scared of a woman, hiding then saying he needs his mummy.

BrozTito · 02/08/2021 02:48

And im so sick of these weasel men playing the MH card and plastering it all over social media thinking it excuses them being vermin

Witsended · 02/08/2021 03:19

I really want to know now if it was Coco's boyfriend!

Rollingwiththehomies · 02/08/2021 04:07

I’m sorry this happened to you Op. What a prick!

I’m surprised more chatting isn’t happening around @Cocopogo posts Shock

Maskless · 02/08/2021 05:34

You definitely should have buzzed the door. Again and again and again.

What a massive bastard!

Something similar happened to me many years ago. I was baffled and worried about him, too. As a PP suggested, he then had the nerve to email me about 3 months later asking to meet. I replied "are you mad, after what you did to me, you bastard?" He then said that he'd had a lot of family problems and it "all became too much" for him. As if that was an adequate excuse for standing me up!

Clearly, some men just do this sort of thing.

neveradullmoment99 · 02/08/2021 06:14

@ParrotsAteThemAll

More than likely dating multiple people and had a better offer. I’m so sorry, but at least you’ve found out now what a prick he is!
This
Runningquestion · 02/08/2021 06:30

@LaserPointer

Yep. Total game. His last message is to try to hook you in to keep you textinghim. Meanwhile he gets to tell his mates he’s met a psycho online who keeps texting him, won’t take no for an answer and who came over to his house unexpectedly and he had to pretend he was out. Utter wanker. Do not give him another second of your time.
This. If he ever messages you again, completely ignore it (or just block him now).

You did absolutely nothing wrong and I don’t think this is about you. His behaviour was disgusting and he will have done similar to others before you. I can’t tell you why he did what he did but it will have come from a place of dishonesty and fear and disrespect, so please don’t give him a other thought.

happinessischocolate · 02/08/2021 07:13

I've tried everything, being keen, being uninterested, never initiating, initiating, not sleeping with them, sleeping with them, looking for fun, looking for serious, etc etc. It just hasn't worked out for me yet.

Instead of trying to be the person you think you need to be to keep them interested, how about doing what you want? Read the rules book recommended but you also need the "why men love bitches" book. Stop trying to be their ideal woman.

Whereas by being polite and respectful he'd hopefully have struggled to put the blame on me. I've definitely done the ranting before and all it does is give them ammunition.

But who carers what an arsehole who has just let you down thinks? If you want to tell him what a shit he is then so so, if you want to just block and ignore then do so with no thought whatsoever to what the loser who you will never see again thinks.

You've said some men need to leave it so you still like them, it's seems you still need to be liked by them, even when they've treated you badly.

Why men love bitches - buy it now

Cam77 · 02/08/2021 07:27

That book above says men only like tall skinny women with straight blonde hair. Was it written by a spotty Playboy intern in the late 70s?

Confusedandshaken · 02/08/2021 07:28

@JenuineGelly

I would be surprised, I have slept over and he very clearly lives alone. Plus he's quite young so would be more unusual for him to be married.
It seems very likely that either someone else was there or he got a better offer. It could be an ex or a long-standing FWB or someone he met online that afternoon.

It's a bummer you had a wasted journey but better you find out he's a waste of time now than 6 months down the line.

happinessischocolate · 02/08/2021 07:32

@Cam77

That book above says men only like tall skinny women with straight blonde hair. Was it written by a spotty Playboy intern in the late 70s?
Have you read it? Because that's definitely not what I remember it being about 😁
5togo · 02/08/2021 07:35

Yes wondering if it is the same North West guy the pp mentioned?

happinessischocolate · 02/08/2021 07:40

On Friday night we stayed up until almost 5 am talking and kissing! He invited me over Saturday night and I said no.

I wonder if it dented his ego that you didn't want to see him on Saturday, so then he became determined to get you to arrange another date and then binned it as revenge for not seeing him Saturday. There's definitely men about who would do this.

tara66 · 02/08/2021 07:46

You had a lucky escape and found out what he was ''like'' early on. Forget and move on.

Backtomyoldname · 02/08/2021 08:01

Not a keeper/lucky escape.

A pity you had to waste an evening +fuel and be embarrassed to find out though.

All the best.

Feelingoktoday · 02/08/2021 08:10

I know we have moved on from the olden days but it was at least polite. Boyfriends would drive to pick you up from your house. At least they had to make the effort. Now all they have to do is arrange a date at their house, provide a sofa and pizza and everyone gets a shag. Not sure which is best really. Online dating is such hard work.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 02/08/2021 08:28

@Whysolong7

Sounds like he could have had a date before that was slow to leave? Trying to find out if you’d left yet (how long he had to get someone else out) then trying to buy some time saying he was out at the shop but wouldn’t be long - then realised he wasn’t going to be able to stop the two of you crossing paths so just backed out of the whole thing and blocked you.
This 100%.
Chickychickydodah · 02/08/2021 08:30

Are you sure it was his flat ? , he could be using a friends place. I’m betting he’s married .