Bizarre Evening!

[JenuineGelly]

Hi all,

I'm feeling a bit baffled and wanted to sound off to someone about this!

I have been dating someone, very new, saw him last yesterday.

I was on my way to his this evening, asked and confirmed by him and I told him when I set off. Called when I arrived and he said he'd nipped to the shop and would be a few minutes. Normal phone call, everything fine. So I wait... and wait... and check my phone and he has blocked me from WhatsApp! So I call him, nothing.

What has happened here?! I know nobody can tell me. It was a 30 minute drive each way, so 1 hour in the car.

Obviously it's done which is a shame but it is what it is.

Has this happened to anyone else?!

@Cocopogo Oh bloody hell, Manchester?!

op. What an arse, but glad you’ve found out now. Some of the suggested changes to get a date to make an effort sound good.

I’ve had more than my share of crap/weird dates, I’ve been ghosted once which was hideous and I’ve made a fool of myself too. Dating is weird, but keep those standards high and one day someone lovely will come along.

What a flaky, mouth breathing, special snowflake wanker.

Incredibly disrespectful, foolish, shitty, inconsiderate & immature behaviour.

You were far too gracious in your response. He deserved to be ignored.

I agree with other posters he may pop up again and mess you around if you remotely like him.

The only thing I can think.is that indecision& prevarication led him to leave it til literally last minute to say he didn't want to go ahead with the dare, but still....

Sometimes people who aren't feeling capable of a relationship or who don't want one fir whatever reason will be OK with initial hook-up etc but will baulk and bail.whennit seems to them that it's becoming a relationship, with the accompanying expectations and responsibilities.

Skates - that's horrendous! There really are some giant cocks about. I'm sorry that happened to you. I am glad you are happy now!

In fact he didn't deserve to be ignored, he deserved to be called out aboit his shitty behaviour.

But ... does it really matter.

I’m glad this happened early on, Jenuine. He hasn’t wasted much of your time and emotion. You’ve lived through it, talked it out with friends and moved on. So many of us are sympathising as we remember our own bad experiences.

My only advice would be to try meeting people through friends or through interest groups (eg hobbies, sports or community groups). Online dating seems much more risky.

Your best years are still ahead of you. I hope you have lots of good times!

@JenuineGelly

Skates - that's horrendous! There really are some giant cocks about. I'm sorry that happened to you. I am glad you are happy now!

Oh I am, I mean I'm not celibate or anything. I literally now just use tinder as my little black book when I'm bored 🤣

I make it very clear, I'm not after a relationship so don't care if you never speak to me again because I probably won't you. I deliberately go on dates with fuckboys and genuinely don't care 🤣

I can tell by their tinder bio these days lines like "I'll ruin your life" I feel like replying "somebody hold my beer I got this!" 🤣

Dating App. Probably dangling multiple women online. As he'd already notched you on his bed post if another offer came in while you were driving over, it sounds like he took it. Blocked you. Then the lame arse 'not ready to get involved' brush off and onto the next one. Sounds like a player. Don Juan syndrome.

Actually, Don Juan syndrome is a bit old fashioned as I used to work with a woman who was on a dating app and was working her way through men at an alarming rate. Once they were hooked she'd drop them. Some of them even turned up at work, totally smitten. I think for her it was all about validation as she was very vain.

I think with dating apps you're always going to have to accept that there are players.

@JenuineGelly

So he's been in touch via text message. Saying that he isn't in a good place and he can't give anything to anyone. Said he just needs to speak to his mum as that makes him feel better. Said that he isnt worth it and he's not interested.

I replied to say I hope he is okay.

I suppose I feel better having heard something.

Your only mistake was to text Hope you're ok at this point.

My response to his last sentence would have been You definitely aren't! And neither am I now, you pathetic cock. 😊

Wolf - definitely agree with the effort, a lovely poster PMed me a book recommendation which I have bought via e-book and I'm already reading.

I do usually ask for some sort of effort but he'd been working all day whereas I'd been off work so I was happy to drive over.

Whiskey - mouth breathing i was probably too nice but in a way I'm glad, then he can't twist it to make himself feel better by thinking I'm the bad guy.
I do like him but won't be communicating with him again, I physically can't get in touch and will block him if he does.

You've had a lucky escape - can you imagine how hard work somebody like this would would in a relationship.

"Sorry I arranged to meet you this evening, let you drive half an hour, told you I was at the shop avd then dropped completely out of contact and left you outside my accommodation, then blocked you and unmatched you ..... because I'm a mess, and cant offer anything and now I want my mammy".

I couldn't have resisted saying "and why did you wait til I'd driven half an hour and was waiting outside your home as you asked he to do cause you said you'd just popped out to the shop; to decide this .... and you fkg mental. Rhetorical question".

Mad - I should have! The "I'm not worth it" just made me think, I work in MH so I'm probably always reading into things too much. I also dated someone for a few months last year who ended up on a motorway bridge when i ended things! So I am very wary of any MH chat.

Im probably coming across too nice here but I definitely don't allow myself to be walked over and I'm opinionated etc. I was just so shocked tonight that I didn't know how to respond.

Thank you thinking. Unfortunately my main hobby is horses, they keep me busy but aren't a great way to meet men!

Haha I love it Skates! Teach me your ways

The main issue is... when you're dating and things end it's not about that person, not really. It brings up everyone you've ever dated, everything that's ever gone wrong and you think, why does this never work out for me?
I've tried everything, being keen, being uninterested, never initiating, initiating, not sleeping with them, sleeping with them, looking for fun, looking for serious, etc etc. It just hasn't worked out for me yet.

He clearly has mentioned health problems and is not good, happy relationship material so this is actually a good thing. You've been saved from wasting your time with someone who'd probably be flaky, unstable eyc. ongoing. Abd you'd have been more and more invested.

Whiskey - I should have. I think I mentioned it but can't be sure, I was confused and deleted all the messages straight away so I couldn't rant at him. I think I said something about why did you let me drive all the way here.

*mental health problems.

Horses- racing, point to points, cross country usually have some men. Polo is almost entirely men.

@JenuineGelly you've had a very lucky escape, he sounds awful and what a terrible way to treat someone. It's nothing you've done, I'm sure. Hope you are ok

Wow, lucky escape 😱 xx

Unfortunately my horses aren't anything fancy! The actual stables has one older, married man and the rest women! I did go to a horse event the other weekend but was with my friends so didn't really mingle.

I've been going out a little bit since lockdown has lifted so definitely putting myself "out there." I think I might sign up to a gym.

so I couldn't rant at him.

It's probably better you didn't. You were very dignified.

I once had a rant via email at a guy who flaked on meeting .. he picked up his phone but was too drunk/high/sleepy to have conversation and dropped the phone (without hanging up). I gave him short thrift.

He didn't answer for a while, then sent an "ashamed " licky email, then (when I replied politely and been civil again, disappeared .. because he's achieved his aim of feeling like hw was liked/respected again. It didn't really change anything.

Ah that's spot on Whiskey, some people simply cant live with people not "liking" them!
I knew that if I'd have said what I wanted to he'd have probably thought he'd had a lucky escape or he'd have thought, see, this is why I blocked her and this is why I couldn't have told her I'd changed my mind. Whereas by being polite and respectful he'd hopefully have struggled to put the blame on me. I've definitely done the ranting before and all it does is give them ammunition.

@JenuineGelly

Unfortunately my horses aren't anything fancy! The actual stables has one older, married man and the rest women! I did go to a horse event the other weekend but was with my friends so didn't really mingle.

I've been going out a little bit since lockdown has lifted so definitely putting myself "out there." I think I might sign up to a gym.

Oh yeah I didn't presume you had a yard full of thorough breda , just thought that you gace that interest in and experience of horses, and therefore equestrian sports and events might be a good thing for you to attend.

Mingling is very Important or even just looking open to chatting.

You’ve dodged a bullet. The mental health excuse is pathetic - you’re not his support system so please don’t be tempted to rescue him if he comes crawling back.

When I was dating, I’m sad to say, the best results were when I made little effort and left it all to them. I had a short term boyfriend who I regularly drove to - it was a disaster and he was a user.

Let them make the first contact and persue you. When men are really into someone nothing gets in their way so be brutal on any flaky or unavailable types.

R.e. your worries about when you’ll meet someone. I was ghosted and devastated but met my lovely DP 6 months later. It could be right around the corner so don’t give up hope.

*breds, obviously.

New phone with weird autocorrect.

Haha Whiskey, one is a TB! But retired

Thanks Starlings. I am hopeful, as you say, you never know when you're gonna meet someone.
I just didn't expect it from him, he seemed decent, but then you never can really know.

What's the book called? I could do with some help myself