How many here are single, open to meeting someone but not doing OLD?

[TossaCoinToYerWitcher]

Just wondered. As a single bloke, it often seems that if you're not doing OLD you're missing out on meeting the right person, as that'll be where any single person looking for a relationship will be. But maybe that's not the case?

@OldChinaJug

One wanting to fully blend within a few years with me brinibg kids her way on (about an hours drive). I'm adamant that whilst kids grow up its best to aim to blend but keep households separate until kids are much older (well into teens). The step parent board seems to bear this out (unless of course the options are limited then I can understand more in that situation). I totally agree with this! I have founded will.asume I want to blend and am looking for a stepdad for my children even when I've been quite clear that I don't. They don't seem to trust the words and think it's what all women want deep down. I really don't! My children have an actively involved dad. I want someone for me. Not them. Although I do want someone who is respectful of the time I spend with my children and not expect to be in constant contact. Which has also been an issue! I want someone who can get on with my children when their paths cross. That is all.

Another informing I needed to prioritise her on my free weekends and would have to scale back my only really hobby (runnnhg) if need be to accommodate this.

Yeah, again, the last man I dated had a well paying hobby and one which, on occasion, took up the whole weekend. I was fine with that and spent those times catching up with other friends. I think hobbies are really important but I have also found some men expect to be able to maintain theirs but expect me to.compromise on mine because otherwise when would we see each other... er... no.

Thanks. It helps when I know I'm not the only one that thinks like this 🙂

@Foambananas interesting you feel like that.

I feel a bit OLD fatigued at the moment but would hope I'd have a few years in me yet to face again.

My kids are 15,13,10 and I know the younger two will be weirded out at the notion of their mother dating! So I do it when they are not around and will gently introduce them to someone if I become serious about them after a long time dating. I can’t imagine having a man stay over while my children are in the house until said children are adults though!

@MayEye

My kids are 15,13,10 and I know the younger two will be weirded out at the notion of their mother dating! So I do it when they are not around and will gently introduce them to someone if I become serious about them after a long time dating. I can’t imagine having a man stay over while my children are in the house until said children are adults though!

It's interesting the different views on this.

My eldest lived with me for a few months last year and knew there was somebody but I still wanted to keep separate. Would have been happy to gently introduce I suppose like yourself had it got serious.

If you want more kids though, you are going to have to blend.

In my case I'm looking for a guy who has not been married or had kids. As I don't have an ex in the picture. I have my DD but don't want to deal with someone else's ex or a step family. But that makes the pool of likely candidates smaller (I assume, I haven't looked).. And I'd at least like to consider having more children.

the right person doesn’t just show up at a time that ‘fits’ with you and your family/ages of your children yes if you can't control the rest of OLD you can't control that bit...

Isn't that interesting and reflective of age and generation @TinyTroubleMaker

I would much prefer to meet a man who has been married or at least co habited and has his own children as I will certainly not be providing any .. and at least he will understand how annoying they are at times

I used to get annoyed at " can I have a fiver " now it's new tyres or a failed MOT lol

Really interesting thread! I can relate so much to what you wrote @OldChinaJug - I pretty much wrote something like that in an OLD profile once, obvs did not draw the man of my dreams out from wherever he is hiding!

I've drawn a line under OLD after 10 years on and off - some small successes, mostly during a very fun 'cougar' phase and I've also found a fab FWB, but as for finding love it was a complete waste of time. Most people just want to text. I've got plenty of friends for that, thanks!

I'll never go back on OLD - the thought of being one of 'those faces' like you said @Foambananas... it's just too soul-destroying.

Another problem is that men don't want friendship. I have been on dates where I really get on with them but don't fancy them that much. There is too much pressure for it to be an instant attraction but sometimes it grows slowly. I've asked men if they want to just be a gig buddy or whatever (like, read between the lines - this could still go somewhere one day, but if not we could do something fun and wingman each other on a night out) but they weren't interested.

Off to check out the singles page of the Running over 40 group...

@Roblox01

So question for you ladies. Is the pool of desirable men small with OLD. Could you put a percentage on it.

I understand that most will gravitate to the group they find attractive but is it the case that say 1 or 2 in ten take your interest and the other 8 or 9 don't?

I'm not sure that's the way to think of it. I'd look for someone in a similar life situation and frame of mind and intellectual capacity and values to me.

So ideally: someone who has children so understands that they come first, seeing each other only a couple of times per week and no plans to move in together while kids at home, because their stability is the priority. No "step parents" etc. Also I love my own space and home and time alone anyway.

Someone intelligent and funny who can hold a decent conversation, kind and not leery. They'd need to be fairly tall but only because I am: if I was 5'5" I wouldn't care it they were 5'7" but I'm not, and because of all of the ingrained stuff about "femininity" I'd feel like a clumsy giant next to a very small man. Fundamentally someone kind who can communicate, who is honest, and is kind. Somebody with some sense of adventure, who likes travel and reads and has interesting ideas to talk about, but also likes vegging out and watching films in silence. And definitely someone who likes food/ wine/ cooking. And who is financially independent. Active and fit and confident in their own skin. And also emotionally deep and capable of coping with emotional things like an adult.

It may sound like a ridiculous list to some, but I would only be prepared to even try to start a relationship again if there was a really intense connection with somebody which fulfilled the majority of the above. Otherwise, why bother?

Oh, and not shit in bef! Obviously. 🤣

*bed

🙄😂

@escapetherain not that low a %. About 20%, perhaps, but not that same top 20% that gets what they want from OLD, they wouldnt be the same 20% id be looking at because im realistic and want somebody closer to me in age, somebody who"d value me etc
Not that im doing OLD anymore but your question is an interesting one

Oh the question was @roblox01 's but i agree with @escaptherain 's take. Im 5'1" so i dated a lot of men 5'7" or so but that doesnt mean they value you.

Currently trying OLD for the first time. Embarrassed to admit approx 36 hours after joining Bumble I've had just one single match 
He was too young for me as it was before I'd worked out what I was doing.
My profile is short as they are on there, but positive and open with unfiltered photos, one full length, I'm average looking with an average figure. Maybe I'll just take up knitting and buy another cat or 5!

PS Horrified to hear @Roblox01 considers himself to be old at 40, as I'm 52!

@Marveilleux

Currently trying OLD for the first time. Embarrassed to admit approx 36 hours after joining Bumble I've had just one single match  He was too young for me as it was before I'd worked out what I was doing. My profile is short as they are on there, but positive and open with unfiltered photos, one full length, I'm average looking with an average figure. Maybe I'll just take up knitting and buy another cat or 5!

PS Horrified to hear @Roblox01 considers himself to be old at 40, as I'm 52!

I don't consider myself old. I think I may have been referring to Online Dating🤣

Oops sorry @Roblox01

I used to get annoyed at " can I have a fiver " now it's new tyres or a failed MOT lol my DD is 7. She asked me for a phone yesterday

Escape that is such a good description of the 'baseline' for looking for a guy, I might even save it. I'm 5'3" so most men are taller than me - though there is something about a man who can literally sweep you off your feet

@EscapeTheRain I agree with a lot of your comments and of a similar line of thought with the whole parent/step parent dynamic.

On the height thing. I think a woman that is say 5 7 asking for the man to be at least that tall is fine. I'm only 5 5 and if a woman states they are 5 7 or taller on their profile I steer away as I assume its a subtle sign they are asking for men to be of at least that height.

Where there isn't a height disparity I do sometimes wonder why height, which we have no control over, is valued whereas something like weight isn't (or at least we aren't supposed to judge people on weight). I don't have an issue with weight but just using it in this as an example.

@Marveilleux

Oops sorry *@Roblox01*

no problem!

I think it's ok to judge on weight, and people will whether they are 'supposed to' or not. It speaks to lifestyle, in all sorts of ways. Isn't the only thing that matters but.. it matters. Others may disagree

[quote Roblox01]@EscapeTheRain I agree with a lot of your comments and of a similar line of thought with the whole parent/step parent dynamic.

On the height thing. I think a woman that is say 5 7 asking for the man to be at least that tall is fine. I'm only 5 5 and if a woman states they are 5 7 or taller on their profile I steer away as I assume its a subtle sign they are asking for men to be of at least that height.

Where there isn't a height disparity I do sometimes wonder why height, which we have no control over, is valued whereas something like weight isn't (or at least we aren't supposed to judge people on weight). I don't have an issue with weight but just using it in this as an example.[/quote]
I prefer shorter men. Around 5'6, give or take, was always my preferred height. My last boyfriend was the same height as me - 5'3" (actually, I think I was taller). Physically, I found him very attractive and it was his height that caught my attention (we met irl not online).

However, he had a massive chip on his shoulder about it.

I told him he was the perfect height for me. His response was that it was just a pity more women didn't think like that 🤷🏻‍♀️

He made it quite clear that he thought he could attract someone 'better' than me if he were 6 inches taller.

It wasn't his height that made him unattractive to women, I have a male friend who was very similar to him physically in many ways who is very popular with women, it was his attitude and behaviour.

I wonder if some women avoid shorter men because they anticipate this?