How many here are single, open to meeting someone but not doing OLD?

[TossaCoinToYerWitcher]

Just wondered. As a single bloke, it often seems that if you're not doing OLD you're missing out on meeting the right person, as that'll be where any single person looking for a relationship will be. But maybe that's not the case?

That's so frustrating OldChinaJug when you make it clear that you're attracted to them even with what they perceive to be their "flaw" and they still whinge on about how other women don't feel the same way as you. It's like they need to be universally fancied or they're not worth as much.

Re the weight thing, a lot of men insist that it's not an issue, but I find that they don't walk the walk in reality! I realise that being fat will limit my options, and nobody owes me a chance, but I almost wish they would be upfront and say "no fat chicks" on their profile so that I don't waste my time trying to chat to them.

@Chamomileteaplease

I keep wondering if there are any (old fashioned?) dating agencies where you go and meet them and get interviewed by the company. They find out what you are like and what you are looking for.

Then they match you with other people on their books who they think you will suit.

Do those sort of places still exist? It seems less meat marketish and more personal. Also less time consuming and potentially more successful .

Yes these exist. I'm on the books of a matchmaking agency.

Unfortunately all it consists of is, here is another single person in your area. Go meet them.

The matchmaking agency I'm with does not put any thought into the match, it feels quite random. I even get sent people outside of my criteria repeatedly then get told to broaden my horizons.

I wouldn't recommend it.

Oh, and that was after a long interview with the owner of the agency, too, when I signed up.

ChloeAndRadcliffe

Tell me about it! I think it actually reduced my worth in his eyes 🤷🏻‍♀️

As for the weight thing. When I last did online dating, I was a size 10/12 with an hourglass figure. Not perfect but I was happy with it - happy to walk around naked, sex with the lights on, no self critical comments.

Between encouragement to lose a bit of weight, unnecessary reassurances that they didn't mind that I wasn't slim, or just little comments here and there, I didn't meet a single man who didn't seem to be personally affronted that I wasn't apologising for my weight and complaining that I was fat. I have never quite worked out how anyone a 14 or above has everanaged to have a relationship! My experience of men's attitudes towards my weight/body has been appalling.

God, that's put me off even more than I already was... I'm a lot bigger than a 10/12 and if some man made comments like that to me, having been trusted enough to be allowed to see me naked, I'd probably have to kill and eat him. You know, cos us fatties are always indiscriminately stuffing our faces with whatever's to hand.

@ChloeAndRadcliffe

God, that's put me off even more than I already was... I'm a lot bigger than a 10/12 and if some man made comments like that to me, having been trusted enough to be allowed to see me naked, I'd probably have to kill and eat him. You know, cos us fatties are always indiscriminately stuffing our faces with whatever's to hand.

Well, one of my closest friends is an 18/20 and it baffles her. She only ever has men telling her how sexy and beautiful she is and what an amazing body she has!

So my experience clearly isn't universal.

Although we haven't quite worked out why it is.

@ChloeAndRadcliffe

God, that's put me off even more than I already was... I'm a lot bigger than a 10/12 and if some man made comments like that to me, having been trusted enough to be allowed to see me naked, I'd probably have to kill and eat him. You know, cos us fatties are always indiscriminately stuffing our faces with whatever's to hand.

😅

@OnlyMsLonely:
I have just started reading this thread and you sound great for a very good male friend of mine. He refuses to do OLD and one of his hobbies tends to be male orientated which is fine as my DH shares the hobby so it gets him out and about during the Summer.
His last relationship (I introduced him to a female friend) lasted 10 years and they had great fun during that time. Unfortunately one big problem was she couldn't relate to the fact that he needed to spend time with his grown up children (she was younger and childless). He's great fun,happy go lucky and kind. Someone in their 50's would be a great match. He's financially independent and very mobile (as in he is willing to drive as he rarely drinks).
I worry he will shut himself away (apart from family) in the Winter and would soooooo like him to have a female friend.

I've had 3 dates just using fb dating but none worked out. The last one was the most disappointing but we've remained friends.
However I too am on Bumble and have had no matches. I've read they're now hiding the matches for a while if you're new to try and get you to pay.
Why would I pay to see people who've swiped right on my profile when I've clearly already swiped left as I keep running out of profiles to swipe, unless I alter my parameters!

I'm a pretty normal looking woman in every way! Early 50s, positive profile, varied interests. I'm a little fussy I'll admit but I've swiped right on a fair number of varied ages/locations/looks/heights!

Gritting my teeth and hoping the rumours are true otherwise it'll be left to the hand of fate!

Ok, I'm being brave enough to ask this type of question which I sometimes wonder about.
I'm in my 50s and single with no children.
I am a Christian, though not a judgemental "pious" one ( I hope). I am comfortable as a single although open to the right relationship.
I do though believe that, for me, sex should be kept for a relationship where a couple have made a formal commitment to a lifetime partnership ( whether a civil partnership, marriage). I don't want to judge anyone who thinks differently though.
Is this going to be a total incompatibility/no go for dating most men out there in their 50's? ( Not really tried dating for a long time)

@Marveilleux

Currently trying OLD for the first time. Embarrassed to admit approx 36 hours after joining Bumble I've had just one single match  He was too young for me as it was before I'd worked out what I was doing. My profile is short as they are on there, but positive and open with unfiltered photos, one full length, I'm average looking with an average figure. Maybe I'll just take up knitting and buy another cat or 5!

PS Horrified to hear @Roblox01 considers himself to be old at 40, as I'm 52!

Old at 40, 😩, blimey I’m 51, can someone please point me in the direction of the nearest scrap heap so I can Chuck myself on it

@JustAnother0ldMan you'll have a nice soft landing as I beat you to it!

Nooooo @CheesePlantMurderer never give up hope @JustAnother0ldMan if you've the energy to throw yourself on then you're doing ok

@66babe

Nooooo *@CheesePlantMurderer never give up hope @JustAnother0ldMan* if you've the energy to throw yourself on then you're doing ok

I won't yet! It's early days just feel disheartened a little!

@Roblox01

Another bloke here. With work and kids I don't have that much time for a 'social life' and that's ignoring the much smaller social circle since Covid hit.

I think it depends on the person. An extrovert probably can do without OLD if they get opportunities. An introvert (like me) less likely.

I think as well when you're older (I'm 40) the chance of meeting someone compatible is less likely to start with (e.g you don't want kids / they do etc). That's people around my age.

I suppose its down to the individual but if I joined a running group (as that's my hobby) I'd be very conscious of.the women thinking I was.doing it to check out what options there are. But if there are groups that women join to keep an eye out for a man I'm all ears!

@Foambananas Its my fault not yours - I jumped in brand new to the place after many many years and caused chaos!

This quote is what I read and thought HORRORS 40 is older (not old!) when I am 52....!

Apols, I shall keep quiet for another 15 or so years mebbe

@CheesePlantMurderer I do think the OLD dynamic is very sex focussed and in your case you might struggle to find someone with similar values online. If you are clear on your profile about the type of relationship you want, you might strike it lucky. Do you have a Christian community that you belong to? as you would need the in person connection with like minded people more than most I would say.

Sorry that was to @EducatingArti

Interesting chats about the weight/height issue. I firmly believe it’s all about confidence. If you own your height, weight and more importantly are honest about it on your profile online and are fully confident about it then that is contagious to others. Of course you will always have people who disregard someone for being overweight or shorter and we all have boundaries of what we find attractive, but in general confidence in your own skin carries you a long way.
And I say that as someone a ‘tad’ overweight who dies inside a bit when they have to get naked with someone new but is really good at pretending otherwise

@EducatingArti
Hi, what I think you find with a lot of men their 50’s (like me) is that most will have a divorce or failed relationship(s) behind them, so will probably not looking to jump into another marriage or civil partnership arrangement any time soon, but a ‘general’ relationship with a sexual element is probably where we are looking, you will probably find someone, but you may have a quite limited selection that meet your criteria.
Hopefully this helps.

So, Question to anyone on here,

I’m 6ft and a slim build, kinda like an Olympic long jumper build but with 2 wonky knees and a stiff back and specs 👓, and bit of middle age spread, is that off putting to potential dates?
( I could tone up a bit TBH )

@JustAnother0ldMan

So, Question to anyone on here,

I’m 6ft and a slim build, kinda like an Olympic long jumper build but with 2 wonky knees and a stiff back and specs 👓, and bit of middle age spread, is that off putting to potential dates?
( I could tone up a bit TBH )

We are all attracted to different things right? One of my oldest friends is slightly shorter than me (5'2 to my 5'3) and likes men under 5'10 with proper dad bod. Facially she has no type. I prefer taller 6'+, despite being vertically challenged. I like wearing heels and like how it feels with a taller man. I prefer athletic bodies as I veer towards that myself and it indicates a certain amount of activity level and interest in the same. Facially a great smile and a glint in the eyes is as far as a type goes for me!

I think there sounds nothing wrong with you at all but let's not forget personality has to be key after that initial physical impression. Clearly you can converse, so you're a foot ahead of many of the rest!

I am fairly new to Mumsnet but this thread is flashing its headlights to me in the respect that NO-ONE appears to like OLD. I'm unsure if this has been attempted before but why not start a kind of friends looking for like minded friends thread?
Obviously regions and preferences regarding age/lifestyle come into it but it's far less anonymous than OLD?
Apologies if this breaks any rules.