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Original poster

Updated profile pic has got on my nerves

152 replies

Sandra15 · 30/07/2021 09:21

Last summer I was chatting (initially in a work context) with a guy who then began telling me he had feelings for me and couldn't stop thinking about me, arranged to meet and he stood me up and ghosted me. After reading through the messages he had sent, they were filthy and showed what he was really like.

He posted a photograph just around the time of the ghosting on Facebook, showing him looking rather tubby and I concluded he was a pillock and I had had a lucky escape.

Today he has posted a new profile picture on Facebook (I haven't blocked him but have never engaged with him since the ghosting. I did call him out, but that was in December and he read the message in May!) I don't want anything to do with him.

The profile picture today that has been the first change in over a year shows that he has been to the most exclusive, tough and exacting boot camp in history. Bear Grylls couldn't hack this. He's lost stones, grown more hair and miraculously it is darker, too, set off by a very deep tan.

It has really pissed me off though! I don't know why. I don't want him, he is a fool. Why it has got to me I do not know!

OP posts:
Persephonesgrove · 30/07/2021 09:26

Just block him.

Why would a photo of him looking a bit tubby make you conclude you had a lucky escape. Rather than the ghosting?

Honestly, given you now (ages after) are bothered that he lost weight and looks better, in your opinion, I might guess that he ghosted you because he had put ona bit of weight and felt self conscious and believed it would be an issue for you. Which it appears it probably would have been.

On the plus side, looks like he went and did something about it.

Of course he might just be a twat. In which case blocking him is also the best idea.

clickychicky · 30/07/2021 09:28

You're annoyed that he has lost weight?

He posted a photograph just around the time of the ghosting on Facebook, showing him looking rather tubby and I concluded he was a pillock and I had had a lucky escape. did you conclude he was a pillock due to his photo? If you think you would have judged him differently if he'd been thinner and had more hair then you need to look at your prejudices. He was a pillock either way.

Original poster
Sandra15 · 30/07/2021 09:29

@Persephonesgrove

Just block him.

Why would a photo of him looking a bit tubby make you conclude you had a lucky escape. Rather than the ghosting?

Honestly, given you now (ages after) are bothered that he lost weight and looks better, in your opinion, I might guess that he ghosted you because he had put ona bit of weight and felt self conscious and believed it would be an issue for you. Which it appears it probably would have been.

On the plus side, looks like he went and did something about it.

Of course he might just be a twat. In which case blocking him is also the best idea.

I think telling me what he wanted to do to me with his love wand and lots of references to his throbbing member were more like reasons I had a lucky escape. I would avoid Chris Hemsworth if he talked to me like that.

He'd got no reason to think I would have been bothered about being tubby because it was never discussed.

The profile pic is a holiday one, so I am guessing it is an old one (part of my post was tongue in cheek).

OP posts:
spotcheck · 30/07/2021 09:30

Honestly... Let it go

TheUndoingProject · 30/07/2021 09:31

You sound really over invested in this guy. He treated you badly. Block him, move on and don’t give him any headspace.

mildlymiffed · 30/07/2021 09:33

You're not going to date him. You know that... so time to let this bubble go...

Delete him and save yourself the headspace.

MotionActivatedDog · 30/07/2021 09:34

I don’t actually understand this. You were relieved to find out a man who was mean to you was “tubby” but now he isn’t tubby you’re pissed off.

You know that’s really unpleasant, don’t you?

Persephonesgrove · 30/07/2021 09:34

I think telling me what he wanted to do to me with his love wand and lots of references to his throbbing member were more like reasons I had a lucky escape. I would avoid Chris Hemsworth if he talked to me like that.

Except you didn't. You engaged in that. He ghosted you. Then you decided his text messages made him a twat. But it wasn't until he posted a photo of him looking a bit tubby, that you actually wrote him off.

You didn't have to talk about his weight. But if he got the impression you didn't like 'tubby' people, he may have felt self conscious.

clickychicky · 30/07/2021 09:36

@MotionActivatedDog

I don’t actually understand this. You were relieved to find out a man who was mean to you was “tubby” but now he isn’t tubby you’re pissed off.

You know that’s really unpleasant, don’t you?

Agreed.
Original poster
Sandra15 · 30/07/2021 09:38

@MotionActivatedDog

I don’t actually understand this. You were relieved to find out a man who was mean to you was “tubby” but now he isn’t tubby you’re pissed off.

You know that’s really unpleasant, don’t you?

I don't understand it either. Rather than 'unpleasant', which is a bit harsh I would call it curious to be annoyed. Hence my post. Trying to understand why.
OP posts:
Original poster
Sandra15 · 30/07/2021 09:40

@Persephonesgrove

I think telling me what he wanted to do to me with his love wand and lots of references to his throbbing member were more like reasons I had a lucky escape. I would avoid Chris Hemsworth if he talked to me like that.

Except you didn't. You engaged in that. He ghosted you. Then you decided his text messages made him a twat. But it wasn't until he posted a photo of him looking a bit tubby, that you actually wrote him off.

You didn't have to talk about his weight. But if he got the impression you didn't like 'tubby' people, he may have felt self conscious.

Weight was never mentioned or discussed at all. He had no reason to think like that.

I did not engage in that sort of talk with him. I ignored it and steered it back onto a normal discussion. (Yes, now I would block immediately and get the hell out, but I tried to resolve it). Then he ghosted me after that. Presumably because I wasn't playing ball and sending him mucky pictures.

OP posts:
Nicolastuffedone · 30/07/2021 09:43

….and yet even after he mentioned his ‘love wand’ that you now find filthy and made him sound a pillock, you carried on messaging him and the thing that annoyed you the most was he ghosted you?

Original poster
Sandra15 · 30/07/2021 09:46

@Nicolastuffedone

….and yet even after he mentioned his ‘love wand’ that you now find filthy and made him sound a pillock, you carried on messaging him and the thing that annoyed you the most was he ghosted you?
I always found it ridiculous and stupid (not just now) but I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I've never come across anyone who said things like that before.

I think what annoys me the most is that I got drawn into it and actually thought he liked me.

OP posts:
theodoracarp · 30/07/2021 09:48

Block it everywhere. Stop monitoring his life. Go further

Original poster
Sandra15 · 30/07/2021 09:49

@theodoracarp

Block it everywhere. Stop monitoring his life. Go further
I don't monitor him, it came up in my feed.
OP posts:
ckverity9 · 30/07/2021 09:51

Remove it from Facebook. Then he will not come across to you in the news and will not annoy you once again.

ViceLikeBlip · 30/07/2021 09:54

I mean, everyone else commenting sounds very mature and sensible. But I have to admit, if someone treated me badly I would want Bad Things for them, and suddenly getting more attractive would not qualify as a Bad Thing!

I would try and focus on just how miserable that sort of boot camp/extreme diet must be. Or maybe he got dumped by someone who was mean about his weight, hence the sudden and extreme reinvention? Or maybe he just replaced an unflattering picture with a more flattering one?

Original poster
Sandra15 · 30/07/2021 09:54

I'm a sensible woman with a good job, good life and lots going on, and don't want a bloke. I am at a loss to see why this has irritated me so much. Can anyone else relate?

It won't consume my weekend! But it's pissed off my breakfast!

OP posts:
MotionActivatedDog · 30/07/2021 09:56

I am at a loss to see why this has irritated me so much.

It’s very simple- you really liked him and he rejected you.

OpenTheBloodyWindow · 30/07/2021 09:58

It's a picture of him 'living well' and in great shape, looking good, happy and healthy. You harbour a bit of ill-ish feeling towards him so don't like to see him living well. Also makes you question somewhere deep down whether you were correct to write him off, even though your brain tells you that you were.

No different to my ex posting a photo of him sunning himself in Dubai with his beautiful girlfriend - he's living well, looks great etc. My head says 'god he was a total pain, feel sorry for her' and a tiny secret bit of my gut says... 'hmm. That actually looks pretty good'

meido · 30/07/2021 10:08

Why on earth are you still friends with him on FB?

TakeYourFinalPosition · 30/07/2021 10:16

I'm a sensible woman with a good job, good life and lots going on, and don't want a bloke. I am at a loss to see why this has irritated me so much.

He hurt you. Leaving him on your Facebook isn’t a sign of how unbothered you are, it’s a way of staying invested, keeping the connection.

Humans are complex. Remove him, move on. Regardless of how much you rationalise that you don’t want him and find him off putting, you’re leaving him there; to keep getting under your skin.

Notnowkate · 30/07/2021 10:25

Maybe deep down you are really attracted a teensy bit? Otherwise I'm baffled why you didn't block when he ghosted you.

Original poster
Sandra15 · 30/07/2021 10:25

@meido

Why on earth are you still friends with him on FB?
I wouldn't go that far. I've not interacted with him since the ghosting but just didn't get rid - until today.
OP posts:
BillMasen · 30/07/2021 10:27

So you did sexting, then regretted it when reading it back

Saw he was a bit tubby so concluded you’d had a lucky escape

Then got pissed off he’s now slim

Lovely!