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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Updated profile pic has got on my nerves

152 replies

Sandra15 · 30/07/2021 09:21

Last summer I was chatting (initially in a work context) with a guy who then began telling me he had feelings for me and couldn't stop thinking about me, arranged to meet and he stood me up and ghosted me. After reading through the messages he had sent, they were filthy and showed what he was really like.

He posted a photograph just around the time of the ghosting on Facebook, showing him looking rather tubby and I concluded he was a pillock and I had had a lucky escape.

Today he has posted a new profile picture on Facebook (I haven't blocked him but have never engaged with him since the ghosting. I did call him out, but that was in December and he read the message in May!) I don't want anything to do with him.

The profile picture today that has been the first change in over a year shows that he has been to the most exclusive, tough and exacting boot camp in history. Bear Grylls couldn't hack this. He's lost stones, grown more hair and miraculously it is darker, too, set off by a very deep tan.

It has really pissed me off though! I don't know why. I don't want him, he is a fool. Why it has got to me I do not know!

OP posts:
WhiskeyGalore212 · 30/07/2021 15:17

He's still a that, just a skinnier tanner one.

Still wouldn't be a decent relationship prospect.

NotaCoolMum · 30/07/2021 15:17

“I think telling me what he wanted to do to me with his love wand and lots of references to his throbbing member were more like reasons I had a lucky escape. I would avoid Chris Hemsworth if he talked to me like that.”

Yet you still wanted to meet up with him until he ghosted you?…🙄

SleepingStandingUp · 30/07/2021 15:19

@Nicolastuffedone

….and yet even after he mentioned his ‘love wand’ that you now find filthy and made him sound a pillock, you carried on messaging him and the thing that annoyed you the most was he ghosted you?
And have kept him in FB and pay enough attention to monitor photo updates.
toocold54 · 30/07/2021 16:55

OP I’m not sure why you’re getting so defensive. You were annoyed he was ‘tubby’ and now you’re annoyed because he’s lost weight and is looking good.

For someone you barely know and haven’t spoke to in ages you are very invested in him.
Honestly let it go.
Get on tinder or whatever and go find someone else!

Sandra15 · 30/07/2021 17:49

@WhiskeyGalore212

He's still a that, just a skinnier tanner one.

Still wouldn't be a decent relationship prospect.

Apparently it's an old photo from a holiday in St Lucia years ago.
OP posts:
MotionActivatedDog · 30/07/2021 17:53

You know too much about this man that you’ve never met. It’s almost stalkerish.

toocold54 · 30/07/2021 17:54

You know too much about this man that you’ve never met. It’s almost stalkerish.

I agree!
Honestly OP stop! Think about what you are doing it’s not normal!

WhiskeyGalore212 · 30/07/2021 17:56

Apparently it's an old photo from a holiday in St Lucia years ago.

Even twattier.

Thats not unlike using old, dated abd usually flattering photos on dating sites.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 30/07/2021 18:01

You sound so fixated on this situation it's super unhealthy OP!

SeaShoreGalore · 30/07/2021 18:40

Have you deleted him yet?

Angelofchaos · 30/07/2021 18:50

Apparently it's an old photo from a holiday in St Lucia years ago.

And you found that out how?

clickychicky · 30/07/2021 18:53

Apparently it's an old photo from a holiday in St Lucia years ago. how do you even know this? Stop researching him. Forget about him. If this thread isn't helping you do that then maybe switch off from the Internet for a bit so you aren't tempted.

toocold54 · 30/07/2021 18:54

Have you deleted him yet?

I could answer that question for you.

TheFoundations · 30/07/2021 18:58

You have low self esteem. You don't mind so much being ghosted by someone who's a bit tubby, but you can't hack it when it's someone with a 6 pack.

You need to focus on yourself. If you think 6 packs are great, work on developing one. Then you'll care about yourself as much as you care about this guy.

Sandra15 · 30/07/2021 19:14

@WhiskeyGalore212

Honestly think some posters just come on here to be antagonistic and self righteous.

Op, he's still the rude, immature, low integrity bastard who ghosted someone. And he was neck, cheesy, slightly creepy before before did.

What does it matter what he looks like now.

You know, Whiskey, I am amazed at the absolutely disgraceful and repugnant comments I have received from posters here, whose state of mind I actually think needs some attention. I've been called vile, a stalker, obsessed and over-invested, accused of becoming involved in sexting, and contradicted when I have stated I am not interested in looking for a man - when all that happened was a notification popped up in my feed this morning from a guy I've had nothing to do with for over seven months, I looked at it and posted about it. I've seen nothing from him in that time in any news feed, and haven't engaged with him. Yet I am accused of keeping tabs on him, hoping he would 'come back' - pathetic, really. Oh, and I've been told to get on Tinder, too. No, thank you.

Some of these individuals on here seem to think they know other posters inside out from simple posts, when they know nothing at all. It's quite frightening, really when I have done nothing to warrant such name calling that complete strangers will resort to it.

I think it is perfectly normal to have a 'moment' when you see something like this morning. A moment, not an obsession. My 'mistake' was to post about it in a fairly tongue in cheek way. It was obvious that it was an old photograph, and indeed it was later confirmed that it was taken in St Lucia several years ago. "You know that how?" someone demanded, and the answer is that someone posted on his picture and asked where it was, and he replied. That's how I knew - along with everyone else who saw the picture, and I doubt they are over-invested, obsessed or hankering after him, either!

When I was initially talking to this bloke, we seemed to click over a work issue, then he started saying he had feelings. The chat was pleasant and interesting and we had talked about meeting up. He then started the sex-related talk, which took the wind out of my sails somewhat. I don't indulge in that, I don't like it. I didn't say as much (perhaps I am naive; but it's never happened to me before, because I don't use social media in that way and nobody has ever said it in real life) but what I did do was ignore it, and steer the conversation onto more normal topics. He then stopped, and the normal chat began. I still didn't know what to make of the sex talk (not being a seasoned On Line Dater like many of our smart alecs here) so I chose to ignore it, and it stopped - I thought he had got the message. Then, he ghosted me. Of course I have a right to be pissed off about it, anyone would be - it's cowardly and rubbish behaviour reflecting on him, not me.

Asking what I asked was not a big deal. I've seen far more involved posts on here with women about exes, people they've shagged and so on.

Anyway thanks @WhiskeyGalore212, I really am flummoxed why people who don't know me would choose to be so nasty about something so simple. Perhaps they were the mean girls at school, or bullied themselves? Who cares anyway?!

OP posts:
MotionActivatedDog · 30/07/2021 19:21
Grin

There’s a reason you’re so angry about the responses you’ve had here OP Wink

TheFoundations · 30/07/2021 19:22

Your long response there demonstrates your low self esteem, OP. You don't have to defend yourself. You don't need to point out how 'normal' you are, on a thread that you've posted, inviting people to comment about you.

Why are you spending so much time on this whole issue?

Sandra15 · 30/07/2021 19:23

@MotionActivatedDog

Grin

There’s a reason you’re so angry about the responses you’ve had here OP Wink

There is indeed. That is because most of them are pathetic.
OP posts:
Sandra15 · 30/07/2021 19:23

This reply has been deleted

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TheFoundations · 30/07/2021 19:26

There is indeed. That is because most of them are pathetic

Think about it, OP. There's a reason you're needing to take everybody down, rather than say 'oh well, you think I'm x/y/z, never mind, you're entitled to think whatever you like.'

It's the same reason the picture of the ghosting bloke pissed you off.

There's a massive lesson here if you can look beyond your own defenses.

TheFoundations · 30/07/2021 19:27

Just do one. You don't know me at all. Now just pack it in and run along and have a nice Friday

Good luck to you.

toocold54 · 30/07/2021 19:29

My 'mistake' was to post about it in a fairly tongue in cheek way. It was obvious that it was an old photograph, and indeed it was later confirmed that it was taken in St Lucia several years ago. "You know that how?" someone demanded, and the answer is that someone posted on his picture and asked where it was, and he replied.

OP how many threads have you read where someone has gotten annoyed over a photo someone has uploaded of themselves. Even though they haven’t spoken to them in months and there was nothing serious going on between them.
You said that he had gone to an extreme fitness camp, and his hair was darker. You’ve now said someone commented that it was an old photo - that’s a lot of information if it just appeared on your timeline. You must have re-checked it to see the comments underneath.

Why do you think you are so invested in this one person?
Have you met anyone since him?
Just by feeling mad when you see his photo must tell you that there is something you are still not over.

toocold54 · 30/07/2021 19:31

Your long response there demonstrates your low self esteem, OP. You don't have to defend yourself. You don't need to point out how 'normal' you are, on a thread that you've posted, inviting people to comment about you.

Why are you spending so much time on this whole issue?

Just do one. You don't know me at all. Now just pack it in and run along and have a nice Friday.

TheFoundations was actually being supportive of you OP.
Why are you so angry with this man and everyone?
What would you have preferred people reply to your original post? Obviously there’s something else going on here but no one can give you advice if you’re not open and get defensive every time.

Merryoldgoat · 30/07/2021 19:40

This reply has been deleted

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Goneblank38 · 30/07/2021 19:43

You liked him and he hurt you. Maybe you're embarrassed for liking him (there's no need to be).