Updated profile pic has got on my nerves

[Sandra15]

Last summer I was chatting (initially in a work context) with a guy who then began telling me he had feelings for me and couldn't stop thinking about me, arranged to meet and he stood me up and ghosted me. After reading through the messages he had sent, they were filthy and showed what he was really like.

He posted a photograph just around the time of the ghosting on Facebook, showing him looking rather tubby and I concluded he was a pillock and I had had a lucky escape.

Today he has posted a new profile picture on Facebook (I haven't blocked him but have never engaged with him since the ghosting. I did call him out, but that was in December and he read the message in May!) I don't want anything to do with him.

The profile picture today that has been the first change in over a year shows that he has been to the most exclusive, tough and exacting boot camp in history. Bear Grylls couldn't hack this. He's lost stones, grown more hair and miraculously it is darker, too, set off by a very deep tan.

It has really pissed me off though! I don't know why. I don't want him, he is a fool. Why it has got to me I do not know!

@BillMasen

So you did sexting, then regretted it when reading it back

Saw he was a bit tubby so concluded you’d had a lucky escape

Then got pissed off he’s now slim

Lovely!

No I did NOT do sexting. HE sent mucky messages. I ignored those and talked about general stuff to get the conversation back to normal.

I hate 'sexting', never have done it, never will. Hate everything to do with that, 'pictures' and so on. You've clearly not understood. Maybe we have different values?

Right, so he sent filthy messages and you arranged to meet?

God you sound awful.

I’m glad the bloke I’m dating was able to see past me being tubby.

I think you sound like an utterly vile person and if anyone had a lucky escape it’s him.

I hate 'sexting', never have done it, never will. Hate everything to do with that, 'pictures' and so on. You've clearly not understood. Maybe we have different values?

Op nothing you say makes sense.

What has that posters values got to do with anything?

From what I can see

You started messaging. But didn't really talk that much as you insist he could have know as something basic as you not liking 'tubby' men. But that does happen to be the case.

He started dirty texting which you 'hate'. But you didn't cut him off there. Or even when he did it a second time. You kept trying to have a normal conversation about not much, because he doesn't really know much about you.

Despite the fact that he kept overstepping your boundaries and doing something you hate. You still wanted to meet up with him. You arrange it. He stood you up and ghosted you.

But you didn't write him off. But you then saw a tubby photo of him on Facebook and his weight tipped you into finally into not wanting anything to do with him. But you kept him on your fb friends list anyway.

Now he has posted either a photo where he has spent alot of time (possibly money) to look better or posted an old photo on FB and this has given has annoyed you. Someone you wrote off 6 months ago. Posted something on Facebook and its annoyed you.

If you had actually had wrote him off and wanted nothing to do with him, you would have removed him. I mean how do you know he didn't read a message between December and May? You must have checked regularly to know it was may.

I am afriad I can't relate. Because I don't think you have any clue what this issue is.

I would guess, you are annoyed at the whole situation. But I also think, that you feel his behaviour was extra awful, because he wasn't very attractive. I do think there's a bit of 'how dare he' not just because standing someone up is shitty. But because you think he should have been grateful that you were interested at all.

Either that, or you aren't sure it's an old photo and now feel like you missed out in someway.

But again, either way, remove him from your friends list. You aren't friends and his posts are but you in a negative mood.

Surely you have only kept him on there so he can see your posts. I can't think if any other reason you would

While your life may be together in certain areas and you may not need a man. I do think part of you feels you are missing out with him. And given you calm he is so awful, I am not sure why. You just seem really overly interested in.

You were clearly still wanting to meet him despite the sexting.

You’re just hurt he’s rejected you and looks great. Although to be fair that’s a year now. So seems a bit much to be still holding onto it

Do you have other ways of meeting people? You’re too hung up on some random you never even went on a date aith a year ago.

You hate sexting and everything to do with it but you were happy to ignore it for a sniff of a date? That smacks of utter desperation tbh OP. It explains why you’ve not deleted this man off FB as soon as he ghosted you and why you’re so invested in how he looks.

Sounds to me like you must have been VERY keen on him initially - otherwise you'd have bailed after a bit of his "love wand" talk. (Was that literally the phrase? I'd have been laughing for days and would have taken the piss out of him by message!)

But you just ignored them - which sounds like the type of person who keeps dating someone clearly unsuitable despite hating several facets of their behaviour/personality. Like "So I had a first date with this guy and he was rude to the waiter, used a calculator to work out what we should each pay for the meal, and kept lifting half off his chair to crack off a fart. He was fit though so I'm seeing him again next week!"

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation you’ve met my ex then? 😂

Why are you so obsessed with him!?
We’re you together a long time?
Are you hoping he reaches out to you?

Honestly just block him and move on!

You’re just hurt he’s rejected you and looks great. Although to be fair that’s a year now. So seems a bit much to be still holding onto it

Is it because you’re mad that you felt you were out of his league but gave him a chance and he ghosted you?
But now you’re annoyed because he’s looking good and is now in your league?

@Sandra15

I'm a sensible woman with a good job, good life and lots going on, and don't want a bloke. I am at a loss to see why this has irritated me so much. Can anyone else relate?

It won't consume my weekend! But it's pissed off my breakfast!

You really don’t come across well OP. You were happy to engage and still meet when he talked about his love wand, but when you say he was “tubby” were glad you didn’t meet him, but now he’s attractive again, you’re annoyed?

Anyway, in response to your questions, I think you have struggled with the rejection, hence why you’re so invested in him.

[quote Datingandnoideahowto]@EvenMoreFuriousVexation you’ve met my ex then? 😂[/quote]
😂😂😂

I have to be honest, you don’t sound like you don’t want a bloke, and your behaviour with this man back when indicates even with dodgey behaviour you’d take any bloke,

It’s best to be honest with yourself about what you want and need. Them go about trying to get it, on line dating, whatever, instead of pretending otherwise.

This guy stood you up a year ago and you are still driving yourself crazy over his photos and monitoring them & it's pissing you off.

Idk maybe he had a lucky escape as this is really unhealthy.

He ghosted you, looking at a profile pic of him being ‘ tubby’ made you feel better about it, as in ‘who cares look at the state of him anyway’ kind of thing.
Now he’s fit and tanned that no longer applies, he’s attractive and he’s ghosted you so that is more irritating . It seems that his appearance is important in determining how offended you should be with relation to being stood up and ghosted
That said love wand would have had me gagging and not his he was imagining.

Ugh how .. how he was imagining lol

Getting this pissed off about things you see on social media is a surefire path to unhappiness OP.

He is now just a better looking twat. !!!! Keep that in mind

Getting this pissed off about things you see on social media is a surefire path to unhappiness OP.

I completely agree!
And social media is terrible for MH for this exact reason!
If you are going on it and getting mad at people then block those people, if you’re getting mad at lots of people then just come off it completely!

Op, unless you got stood up and ghosted by 2 men that you met through work, in the last year. You aren't telling the full story.

Its, actually, so much worse. You put yourself in a very vulnerable position and you have in fact been keeping up with his Facebook.

You did also expect him to very fit and slim. The tubby part was definitely unexpected to you. As I said, unless this happened twice, this man is a fitness instructor.

Unless you are going to be honest with people, no one can give you advice or say if they relate and you are wasting peoples time.

For whatever reason you can't let this go and it's impacting your life.

You need to do something about that.

You hate sexting but gave him the benefit of the doubt and continued to talk to him? I’d have blocked as soon as he started then. Anyway, I wish you the best going forward…

Communication seems to be a lost art these days. Why, when he started sexting, didn''t you reply "hey Tubs, I really don't like that kind of talk so can it!"

I do think there's a bit of 'how dare he' not just because standing someone up is shitty. But because you think he should have been grateful that you were interested at all. - This sounds about right to me.

Your responses have given me a laugh. So glad you're not in my orbit, the majority of responders who've totally taken this out of context. Hope you all feel better for calling me vile. Very mature.

Honestly think some posters just come on here to be antagonistic and self righteous.

Op, he's still the rude, immature, low integrity bastard who ghosted someone. And he was neck, cheesy, slightly creepy before before did.

What does it matter what he looks like now.