A year in... intimacy on holiday

[costakid]

Our first holiday on our own together. Getting on brilliantly . We are both exhausted from busy work/ kids lives . Both divorced . Both late forties . BUT..we've only really been intimate twice since Friday . He keeps nodding off at random hours . I feel neglected sexually . Plenty of hugs, kissing and hand holding but very little sexual interest from him as he is so tired .
I have been probably ' giving ' too much to the detriment of my own needs and wants but right now I feel like not bothering as it's a little one sided at the moment.
I've said this , he agrees that he's been too knackered to engage or more to the point reciprocate .. but made the effort afterwards . Am I being unreasonable here please ?

[Mistyplanet]

Poor OPs partner has probably suffered a heart attack. OP please confirm was it 2 BJs or 2 PIVs !?

[TheReluctantPhoenix]

I think there is a massive difference between wanting a lot of sex in holiday (perfectly valid) and feeling undesired and disappointed if your partner is happy with less (not reasonable).

Ultimately, if you have a loving partner with whom you have reasonable intimacy, the latter is a little entitled and speaks to low self esteem.

If you need more orgasms, vibrators are the way ahead…

[MyriadeOfThings]

Honestly? He is exhausted and is using his hols to recuperate.
You only see him at weekends so effectively have no idea of the time he is spending during the week to recover his energy/nap/go to bed early.

So yes you have a high libido and want sex. Everyday if possible whilst you are on hols?

Imagine if you were knackered (let’s say when you had very young dcs) and your partner was getting twitchy because you had sex only twice in less than a week rather than everyday…..

[Thefaceofboe]

It’s only Tuesday morning 😂

[MyriadeOfThings]

Hoping for and wanting sex with your partner and being disappointed when he nods off is perfectly rational and not 'pestering'. Please don't shame women for wanting a sex life.

But the OP HAS a sex life! They’ve had sex twice in 4 days that’s more or less every other day!
If that isn’t a sex life, what is it?

Thé issue is that she wants more and he doesn’t really want to because he is exhausted.
Having a word with him about it is fair enough. The issue I have is that one
‘Made an effort afterwards’.
I’d say his guy was made to feel bad about the fact he is tired and nodding off at the first opportunity. Which means that yes the OP was pestering.

[dottiedodah]

I think you are doing OK TBH! IF you have busy lives and long working days then you will unwind on a holiday and rest .Thats what they are for! Dont push too much or you may scare him off! Quality not Quantity here!

[neonorchid]

I have a similar situation with my DP. If we had had sex twice in three days I'd be over the moon. I'm lucky if we have it twice in a month!

My DP works hard, has health issues that are controlled with medication that I know lowers his sex drive. It is frustrating and makes me feel undesired and unattractive but I know he loves me and just has less need than I do for sex!

We're going to be child free this evening and I can guarantee there will be nothing going on even though it is a perfect opportunity.

Maybe stop giving your OH a BJ and just enjoy the time together, see if he instigates anything.

[30degreesandmeltinghere]

Next time you advance Down There remember the poor lad is shattered and don't bother...

[Blossomtoes]

@CloseYourEyesAndSee

Lol @ those saying twice in 4 days is good going for late 40s. How patronising and ridiculous.

It isn’t patronising at all. It would be good going for some people in their 30s.

[CatherineAragon]

He needs to prioritise his health. He sounds unfit unwell and over worked. I agree with others that twice in four days is fine. Maybe gently encourage him to go to his GP and get everything checked.

[costakid]

Wow. Thanks for replies . It was 2 PIV and 2 BJs. Think I've been putting too much pressure on him

[tarasmalatarocks]

Bloody hell OP give the guy a break - that’s a lot , especially for someone who sounds knackered. I would ask yourself if it’s you that you feels that you need to be having sex to feel wanted/loved. It sounds like he’s perfectly attentive in life in general- which is good.

[CatherineAragon]

So he's had four orgasms in four days?

[BigFatLiar]

@costakid

Wow. Thanks for replies . It was 2 PIV and 2 BJs. Think I've been putting too much pressure on him

I feel neglected sexually . Plenty of hugs, kissing and hand holding but very little sexual interest from him as he is so tired .

Sounds like you're getting affection and he may just need some time to relax. It's his holiday too he shouldn't feel he needs to perform. Perhaps once he is a little less tired things may pick up a bit.

he agrees that he's been too knackered to engage or more to the point reciprocate

I'm sure that really motivated him, 'must try harder'. I'd just love to be told I wasn't trying hard enough by oh, he'd be getting cold shoulder and tongue pie for a while.

[Howshouldibehave]

@costakid

Wow. Thanks for replies . It was 2 PIV and 2 BJs. Think I've been putting too much pressure on him

4 times since Friday and you’re pissed off!!

[30degreesandmeltinghere]

The bf has had 4....

[Dyrne]

Just another one saying it’s not unusual to just want to rest on holiday, especially after a busy time with work etc. If he’s still being affectionate towards you then I don’t think he’s being neglectful.

Equally, YANBU to want more sex in a relationship. You are perfectly at liberty to decide your sex drives are incompatible and to find a new relationship with someone who wants the same. It’s only not ok if you try to force your sexual/frequency expectations on your partner.

[BrilliantBetty]

I think that's quite a lot, tbh if he has 'cum' 4 times since Friday.. the problem is two of those times was BJ. Drop that, or as foreplay only!
Take a cool shower or maybe a hot shower..alone while he naps. Hope it's a good pressure level!

[BlueJag]

Sounds really silly but he may be lacking vitamin D. I was really struggling with energy and I was very tired all the time.
I was dangerously low on vitamin D. I had a blood test and was given 300,000 units in 12 days. It was life changing. Worth a try. Simple fix. Also I had no interest in sex at all. I had no energy.

[JinglingHellsBells]

Seriously, @costakid...if he's constantly breathless that is not normal.

Has he seen a dr about it?

If he is not overweight, then there has to be another reason for being breathless. (I assume you mean when he's moving about and not just sitting.)

Rather than pine for more sex, you could perhaps suggest he gets medical help.

Something isn't right and if he gets up at 4am to start work at 5am, he sounds stressed and unfit.

[toocold54]

the problem is two of those times was BJ. Drop that, or as foreplay only!

Good idea.
I enjoy giving oral but I’d be annoyed if I got nothing in return so use it as foreplay and make sure he doesn’t finish so he’ll be more likely to want to finish by having sex. Or maybe do a 69 job where it’s not just you pleasuring him.

[Branleuse]

just stop with the blow jobs if its using up all his mojo, or at least only use them for foreplay, but not the whole thing

[MyriadeOfThings]

But was it OP instigating the BJ?

Because I have been exhausted/ill for a few years now and an orgasm is sure to make me exhausted. I wouldn’t have the energy or the will of then give anything back.

If he is that tired as the OP describes, then the OP needs to take that into account.

(Btw I also think he needs to go and see his GP to check why he is so tired)

[username18702]

Sounds like you're on holiday with your grandad. A year in is the honeymoon period where you can't keep your hands off each other, it usually peters off after 18 months. He's staggering around yawning and falling asleep while you service him. If he's too tired to reciprocate, then he shouldn't start as that's just mean.

I would stop servicing him and find out what's going on in the area and enjoy my holiday, let him sleep if that's what he wants to do. I would be rethinking the relationship though when I got back. I think you should go for a younger man OP as he's obviously past it. Pipe and slippers and Midsummer Murders sounds like his idea of an exhausting night in.

[Maunderingdrunkenly]

I feel like people are missing the point?? He’s happy to lie there and have BJs and give nothing back not even a bit of oral which will hardly tire him out??

Absolutely fucking not.