A year in... intimacy on holiday

[costakid]

Our first holiday on our own together. Getting on brilliantly . We are both exhausted from busy work/ kids lives . Both divorced . Both late forties . BUT..we've only really been intimate twice since Friday . He keeps nodding off at random hours . I feel neglected sexually . Plenty of hugs, kissing and hand holding but very little sexual interest from him as he is so tired .
I have been probably ' giving ' too much to the detriment of my own needs and wants but right now I feel like not bothering as it's a little one sided at the moment.
I've said this , he agrees that he's been too knackered to engage or more to the point reciprocate .. but made the effort afterwards . Am I being unreasonable here please ?

Yabu but twice since Friday seems about right tbh in your age. But it depends on whether other affection is being shown, every other day isn't bad at our age!

So basically he wants blow jobs but can't be bothered to reciprocate and make sure that you are satisfied?

Have you actually had sex twice on the holiday or was it just two blowjobs? I think that makes a difference!

You say he’s ‘unfit and often listless and breathless’ and then later you say it’s not fair to call him unfit!

It might be a compatibility problem and not just about the sex. You are active and full of energy but you have chosen a partner who is dropping off to sleep all the time. If he has already got breathing problems, is that going to get better?

@costakid

I would like sex every day . We have no distractions or pre made plans and complete privacy .

Blimey - that sounds like hard work! Give him a break - he's on holiday too!

Lol @ those saying twice in 4 days is good going for late 40s. How patronising and ridiculous.

Bloody hell. It's only Tuesday!

@CloseYourEyesAndSee

Lol @ those saying twice in 4 days is good going for late 40s. How patronising and ridiculous.

Not patronising. I’m 40s and have health conditions and that would be more than enough for me! There’s a thread on here with lots of women in their 50s saying they’ve completely gone off sex. Not saying that’s the norm for everyone of course but it’s really more common than people think!

You seem sexually not compatible but I am not sex expert.

Can you say what you actually mean when you use the wishy washy term intimacy? Have you had PIV twice or have you just given him 2 BJs?

Because if it's the former, that's not bad going over 4 days. If it's the latter, I'd be annoyed.

It's a stretch to be calling it 4 days in when this was posted at 6am. Are you saying you've had full sec twice but you've been doing other things on top of that op (oral)? If so then maybe knock that on the head - no pun intended 😆. However it sounds like he's worn out and adjusting to a different schedule as well as having a health condition. On top he's been being affectionate and caring. Personally I'd be happy with that but you clearly aren't. Mismatched sex drives can be an issue as neither of you are in the wrong for feeling the way you do. You need to figure out if it's something you can live with or a deal breaker but I very much doubt it's a reflection of his feelings for you so try not to see it as rejection.

Twice since Friday is pretty good! It’s only Tuesday morning. Let him rest and he may be more active.

When you're life is full on and you're permanently knackered the first week of any holiday is just where you crash ime and everyone I know. Doesn't everyone take at least a week to recuperate and unwind and only really start getting your mojo back in the second week at best.
I think your expectations are the issue mainly. His sleep patterns make his life function as it needs to, you can't just suddenly switch your body clock just like that. I feel sorry for him if you're putting pressure on him to snap out of exhaustion and unusual sleeping patterns and straight into frequent sex and awake at the same time as you.
So you think you have built this holiday up in your mind a bit too much?

Twice since Friday ... it's Tuesday morning!

I think you are massively over reacting considering it's Tuesday...and maybe projecting some of your previous relationship issues here?

It sounds like he just has a lower sex drive... and he's allowed to not want sex every day even if you do. You say he is usually very 'giving' sexually so it doesn't sound like you're completely mismatched.

I do take from this though that you only equate intimacy with sex which can be problematic.

We enjoy intimacy on both nights/ mornings we spend together usually

And twice since Friday. No wonder he's tired and a little breathless

I'm pretty sure if OP wasn't using coy language and actually set out the issue she would be taken more seriously.
If he's happy for you to suck his dick but doesn't bother returning the favour then he's a crap shag and you need to stop doing it.

Oh and it's since Friday! So it's 3 days, not 4.

The OP's gone quiet. Perhaps she's having sex

I think you both just need a rest. It doesn't have to be sex. Just use the communication, the fact that you are near. Relax.

To put it bluntly, he is not a heifer servicing a cow!

You have a nice, healthy, intimate relationship with sex every other day, despite your partner being exhausted, and yet you are feeling ‘neglected’.

Imagine a guy posting that.

Clearly relationships are all about meeting one another’s needs, but will you really find someone who ticks every single box! If twice daily shags are your holiday priority, look for someone who is equally keen, but what would you prefer to give up to achieve this?

@Dahlietta

Have you actually had sex twice on the holiday or was it just two blowjobs? I think that makes a difference!

This.

@costakid?

To derail the thread even further, heifers do not service cows

@Orgasmagorical,

Oops!

Is it bulls I was looking for? Clearly I am not from farming stock.

Point clear though.

Either you have a much higher sex drive than him - which is a deal breaker to me - or you just want him to 'prove' he is into you by wanting to have sex with you all the time. Possibly a bit of both?

I'm not sure this is the relationship for you OP, it sounds like you might need someone with a bit more get up and go and a higher sex drive.

You sound very demanding.

I also don't think that -physically- being deprived of sex for years before means you need it daily now. It doesn't work like that, surely?

Are you not very worried about his health?

If he is tired and breathless when not doing anything, it would concern me he had heart problems. Has he ever had a fitness check up?

Is he very overweight?

He might also have ED because if he is over weight, or has circulation problems, they can affect performance and desire.

I'd be looking at his health rather than counting up how much you have sex in 4 days.